by C. C. Morian
Even Emily.
Of course, she’d never cheat on me, just as I would never cheat on her. We both loved each other too much.
And yet all day I thought about it. Not Emily with Damian, that was too close to home. But Emily with another man. And me watching.
She’d never do it, of course. But that didn’t mean a guy couldn’t dream.
I was lying in bed next to Emily, who was reading a book. It was the first time in a week we’d really had a moment together; I’d been working late at the office and bringing work home, retreating into the home office and not getting to bed until Emily was asleep. It was all because of my new job role, which I was very happy with, other than the extra time required to come up to speed.
“Emily, do you want to have a baby?” That wasn’t exactly how I had planned on easing into the conversation, but it needed to be discussed. I was staring at the ceiling when I asked.
“What?”
“You know, a family.”
“Of course I do. We’ve talked about this.”
I turned to her. “I mean, now.”
Emily set her book aside. She was freshly showered and scrubbed, and right now in her pajamas she looked way too young to have kids. “I don’t know. I thought this would be the right time, but now with your new position at work. . .”
“I don’t want the job to get in the way. I could do something else if I had to.”
“But you love it!”
“I know. The last thing I want, though, is for you—us—to resent my work if it gets in the way of what we want to do together. Plus there will always be something else going on, if it isn’t this job or position, it will be another.”
Emily squinted. “This is because of what happened in the shower, isn’t it.”
I shrugged. “Kind of.”
“I didn’t know what I wanted.”
“I thought I got a good sense of what you wanted,” I teased.
“Ha-ha.”
“No, really. You seemed. . .” I didn’t quite know how to put it into words. Like you wanted it, was what came to mind, and not in a want to have a baby way, more in a want to get fucked way. But that sounded so lusty, so much unlike her.
“I was just so excited. By you.”
Was I imagining things, or had she hesitated a little before adding those last two words? Had she already been aroused before I even joined her in the shower? There was nothing wrong with that, I had been already turned on.
But what had she been thinking about while in the shower that had excited her so much?
So much that she let—no, she wanted—me to enter her unprotected.
As matter of factly as I could, I asked, “Have you been thinking of those videos we watched?”
Her face turned crimson, giving me my answer.
“It’s okay, honey,” I said, moving over to her side of the bed. “There’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
“It’s not that,” she said. “We did it together, I’m not ashamed. But. . .”
“But what?”
She looked down into her lap. “It’s hard to talk about.”
“Hey, it’s me, remember?” I put my arm around her, pulling her head onto my chest.
Emily snuggled in close. After a minute she said, “Sometimes I wonder if I’ve disappointed you.”
I turned her face to mine. “How can you say that? I love you.”
“I know that. It’s just—I know you want more. More sex. Different sex.”
I started to object, but Emily put a finger to my lips. “Let me finish,” she said. “I’m not upset. I understand it better now that I’ve seen some of the videos. I had no idea that people did all of those things. I’ve always known I was a little traditional in that regard, but I’d never really understood how traditional. You must think of me as a prude.”
“Emily, you are not a prude. And I’d love you even if you were.”
“You’re sweet to say that. But all this time, weren’t you hoping for more? That I’d be more like—everyone else?”
I hugged her tight, I could see that this was really bothering her. “Listen. I don’t know what everyone else is like. Frankly, I don’t care anyway. I just want to make you happy.”
“And I want to make you happy. Have I been?”
“Of course you have.”
“But you want more.”
What did I want? I was telling the truth, I did want to make her happy. If our sex life had stayed exactly the same, I might have been a little disappointed, but that wouldn’t have stopped me from being happy, from loving Emily. “Let me ask you this,” I said. “You were excited by those videos, weren’t you?”
Emily took a deep breath. “Yes,” she whispered, like she was telling a secret, afraid of being scolded.
“Why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know. I just—reacted.”
As gently as I could, so I would not sound like I was accusing her, I asked, “Did they make you think of—different ways to have sex?”
She nodded into my chest.
“So maybe you want more too. There’s nothing wrong with it. Just because you want to experience something new and different doesn’t mean that what you did before that was not good. It’s like—growing.”
“Do you want to do any of those things?”
“It’s not that I have anything specific in mind.” Which was mostly true. Was it a lie if you didn’t offer up details of your sexual fantasies? “Do you?”
Emily hesitated a long time. I wondered if she was considering new possibilities, or was deciding to tell me about ones she had already fantasized about.
“I think about what it would feel like to have you—finish—inside me.”
Emily couldn’t even say the word cum. I shuddered, which she must certainly have felt. I’d been thinking about that exact thing. And not just about me finishing in her. “Is that what you want?”
“I do.” She looked back into my eyes. “I do,” she repeated more firmly. “But I’m not ready to have children just yet.”
“Maybe. . .”
She read my mind. “Not that. You know how I feel about birth control. Maybe someday, I don’t know. I don’t want to even think about it now.”
