by Anna Lewis
“Yeah, just a long, booze filled business meeting,” he waved his arm dismissively as he spoke. “You know how it is. Always the same. Once someone opens a bottle, there’s trouble ahead.”
“Right…” Of course I had no idea, but there was no point in saying that. “Sure.”
“How do you do it?” His expression changed, his voice became impassioned, he gave me a really curious look. “How do you get Lorna and James to like you?”
“Erm…” this was a bit too far, I didn’t quite know what to say about that one. How was I supposed to answer such an awkward question? “Well, I don’t know, James is a little quiet with me still…”
“They love you, I can tell. Why can’t they love me like that?”
We were teetering into the territory where I wanted to find out more, but I wasn’t sure if this was the way I wanted to do it. I would’ve liked to do it more on my own terms. Still, it was too late for that now. We were down the rabbit hole, it was time to find out what I could. If I was going to help this family, then I needed to discover everything,
“They do love you?” I tried, but the statement came out more like a question which didn’t help anything. In all honesty, I couldn’t totally tell how they felt about him.
“No, I don’t think they do. They haven’t ever loved me. Before Phoebe died they didn’t even know me, and now they still don’t.”
“Phoebe?” There was a definite shake in my voice now. I probably should shut this conversation down, but I wasn’t sure how.
“Phoebe was my wife, the kid’s mom.” His head fell into his hands as a sadness overcame him. “And she did everything for them. I was always way too involved in the business to do anything. I thought that the best way for me to help my children was to provide for them. I wanted to give them the best life possible.”
“Well, you’ve definitely done that.” I wanted to make him feel better, but I wasn’t sure that it totally came across right.
“Then she got sick. Cancer.”
My heart stopped dead in my chest, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know anymore. I was starting to get the impression that this was a very sad story with a terrible ending.
“I assumed she’d get better, I paid for her to get the best treatment and I thought it’d work. Of course, it didn’t. Phoebe knew that it wasn’t going to, but I couldn’t be convinced. She tried to tell me that I needed to start connecting with the kids before it was too late, but I wouldn’t listen. I felt like if I gave into her demands I’d be accepting that I was going to lose her.”
“That must’ve been so hard.” My problems absolutely paled into insignificance as he told me about his life. Just because he had money, didn’t make him happy.
“She died eighteen months ago, and I still can’t connect with James and Lorna. I try my best, but it’s really hard to manage the business and build bonds.”
“Wow, that’s rough,” I murmured sadly. “I’m so sorry that all happened to you, that’s horrible.”
“You must think I’m pathetic,” he smiled weakly, but I could see the tears shining behind his eyes. “Sorry to dump all of this on you, it’s just crazy to see all the nannies connecting with them more than me.”
“Do you mean Meghan too?”
“Urgh, see that’s just another issue. They both love Meghan, and she’s leaving to go back to college. I can’t blame her for wanting to better her life, but still I don’t know what to do with the kids. I’m stuck.”
Oh wow, James was going to be absolutely gutted, it was a shame for him to lose someone that he felt so close to. It was a shame that I couldn’t stay around for longer…
Wait a minute! Maybe this was like a trial thing, maybe if I did a really good job here, he would keep me on permanently. I’d already decided that I wanted to do something good here, but now it was even more important.
“The kids will come around,” I told him with a smile, while resting my hand on his arm. “Everything will be okay.”
“I hope you’re right, I really do.”
“And don’t ever worry about being pathetic, wait until you hear about my life.” I felt like by opening up a bit, he would see me as more human and that would only serve to make him like me more. Well, I hoped. I also wanted to help him feel a little better. “On the same day, I lost my job because the nursery was closing down, and I found my live-in boyfriend having sex with my best friend.”
“Wow, that’s a bad day,” Evan smirked and cocked his head sympathetically at me, but somehow it didn’t make me feel too bad. “Sorry that happened to you too.”
“I know it’s not quite the same as your story, but I hope it helps.”
I stood up and moved backwards, trying to create a distance between us before things got too weird, but Evan wasn’t about to let me go. He clung to my arm, staring at me, and although I knew it was oh so wrong, I couldn’t help but be tempted.
Our eyes were connected, there was a fission bursting between us, a thick tension in the air, and I had no idea what was going to happen next.
***
And then I found out, in the most shocking way possible. Evan crashed his lips against mine and we began kissing frantically, as if there was no tomorrow, or no consequences to face because of our actions. There was something in the back of my mind, screaming at me to stop because it was wrong, but I couldn’t. I’d lost all control of myself and become a slave to my emotions instead.
Fireworks of passion exploded in my stomach, and an intense chemistry flowed through my veins. I moved myself in closer to his body, molding myself against him, really losing myself in the moment, and as I did I felt Evan’s hands snake up into my hair. He was consuming me, controlling me, and I loved every single minute of it. It felt absolutely incredible.
“Oh God, Ali,” he groaned into my lips, as the passion claimed him as well. “You feel so good.”
