Henry watched her, face thoughtful. ‘Have you been mourning him all this time?’
She started, looked at him with a wry little smile. ‘Oh, no. I was very unhappy for a few years, but time heals everything, doesn’t it? No, I haven’t thought of Joe for a long time. But somehow I never met anyone else I really cared about. I had the occasional boyfriend, but it never lasted. You see, I’d been so much in love with Joe that I wasn’t prepared to settle for anything less. Every time I met someone I suppose I unconsciously measured the way I felt for him against the way I had felt about Joe, and the new man always lost out. Then I was into my thirties, and too busy with my career to think about getting married. It was ironic, really—I had to give up my career anyway, to come back here and look after my mother.’
‘You’re a wonderful woman, Ruth,’ Henry said, and she flushed.
‘Oh, nonsense! I couldn’t just stick her into a home and let strangers take care of her. I don’t regret giving up my life in London and my job for her—although I have to admit I sometimes yearn for city life again. But I expect that at my age I’d hate it now. I shall stay here all my life, I suppose.’
Two hours later, Dylan’s baby came into the world. A little girl with a mop of fine, dark hair and a very loud voice. Dylan watched Ruth weigh her, naked and squirming, on kitchen scales covered in kitchen paper.
‘Five pounds two ounces!’
‘Surprisingly good weight.’ Henry had examined the child a few moments ago. ‘And she’s perfect; she has all her bits and pieces so you don’t need to worry about her. She has very good lungs, too—listen to her!’
Dylan laughed. ‘I am! Noisy, isn’t she?’
‘She’s gorgeous,’ Ruth said, shawling the infant in a clean towel before putting her into her old wicker sewing basket, which was the closest they could come to a cot. Lined with a folded sheet, it was just big enough for the small, swaddled form, and the baby’s angry crying stopped as she fell asleep.
Ross had gone downstairs a few minutes earlier to make a pot of tea while Ruth and Henry dealt with the final stages of the birth.
Watching Ruth’s face as she stared down at the baby, Henry asked her, ‘Do you ever wish you’d had a child?’
She sighed, giving him a little nod. ‘But it never happened, so there’s no point in wishing, is there? What about you?’
He smiled at her. ‘Yes, I’d have loved it But Gwen couldn’t have one, poor woman. If she’d had one she might have been happier.’
‘I don’t think Gwen was the contented wife and mother type,’ Ruth said drily, then flushed; meeting his eyes. ‘Sorry, that sounded catty, didn’t it?’
‘You never liked her, did you?’
‘No,’ she said, chin up in defiance. ‘And she never liked me.’
Henry laughed. ‘Well, she was jealous of you, wasn’t she?’
Ruth blinked, eyes opening wide. ‘Jealous? Of me? Of course she wasn’t—why should she be?’
‘I made the mistake of telling her once what a marvellous person I thought you were.’ Henry shrugged. ‘From then on Gwen loathed you.’
Ross came back at that moment and came over to gaze adoringly at the tiny, red, wrinkled, old man’s face which was all he could see by then of his daughter.
‘I can’t believe how beautiful she is!’
‘Isn’t she? Just look at all that black hair. I think she’s going to take after you, Ross,’ said Ruth, then looked from him to his wife. ‘What are you going to call her?’
‘Ruth,’ Dylan said, by now half asleep after all her exertions. She was feeling as light as air, very contented. Her bedclothes had been changed—the new sheets had a clinging, fresh-air smell of lavender—she had been washed, her hair brushed, and was wearing a clean white cotton nightdress.
Flushing, Ruth protested, ‘Oh, no! That’s very nice of you, but really, there’s no need to...’
‘I always liked the name Ruth,’ said Henry thoughtfully.
Through half-closed eyes, Dylan watched them both. Ruth had flushed, her face suddenly years younger. She likes him a lot, thought Dylan. But does he feel the same about her?
‘Ruth “amid the alien corn”,’ Henry went on. ‘That was one of my favourite stories from the Bible at school. She was such a strong woman. After her husband died she didn’t abandon her old mother-in-law; she worked hard to keep them both. Faithful and loyal—old-fashioned virtues these days, when too many people put themselves first; we could do with a lot more people like her.’
