“It was Dawn’s choice to join the Sinners,” Jagger said. “She knew how it might play out. And if you hadn’t stopped to talk to her, we would never have found out the Brethren were looking to patch over to the Jacks. The deal would have been done and we would all be dead.”
Cade lifted his glass and stared at the brilliant amber liquid. Sometimes when the light hit her just right, he saw amber flecks in Dawn’s eyes, and then those beautiful lashes would sweep down over her cheeks and he’d get distracted by her lush little mouth.
“I made the wrong fucking decision when I agreed not to go after Mad Dog. And every time he stepped out of line and we didn’t act, the situation just got worse.”
“You did it for the club, brother. No one will forget that. And you couldn’t have known how it would play out. Just like when you were ambushed and lost your men. Sometimes shit happens that we can’t control. You trust yourself to make the best decision you can in the circumstances and then you deal with the consequences. But you don’t let it bring you down.”
“Dawn’s going into witness protection because I wasn’t there for her. That’s not a consequence I can accept.” Cade lifted the glass and lowered it again. He felt like shit: eyes bleary, stomach churning, and a headache that just wouldn’t quit. Did he really want to do this to himself again? Drown his guilt in liquor and the soft arms of strangers? There was nothing down that road but pain and emptiness, and this time his brothers wouldn’t be there to save him.
“You were there for her just how she needed you to be.” Jagger pulled his chair closer. “You made her see the Sinner she had inside. Hell, the woman I first met here in the bar over a year ago is not the same woman who stood up in my office, instructed us on how to play our own political game, and told my executive board where to go.”
But now, after Mad Dog had destroyed any chance of her clearing her name, she was thinking of running away. She’d let fear get the better of her. Just like he’d let guilt get the better of him.
“And you did the same for the club.” Jagger leaned across the table, his voice insistent. “You reminded us what it means to be a Sinner, what it means to follow the creed.”
“I joined the MC when I thought I had nothing left to live for,” Cade said. “I couldn’t handle the guilt of living when all my men died, and not being there for my mom when she needed me. I found a home with the Sinners. Friends. A life I fucking love. But there’s always been something missing. I’ve been looking for something, and I didn’t know what it was.”
Jagger glanced over at Arianne. “I know the feeling.”
Cade pushed his chair away from the table. “I never really dealt with all that guilt. I never thought it through, until I met Dawn. She made me see I got a need to protect the people I care about, and when I can’t, it eats at my soul.”
“Your sacrifice protected the club.”
“Yeah, and it put Dawn and her girls at risk.”
“You can’t protect everyone, brother. You can’t stop people from doing what they want to do or being where they want to be. And you can’t fight everyone’s fight. Sometimes it’s just enough that you’ve got your brother’s back so he knows he isn’t fighting alone.”
He felt the truth of Jagger’s words in his gut, and the burden he’d carried for so long lifted. His mother, his men … he’d done everything he could do to save them, but in the end, he couldn’t be responsible for their choices, or for the actions of the men who had destroyed them.
But now he had another chance. He could protect the woman he loved by destroying the destroyer before he caused any harm, and maybe then he could convince her to make another choice. The right choice.
Him.
TWENTY-ONE
I will never give in, never give up, never surrender.
SINNER’S TRIBE CREED
“Where is he?” Dawn stood on tiptoe as she tried to see above the sea of heads in front of her. The makeshift boxing ring in the backyard of the clubhouse, although illuminated by floodlights, was barely visible through the crowd, and despite the late hour, the fights were still going strong. The yard smelled of sweat and stale beer, crushed grass and the sweet scent of pot.
“He’s standing in the far corner.” Arianne pointed through the crowd, and Dawn caught a glimpse of golden hair. “He hasn’t fought yet. I think he was hoping you would show up.”