“Okay,” I said. I couldn’t be angry, I’d known this about Emily for a long time. I certainly missed having unprotected sex; it was so much more immediate, more open to all sorts of fun, like quickies, spontaneity.
“Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not. Really.” I thought about her dilemma, wanting to experience unprotected sex, but not able to. It must have been as frustrating for her as it was for me. Suddenly I had an idea.
I leaned over and turned off the light.
I looped my arms under her shoulders and pulled her up next to me, then rolled her onto her back, one of my arms under her neck, my other hand on her thigh. Before she could ask what I was doing I said, “Just relax, I want to try something.”
She nodded, but I felt her shoulders tighten, her usual shyness, even with me. In the dark I reached for her with my lips, gently kissing her on the cheek, then on the neck.
I spoke in her ear in a whisper. “I want you to think about anything you want. About me. About what we’ve done. About the videos. About—whatever you were thinking about in the shower before I came in.” I stopped, waiting for her denial, but she didn’t say a word.
I had been right, she had been fantasizing in the shower.
“Pretend this is your safe, fantasy world. Anything can happen here, and you won’t get hurt, because I’m here to protect you. You can have anything you want, just the way you want it. Do you understand?”
I felt her nod.
“Good. Now just let go. As soon as something comes into your mind, let it wash over you. Then just tell me about it, so I can share it with you.”
There was a long silence. “I can’t think of anything,” she finally said.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. Even if she h
ad, what was she going to say? She’d never spoken about a sexual fantasy. “I’ll help you.” I moved my fingers along her thigh. “The videos. You were aroused by them, weren’t you?”
Another long hesitation, and then I felt the barest nod, her chin moving against my chest in the dark. From Emily, this was like a screamed confession.
I wanted to ask her which part she liked the best, but I didn’t think she was ready for that. “Those men. They were very well endowed, weren’t they?”
She didn’t respond to that, maybe it wasn’t what got her attention. Or—. “Don’t worry, I won’t be upset. You can tell me,” I urged gently.
“You’re big enough for me,” she whispered.
I smiled in the dark. So like her, worried about how I’d feel. “I bet you always thought so. But seeing them, didn’t you wonder how it might feel? Having something that big in you?”
I felt Emily stiffen under me, just as the woman in the video had cringed when she had first seen the huge cock on the black man. Taking that as a sign, I moved my hand to Emily’s inner thigh. As I expected, she squeezed her legs together.
Just like the woman in the video.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I bet all women would wonder about that. Being—.” I wasn’t sure what the right term was. “So opened up. So stretched.”
Emily gave out the tiniest moan.
I pushed my hands farther between her clenched thighs. “Did you notice the look on her face? She seemed a little afraid, but you could tell she wanted it. She wanted to see what it would feel like. Isn’t that what you thought?”
Again the slight hesitation, and then the small nod.
I moved my hand to the top of her pussy, not touching anything sensitive, just resting my palm flat against her mound. Her legs were still together, not fighting me, but. . .
“The woman’s legs were squeezed together at first, is that what you are thinking about?”
I didn’t wait for Emily to respond but moved my fingers down toward her labia. “Then he was right over her.”
I ran my fingers over her mound though her thin pajama bottoms, carefully avoiding her clit. Emily’s fingers clenched at my chest.
My voice still a whisper, I went on, “Do you think she was wet when he went inside her? Maybe she got wet from taking him in her mouth?” I was mixing what I remembered from the two videos, I didn’t think it mattered. “I think sometimes women get aroused just from getting a man excited. I bet that’s what got her wet.”
I continued to run my fingers gently over Emily, but resisted the urge to put my hand down under her clothing. I wanted to see just how excited I could get her by talking. Or see how turned on she got by the pictures I painted for her.
“You know what would have been exciting to see? How she got naked. I wonder if he took her clothes off, or if she did it herself. I bet her husband was wondering what she would do. Would she just fool around a little? Kiss the other man? Maybe use just her hands or mouth on him?”
I slid my fingers under the elastic on Emily’s pajamas. “Either way, it would have been exciting. Seeing how she would have reacted as the other man removed her clothing. Do you want to know what I would have preferred?”
I felt Emily hold her breath.
“I would have liked to see her take off her own clothes. Like she was making a decision. Her husband was right there, but if I were him, that would have turned me on, seeing her do that.”
I grasped Emily’s hand and moved it to the top of her pajamas. I kissed her neck and repeated exactly what the husband had said in the video. “Go ahead. It’s okay.”
Even though I was hoping for it, even though I wanted it, I was still shocked when Emily slipped her pajamas off. My cock, already hard, jerked wildly, even though she wasn’t touching it.
If that wasn’t a big enough shock, when I put my hand between her legs I discovered she had removed her underwear as well.
I heard myself moan, not something I decided to do, it just happened. In that one little motion, I knew Emily was right there with me in the story. She was not only getting herself ready, making a decision, she was picturing herself doing it right in front of me.
“She took her clothes off,” I murmured, careful not to suggest it was Emily, I didn’t want to spoil this. “That must have driven her husband wild. She was telling her husband she was going to do it. Telling the other man she wanted him. . .”
