A Jarful of Moondreams: What Secrets Are Ready to Spill Out?

by Chrissie Bradshaw

  She watched realisation dawn on Will and tried to hold back her tears.

  ‘I think I know who you are now! You saved your friend by calling an ambulance when you were at The Nest.’

  Alex didn’t see it like that, it was Will who had done the saving, but she nodded.

  ‘You left your scarf under her head and, when I picked it up, you’d gone.’

  ‘Yes, I had to get back to the door. How is she, your friend?’

  ‘Eleanor? She’s fine. We haven’t touched a thing since then. Lesson learnt and all that’

  ‘So tonight, why are you here all alone, except for my scarf, on a Friday evening?’

  ‘Do you have an hour?’ Alex managed a smile and tried to shrug off the fact she had nowhere else to go.

  ‘Yes, if that’s what it takes.’ Will’s warm eyes were still looking into hers, willing her to talk.

  The story came tumbling out. Will listened and nodded and handed her clean napkins to blow her nose and dry her eyes when she got to the bit about Cleo calling her ‘bloody unsisterly’. When she finished, she felt better.

  ‘What would you do, Will?’ she asked.

  ‘Go home and make it up with my sister,’ he answered.

  ‘I can’t do that. She’s furious and we’ll fight again. I’m going back to Dunleith - that’s where I come from - once I’ve collected my work from school on Monday. It’s my only choice, really. I’ll just have to find somewhere to stay until then.’

  ‘Have you a friend from school? I’d say stay at mine but I tutor at the school and I think your sister would object to you staying with a nineteen-year-old male.’

  Alex thought he’d be much older than that because he’d been a doorman and seemed so assured and confident.

  ‘I’m sorted until Monday. I’m going to Gracie’s. You know Gracie Grieves from Tyneview? But she’s not in until ten thirty.’

  Will checked his watch. ‘It’s just about that time now. Come on, I’ll walk you around and, if you still want to go to Dunleith on Monday, I’ll take you and your stuff back there in my van. I don’t have lectures for another week. I’m just in Newcastle to sort out my flat.’

  ‘Would you?’ Alex felt brighter with someone on her side. They stood to go and, impulsively, she gave him a hug. ‘Thanks Will! You’ve just saved the day again.’

  When they reached Gracie’s, Alex handed him his scarf back.

  ‘No, you keep it. I’ll just take this.’ He removed the pin. ‘This tie pin was a present from my sister for my eighteenth birthday. I hardly ever wear a tie so I pinned it to my rugby scarf for luck.’

  On Friday, when Will smiled down at her, Alex felt her insides do a peculiar little flip. From the moment he’d taken her arm, her worries had seemed smaller. Alex smiled at this recollection. She had fancied him from the first karate lesson but now she had a mega-crush on Will and he was picking her up and driving her to the Collingwood’s this morning. That must mean he kind of liked her too, mustn’t it?

  34

  Underneath her cotton top, Teri felt sweat trickling down her skin. Her linen trousers were sticking to her legs as she walked and her hair felt sticky under the wide brimmed hat that shielded her from the sun. This time of day was suitable for swimming, scuba diving or siesta definitely not for walking about. She’d just been to the travel agents to check the availability of tickets for home around about the eighteenth. She hadn’t booked one yet but she’d have to do it soon. The hospital had rung to move her consultation with Mr. Amonkar to Monday, the day he returned to work. Was that ominous or not?

  She would have to get back to Dunleith soon. Mary had called to say that the girls were at war again but she didn’t know why and that Alex had asked to come and stay with them until Teri came home.

  Cleo had phoned in tears to say, ‘Mum, I’ve let you down,’ because Alex was with the Collingwoods but she didn’t say what the row was about either.

  Alex hadn’t answered her call but sent a text to say she was OK and wanted to stay in Dunleith. She’d always known this holiday couldn’t go on forever.