“He left a message with Banks asking me to come. I guess he wants to say good-bye. I feel awful for avoiding him, but I just didn’t know what to say.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. Usually these are fun fights. We invite a few support clubs and have a big party. But Cade challenged a guy from the Devil Dogs who is an amateur fighter on the MMA circuit with all sorts of wins under his belt. Cade’s good, but he doesn’t have a chance against a seasoned MMA fighter.”
“Christ. Look at this crowd.” T-Rex came up behind them, Tank at his side. “Sparky’s taking bets if you want to throw in some cash.” He winked at Arianne. “By the way, Jagger’s still on his way back from Helena. He said to enjoy yourself.”
“You texted him?”
“Thought he should know his old lady was in a dangerous place, but T-Rex and Tank had your back.” T-Rex held up his arm in a classic bodybuilder pose, his biceps flexing under his T-shirt, but Arianne didn’t smile.
“Like I can’t look after myself,” she snapped.
“Not sayin’ you can’t look after yourself,” T-Rex said. “Just sayin’ the Sinners always have your back.”
A cheer rose from the crowd, signaling the start of the match. Dawn stepped to the side until she had a clear view just as Cade stepped into the ring. His fight shorts, black with a white skull on each side, reminded her of his patch, but when he turned and she saw the scarred tattoo on his back, her heart squeezed in his chest.
“Oh. My. God.” Arianne’s hand flew to her mouth. “What happened to his tat?”
“Jimmy.”
“Goddamn bastard,” T-Rex growled behind them. “That damn Brethren election can’t happen too soon. Everyone’s fighting to be on the team that goes after Mad Dog.”
“I think you’ve put in enough time waiting for that election. And Cade suffered for it.” She surprised herself with the sharpness of her tone, or the spark of defiance that wasn’t appropriate for a soon-to-be ex-old-lady.
Arianne gestured to the ring, defusing the tension that had curled around them. “Cade’s ready to fight. Nick is referee tonight, and he just gave the thumbs-up.”
Cade nodded at Nick, then looked out into the crowd. She knew the moment he saw her, felt the burning intensity of his gaze as he searched her face. His unspoken question was clear. But she had no answer to give him, except in that instant, she knew with absolute certainty she wanted him more than any man she’d ever wanted before.
Nick tapped Cade on the shoulder and he turned his attention to his opponent, now standing in the center of the ring.
Taller than Cade by about two inches, broader and more muscular, the Devil Dog wore a black bandanna and sported two silver earrings in his right ear. With a chest full of tats, he looked like a pirate, save for the Devil Dog patch on his back.
The fight started before the referee left the ring.
Cade jabbed, his fist pistoning back and forth so fast, the Devil Dog stumbled back. But he wasn’t fast enough. Cade followed through with a punch that dropped his opponent to the ground. Dawn almost thought the fight was over, but the man recovered quickly, jumping up and hitting Cade with a right hook that sent his head snapping to the side. Blood splattered across the grass. Dawn gasped and grabbed Arianne’s arm.
“You okay with the sight of blood?” T-Rex leaned over her shoulder. “You want me to take you inside?”
“I can handle the blood.” She’d cleaned up blood almost every day when she’d been with the Brethren, whether it was hers, Jimmy’s, the blood of one of his brothers, or that of one of their victims. “I just don’t like to see him hurt.”
“Oh God. Stop, Cade,” Dawn whispered.
Sweat glistened on Cade’s body. With his jaw slightly swollen and blood trickling from his nose, he looked vicious and violent and so unlike the man who had been so gentle and tender in bed, and yet he’d never turned that violence on her. Not once had she ever felt threatened when she was with Cade. Instead, she’d felt cared for. Protected. Loved.
Cade followed his kick with another hard right hand, followed by another. His opponent dropped and Cade followed him down, vicious and brutal, dropping hammer fists to his head as his opponent retreated.
Dawn wanted to leave, but couldn’t. Tried to look away, but didn’t. This wasn’t Jimmy, crazy, violent, and merciless, savoring his victim’s pain. This was Cade. Fierce, strong, calculating, and always in control.
Protective by nature. Generous of heart.
