RACHEL SARAH is the author of Single Mom Seeking: Play Dates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches from the Dating World (Seal Press). When she’s not contracting for Match.com, Rachel hosts a juicy blog at singlemomseeking.com for single moms and dads.
CHRISTINE SEIFERT is an associate professor of communication at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah where she teaches professional writing and rhetoric. She earned a PhD in English from Oklahoma State University. Christine is currently working with an agent to revise her own young adult novel… sans vampires.
MONICA SHORES is an editor of and regular contributor to $pread magazine. She has also written for Alternet, the Rumpus, DCist, Popmatters, Boinkology and the Feminist Review. “Red Light Rights” is her biweekly column on CarnalNation.com.
RACHEL SWAN is a staff writer at the East Bay Express newspaper in Oakland, California.
JOHN THURSDAY is an erotic philosopher who has devoted his adult life to doing field research for his dissertation on Kant’s lesser known work, The Pure Critique of Fellatio. In his down time he enjoys dancing, cooking and masturbating. You can find his work at Johnthursday.com.
MOLLENA WILLIAMS is a New York City born and raised writer, actress, solo-performer, BDSM Educator and Executive Pervert. She travels hither and yon speaking on a broad spectrum of subjects within the Leather Lifestyle. She’s a founding member of the Crowded Fire Theater Company, lives in San Francisco and blogs at mollena.com.
About the Editor
RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL (rachelkramerbussel.com) is a New York-based author, editor and blogger. She is the editor of Best Sex Writing 2008 and 2009, and has edited or coedited over twenty books of erotica, including Peep Show, Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories; Spanked; Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2; The Mile High Club; Do Not Disturb; Tasting Him; Tasting Her; Yes, Sir; Yes, Ma’am; He’s on Top; She’s on Top; Caught Looking; Hide and Seek; Crossdressing; Rubber Sex; Sex and Candy; Ultimate Undies; Glamour Girls and Bedding Down. Her work has been published in over one hundred anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, Zane’s Chocolate Flava 2 and Purple Panties, Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong, Single State of the Union and Desire: Women Write About Wanting. She serves as senior editor at Penthouse Variations, and wrote the popular “Lusty Lady” column for the Village Voice.
Rachel has written for AVN, Bust, Cleansheets.com, Cosmopolitan, Curve, Fresh Yarn, TheFrisky.com, Gothamist, Huffington Post, Mediabistro, Newsday, New York Post, Penthouse, Playgirl, Radar, San Francisco Chronicle, Tango, Time Out New York and Zink, among others. She has appeared on “The Martha Stewart Show,” “The Berman and Berman Show,” NY1, and Showtime’s “Family Business.” She has hosted In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series since October 2005, which has featured everyone from Susie Bright to Zane, about which the New York Times’s UrbanEye newsletter said she “welcomes eroticism of all stripes, spots and textures.” She blogs at lustylady.blogspot.com.
Check out the official Best Sex Writing 2010 blog at bestsexwriting2010.wordpress.com and bestsexwriting.com for guidelines and more information about the series.
“The Girl Who Only Sometimes Said No” by Diana Joseph was originally published in I’m Sorry You Feel That Way: The Astonishing but True Story of a Daughter, Sister, Slut, Wife, Mother, and Friend to Man and Dog (Putnam Adult, March 2009). “Secrets of the Phallus: Why Is the Penis Shaped Like That?” by Jesse Bering was originally published online at ScientificAmerican.com on April 27, 2009. “The Vagina Dialogues” by Johanna Gohmann was originally published in BUST, June/ July 2009. “Sex Laws That Can Really Screw You” by Ellen Friedrichs was originally published at Alternet.org, June 12, 2009. “What Really Turns Men On” by John DeVore was originally published in a different form at TheFrisky.com. “It’s a Shame About Ray” by Kirk Read was originally published in Hos, Hookers, Call Girls, and Rent Boys: Professionals Writing on Life, Love, Money and Sex edited by David Henry Sterry and R. J. Martin Jr. (Soft Skull Press, August 2009). “Remembering Pubic Hair” by Paul Krassner was originally published in In Praise of Indecency: The Leading Investigative Satirist Sounds Off on Hypocrisy, Censorship and Free Expression by Paul Krassner (Cleis Press, May 2009). “Sexual Outlaw” by Betty Dodson was originally published on Dodson’s blog at dodsonandross.com. “Go Thin or Bust: How Berkeley’s Mayer Laboratories Won the Battle of the Thin Condoms” by Rachel Swan was originally published in East Bay Express, November 19, 2008. “‘Sex Surrogates’ Put Personal Touch on Therapy” by Brian Alexander was originally published on MSNBC.com, March 26, 2009. “What’s the Matter with Teens and Sexting?” is reprinted with permission from Judith Levine, “What’s the Matter with Teen Sexting?,” The American Prospect Online: February 02, 2009. www.prospect.org The American Prospect, 1710 Rhode Island Avenue NW, 12th Floor, Washington, DC 20036. All rights reserved. “Bite Me! (Or Don’t)” by Christine Seifert was originally published in Bitch, Winter 2009 issue (No. 42). “Hot. Digital. Sexual. Underground” by David Black was originally published in Playboy, June 2009. “Lust and Lechery in Eight Pages: The Story of the Tijuana Bibles” by Chris Hall was originally published at Carnal Nation (carnalnation. com), March 20, 2009. “The Trouble with Safe Sex” by Seth Michael Donsky was originally published in New York Press, April 15-21, 2009. “The Future of Sex Ed” by Violet Blue was originally published as two separate pieces at Sfgate.com, the website of the San Francisco Chronicle. “A Cunning Linguist” by John Thursday was originally published in Good Vibrations Magazine (Goodvibes.com), January 7, 2009. “SWL(actating) F Seeks Sex with No Strings Attached,” by Rachel Sarah, is excerpted from Unbuttoned: Women Open Up About the Pleasures, Pains, and Politics of Breastfeeding, edited by Dana Sullivan and Maureen Connolly. (c) 2009, used by permission from The Harvard Common Press. “Toward a Performance Model of Sex” by Thomas MacAulay Millar was originally published in Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape, edited by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti (Seal Press, December 2008). “The Client Voyeur” by debauchette was originally published in F/lthyGorgeousTh/ngs (filthygorgeousthings.com), Issue One (May 2009). All other essays copyright 2010 by the individual authors.
