by Amy Clipston
She was so beautiful with her bright blue eyes and golden hair that she could gain the attention of any young man in her youth group or possibly any man in the entire Pennsylvania Amish community. He had been thinking more and more about finding someone special before Gabriel died, though he hadn’t had much success getting to know women. But a girl like Emily wouldn’t waste her time on Chris. She probably had a boyfriend anyway.
“Christopher?” Leroy asked. “Did you hear me?”
“Huh?” Chris turned to him, his face burning with humiliation. “I’m sorry.”
Leroy grinned. “Do you have something on your mind, Christopher?”
Oh no. He caught me staring at his dochder. “It’s Chris.”
“What?” Leroy asked.
“Mei freinden call me Chris.”
“Oh.” Understanding flashed in Leroy’s eyes, and he smiled. “I’ll call you Chris, then.”
“Danki.” Chris pointed to the piece of leather. “You were saying?”
“Oh, ya.” Leroy launched into his lecture about cutting out the shape.
Chris tried to listen, but his thoughts turned back to the wounded look Emily had given him when they met. After how cold he’d been to her, he certainly didn’t deserve any kindness from her. Why would she even acknowledge him when he saw her again?
Instead, to his complete surprise, she invited him to share her leftover chicken. Chris longed to accept her invitation to lunch and also to meet her family. But he couldn’t risk letting her get close to him. He just wanted to be left alone. He didn’t want to care.
“So do you want to give it a try?” Leroy asked.
“Ya.” Chris hoped he could somehow figure out how to cut out the correct shape. He didn’t want to disappoint his uncle or Leroy.
Chris had tried over and over again to impress Dat, but all Dat ever said was, “Paul was training horses by himself by the time he was nineteen. You need to work harder.”
Chris closed his eyes as more of his father’s criticisms filled his mind.
“Chris?” Leroy leaned in close. “Are you all right? Do you have a headache? Do you need some aspirin? I can send Emily to the haus to get you some.”
“No, no.” Chris opened his eyes and forced a smile. “I’m fine.”
“Okay.” But Leroy continued to frown.
“I can do this.” At least I hope I can. Chris began cutting out the shape while hoping with all his might he was doing it correctly. He absently stuck his tongue out while concentrating.
“Gut, gut!” Leroy clapped a hand on Chris’s shoulder.
“Really?” Chris hated how desperate for approval he sounded.
“Ya, really.” Leroy’s smile was genuine. “You did well both yesterday and today. Are you sure you’ve never done leatherwork before?”
“No, never.”
“Then you’re a natural.” Leroy lifted the key chain he was creating. “Let me show you the next step.”
“HOW DO YOU LIKE THE BAKED CHICKEN?” AENTI TILLIE asked as Chris sat across from her later that evening.
“It’s appeditlich. Danki.” Chris forced a smile and then turned his attention back to his plate. Why had his aenti chosen to make baked chicken tonight? Was it to make him feel even guiltier about declining Emily’s invitation? Chris stifled a sigh. Of course not. She didn’t even know about that.
Chris forked another piece of chicken into his mouth. He had spent all morning thinking about Emily, even after she’d left to go home at lunchtime. Even though he’d declined the invitation to have lunch with her, she still took the time to say good-bye to him.
“Christopher?” Aenti Tillie asked.
He glanced up to find his aunt and uncle studying him. Had she said his name more than once? “Ya?”
“Was iss letz?” Aenti Tillie set her fork down beside her plate.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” he admitted as he fiddled with the condensation on his glass of water. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not fine.” Aenti Tillie was not convinced. “You have dark circles under your eyes, and you’re preoccupied. You know you can talk to us.” She turned to her husband. “Right, Hank?”
“Absolutely.” Hank wiped his beard with a paper napkin.
Chris swallowed. He couldn’t possibly tell his aunt and uncle about his nightmares. He’d never shared them with anyone, and he wasn’t ready to open up about them now.
“I don’t sleep well,” Chris finally said. Actually, the whole truth is that I don’t sleep much at all.
