‘You were only trying to help, you were fighting for him—that’s a good thing, isn’t it? You loved him and fought for him.’ Cal nodded then as the penny dropped. ‘I see. Yes. I get what you’re saying. It’s his choice.’
‘Life’s too short to force people into corners. I think, if I could, I’d just try to support people chasing their dreams...even if I didn’t think those dreams would work. Even if they sound like a really rash idea.’ She hoped it didn’t sound like a lecture. ‘And I need to apologise for last week. I tried to make you talk about things you didn’t feel comfortable talking about.’
His hand covered hers and his thumb stroked over her skin. Such a simple gesture, but it stoked something deep inside her. Something more than lust. Although there was a good deal of that there too. His voice was soft when he spoke. ‘And I should apologise for ruining a great morning with my greeting.’
‘Greeting?’
‘Whimpering. Whining. You know, carrying on.’
‘It was nothing.’
‘I’m not good at this.’
‘You are.’ She could have looked up into those eyes for hours. So demonstrative, so clear and bright. There was a funny feeling she got when she looked at him that she’d never had before. Or at least, she’d forgotten it. The keen ache down low. The straining of her breasts for his touch. The crazy ideas that popped into her head, the hope, the feeling that maybe things could be better.
She’d forgotten, or hadn’t wanted to remember. God, she’d forgotten how that all felt and just looking at him it seemed almost in reach. Her eyes drifted to his mouth and she wondered...could she? Could she reach up there and put her lips on his? How would that feel? How would she feel deep inside? How would he taste? Would he kiss her back? Did he want to?
There was a little cry. Her name. Abbie turned and saw Rosie with her hands on her hips. ‘What is it, sweetheart?’
‘See-saw, please.’ She pointed to the large plastic seesaw, each end shaped like a bright blue horse’s head, the mane twisted into a handle for little hands. ‘Okay, then. Two minutes on the horses.’
After a couple of moments of her bouncing up and down off her heels, Abbie’s eyes naturally sought Cal out again. She was drawn to him, like a magnet. Like a stupid infatuation, she told herself.
It would all blow over when he headed back home. He was still watching and smiling. Waving. He must have thought she was dreadfully dull and domesticated, but this was her life and she was looking forward to more of it, not less. But instead of looking bored he looked actually quite animated.
Eventually she managed to convince Rosie it was time to go home for dinner, but as they came through the gate he said, ‘I’ve had a thought about our next dare. If you’re still willing?’
She tried not to look too pleased at the prospect, but her heart kicked up a little. Dare not date. She liked that idea. It sounded a lot less committed to a path she couldn’t take a single step on. ‘Maybe?’
He leaned in, his finger curling round a strand of her hair, and whispered, ‘How are you in the saddle?’
Her gut clenched and fizzed and she giggled.
Like a teenager. Grow the heck up!
‘In truth...rusty.’
‘Excellent. Me too.’ He grinned. Winked. ‘Day off?’
‘Thursday.’
He was still very close, his nose in her hair, mouth very close to her ear. Warm breath skittered over the back of her neck, making her shiver. ‘I’m on an early. Meet you at our usual place at three-thirty?’
Our usual place. Her heart rate doubled. And she was probably reading far too much into it all. She grimaced, unsure as to what to do. Her heart screamed yes, but her head was being far too sensible. ‘But—?’
Far from being playful, he was kind and genuinely concerned. He drew back and looked at her. ‘What’s the matter? Scared?’
She nodded, resisting the urge to curl into his heat and his touch. Scared didn’t begin to describe how she was starting to feel when she was with him. ‘A little, to be honest.’
He tipped her chin up and for a moment she thought—hoped—he was going to kiss her. But that would have been foolhardy with little eyes on her and a tiny chubby hand tugging her to go home now, Abbie.
He smiled. ‘Don’t worry. You know enough about me by now to be confident I’ll make sure you’re safe.’