1 The term was coined in extractive industries in response to environmental and other stakeholder criticisms.
2 Among those who have eloquently described consent as “enthusiastic participation” is feminist author and blogger Amanda Marcotte. The author and Ms. Marcotte discussed these ideas at some length on one of the earlier feminist blogs, Alas! A Blog, in 2005. In her book It’s a Jungle Out There (Seal Press, 2008) and on her blog, Pandagon, as well as in comments on other feminist blogs, she has expanded on these ideas and referred to a “conquest model” of sex, a concept that is both related to and distinct from the approach in this essay, which first appeared in comments at Feministing, the blog founded by editor Jessica Valenti. Ms. Marcotte’s thinking and the views expressed here are closely related but have evolved independently.
3 Shakesville, http://shakespearssister.blogspot.com/.
4 The milk/cow analogy, though familiar, is an inexact way of describing the commodity model. It is also worth noting that the commodity model itself demonstrates a significant gain for the feminist movement. Not long ago in the history of European civilizations, marriage was a different kind of property transaction. The woman herself was property, exchanged between her father and her husband. Now, even in the most regressive elements of American culture, the discourse pays lip service to the notion that the woman is not herself property, but instead possesses property (sex), which the patriarchy proceeds to tell her how to make the best use of.
5 UltraTeenChoice.org. Another program, WAIT, lists “financial support” as one of the five needs of women. “The Content of Federally Funded Abstinence-Only Education Programs,” United States House of Representatives Committee on Government Reform, Minority Staff Special Investigations Division, December 2004 (Waxman Report), pp. 17 and n. 79. Still another lauds the pra
ctice of bride-prices because they tell the bride she is “valuable to the groom and he is willing to give something valuable to her.” Waxman Report, p. 17 and n. 82.
6 Dahleen Glanton, “At Purity Dances, Virgin Belles Ring for Abstinence,” Chicago Tribune, December 2, 2007.
7 Jay Parsons, “Sex Lady’s lesson: Save yourself,” Denton Record-Chronicle, March 30, 2007.
8 www.siecus.org/policy/egregrious_uses.pdf
9 “Libertines” is not an evocative term, and in fact insults a late and lamented East London punk band. A term more in keeping with the conception would be “poontang miners,” reflecting puerile slang, misogyny, and unsustainable exploitation in one fell swoop.
10 See generally, Neill Strauss, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists (New York: HarperCollins, 2005).
11 Pick-up-artist-forum.com post entitled, “How Can I Release Her Inner Whore,” Rye Lee comment, November 8, 2007, 5:08 AM, www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/how-can-i-release-her-inner-whore-vt10548.html.
12 In discussion of the commodity model, it is glaringly apparent that there is room for Marxist analysis of sex as work; while that analysis might be fruitful and even fascinating, it is beyond both the scope of the essay and the writer’s expertise.
13 Pick-up-artist-forum.com post entitled “Fundamental Problem With Being a PUA,” GravesR R7 comment, November 17, 2007, 12:56 AM, www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/fundamental-problem-with-being-a-pua-vt11181.html.
14 Starbuck on November 17, 2007, 3:32 PM.
15 Aegis on June 34, 2005, 12:08 PM.
16 Amanda Marcotte’s term, in It’s a Jungle Out There (Seal Press, 2008), which evolved from the author’s “sex vending machines” in the Feministing thread that was the original source for this essay.
17 These discussions often unconsciously seem to recapitulate the development of law, particularly the law of the Gilded Age and pre-Depression era that heavily favored externalizing costs and risks to workers and consumers.
Copyright © 2010 by Rachel Kramer Bussel.
All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published in the United States. Cleis Press Inc., P.O. Box 14697, San Francisco, California 94114.
Permissions appear on page 239.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
eISBN : 978-1-573-44420-0
1. Sex--United States. I. Bussel, Rachel Kramer. II. Title: Best sex writing two thousand ten.
HQ18.U5B45 2010
306.770973--dc22
2009037729
Best Sex Writing 2010 Page 22