He stopped when his opponent went down, although the crowd was calling for blood. Nick lifted Cade’s arm for the victory salute, and moments later Cade was on his knees, helping his opponent to his feet.
Why had she doubted him? Why had she doubted herself?
After Cade left to shower and dress, Dawn mingled with the Sinners and their support clubs. Everyone was friendly, and curious about the woman who had brought the infamous Sinner playboy to his knees. By the time she made it to the edge of crowd, her face ached from smiling and she’d run out of answers to their questions about taming the untamable beast.
She sensed, rather than saw, him emerge from the clubhouse. Felt his hunger as he searched through the crowd. A thrill of fear shot down her spine at the prospect of being hunted, and she slipped away, hiding behind groups of people until she reached the far edge of the property.
He had almost caught up to her, when two Devil Dogs stopped him to talk about the fight. Dawn came out of hiding and leaned against a tree near the side of the clubhouse, watching him struggle to be polite as his gaze shifted from cool irritation to blistering heat.
He wanted her. Needed her. Just as she needed him. Instead of running away, what if she took control? What if she stayed and fought her own inner war?
With slow, deliberate movements, she unbuttoned her shirt, sliding her fingers along cool skin to the crescents of her breasts. Liquid lava spread through her body, pooling in her belly, flushing her skin with desire.
Cade’s eyes widened, but he couldn’t get away from his new friends. Emboldened by the fact that they had their backs to her, and no one else was around, she slid her hand into her shirt and cupped her breast, gently kneading her soft flesh as she watched sweat bead on Cade’s forehead.
So much fun. She’d never really teased a man before, and watching him watch her was more arousing than she’d ever imagined. Already she was wet for him, desire flooding through her body, ratcheting up her need to a whole new level.
She closed her eyes and imagined what it would feel like to have his hands on her, his cock inside her, his body hot and hard pressed up against her. She circled her taut nipple with her finger, pretending it was his tongue and her breath hitched. With gentle tugs she pulled her skirt up, exposing her thigh to his heated gaze. Then, when she was sure no one was looking, she slid her hand between her legs and stroked along her folds.
Ah God. So good. Her head fell back against the tree with a soft thud, and one of the Devil Dogs startled and turned.
“Free beer.” Cade raised his voice and pointed to the bar, diverting the Devil Dogs’ attention. His companions made a hasty departure, and Cade pinned her with one scorching look.
“Don’t even think about moving.” His voice carried across the lawn as he stalked toward her, his muscles taut and quivering, forcing her to back away until she hit the brick retaining wall surrounding the property. Dawn’s breathing quickened, her body ripe with desire and the hunger of need.
“Good fight.”
Cade stopped, only inches away. “You came. You stayed.”
“I am staying,” she said softly. “I’m not going into the witness protection program. I left a message for Doug before I came here. I’m not going to let Jimmy take away the life I’ve made in Conundrum. But I can’t fight him alone.” It was as close as she could come to telling him she wanted him, needed him. Loved him.
Strong emotion flickered across his face, but he didn’t speak.
Dawn bit her lip and let her words tumble out. “I’m sorry I hurt you, but I was scared, not just of Jimmy, but of how much I care for you and whether I can make a commitment to wear this cut.”
His face softened, and he bent down and kissed her, soft and sweet. Then he pressed his body against hers, his erection hard against her stomach. “You know what it does to a man when you give him a taste of something he shouldn’t see?” His voice dropped to a growl. “You know how hard I got watching you touch yourself?”
“Always about sex.”
He kissed her again. “Always about you.”
Dawn cupped his shaft and stroked him with the heel of her palm through his jeans. “Hmmm. It’s hard to tell. Maybe if I took these off.” She tugged at his belt and his hand dived between her thighs, ripping a gasp from her throat.
He was all predator. All man. Feral in his need. She had pushed him to the edge. Would he go over, or could she control her sexy beast?
“I missed you too, honey.”