But that was the problem. Given the way her body was reacting to the tiniest of touches and the slightest flirt, she wasn’t sure her heart would ever be safe around him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THURSDAY COULDN’T COME around quickly enough. The work Cal had been so invested in, and the training he’d come here to do, barely held his attention these days, only enlivened when his thoughts drifted to dancing eyes and loose dark curls. Things he did on his day off, rather than things he spent the majority of his time doing. For a woman who he’d only seen a couple of times, she was seriously starting to get under his skin.
The thought of not being here gave rise to a weird feeling in his chest. And he knew he shouldn’t take it out on his brother, but he felt trapped by one world when part of him wanted to be in another just for a little bit longer.
Having arrived at the archway early, he was taking the opportunity for a catch-up. And beginning to regret it. ‘What I don’t understand, Finn, is why the hell you’re bothering to ask my advice? You’re hell-bent on killing yourself, so just go off and do it.’
That was what Abbie had suggested he do, right?
Let them follow their dreams, she’d said.
And okay, he knew he wasn’t handling this well.
Finn was stretched out on the sofa in their lounge at home. It was the middle of the night there, so curtains were drawn. Ever since the accident, he’d had difficulty sleeping and often rang to while away the dark hours. Behind him, Cal could see the detritus of his life: dirty cups, beer bottles, pizza boxes. A stack of laundry. Books. The wheelchair. Fidget, the cat, sat aloof on its seat cushion; the only sentient being that used it these days, after Finn refused to sit in it ever again the day he came back from the rehab ward. Against medical advice, obviously.
That was how he was, how he’d always been; an independent, single-minded, beat-the-odds kind of guy. Somehow his whole life had been preparing him for the accident. His eyes rolled. ‘Ach, you could at least listen instead of rage at me. I want you to come skiing with me. A week in Austria.’
‘And watch you kill yourself? No, thanks.’ But actually, he’d sworn to do whatever it took to get his brother a life, so he’d have to do this too. And enjoy it, for Finn’s sake. Maybe Abbie really did have a point about supporting his dreams—instead of smothering him with overprotection. ‘When is it?’
‘February.’
‘February? I won’t have accrued any leave by then. You know this trip is taking most of it.’
‘You’ll be able to scrape a few days, though? Look, if you don’t want to I can find someone else to come.’
February in Europe meant cold and sleet and snow. Here in New Zealand it meant the height of summer. Cal looked out across the lake, imagined what it’d be like here. Imagined what she’d be like in the summer. Those curls hanging loose over naked shoulders. Swimming, sun-kissed. Holding her baby. Being a family.
The brakes went on that thought as his chest squeezed tighter. He’d no more envisioned a family—a baby, and someone else’s baby at that—than he’d imagined himself flying to the moon. But recently the scenario had started playing in his head...a maybe, a what if. Which was all kinds of weird and unsettling.
He looked at his brother and remembered cradling him in his ice-cold arms, and the promises he’d silently made back then. And how he’d begged him to hold on and told him he’d do everything—absolutely anything—to help him live. And if that meant giving u
p any kind of future for himself, then so be it.
These two halves of his life weren’t going to gel any time soon. And, above all of that, whatever he wanted didn’t matter. He owed his brother, he’d promised him and he was sticking to that. For ever. ‘Nah, I’m with you, mate. Every step. Remember? Every. Single. Step. Sorry I’ve been so down on you, Finn. I’d like to blame jet lag or something, but I’m—well—’
He wasn’t going to mention Abbie because that would only complicate things.
‘Just a moody bastard?’ Finn smiled. Something of a rarity these days, especially in their conversations. The break had been supposed to help—absence making the heart grow fonder, and all that. He wasn’t sure it had.
‘Yep. Okay, you got me. I’ll make it work. Skiing, eh? I’m looking forward to it already.’ He’d make sure they stuck to the nursery slopes, even though he knew Finn would make a beeline for the moguls. Suddenly his senses fired into action and he knew she was here. Before he turned around to see her and gave his game away to his know-it-all brother he stood up. ‘How’s everything else working for you? Maggie bringing food in? Pete still doing the morning and evening shifts?’
