by Amy Clipston
I didn’t know what my future held, but I knew one thing for certain—I had a major crush on Taylor Martinez.
Later that night I climbed into bed and had a long talk with God. For the first time I prayed because I needed to share my feelings, not because I was supposed to pray every night before I went to sleep. I poured out my heart, sharing my hopes, dreams, and fears. When I finished, I was exhausted and felt as if I had finally cleared my mind. I hadn’t come any closer to figuring things out, but it felt good to share my feelings with God.
chapter ten
On Sunday I followed my parents and Logan into church. After taking a bulletin from the usher, I made my way to the back pew, where my friends were sitting. I spotted my cousin on the end and waved as I walked over to her. She scooted in to make room for me.
I said hello to the group and then sat beside Emily. “How are you?”
“Fine.” Emily leaned in close. “It looked like Taylor had fun at youth group Thursday night. You two were awfully friendly.”
I shrugged, trying my best to seem casual about the subject. “I think he had fun. He said he wanted to try to come to church today.”
“That’s amazing. You’re good at getting people to come to church.”
“Thanks.” I eyed the bulletin.
“Whitney.” Emily poked me in the side. “Look.”
I turned toward the sanctuary door and spotted Taylor and Vanessa standing at the back of the church, glancing around. “Taylor!” I called his name and waved.
He saw me and led his sister over to me. Emily instructed everyone to slide down in the pew, and Taylor sat next to me with his sister on the end.
“Hi.” I smiled at them. “I’m so glad you made it.”
“Thanks.” Taylor pointed toward Vanessa. “She made certain I was up on time since my mom left for work early this morning.”
Vanessa swatted his arm. “He likes to sleep in on Saturdays and Sundays when he doesn’t have to work.”
“Weekends are the only days I get to sleep.” Taylor glanced down at the bulletin.
Pastor Keith walked up to the front of the church and welcomed everyone, and soon the service began. Everyone stood and began to sing, and I felt someone staring at me. I looked across the aisle and spotted my mother looking back at me with an odd expression. She quickly looked away, but not quick enough that I didn’t notice. I was bothered that she was watching me.
I tried my best to concentrate on the service, but I was very aware of Taylor beside me. Since our row was packed with the youth-group members, he sat close to me with his leg brushing against mine throughout the service. He frequently glanced at me and smiled, and I hoped I didn’t seem as nervous or self-conscious as I felt.
Once the service was over, we followed the crowd into the fellowship hall for snacks.
I held a small plate with pieces of apple and watermelon as I stood with Taylor and a few other members of the youth group. “So, what did you think?” I asked him.
“I think you need to try a cookie.” He held out a chocolate-chip cookie.
I shook my head. “No, silly, I’m asking about the service. Did you like it?”
“Yes, I did.” He nodded toward his sister, who was talking with two other girls her age. “I think Vanessa did too.”
“She does look comfortable.” I picked up a piece of apple.
“You should really try this cookie. It’s almost as good as my mom’s recipe.” He put the cookie on my plate.
“My mom would flip if she saw me with sweets.” I picked up the cookie and attempted to hand it back to him.
“Whitney.” My mom sidled up to me, and I wondered if she’d appeared magically out of thin air. “I hope you’re not eating cookies.”
I gave Taylor an “I told you so” expression, and he raised his eyebrows.
“Hello, Taylor.” Mom gave Taylor a quick once-over and then turned back to me. “Are you staying for the youth meeting, dear?”
“I was planning on it.” I picked at the fruit on my plate. “Is that okay?”
“That’s fine. I have a committee meeting.” She looked at Taylor again and then walked away.
After she disappeared, I leaned in closer to Taylor. “See what I mean about the cookies?”
“You weren’t kidding.” He shook his head. “Your mom is the food referee, huh?”
“She has to control every aspect of my life. I’m thankful she doesn’t pick out my clothes, but she does tell me when she disapproves of something.” I ate a piece of apple.
Taylor’s eyes moved down my dress. “You always look nice, Whitney. I can’t imagine her criticizing your clothes.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised. I hear about it if my shirts are wrinkled or my jeans are too faded. It’s ridiculous. Sometimes I wish she had a career so she’d have something else to worry about besides me.” I pointed toward my brother, who was talking to a friend on the other side of the room. “She never picks at Logan like she does me.”
“That’s because you’re the girl.” He bit into a cookie. “Your mom’s busy talking now. I can sneak you a bite when she’s not looking.”
I glanced toward where my mother was talking to my uncle Brad. “Okay. But we have to make it quick.”
Taylor broke up a little piece of cookie and handed it to me.
I quickly ate it and then laughed. “I feel so sneaky. You’re a bad influence.”
“That’s my best quality.” He grinned, and I laughed again.
“Can you stay for J2A?” I hoped I didn’t sound clingy, but I really wanted him to stay. “It’s a thing for high schoolers after church.”
“Sounds good to me.” He finished the last cookie and then placed his plate in the trash bin.