‘This is the “me” generation.’ Ross shrugged cynically. ‘People have been brought up to believe they should always do what’s best for them, never mind what happens to anyone else.’
‘This is a sad, bad world,’ Henry muttered. ‘Thank God there are still a few people like Ruth in it.’
‘Ruth is such a lovely name,’ Dylan said with a yawn. ‘We love it, and we would like you to be her godmother, wouldn’t we, Ross?’
They had talked about it while Ruth was cooking lunch; she had done so much for them and they both liked her.
Pink and very touched, Ruth said shyly, ‘I’d love that. But what about your own families? Won’t they mind?’
‘I’m quite sure they won’t,’ Ross said.
For Dylan the last two days had been hectic, a helter-skelter ride which took the breath away. She was glad the birth was over and she had a healthy baby, but she knew there were still a lot of problems in her life. She had a lot to talk to Ross about, a lot of questions to ask. There was still a shadow over their future.
But at that moment her eyelids were as heavy as lead; she let them close and a moment later was fast asleep.
When she woke up the room was shadowy, only a faint pink light shining from a fringed lamp on a table by the window. The curtains were drawn but she realised night had fallen. Ross sat in an armchair beside the table, a book open on his lap. He was asleep, face flushed, his head lolling against the wing of the chair, mouth slightly open, his breathing slow and regular.
Dylan watched him passionately, her heartbeat quickening, her nipples hard and hot under her thin cotton nightie. She was taken aback to feel a dampness there too, and put a hand to her chest, eyes widening.
What on earth was that? For a second or two she was confused, then it dawned on her—the ache and swell of her breasts, the slight leakage. Wasn’t nature miraculous? As soon as she had had her baby other changes had begun in her body, so that she could feed the child.
Where was her baby? She sat up, drawing a sharp breath as she realised how stiff her muscles were; having a baby was even harder work than dancing a full performance of a ballet. She felt as if she had been working out for days. Massaging her stomach, she was gratified to find it flatter again—although it must be flabby now. As soon as she was up on her feet she must start exercising, strengthen those muscles, make sure her body returned to its old athletic shape.
Ross stirred, eyes opening slowly, then he sat up, raking back the tousled dark hair which had flopped over his temples, and looked across the room hurriedly.
‘You’re awake!’ He got up, letting the book on his lap fall to the carpet. He bent to pick it up and put it on the arm of the chair before coming over to the bed. ‘How do you feel?’
‘As if I’d run a hundred miles,’ she grimaced, then asked anxiously, ‘Where’s my baby? Is she okay?’
‘She’s not just okay, she’s a miracle,’ Ross said, smiling, and her heart quickened at the sight of that smile. Love hurt inside her, an intolerable, wrenching pain worse than any she had suffered while she gave birth. How could she bear to lose him?
She pushed the agony away, concentrating on what he was saying. ‘She’s downstairs. We didn’t want her crying and waking you up. You needed to sleep.’
Somehow she managed to speak, amazed to hear her voice sound so normal. ‘I want to see her, Ross. Please get her for me. I hardly had a chance to see her before I went to sleep.’
Soothingly he said, ‘In a min
ute. First Henry said you must have something to eat and drink, then you can feed little Ruth. He told me to call out when you woke up.’
She looked away from him, trembling. ‘What time is it?’
‘Ten o’clock. You’ve been asleep for about six hours. So has the baby. Don’t worry. We haven’t heard a peep out of her.’
Immediately Dylan stiffened, alarm in her eyes. ‘There could be something wrong!’
‘Don’t get so agitated! I told you, she’s fine—Ruth and Henry take a look at her every so often to make sure she’s okay. Now, just lie still while I call Henry.’
‘He stayed here all day?’
‘No, he had to go out on calls, but he got back half an hour ago and came up to check on you while Ruth cooked his supper. I don’t know how he keeps going. He only just managed to get here this time—the roads are atrocious now, apparently. His partner is going to do the night shift and Ruth has persuaded him to stay overnight.’