‘Aye. It’s smooth. I told you it’d work. The timetable you made is a dream and I get some peace and quiet when they’ve all stopped fussing.’ He didn’t need to add, unlike when you’re here, but it hung there between them.
‘Good, well, I’ll be back soon enough, irritating you and cramping your style. But I’m going now. I’ve got things to do. I’ll call you in a couple of days. Email me the details of the trip and I’ll forward it to the boss.’
‘Hot date, is it?’ Did the guy have an X-ray into his head? ‘What’s she like? Knowing you, she’ll be blonde and well...developed.’
He cringed. How much of this could Abbie hear? He lowered his voice. ‘Going horse riding.’
‘Lucky you.’
He was. He knew that. Having two working legs was damned lucky. It could just as easily have been him who’d fallen from that mountain. ‘There are plenty of places that could help you go riding. Everything’s possible these days. We can get you on a horse if you want, when I get back.’
‘I meant the date part. Scars might be hot these days, but I’m not sure false legs are up there in the Top Ten Sexy Body Parts lists.’
‘Finn...’ There was a time when Finn had literally had women queuing up for him. When being the scrum half for the Swans had been a big deal. When he’d earned the country’s yearly annual wage in a month. ‘It’ll happen.’
‘Yeah. I can’t move for hot women wanting a piece of me.’ Finn rubbed a hand over the two-day stubble on his chin and pulled a thick wool blanket over his shoulders. ‘Go. Have fun, you big idiot.’
‘And you, ya bampot.’ And things were back on an even keel again. God, he missed him. But he wasn’t about to let him know that.
‘Bad timing?’ Abbie was leaning against the grey stone wall that edged this end of the lake, a little distance away, obviously giving him space to chat to his brother. She’d tied her hair into a long plait that fell over one shoulder, a half-circle of another tiny plait framing her face. She was wearing those skinny jeans from the other day and a navy-blue padded sleeveless jacket over a pale pink sweatshirt. She looked horse-riding ready, but he wanted to skip that bit altogether and take her straight to his bed, peel those clothes from her and run his mouth over every inch of her soft-looking skin.
God, keeping his wicked thoughts—never mind deeds—to himself was going to be damned hard.
He walked over to her, resisting the tug to wrap her in his arms and, instead, giving her a chaste wee kiss on her cheek. She smelt of apples and something flowery and the tug intensified. He stepped away and pointed over towards his car. ‘Just climb in. Actually, I took your advice about supporting him and things weren’t too bad.’
She laughed. ‘I’m looking forward to hearing you say things are good.’
‘You might have to wait a while. Right, let’s get going, Calamity Jane. Did you remember your cowgirl hat?’
Her eyes glittered. ‘It’s been a long time. I think I’m going to need something a lot harder than that.’
‘I’ll see what I can do.’ He wasn’t sure what to make of her statement, whether she was playing with him or was woefully innocent of the reaction she’d achieved low down in his gut. Her perfume filled the car, a sweet softness that had him hot under the collar. Somehow he was going to have to keep that burning heat under wraps, while the thought of skiing in Europe left him colder than the snow he’d be sliding down.
* * *
‘Horses are always so much bigger than you think they are.’ Abbie leaned her head against the warm equine throat and stroked the chestnut nose of Kelly, her ride for the afternoon. There was something very soothing about a horse’s deep breathing. And God knew, she needed all the help she could get with Cal around. The hard hat made her look a bit silly, but she didn’t mind; Cal had one on too and he looked gorgeous. ‘It’s been a while since I rode, so please tell me she’s a good-hearted soul.’
Bryn, the woman who ran the stables, gave her a reassuring smile. ‘She’s a sweetie and very used to nervous riders. I’ll be coming along, so we’ll keep an eye on you.’