  Teri was meeting Greg at their favourite coffee shop but he wasn’t there yet. She sat down grateful for the shade and cool air-conditioning inside the shop and ordered water and a mint tea. She felt better after a few sips of water. Oh, how she was looking forward to the cool green of her own garden and sitting in the gentle September sun with Pharos on her lap. The girls weren’t talking but that was something she’d lived with forever and if they could get on while she was away then it was possible that they’d patch up their differences again. She’d give them more space in future to do that.

  Her thoughts turned to Greg and she looked through the photo gallery on her phone at the recent snaps of him… of them. He was a few years younger but they didn’t feel the age difference, it was their stages in life that were different.

  Teri had been a mother from seventeen, she was now finding freedom for the first time and she turned fifty on the twentieth. Greg was forty-one, he hadn’t had children yet but he still had time to find a wife and start a family of his own and he’d make a great dad. Teri loved him enough to let him go and wish him well but it would be a real wrench.

  There had only been three men in her life and she had children by two of them. Greg had been such a wonderful bonus; she tried to keep her thoughts positive. I’m not going to get upset over this because it was a great summer she told herself for the tenth time that day.

  A shadow loomed over her and a butterfly kiss touched the back of her neck.

  ‘Hi Beautiful Companion, sorry I’m late. That’s a great pic of us; you’ll have to send it to my phone.’ He sat opposite her and took her hand.

  Teri smiled, ‘Yes I will. We’ll have to send each other the best ones to remember our Egyptian summer.’

  ‘Did you book your flight?’ he asked.

  ‘No, I just looked, there was plenty of choice.’

  ‘What’s holding you up?’ Greg asked.

  ‘When I think of going back, I’m excited at the thought of the girls, the garden and seeing my darling Pharos but really sad that this, that us being together, is all over.’ Teri looked at Greg and tears welled in her eyes. ‘Such happy days! I wouldn’t have missed being with you for the world.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear that. Maybe, after you’ve sorted out the girls and been open about your past and you get the results of your tests and we know what we’re dealing with, maybe then we can go on another trip,’ he said.

  He didn’t understand, why was this so hard? ‘Look Greg I… I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, this has been so wonderful and we get along so well but it’s a transient sort of thing isn’t it?’ she clasped his hand hard hoping he would understand that this was difficult for her too.

  ‘What do you mean? What’s transient about being together and being in love? You being in England won’t change how I feel about you, about us.’

  ‘It won’t ever change how I feel either but I’m not right for you long term, Greg. I think you need to move on and find someone your own age or at least your own stage in life.’

  Greg looked at her, his dark eyes unreadable. ‘There you go. Neferteri Moon running away from her chance of happiness and chasing me from mine. Bloody great. I don’t want you to decide what my future should hold for me!’

  ‘I’m not deciding it, Greg, I’m just being realistic.’

  ‘You are deciding it. Trying to. You are deciding that I will leave you and find a young thirty-something to have a couple of kids with and then live happily ever after and that’s not the life I want.’ He was white around the lips and the reproach in his eyes made Teri look away.

  ‘Isn’t it?’ she asked. He made it sound as though she was telling him what to do? Was she? She just wanted what was best for him. What she thought was best for him.

  ‘No, that’s definitely not what I want.’

  ‘But you said that your wife was pregnant and you lost your chance of a family.�
��

  Yes, I did. A family I’d love because it was with her. Now that I’ve met you it’s your family I want to meet and love, or not love as they seem a pair of awkward customers.’

  He managed a grin, ‘I’m a dog man but I’ll even take to your cat because I love you.’ He took both of her hands in his and his eyes held her own. ‘I’m not asking for marriage, Teri. I’m just asking that we keep our relationship and our love alive and that you don’t kill it off.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say.’ Teri tried to find the answer he was pleading for but she couldn’t.

  ‘Don’t say anything and we’ll see how it works out shall we?’

  ‘But how? I mean there’ll be all that distance between us.’

  ‘There will never be a distance unless you put it there, Teri.’ He withdrew his hands and held her glance until she broke away again and looked out of the window.