That was enough to have me leaping backwards in shock. This was wrong, this was a fantasy, not something that should become a reality. The kiss was bad enough, we couldn’t possibly go any further. That would absolutely wreck my chances at getting a job with this man. I was supposed to be making myself inaccessible, not jumping his bones. What an idiot, and after that sad, sorry story too.
What was I doing? Why did I seem to have absolutely no control over myself at all?
“Oh God, I’m sorry,” I murmured like an idiot, my face heating up with humiliation. At least Evan had the excuse that he’d been drinking, I had no reason for doing this. It was entirely my fault. “I probably should go.”
“Ali…” I could hear Evan calling out from behind me, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t, I needed to get away before I did something too stupid for words. I’d made a massive fool out of myself, I’d acted totally irrationally and now I’d wrecked everything. There was a large chance that I would be sent home tomorrow morning, and that was devastating. I’d been loving Hawaii, and one crazy moment had wrecked it all.
“Shit.” As I got into my bedroom, I slammed the door behind me and burst into breathless pants. That was insane! I couldn’t believe I let things get that far, just because I felt an attraction to Evan, doesn’t mean that should’ve gone down. I should’ve known better.
But oh God, just for a second I allowed my imagination to run wild, and I pictured all of that going one step further. I pressed my back hard against the door and slid my eyes shut while I thought about how it’d feel to have Evan’s hands all over me. He was a man, sex with him would be very different from what I was used to, I felt certain of it. I could just imagine that his touch was strong, powerful, utterly commanding, and that image sent a shiver racing up my spine.
I could almost feel Evan sliding his hand up my skirt, the hot, wet, pulsating desire in my panties could practically feel him exploring it. That thought was driving me animalistic and crazy, my legs wobbled under the tension of it all, I could barely stand up anymore. I had to force my hand off the door knob, just to stop myself from going back out to gra
b hold of him.
I wanted him, desperately, it was just a shame that he was completely out of reach.
But it wasn’t just that I wanted him, it wasn’t just the fact that he was so much more than Max could ever hope to be. There was more to it. He set my body alight, even more so now that I felt like I knew him a bit better. He turned me on in a way that I’d forgotten was possible. I guess I had become so comfortable in my relationship that I’d forgotten how wonderful a powerful spark could feel.
I pressed my hand up against my chest, feeling my thundering heart racing up against my chest with a thrilling anxiety as I wondered what he was thinking right now. Was he instantly regretting it, planning to fire me tomorrow, or was he in a similar state to the one I found myself in? Was he wishing that things had gone further too, even though they shouldn’t have?
God, I wanted it to be that one…
I needed to get into bed now, to get some sleep before another bolt of bravery came over me and I went back out there. I had to be smart from here on out. Even more so now, I needed to keep in control.
I staggered over to the bed and slid under the sheets, with my body freaking out the entire time. There were so many sides to Evan, he was so much more than the cold, powerful businessman he showed the rest of the world. The fact that he’d showed me a little more of him made me feel special, even if he didn’t intend to.
Oh God, I tossed the sheets over my head and squeezed my eyes shut. All I needed to do was sleep, anything else was dangerous.
***
I practically tiptoed into the kitchen the next morning, not wanting to be caught out, but unfortunately it seemed that I wasn’t about to get that lucky. The whole Hawlin family were sitting around the breakfast table, eating together for the very first time since we arrived. Only, they weren’t really together because their eyes were all fixed on screens. Evan his cell phone, the kids were playing games on their tablets.
Oh God, maybe I could make this work for me, maybe I could sit quietly among them with no focus on me…
“Hi there, Ali,” Evan’s voice reverberated through my system. “How are you this morning?” There was a teasing in his voice, a tone that suggested we had a little secret. I didn’t know how to take that, I assumed he was going to be ashamed, angry even. “Feeling good?”
“Erm, yeah I’m feeling good thanks, how about you?” I wanted to turn and face him, but I couldn’t work up the courage to do so. I kept my eyes fixed on the bowl of cereal that I was pouring, needing some comfort from it. This was so awkward, I should never have left my room. I could’ve feigned illness, hidden away, but no… I was out here.
“I’m feeling really good today. In fact, what I might do is take the day off work so we can all do something together.”
“What?” That was enough to have me staring at him in shock. All awkwardness flew out the window as I realized that he definitely remembered everything that we’d talked about the night before. Not only that, this workaholic was actually taking time off work to spend time with his family. Maybe I’d already started to achieve something positive with this.
“Yeah, I mean I can push some stuff around. The legal team need to get some documents ready for the merger anyway, so why don’t we all go out and do something fun? I heard there’s a really cool theme park around here somewhere.”
The magic words ‘theme park’ were enough to have the kids excited. They stared at him like he was the best thing on the planet before racing to their respective bedrooms to get dressed. I chuckled loudly as I heard them yelling to one another about what rides they were looking forward to going on.
“I want to find the biggest roller coaster!”
“I like the bumper cars!”
“Wow, I think you’re on the road to becoming very popular,” I grinned brightly. “That’s such a cool thing you’re doing for them. It must be difficult for you to rearrange all your work?”