‘And what kind of route do we take?’ Cal was up on his bay horse, Boss, looking as if he’d been born to do this. And, no doubt he was a champion horse rider or something.
Bryn flicked the reins towards Abbie and nodded at her to climb up onto the step, grab the reins and then hoist herself into the saddle. ‘Just a meander through the farmland and then down along the riverbed. Nothing too strenuous, unless you want to gallop—there’s space down there to let loose and Boss loves a good run.’
‘Let’s take it slow and see how we go. I haven’t ridden in a very long time.’ Abbie jabbed her heel softly against Kelly’s side and clicked her tongue against her teeth. ‘Come on, girl. Walk on.’
They filtered into single file; Bryn up front, Cal second and Abbie taking up the rear as they made their way from the farmhouse, downhill, to the forest. It was cool and fresh down there, an eerie glow bouncing off the tree bark covered in moss, as if someone had washed the view with a green filter. There was little noise save for birdsong and the clomp, clomp, clomp of hooves.
This had been a great idea; a chance to unwind and force her muscles to relax in a different kind of exercise compared to what she was used to. Abbie breathed deeply, all the better to steady her head, taking note of the altogether nice view of Cal’s back. The man had fine posture. Great shoulders. Her eyes moved lower. A gorgeous—
He turned and gave her a wave, pulling to a halt and waiting until she’d caught up with him where the path widened enough for two. ‘You okay there?’
Why did he have to be so considerate? It just made her like him more. ‘Yup. Just plodding, as I like it.’
‘I thought you’d be galloping ahead, blazing a trail.’
‘Kelly and I have only just met. I don’t want to push her too hard. Later, maybe, at the river.’ She ran her hand down the soft coat and patted, receiving a little whinny in reply. ‘This is lovely. You really do know how to spend a day off.’
‘Just trying to make the most of things. I hope we didn’t mess with your schedule? Whoa, wait, watch your head.’
She bent at the sight of a low-hanging branch coming towards her just a little too quickly. ‘Wow. Thanks. I do prefer having two eyes. Although I do feel very guilty being here when I should be painting the nursery and...well, doing adult stuff. Nesting. But I don’t have the hormones to kick me into action, so I’m just putting up with Emma’s periodic nagging.’
‘All in good time. You’re allowed a little bit of fun before the parenting thing kicks in.’
Was she, though? If she wasn’t carrying this baby the least she could do was be ready for
it when it arrived. ‘I have so much to do.’
‘You’ve got a few weeks before Christmas. Plenty of time. Besides, how many times have you heard new parents say they could never be prepared for what hit them?’ He grinned at her wide-eyed response. ‘How are you feeling about it all?’
‘Excited. Nervous. Scared. It doesn’t seem real to me, even though I know it is.’
‘Yes, it would be weird seeing her carrying your child.’
That was exactly how she felt. Weird. Excited, nervous, amazing, and...weird. ‘I can’t quite believe it. It’s almost like seeing her pregnant with Rosie again rather than with my baby.’ Then, the truth of it fell out of her. ‘I hope I love it. I mean... I will, of course. But what if it doesn’t bond with me? What if he or she wants Emma and not me? What if we don’t get along?’
He let out a low sigh. ‘Of course you’ll love each other. Of course he’ll love you.’
‘You think it’s a boy?’ She had no idea, alternating between the genders depending on the shape of Emma’s belly, what her cravings were and what Abbie secretly wished for: a daughter. And then, sometimes, when she saw a little boy kicking a ball, or charging breathless around the play park, she wanted one of those too.
Of course, Cal didn’t know any of this; no one did. She had no one to share her crazy higgledy-piggledy thoughts with. But given they made little sense, maybe that was a good thing.
Cal looked nonplussed. ‘How would I know? I just couldn’t imagine having a baby girl. I’m not sure I understand the female of the species too well. Mind you, given my brother, I’m not sure I know a lot about the males either.’
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