“Oh, dear,” Aenti Tillie said. “Is it that bed? I know it’s old, but it’s hardly ever used.” She turned to Hank again. “I told you we should’ve bought a new mattress.”
“You’re right.” Hank gave Chris an apologetic look. “We can still get one.”
“No, no,” Chris insisted. “It’s not the bed at all. It’s . . . well, it’s me.” He shrugged. “I just don’t sleep well.”
“Oh.” Aenti Tillie’s eyes filled with understanding. “It’s because of Gabriel’s accident.” Her words were soft and full of sympathy, but they still sliced through Chris’s gut.
“Ya,” Chris said, his voice shaky. When would he stop being so emotional when he heard his younger brother’s name? “It’s not a big deal. I’ll be fine.” His voice scraped out of his throat. When she continued to stare, he added, “Really, I will.”
“Have you called your parents yet?” she asked.
Chris shook his head before sipping from the glass of water. He was certain a lecture was coming, and he steeled himself for her response.
“You should call them,” she said gently. “Just let your mamm know you got here safely and you’re doing okay.”
“All right,” Chris said, surprised her lecture wasn’t harsher. His aunt and uncle were so different from his father, who would’ve chastised him instead of nicely asking him to make the phone call.
“So Leroy told me you’re a natural at leatherwork,” Onkel Hank said, and Chris was thankful for the change of subject. “He said you just picked up how to make key chains like it was something you did every day.”
Surprised at the compliment, Chris sat a little straighter in his chair. He wasn’t used to such encouragement.
“Are you enjoying the job?” Onkel Hank asked.
“Ya, I am.” Chris forked some peas.
“I’m froh to hear that.” Onkel Hank spooned some mashed potatoes. “I was worried you wouldn’t like the work.”
“You were?” Chris nearly dropped his fork. When his uncle nodded, he asked, “Why?”
“It’s so different from horse breeding and training, which is what you’ve known your whole life.” Onkel Hank shrugged. “I thought you’d find leatherwork boring.”
Chris opened his mouth to tell his uncle he didn’t like horse training because he wasn’t good at it. And that because it was a horse that killed Gabriel, he’d never look at horse training the same way again. In fact, Chris would be happy if he never stepped foot on another horse farm.
But he was a coward and kept those feelings inside. “I really like working in the harness shop. Danki for letting me invite myself down here.”
Aenti Tillie reached across the table and touched Chris’s hand. “You’re always welcome in our home, Christopher. We’re froh you’re here, and you can stay as long as you want.”
“Danki.” Chris took a deep breath, hoping to assuage the emotions warring inside of him.
CHAPTER 3
“MIKE AND JOHN CAME TO VISIT OUR CHURCH DISTRICT today,” Rachel whispered to Emily during the service at the Glick family farm on Sunday morning. They sat together near the back row of the single women’s section. “I saw Veronica and Jason here too. I like it when they come to visit our district.”
“Ya.” Emily kept her eyes focused on the section where the young, unmarried men sat.
“What are you staring at?”
Emily turned toward her sister, who was grinning. “Shh,” Emily hushe
d her as the minister continued to talk in German.
“Nope,” Rachel whispered.
Emily swung her gaze back to her sister. Rachel had been acting strangely all day. She seemed happier and more upbeat than usual. “What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been really froh today. In fact, you nearly skipped to the buggy this morning. Were you that excited to come to church?”
Rachel waved off the question. “You’re changing the subject. You’ve been staring over there.” She pointed toward the bachelor section. “Who has captured your attention?”
“No one.” Emily was a terrible liar. She’d been looking at Christopher, wondering if he was uncomfortable visiting a new church district for the first time. He sat next to Mike, Rachel’s boyfriend, and Emily imagined her father or Hank had introduced them so Christopher had someone to sit beside. He stared down at the hymnal throughout the service, never looking up and never smiling. Did he ever smile? She tried to imagine what he would look like if he smiled.
“What’s his name?” Rachel asked, leaning in closer.
“What? Who?” Emily stammered, caught off guard by the question.