Cade unleashed a low growl of frustration. “No more games. Lift your skirt and turn around. I’m gonna take you against the wall, then I’m gonna bring you inside and love you for the rest of the night.”
“I choose door number two.” Dawn tugged down his jeans and then dropped to her knees in front of him. “Play.”
* * *
Play? He didn’t want to play. With the adrenaline still streaming through his veins after his fight and his cock throbbing after he watched his old lady getting herself off while he was trapped behind a wall of Devil Dogs, he wanted to bury his cock in her sweet pussy and fuck her hard. Now.
If she hadn’t come to the fight, he would have gone to see her, slipped into her bed and made love to her all night. Then he would have hunted down Mad Dog and dealt with him once and for all so she wouldn’t have to make a choice that would take her away from him, and endanger her forever.
You can’t stop people from doing what they want to do or being where they want to be.
Despite his best intentions, she’d made her choice.
She’d chosen to stay, and she wanted to stand and fight like a Sinner. So he would have her back. And then he’d convince her to make another choice—a choice that meant she would wear his cut and always be safe.
But right now, still primed from his fight, he wanted her with an intensity that took his breath away. Hard. Fast.
Mine.
“Up.” He tunneled a hand through her hair, urging her to her feet so he could claim her, sink his cock into her pussy, and give in to the incredible heat that burned between them. But it was too late. Her soft, warm hand wrapped around his cock, tugging him free, and then she licked him from balls to tip.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Jesus Christ.” His fingers tightened on in her hair, and instead of pulling her up, he drew her close. “You want to play, then we’ll play. Open up those lovely lips, beautiful, and show me what else that mouth can do.”
Her little pink tongue flicked out and danced over the tip of his cock, sending a jolt of lightning through his body. His woman. On her knees. Her silky blond hair a sexy tangle over her shoulders. Those lush, pink lips wrapped around his cock. Her breasts swaying gently as she moved …
Anyone could come around the corner. And the possibility of discovery just made the night all that much sweeter.
Too fucking much. He fisted h
er hair and jerked his hips, stroking into her hot, wet mouth. “Suck me, beautiful.”
She wrapped her hand around the base of his cock and dragged her tongue along the underside as she pulled away. Then her hand tightened and she swirled her tongue around his length, then back again. Damn that felt good. She knew what she was doing, but he didn’t want to think about how she’d learned, or his scratch list would get even longer than it was.
His cock thickened and his hips surged up, driving him deeper into her mouth. She took him easily and he dared to push a little harder. Dawn stilled for a moment, then worked her mouth in counterpoint to her hand. Fuck. He almost lost it right there. His body thrummed with need, every muscle taut to the point of breaking. But he didn’t want her like this. He wanted—no, needed—her trust.
With a groan he pulled away and sat on the cool grass, his back against the brick wall. From this position he would be able to see anyone coming through the trees, and hear people coming around the corner. Still dangerous enough to keep the adrenaline pumping but secure enough to keep her safe.
“On my lap.” His words came out in a husky rasp. “Back to me.”
Still on her knees, Dawn tipped her head. “I want you like this.”
“And I fucking wanted you like that, too. But it’s my turn for a game.” He gritted his teeth against the pain of his arousal. “Come.”
“So demanding, but okay. I’ll play.” She joined him at the wall, kneeling in front of him while he sheathed himself with a condom from his pocket. When he was certain he was in control, he shoved up her skirt and lifted her onto his lap, settling her with her back to his chest.
“This game is called trust.” He slid her panties down over her hips and ankles, and then he forced her knees apart, draping her legs on the outside of his, spreading her wide open.
“Cade! I can’t … what if someone comes?”
“Close your eyes.”
She stiffened and he cupped her mound with his palm. “Trust me, sweetheart. Trust me to keep you safe.”
Dawn trembled against him. He could almost feel her internal struggle, and his heart pounded in his chest. He needed this. Needed her. If she trusted him, she wouldn’t walk away. Even after Mad Dog was dead.
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