  Sahib came and offered Teri more tea, Greg ordered a coffee and the conversation stopped. The tension eased a little as they looked through and swapped photos from their phones. All the time Teri was thinking, but could it work, could we carry on? Am I being silly over a holiday fling or am I throwing something precious away?

  That evening, after they had made love, Teri held onto Greg as he slept. She curled into his back, let her fingers comb through his tousled long hair and inhaled the scent of him and let herself imagine that she didn’t have to say goodbye. How wonderful it would be. She tried to picture the reactions of Cleo and Alex but she couldn’t. A tear rolled down her cheeks. She couldn’t because they wouldn’t ever get to meet him, the very thought of carrying on was ridiculous. She was falling for him too deeply so perhaps it was time she went home and got back to reality.

  35

  Cleo had to drag herself from her bed on Monday morning. She stood at the sink of her empty kitchen and even the smell of her favourite Illy coffee didn’t lift the grey fog over the Tyne mood that had settled around her.

  She had a later start than usual because she was going to a meeting at the civic centre. There were papers to sign because the TeMPs building work was starting today. She should feel elated about this, she was, but it was hard to concentrate on one positive achievement when the rest of her life was such a bloody hopeless mess.

  She checked her answer phone and her mobile and there was nothing. No message from Dan or Alex. How did she chase everything that she loved out of her life? She knew what she’d done to Alex but she was upset that Dan hadn’t answered her calls. Sipping her coffee, she walked over to the window overlooking the car park to see if Pharos was about.

  She’d have a quick scout around the neighbourhood before she went to her meeting and she’d take a few more of her lost cat leaflets with her.

  When the meeting at the civic centre was over, Cleo headed for Tyneview. Just as she was pulling into the school entrance, she saw the karate instructor walking towards an old battered van with Alex. She had a couple of bags and he was carrying her design folder and holdall.

  So he was giving Alex a lift, was he? Cleo hadn’t even known they had become friends. Was he the someone special that Alex had hinted at? She hadn’t a clue; some big sister she’d turned out to be!

  ‘You’ve just missed Alex,’ Ann called as she passed reception to go to her office.

  ‘I saw her getting a lift with that karate chap, what’s he called?’ Cleo replied.

  ‘Will, Will Campbell. He’s doing a sports science degree at Northumbria and he’s a karate champion; he’s a lovely young man.’ Ann had a lot of dealings with their after-school staff.

  ‘I’m glad to hear that,’ Cleo said before shutting her office door and slumping into her chair. She could put her head in her hands and cry, but she mightn’t stop so she’d be much better going through her in tray and keeping her mind on her job. Picking up the first letter, she blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.

  Late in the afternoon, Cleo took a walk across to the TeMPs area after the workmen had left for the day and tried to visualise how the completed unit would look. An airy classroom, a computer suite, a shower and cloakroom area, a shared kitchen for the mums and staff and a nursery; it would link to the main school and be part of their community but would be a haven for the teenagers juggling pregnancy, exams and motherhood. Her heart lifted for the first time that day. She’d get this right.

  ‘Hi, Miss. Can I come in?’

  Cleo was snapped out of her reverie by Gracie Grieves tapping on the window. Cleo used her access card to unlock the fire door.

  ‘Hi Gracie, come on in. It’ll be out of bounds after tomorrow when the building work really starts but I’ll show you how this place should look.’

  Gracie’s eyes lit up as Cleo explained what would go into each area.

  ‘Will it really be ready by next term? For me and the bump?’ Gracie was trying to be upbeat.

  ‘It should be, Gracie. You’ll have to keep up with your studies this term though.’

  Gracie looked serious, ‘I will. I really will now that I know that this will be here and I’ll have a place for the littl’un when I’m studying. I couldn’t leave another bairn at our house. It’s heaving already and my mam hasn’t the patience for more.’

  ‘You’ll be one of its first students so you’ll have to help to make it a success.’

  ‘I will, Miss. And Miss... you know that Alex was with me at the weekend?’