Two sisters whom Emily knew from her youth group turned around in their seats and shushed Emily. Her face flamed with embarrassment.
Rachel leaned in close again and snickered. “You need to learn how to whisper.”
Emily closed her eyes and prayed for patience with Rachel. She glanced across the barn to where Veronica sat beside Mamm. Veronica looked serene today with her hands resting on her lap. She also seemed somehow different, but Emily couldn’t put her finger on what had changed. What was going on with her sisters?
“Tell me his name,” Rachel whispered. “Have you met someone new? Is he a bu from youth group?”
Emily wanted Rachel to drop this subject. “No, it’s not someone from youth group.”
“So who is it?” Rachel insisted. “You’re definitely distracted by someone.”
“It’s Hank’s nephew,” Emily finally admitted with a resigned sigh.
“Christopher?” Rachel’s brown eyes glimmered with curiosity. “So you like him?”
“I hardly even know him. I’m just worried about him.”
Rachel continued to look intrigued. “Why?”
“Because he’s a loner, and he looks so bedauerlich.”
“If anyone can help him, it would be you.” Rachel gave her a knowing smile.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Rachel looked across the barn, and her smile faded. “We’d better be quiet. Mamm is watching, and she’s not froh.”
Emily followed her sister’s gaze to Mamm glaring at them.
Emily redirected her attention to the sermon, taking in the message and concentrating on God. She could think about Christopher later.
“SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SERVICE?” MIKE ASKED Chris as they helped convert benches into tables for the noon meal.
“It was gut,” Chris said, glancing around the barn for Onkel Hank. He spotted him talking to Leroy and another man over in the corner. His onkel was a social butterfly, yet another stark contrast to Chris’s taciturn father.
“Was it different from services back in Ohio?” Mike asked.
Chris turned to see Mike looking at him with interest. “No, not really. I think most services are the same, right?” Except that mei dat wasn’t preaching today.
“Ya, I suppose so.” Slightly taller than Chris’s six-foot-one stature, Mike had been pleasant and welcoming ever since Leroy introduced Chris to him and his little brother, John, that morning. Mike was dating Leroy’s middle daughter, Rachel.
Chris wondered if one of the other young men in the congregation was Emily’s boyfriend. Not that it was any of his business whether or not she was dating someone.
“Mike!” John rushed over from the other side of the barn. “Where are we going to sit? Can we sit with Leroy and Hank? Jason is here too!” John had sat quietly next to Mike during the service, and he was the mirror image of his older brother with blond hair and bright blue eyes. He guessed John was about seven or eight years old.
“Ya, that sounds gut.” Mike mussed his brother’s hair, then looked up at Chris. “Have you met Jason?”
“No.” Chris slid his hands into the pockets of his trousers.
“Jason is Veronica’s husband,” John explained.
“Oh, okay.” Who was Veronica?
“Veronica is Rachel’s older schweschder,” John said as if reading Chris’s thoughts.
“Oh.” Chris glanced across the barn at Leroy. How many daughters does the man have?
“I’ll introduce you to him.” John took Chris’s hand, steering him across the barn toward Leroy and Hank. “Jason is nice. You’ll like him.”
“John is really shy,” Mike joked as he walked beside them.
“I can see that.” Chris tried to suppress a grin as John guided him toward the group of men. John reminded him of Mamie, his gregarious four-year-old niece. An unexpected pang of homesickness kicked him in the gut.
“Jason.” John interrupted the men. “This is Christopher. He’s Hank’s bruderskind.”
A man with light brown hair, a short brown beard, and brown eyes smiled and shook Chris’s hand. He was only slightly shorter than Chris and looked to be in his midtwenties.
“Hi, I’m Jason Huyard.”
“Nice to meet you. You can call me Chris.”
“Jason is my son-in-law.” Leroy clapped a hand on Jason’s shoulder. “He’s married to Veronica, my eldest dochder.”
“Ya, John was just telling me all about that.” Chris looked down at the boy.
“Why don’t we have a seat?” Hank offered. “The women will be bringing the food soon.”