“Maybe,” he shrugged, acting blasé about it but I could tell that there was something going on inside of him. This was much more of a monumental move on his behalf than he was willing to let on. “But you made me realize last night that I need to try harder.”
“I did?” I couldn’t remember saying anything like that, I thought I was pretty useless to be honest. I knew that there was more I should’ve said, but it seemed that somehow, I’d managed to have an impact anyway.
“Yeah, just talking about it helped me to clarify. I’ve been trying to push my issues to one side, trying to get through things with my head buried in the sand, and now I can see that’s idiotic. I’m not the only one who lost Phoebe, I’m not the only one with grief. Rather than all separating we should’ve been working together.”
It was really sweet that all he needed was an ear to listen to him, I was glad that I could be that. Maybe if we could push past all the stupid kiss stuff then we could actually be friends.
“Wow, well that’s awesome. I think the kids will really appreciate it.” They knew more than Evan was aware of, they were aware that he was giving up a lot for them, and I knew that they’d love it. I might have only been in this family for a few days, but I could easily see where their issues lay.
“I’m going to need you there,” he warned, standing up. “You’re going to be my buffer in case I fail really badly. I’ve never connected with these kids, this is going to be a huge day for all of us.”
“Well I’m more than happy to be a part of it,” I smiled proudly. “Thank you. I’ll go and get ready now, and then we can get going.”
“You better be quick, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold Lorna and James off.”
As I walked to my bedroom, there was a wide smile playing on my lips. The kids were screaming, Evan was happy, I had to be the best damn nanny on the whole planet. Hopefully this would lead to me getting a permeant job, this was a family that I would love to work with forever. It wouldn’t just be for the good pay either, I liked the kids a lot, and I liked Evan too. Maybe a little too much, but that was beside the point.
For a moment, I wondered what it’d be like if we met in a different situation, one where I didn’t have a shattered, fragile heart in dire need of repair, one where Evan wasn’t my boss and we could actually do this. It’d be incredible to take that spark and just run with it. It would probably turn into the best relationship ever. If that kiss was anything to go by, we would have a steamy connection that would last forever more.
But no, I had to stop those thoughts from ever entering my mind. Today wasn’t about me, it was about doing something to bring the Hawlin family back together. If Evan wasn’t going to talk about that kiss, then I wasn’t either. We would just blow past it and hope that nothing like that ever happened again.
***
“Oh my God, dad, that was amazing!” James exclaimed excitedly. The wind had blown his hair all over the place, his eyes were shiny and wet, he had the typical slightly pale look of someone who had just been scared to death on a roller coaster, but he was happy. That was the most important thing. “Can we do it again?”
“You go,” I chuckled as he glanced at me, looking for permission. “Me and Lorna will go and win some more prizes.”
This was going so incredibly well, better than I could’ve even hoped. It was so obvious from an outside perspective that all this family needed was some time together, and I was so glad that had finally happened. Evan was probably kicking himself that he’d let things get so bad, but now his fog of grief had lifted slightly, so hopefully things would be better from here on out.
“Where do you want to go, Lorna?”
As she raced around the park, and I followed as closely behind as I could, it hit me hard how deep I was in. This was an incredible family, one I adored a lot, and it’d only been a short time. Maybe nannying wasn’t for me, at least when I was in the nursery I couldn’t get too attached. It was going to be a wrench to leave these people, I didn’t think I could do it all the time.
“Let’s do this, I
want to win a teddy bear.”
I took the fairground gun, and aimed it at the target, a rush of adrenaline coursing through my body. I loved seeing Lorna grin, I really wanted to make that happen, especially when she was missing out on going on the rides with her father and brother because she was just a little too short.
“You can do it!” she squealed excitedly, bouncing up and down next to me. “Come on, Ali!”
I tugged on the trigger, and pulled off the first shot, pulling my eyes back just to see it bouncing off the wall. I glanced down at Lorna, just to see her bottom lip popping out. This wasn’t her acting like a spoiled brat, I got the distinct impression that this was much more about having a memento of the amazing day, and I really wanted to give her that. If this was that important to her, it was important to me too.
Determination surged, I aimed the gun again and pulled the trigger with a cold, calm determination. Still, I missed. Then on the third shot, somehow, despite all the odds being stacked against me, it hit. The target flung backwards, and happiness exploded in my chest.
“Yes!” Lorna screamed, while jumping up and down. “Yes, thank you, Ali. You hit it! I get a prize.”
A massive beaming grin spread across my cheeks as I saw her choose a little pink teddy bear. It was absolutely obvious from the shine in her eyes that this was something she would treasure forever more. I was so glad that I could contribute towards that memory for her.
“Thank you so much,” she gasped happily. “I love this so much. It’ll remind me of you forever. Especially when you’re gone…”
Uh oh, there was that sadness again. I needed to change the subject before tears streamed down her face. It was hard enough for me to keep it together without Lorna sobbing too.
“Come on,” I slid her fingers through mine and brought her closer to me. “Let’s go and see if we can find a funny picture of James and your dad. There is bound to be some silly ones of them pulling scared faces on the rides. We can buy one for them to keep. That will make them laugh.”