‘What about you? You must need some sleep, too.’
He looked at her through his lashes, his mouth mocking. ‘I can share your bed, can’t I?’
Her flush grew hectic, blue eyes darkening as the pupils dilated. ‘That isn’t funny!’
‘It wasn’t meant to be! We may not be able to make love for a while but there’s no reason why I shouldn’t sleep in the same bed, is there?’
‘No!’ she said fiercely, voice shaking. ‘You aren’t sharing my bed; you can’t have both me and your mistress! ’
His face turned grim and he came towards the bed with a loping tread like a jungle cat, a jaguar, big and dark and menacing, making her heart leap into her mouth.
‘I haven’t got a mistress!’ he said through clenched teeth.
She lifted her chin defiantly, out-staring him, jealousy and pain in her face and voice. ‘Did you think I’d forgotten about her? Having the baby hasn’t softened my brain or made me lose my memory, Ross. You said you hadn’t been making love to me because your sister told you not to! But I know the truth, don’t I? You haven’t been interested in me because you’ve been having an affair with Suzy!’
In the same clipped, harsh voice, he snapped, ‘You can’t seriously believe I’d do something like that to my best friend!’
Staring with shock and contempt at Ross, she accused, ‘I know what I heard! Suzy thought it was you answering your mobile. She called you darling, whispered in a furtive sort of way, saying she couldn’t leave yet because Alan was still around but she was looking forward to that night. . .it was obvious what was going on! And it will kill Alan when he finds out she’s been having an affair with you!’
‘She hasn’t!’ he angrily shot back, face darkly flushed and brows heavy over his hard grey eyes. ‘There is no affair—it’s all in your imagination!’
‘Don’t lie to me, Ross! Why else would she say she couldn’t leave because she didn’t want Alan to suspect anything? What else could that mean?’
‘She didn’t want him to guess what we were planning! ’
Dylan laughed scornfully. ‘I bet she didn’t!’
Curtly, Ross said, ‘Will you listen? It was Alan’s birthday yesterday and we were organising a big birthday party for him at the hotel in York!’
Shaken, Dylan stared up at him, eyes hunting over his clenched face before she slowly asked, ‘If that’s true, why didn’t you ever mention this party to me?’
‘Because I couldn’t take you and I didn’t want to upset you by talking about a party you couldn’t go to!’
Tears burnt behind her lids. ‘You couldn’t take me because if I saw you with her I might guess what was going on!’
‘For God’s sake! Nothing has been going on between me and Suzy! She loves Alan...’
‘Is that why she picks on him all the time, criticises him in public, makes fun of him?’
Ross sighed. ‘Yes. I wish she wouldn’t treat him like that, but she does love him, Dylan. It’s just her nature, all that sniping. Alan takes it all in good humour.’
‘He ought to give her as good as he gets some time! I wouldn’t stand for being spoken to the way she talks to him.’
‘I know, I agree—but Alan’s a slow, quiet chap. He isn’t the aggressive type. He adores her.’ Ross looked at Dylan soberly. ‘Dylan, I wouldn’t hurt Alan for the world, and I have never been interested in Suzy. She’s fun, she’s very attractive—but she isn’t my type.’
She wanted so badly to believe him, but she wasn’t going to let him make a fool of her. She wanted the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
‘I saw you with her once, sitting in your car, talking, in the forest car park.’
His face was blank. ‘When was that?’
‘I don’t know—back in the autumn. The two of you looked very cosy, as if you were sharing secrets.’
‘Are you sure Alan wasn’t there? Some time in the autumn he did spend the day in my region; we were marking trees for felling... I remember he brought Suzy with him and we ate our sandwiches together in my car.’
‘I didn’t see Alan!’
Ross gave her an impatient look. ‘When we get back home you can ask Alan himself! If Suzy was there, so was he! I have never met her anywhere alone. Dylan, I’m not having an affair with her!’
‘Then why couldn’t you take me to the party? If you aren’t having an affair, why couldn’t I come? I haven’t been to a party for months, and you know I love parties.’