Emily lifted her chin and kissed me, a demanding, open mouthed kiss, moaning into my mouth.
I freed my lips just enough to speak. “She seemed pretty excited by it all,” I said. “Feeling it go inside her. So big. Realizing she could take it all. She must have been so wet. . .”
I pushed my finger into Emily and to my utter amazement she was slippery, her juices already reaching to the outer part of her opening. Just from my story. Thrilled, I pushed on. “Yes, just like that. I get so turned on feeling you wet, did you know that? I know you like getting me hard, it’s the same thing, it makes me so happy. Do you like getting me hard?”
“Yes,” Emily breathed.
“Sometimes I wish I could see all of you,” I said, knowing I was venturing into dangerous territory, talking not about the video woman but about Emily herself. “I love looking at you as I enter you. And I love watching you have an orgasm, your face, you are so beautiful when you come. But I still wish I could see more of you, how your body moves, how your legs wrap around me. Just like that woman in the video. I bet her husband was so turned on by that, seeing his wife from a different perspective, seeing how she looked as she. . .”
I let my fingers finish my sentence, moving in and out. Fucking her.
Emily spread her legs to give me more access, squirming, shifting upward.
“Just like that,” I said. I pushed two fingers into her, and flicked my thumb against her clit. Emily moaned and drove her tongue into my mouth, something she rarely did.
I alternated fucking her with my fingers and rubbing her clit. The story I was weaving called for me to be inside her, but I didn’t want to stop, and I didn’t want to ruin it by having to put on a condom, so I kept talking.
“Her husband must have loved seeing her so aroused,” I said. “Otherwise why would he have filmed it? And I bet he was touching himself. I can understand that.”
My own cock had poked through my boxers and was rubbing up against the sheets, and so help me, I think that was going to be enough to get me off.
“Being so big inside her, I bet she could tell when he was getting close,” I said. “Don’t you think so? She must have known when he was going to come.”
Emily moaned louder, her mouth wide open, her tongue fully extended into my mouth.
And suddenly I knew exactly what she had been thinking about in the shower.
“She wanted it, didn’t she? She wanted him to come inside her.” My fingers were flying over Emily’s clit. “And that’s what you’d want too, wouldn’t you? That’s so hot, having a man come inside you. Is that what you want?”
Emily pressed against my fingers with all her weight. I rubbed her harder and faster than I ever had in my life, but she just seemed to want more.
“Go ahead,” I prodded. “You can say it. You want to feel it shoot in you, don’t you?” I shoved three fingers into her pussy, deep. Back and forth from her clit to her pussy. “Say it. You want to feel him come inside you.”
Whether Emily noticed my use of the word him instead of me, or whether that’s what excited her, I’ll never know. But the effect was beyond belief. She grabbed my hand and shoved it inside her, her hips rising up to take my fingers deep, her fingers lashing at her clit.
“He’s going to come in you!” I warned.
Emily screamed, her thighs squeezing my hand so tightly I thought my wrist was going to break, her vaginal muscles clenching my fingers like a vise. Her orgasm shook her so hard she thrashed on the bed, pulling the sheets, twisting them around my cock.
For the first time in m
y life I came without touching myself, shooting wildly, driven by Emily’s gasps for air, knowing with absolute certainty that I was only partially responsible for her orgasm.
The rest was from whatever man she imagined shooting his cum inside her.
Emily carefully moved the crystal jar to the dining room table. She gingerly sat down, her eyes never leaving the jar, as if in the presence of something powerful, something terrifying. The crystal, thick and strong, yet still made of glass. If upended, it could bounce harmlessly, or it could break. You could never tell what would happen once its equilibrium had been altered.
The jar was like her relationship with Justin, her entire marriage. It was strong and beautiful, like the vase. It’s small strips of paper contained dreams, individual dreams, shared dreams. And yet, some of those dreams might turn out to be nightmares, the little strips of paper turning into weights that could topple even the heavy glass.
The dreams she’d contributed to the bucket list weren’t risky at all. But how about what Justin had put in? She desperately wanted to know, but she wouldn’t look, not by herself, it would be like reading someone else’s diary.
Even if Justin’s additions to the list seemed innocuous, they could have momentous impact. Like watching porn. It sounded pretty harmless, yet look what had happened. She’d seen a whole new side of herself, of Justin. He’d been turned on by the video of the husband watching his wife with another man.
And Justin had been turned on watching Emily’s own reaction, watching her own arousal.
A secret had been uncovered, one she didn’t even know she had. It couldn’t be forgotten, it couldn’t be written down on a little piece of paper and stuck back in the jar.
What were Justin’s other contributions? Were they even more risky than watching porn? If they were, and her ideas were so—benign—what would that signal? Such a mismatch might bring disappointment, pain, embarrassment. She could almost imagine the jar toppling from just that, the weight of Justin’s dangerous suggestions to her light and airy ones.