“Sit by me.” John pulled on Chris’s sleeve.
“All right.” He sat down on a bench between John and Jason, and Hank and Leroy sat down across from them. Mike slipped in beside John and whispered something to him. While observing the brothers’ interaction, Chris recalled his late-night chats with Gabriel, and his lungs squeezed with renewed grief.
Chris looked up when he heard his name. “What’s that?”
“I asked what you did for a living in Ohio,” Jason said.
“I’m sorry. I was lost in thought.” Chris was sure his cheeks were bright red. “Mei dat owns a horse farm. He breeds, trains, and sells horses.”
“Wow.” Mike looked impressed. “That’s a great business to be in.”
“Oh ya,” Onkel Hank agreed. “My brother-in-law, Wilmer, is very successful. His farm has grown over the years. I believe he started it just before Paul was born. Now Paul has his own successful horse farm, right?”
Chris nodded, but his shoulders stiffened and his jaw set at the sound of his father’s name. How long would Onkel Hank continue to brag about Dat and Paul?
“Mei dat and onkel own a shed business,” Jason said. “Mei bruder and I work there, along with my cousin and a few freinden.” He pointed toward Mike. “Mike and his onkel own a lawn ornament business, and they stay busy.”
John sat up taller and gazed at his brother. “I’m going to work there when I get bigger, right, Mike?”
“That’s right, Johnny.” Mike smiled at him.
Chris frowned. He didn’t want to follow in his family’s business, so he couldn’t relate to Jason, Mike, and John. The men sitting around him were honored and eager to continue their families’ businesses, and as usual Chris just didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the community. He had no idea where he belonged.
“Oh, here comes the food,” Leroy announced.
A parade of women fluttered by the long table, dropping off napkins, cups, plates and utensils, bowls of peanut butter spread, and plates filled with lunchmeat, bread, pickles, and pretzels.
When the men bowed their heads in silent prayer, Chris’s thoughts wandered. Dat and Paul were probably sitting down with his home church district t
o eat now too.
When the prayer was over, the men began loading their plates, and soon a murmur of conversation overtook the large barn. A hand brushed Chris’s shoulder and startled him. He peered up at Emily smiling down at him. At the sight of her, his breath caught.
Where did that reaction come from?
“Kaffi?” She held up the pot.
“Ya. Danki.” He handed her his cup and she poured coffee into it.
“Have you met Emily?” John asked, chewing bread smothered in peanut butter.
“Johnny, we’ve told you not to talk with your mouth full,” a brunette standing on the other side of the table reminded the boy as she filled Leroy’s coffee cup.
“Sorry, Rachel,” John said with a toothy grin before turning back to Chris. “Rachel is mei bruder’s girlfriend, and Emily is her schweschder.”
“Christopher and I have met already,” Emily told John. “We work together at the harness shop.”
“So you’re Christopher.” Rachel grinned. “It’s nice to meet you.” She turned to his uncle. “Would you like some coffee, Hank?”
Emily gave Chris another smile. “I’ll see you later.”
Before Chris could respond, Emily moved down the table, smiling and talking as she poured coffee into cups. He couldn’t pull his gaze away from her. Emily was so sweet and genuine, even though he’d repeatedly given her the cold shoulder. Chris could never gain the attention of a maedel as special as she was.
So why couldn’t he stop staring at her?
“YOU AND JOHNNY ARE COMING OVER TO VISIT, RIGHT, Mike?” Rachel grinned at her boyfriend while standing next to his buggy.
“Ya, we are.” Mike smiled back at her.
“We’re coming over too,” Veronica added.
Rachel clapped. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
Emily stood beside Dat’s buggy as Veronica and Jason whispered to each other and held hands. She thought again about how both of her sisters seemed so different today. Rachel couldn’t stop grinning at Mike as if they shared a wonderful secret. Veronica and Jason were holding hands, and they rarely displayed affection in public. Emily had never felt so overlooked by her own family before. Her sisters always shared their secrets with her, but now she felt as if she were invisible.