He sighed. ‘I know you do, darling, but I was afraid the drive to York would be too much for you. This hasn’t been an easy pregnancy, has it? I’ve been very worried about you, especially during the last few weeks, and the doctor warned me that you ought to rest as much as possible over the final month or two. You’re so small and delicate.’
‘She told me I was as fit as a fiddle. She said I wouldn’t have any problems!’
‘She lied to you. She didn’t want to worry you, and neither did I, but although you were very fit and healthy you were tiny; she thought you might have problems giving birth because your hips are so narrow.’
There was a tap on the door at that second. Startled, they stopped talking and looked across the room as Ruth came in, smiling.
‘Oh, good, you are awake! I thought I heard voices.’
What exactly had Ruth heard? They had been shouting at each other, forgetting that there were others in the house. Embarrassed, Dylan flushed, looking away, and couldn’t force herself to reply.
‘I brought you a cup of tea,’ Ruth went on cheerfully, putting the cup down on the bedside table.
‘Oh, thank you. I was dying for some tea!’
‘Are you hungry, too? You haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast-I made a chicken casserole for Henry, with lots of vegetables and some herb dumplings; there’s plenty left—could you manage some of it?’
Dylan managed a wavering smile. ‘I’d love some, thank you—but first I’d like to go to the bathroom. Am I allowed out of bed?’
‘No!’ snapped Ross, bristling. ‘Don’t be ridiculous—you only had the baby eight hours ago. You can’t get up yet.’
Gently, Ruth said, ‘Well, actually, I did ask Henry when you will be allowed out of bed, and he says he leaves it to the patient. If she feels she wants to get up he lets her. Years ago patients were kept in bed for a week or more, but not any more; the new approach is to get the patient moving again as soon as they feel up to it. So, if you want to try a walk to the bathroom, Dylan, it’s okay.’
Dylan slid her legs out from under the covers and stood up a little uncertainly.
Ross jumped to put an arm round her. ‘See? You’re shaking like a jelly! Get back into bed.’
She shook her head obstinately. ‘I’ll be fine. It’s only a few steps!’ She began to walk, feeling as if her legs were made of lead; lifting each foot seemed a tremendous effort, and Ross held on to her, taking some of her weight as she moved. At the bathroom door she pushed him away. ‘I can manage alone now, thanks.’
‘Well, don’t lock the door!’ he said tersely as she shut him out.
With the door closed she let herself slacken, leaning on the wall, aware of wobbly legs. She wasn’t going to faint, was she? That would convince Ross he was right to treat her as if she was too feeble to move an inch.
Could she believe everything he had just said? Had she put two and two together after Suzy’s phone call but got the wrong answer? Had the ‘affair’ been the product of an over-feverish imagination? Had he and Suzy simply been planning Alan’s birthday party?
Going over what Suzy had said again, Dylan realised she could have misunderstood—Ross’s explanation might be true.
The trouble was, she wanted so badly to believe him. A tremor of pleasure, of eagerness, ran through her—did he still love her, then? But if he did how could he have been so cool to her these last months? Had her pregnancy turned him off, or was he telling the truth about the advice his sister had given him?
Dylan looked at herself in the mirror assessingly—now that she had had the baby would his desire for her reawaken? How strange her reflection looked without the large bump in the middle of her body she had grown so used to seeing! She flattened her nightie with one hand, and felt a faint flabbiness under her palm. She must start exercising again, get back her muscle tone, get back the figure she had had when she met Ross.
Everything had happened so fast. They had married too quickly, perhaps; she should have realised how big an adaptation she would have to make, but she had been too much in love at the beginning. She hadn’t allowed herself to think of anything but a driving need to be with Ross.
Refusing to think too deeply, she had given up her career, her friends, her family, her home. Her entire life had changed overnight, and then her body had begun to change as the child inside her grew.
Now that it was over she could admit to herself how hard it had been to adapt to all those abrupt changes. She should have given herself time to get used to a new way of life before she started the baby—but then she had never planned to get pregnant; it had been an accident.
The Yuletide Child Page 14