“Great.” I realized I was really enjoying getting to know Taylor. It was refreshing to become acquainted with a boy instead of going out on a date with him before I really knew him well. I was certain I wouldn’t have dated Brett if I had gotten to know him first. I studied Taylor’s face while he talked about school, and I found myself wondering if he was falling for me too. What if he doesn’t like me as more than a friend? I dismissed the thought and enjoyed my conversation with Taylor.
Once the coffee hour was over, I walked with Emily and Taylor to the high school Sunday school room, which was the same room that was used for the youth-group meeting. Vanessa and Logan disappeared into their respective grades’ classrooms.
“This is J2A,” I told Taylor as we sat with Emily in the back of the classroom.
“That’s Journey to Adulthood,” Emily chimed in. “It’s like Sunday school for high school kids.”
“Cool.” Taylor rested his elbows on the table.
Jenna, the leader, stepped into the classroom. She was a young, pretty woman with warm brown eyes and dark hair that fell past her shoulders. “Good morning.” Her eyes fell on Taylor. “Taylor. It’s so good to see you again. I’m so glad you’re here today.”
“Hi, Jenna.” He nodded at her. “I thought I’d give the church a try. My mom works on Sundays, but my sister and I came today.”
“That’s great.”
Jenna walked toward the front, stopping to say hello to kids on her way. “Good morning, everyone. I thought we’d do something different today. I know some of you are getting ready to leave for college. So I thought we’d look for some Scripture verses that can help us face the uncertainty of the future.” She picked up a stack of papers. “I’m going to pass around a list of Scripture passages, but you’re always welcome to look in the Bibles on the tables.” She looked over at the clock. “We’ll take about ten minutes and pick out the verses you like best, and then we’ll share them. Sound good?”
A number of the kids nodded.
“Great. Let’s get started.” Jenna distributed the papers, and soon everyone was flipping through the pages and the Bibles.
I looked over at Taylor. “Do you know what verses you like?”
“I think so.” He looked at me. �
�Do you know?”
I shook my head. How could I find a verse that gave me comfort when I felt so confused about my future? I had no idea how I was going to convince my parents to let me go to the school I wanted to go to. I was afraid my future would be miserable if I was going to be forced to follow a path that I didn’t choose.
I began searching the list of verses Jenna had given us. I hoped I could find something that represented how I felt and also gave me comfort. I’d had a strong faith in God my whole life, so praying and reading the Bible were never hard for me. Still, I was worried and wondered what God wanted me to do. What if my mother was right about Kentwood when I didn’t want that school forced on me? I wanted where I went to college to be my choice.
A few verses on the list sounded good. Then I found one that rang really true to me. I’d memorized the verse as a child and had tried to follow it my whole life: “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Taylor moved in close, his arm brushing against mine. “What did you choose?”
“This was always my favorite.” I pointed toward the verse.
“I always liked that one too. It helps you remember what you’re supposed to do with your life.”
“Exactly. That’s why I want to teach and be a cheerleading coach. My mom just doesn’t understand.”
“Okay.” Jenna moved to the front of the classroom again. “Who wants to share their verse?”
Taylor raised his hand. “I’ll go.”
“Great, Taylor.” Jenna sat on a table in the front of the room. “Go right ahead.”
“Okay.” Taylor cleared his throat and then looked down at the verse he’d circled: “By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.”
Intrigued, I studied him.
“Why that verse?” Jenna asked.
Taylor shrugged. “Well, to me it means that no matter what you do all day, whether you’re studying, or you’re at work, or you’re at school, you need to remember you have to live your day for God. He directs your heart, and he should be the focus of your life.”
“Wow.” Jenna looked impressed. “So how does this give you comfort when you leave for college?”
Taylor paused for a moment. “I guess it just helps me remember that no matter what happens to me in college, I need to keep my focus on God.”
“That’s great. Thanks for sharing with us, Taylor.” Jenna glanced around the room. “Who else has a verse?”
I gazed at Taylor. I never imagined he had such a deep faith in God. It’s not that I didn’t believe he was a Christian, but I had no idea how easy it was for him to talk about his faith. I wondered if he had long talks with God at night. Was praying second nature to him? Did he empty his heart and soul into his prayers just as I had done the other night?
I turned my attention to Jenna and tried to concentrate on what the other kids were saying, but my thoughts kept creeping back to Taylor and what he’d said about his faith. I knew at that moment I was in trouble because I was falling even harder for Taylor Martinez. I was doomed!
After J2A ended, Taylor and I met Vanessa in the hallway and walked out to the parking lot together. Vanessa talked about how much she had liked her class and how nice the other kids were as we made our way to Taylor’s motorcycle.
I looked at Vanessa. “You rode on the back of the motorcycle in that pretty yellow dress?”
“I have shorts on underneath my dress.” She pulled up her hem, and I spotted little black shorts.
“Good idea.”
Vanessa shrugged. “I have years of experience. Taylor got his love of bikes from our uncle Rico. I’ve been riding them since I was little.”
“That’s so cool.” I hoped I could get a ride sometime. I grinned at the thought of my mother’s reaction to me on a motorcycle. She’d probably pass out!
Taylor handed Vanessa a helmet and then turned to me. “Are you free for lunch?”
“That would be great.” I nodded.