  ‘I do and thanks for that. I expect she told you we had a huge row?’

  ‘She didn’t say what but she did say she was sorry you had fallen out’

  ‘Thanks Gracie. That’s good to know.’

  Was Gracie just being kind or was Alex regretting their words as much as her? ‘Did she tell you who was taking her back to Dunleith, Gracie?’ Cleo asked. She wondered if Gracie might know more about the friendship with Will.’

  ‘She just said she had a mate with wheels, Miss.’

  ‘I see. Come on then, I’m going home and I’ll drop you off if you like.’

  ‘Thanks Miss, but you can just drop me at the metro station.’

  On the drive to the station, Cleo had been tempted to ask more questions about Alex and Will but she knew that Gracie would close up and she knew that it didn’t matter anyway. Alex was gone and she’d stay gone until Mum came home.

  Cleo searched the nearby streets for Pharos and rang Heather to check on any sightings by vets or catteries.

  He hadn’t been found but there hadn’t been any road deaths reported either so she still had a chance of finding him.

  Later that evening, she returned from one false sighting from a couple of streets away when her phone rang again. She rushed to get it, ‘Cleo Moon,’ she crossed her fingers and hoped it was another sighting.

  ‘Hi Cleo, this is Ralph… Ralph Fenwick.’ Oh, bloody hell. Not what she was expecting, what could she say? She put the phone down.

  How stupid, but she’d panicked. What if it was about the inspection and not about her? The phone rang again and she picked up. ‘Cleo Moon,’ she said trying to sound calm.

  ‘It’s Ralph again Cleo. Please don’t hang up. I wanted to talk and to find out if your unit got started on time today. How is it going?’

  Cleo gathered her scrambled thoughts together and told him a little about the unit. He prompted her every now and then with a question and she was just beginning to think that he wouldn’t mention the embarrassing elephant of a revelation that was in her living room, when he did.

  ‘I want to apologise to you and to Alex. I didn’t take the news about being a father very well on Friday because it was something so long ago that I’d almost forgotten.’

  ‘Mum couldn’t forget could she?’ snapped Cleo.

  ‘Yes, you’re right and I know it seems unfair and wrong that she had all of the responsibility but they were different times and we followed what our parents said. I... I didn’t even know if or when you were born.’

  ‘I was born and stayed with Mum because she didn�
��t follow her parents. She left home and changed her name and her whole life just to keep me.’ Her voice had wobbled but she wasn’t going to break down.

  ‘I can imagine she did. Your mother is a strong, fantastic person, Cleo. I can see her doing that. Please know that once I got away from home, I did try to find her and to discover whether she did have our baby… you… but I drew a blank. I have talked it over with my family, I have two sons, and I’ve told them everything. They would like to meet you.’

  ‘I’m not sure if that’s something I want. You may be my biological father but I don’t need another family.’

  ‘That is entirely up to you, I understand, but the offer always stands.’

  ‘Give me some time?’ Cleo asked.

  ‘Of course. Thanks for talking, Cleo. For what it’s worth, I’m so glad we met up and I’m proud of what you’ve become.’

  Cleo put the phone down and sobbed. It was all just too bloody much. Lying there on the sofa, her mind was a whirlwind of emotions over finding her father, losing her sister, losing Pharos; she’d happily have the latter two back.

  Then she understood. Understood how RF had needed time after Alex talked to him; they were alike in that way. They withdrew, took time to sort out their feelings and then made decisions. She wasn’t ever impulsive like Teri or Alex; she was like her father.

  If she took him at his word, her father hadn’t rejected her in the first place, he’d tried to find her. He hadn’t rejected her out of hand on Friday, he’d just needed time to adjust. Maybe she would want to get to know him better when she got used to the idea. Cleo knew that she must broach the subject with Mum first. They had to talk about what she’d found out and she had to make sure that Mum was happy about her talking to Ralph Fewnwick. No way was she ever going to hurt her mother by getting to know her father.