“How about another ice-cream sundae at the diner?” Taylor grinned. “I can be a bad influence on you twice in one day.”
“That sounds great, but you have to let me pay this time.” I motioned toward my mother’s SUV across the parking lot. “I could get my mother to take me home for my keys and then meet you both there.”
“Whitney!” As if on cue, Mom came across the parking lot. “I was looking all over for you.”
I wondered if she had a sixth sense about when I was considering eating something fattening. “Hey, Mom. We just got out of class. I’m going to go to lunch with Taylor and Vanessa, but I’ll come home right after, okay?”
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea today.” She shook her head. “We have to get home, dear. We have chores we must finish today.”
I couldn’t believe it. Whatever chores she had for me certainly could wait until after lunch. She challenged my frustrated expression with a stern look, and I backed down. I knew picking an argument with her in front of Taylor and Vanessa would cause more problems for me later. If I were grounded, then I’d have to stop my cheerleading training with Vanessa, and I didn’t want to disappoint her. In fact, I looked forward to our cheerleading lessons almost as much as my tutoring sessions with Taylor.
“Okay,” I finally agreed with my mother and then turned to Taylor. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do lunch today. I’ll see you at school, though.”
“Sounds good.” Taylor picked up his helmet. “Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.”
“Thanks.” I touched Vanessa’s arm. “See you soon.”
Vanessa waved. “Bye, Whitney.”
I walked with my mother toward her car. “I don’t see how lunch would’ve interrupted our plans to organize closets and pick out clothes for your charity drive, Mom.”
“Don’t argue with me, Whitney.” She fished her keys out of her designer purse. “I’m not in the mood for your attitude today.”
I stopped and looked at her as Taylor’s bike roared across the parking lot. “I’m not trying to talk back. I’m just trying to understand why I couldn’t have lunch first with my friends. I wouldn’t have taken all day. I just wanted to have a little fun. Pretty soon I’ll be at college, and I won’t be able to enjoy my Sundays with my church friends.”
“I think you’re getting too close to that Taylor boy, and you need to put some distance between you.” She motioned toward the other side of the parking lot. “He’s not your type.”
“How do you know what my type is?” I jammed a hand on my hip.
“Because I know you, Whitney. You don’t belong with a boy like that.”
“You don’t have the right to judge Taylor when you don’t even know him,” I snapped as frustration boiled inside me. “He’s a really nice kid, and his sister and mom are nice too.”
Mom’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve noticed you’ve been talking back to me more frequently since you started spending time with him. Does he talk to his mother the way you talk to me?”
“No.” I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest.
“You need to watch your tone with me, young lady. I’m tired of you taking my head off every time I share my opinion with you or try to give you some good advice.” Mom suddenly smiled. “I meant to tell you I spoke to Rhonda yesterday, and she said Brett was talking about you. He asked her advice on how he can apologize to you.”
“Oh, please.” I rubbed my temple where a headache brewed. “He’s the last guy I’d want to date.”
“Don’t be silly, Whitney. Before you know it, you’ll be picking out a prom dress, and you don’t want to go alone. No one wants to be that girl.” She started toward her SUV again.
“There’s more to life than having a prom date.” I fell into step with her. “I’d rather go alone than go with a boy who could change his mind and break up with me the day before prom. He already ruined my Valentine’s Day, so it’s entirel
y possible he’d ruin prom too.”
“Don’t be so negative. The boy made a mistake. We all make mistakes.”
“No, it’s not the same, Mom. Brett never considered my feelings. Besides, I wasn’t even talking about Brett. You brought him up. I was talking about Taylor and Vanessa. They’re nice, Mom. I only wanted to go to lunch with them. Since when is going to lunch a crime?” I met her at the driver’s-side door and touched her arm. “I’m entitled to have friends. You can’t choose them for me.”
“Let’s discuss this later, Whitney. I have things I want to get done today.” She shooed me away like an annoying bug. “Get in the car. I want to clean out all of the closets so I can load up the bags for the charity drive.”
I climbed into the passenger’s seat and wondered how on earth I was going to ever make my own decisions with my mother running my life. I knew one thing for certain: I wasn’t going to let her keep me from being friends with Vanessa and Taylor, even if I had to continue to see them behind her back.
chapter eleven
The following Sunday I was sitting in my usual spot in church when I spotted Taylor, Vanessa, and their mother walking in.
“Emily,” I whispered. “Look.”
I stood as Taylor, Vanessa, and their mother approached. “Good morning.”
“Hey. My mom finally got a day off and wanted to join us today,” Taylor said.
“I’m so glad you could come too, Mrs. Martinez.” I shook her hand.
“Thank you. Taylor and Vanessa had such nice things to say about your church that I wanted to come to the service with them this week. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to church.”
“How are you?” I asked Vanessa.
“Great.” Vanessa looped her arm through her mother’s. “I’m happy we have the whole family here today.”
I gestured toward the row behind me. “How about we all sit here?”
I moved into the pew, and Taylor sat beside me, followed by his mother and his sister. Although we had plenty of room, Taylor sat close to me, with his leg brushing mine.