by Anna Lewis
I forced the fake smile on my face and I turned the corner. “Alright everyone? All ready to go?” I breezed past Evan and the children, not stopping to give them a chance to speak to me. “Let’s get in the car now before it leaves without us.”
As the vehicle moved off, taking me away from my dream, I fixed my gaze out the window so that I didn’t have to speak to anyone. My eyes kept randomly filling with tears anyway, so it was probably for the best. Then as we got onto the plane, I was the one pulling a screen out to focus on. With that and my headphones it was clear that I really didn’t want to be spoken to. I had every single one of my walls up, blocking out the family that I adored so much.
Admittedly it was a very sad way to say goodbye to what’d been the best time of my life, but it was the only way that I could survive. Now was the time that I needed to put myself first, just so that I didn’t fall apart. I wanted to be by myself when that inevitably happened.
***
As I found myself back inside the very familiar four walls that had made up my life for many years now, I realized that I was wrong to worry that my brain would immediately go back to Max. Despite the fact that I’d lived with him here, even though I’d found him screwing my friend on the couch, he was the furthest thing from my mind.
All I could think about was Evan and the terrible way we’d left things.
After a very long, stilted flight, I hopped off the plane to make my escape. I’d hugged the kids goodbye, and even held Evan close to me for a moment, but in a bid to protect my fragile heart I hadn’t even looked at him. Why didn’t I look at him? Just one more gaze into those beautiful eyes would’ve helped me get through this agony. It hurt so bad to let him go, it felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest, and I honestly wasn’t sure that I’d ever feel normal again.
I dropped my bags on the ground and made my way into the bedroom where I flopped onto the bed. I felt deflated, like every aspect of my personality was gone. My mind kept spinning back over everything in Hawaii, reminding me of what a wonderful time I’d had. I thought about the first few days there, how weird things were until we kissed. Then I recalled the day at the theme park, followed by the drink and the first time we’d had sex.
After that, us spending the night together became very normal, which made the night I felt like a princess even more incredible. That dress, the shoes, the diamond necklace… all of which he insisted that I keep…
I forced myself to stand, to go and grab the necklace, just to give myself something the cling on to. I looked and felt like crap, my emotions were everywhere, but just for a moment I really wanted to wear it. I wanted to feel close to Evan and all that he’d meant to me.
As I slid it over my head, one stray tear leaked down my cheek, and the emotion just started spilling out everywhere. I already missed Evan, James, and Lorna too. I loved the life with them, and not just because it was in Hawaii, but because they made me feel special too. They needed me, they wanted me around, I was important to them… and now I had nothing. How was I supposed to even go on knowing that I’d lost the best thing to ever happen to me? No job would ever feel the same, nor would any man. I was officially well and truly stuck.
Knock, knock.
Urgh, there was no way in hell that I was answering the door now, not after what I’d just been through. Knowing my luck it would be Max wanting to talk things through, or something equally cringe worthy. No, I would just remain as quiet as I could until the person went away.
Knock, knock.
I didn’t dare to breathe, all I wanted was to be left alone to wallow in my misery, hadn’t I earned that much? All I wanted was some space, why couldn’t I ever get what I needed?
Knock, knock.
Apparently not…
“Ali, are you in there?”
My heart stopped dead in my chest as I recognized the person calling to me. This wasn’t Max, coming for forgiveness, or even Taylor, with her much needed apology. This was the man that I’d left behind not so long ago. Did I want to talk to him again? Was I prepared to face the man that I couldn’t bear to look at because I wanted him so badly? The man that I never thought I would have to see again.
Then again, if I didn’t hear him out, would I regret it forever? Would I always wonder what he had to say? Would I wish that I’d just spent five minutes being brave.
“Y… yes,” I eventually stammered, realizing that I had to at least see what he wanted if I didn’t want to drown in regrets. “What do you want?”
“Please let me in, I want to talk to you.”
I stepped towards the door, trembling with fear the entire time. This wasn’t typical, this definitely meant something, I just didn’t dare hope what it could be. I knew what I wanted, but that seemed impossible. It had to be something else. Maybe the kids had convinced him to let me come back for work.
As I slowly tugged the door open, I could see stress etched on Evan’s face too. Maybe I looked like an emotional mess, but he didn’t seem too much better.
“How did you find me?” I decided to tackle the easiest question first.
“You left your address on the resume, so it wasn’t too hard to find.” His expression was serious, there wasn’t even an element of humor there, which had me even more freaked out.
“Did you… want to come in?” I stepped aside and he moved past me, but he remained in the hallway as he turned his body around to face me.
“I need to talk to you, and this is something I should’ve said at the airport. Actually, I should’ve said it in Hawaii, I had plenty of chances to but I didn’t.”
“Right, okay.” I nodded and waited as patiently as I could manage, but everything was jumping everywhere in my chest. I didn’t dare to dream, but my emotions darted everywhere.
“I guess I’m just not very good at this, and I never have been,” he was babbling, looking everywhere but at me. Whatever he had to say, it was clearly very difficult. “But I don’t want the month to be the end of it. I want you to come back, the kids want you to come back too.”
“To work?” I needed utter clarification here before I could even think of committing to anything. I needed to know exactly what I was giving myself over for.
“No…” he took my hands in his, and stared deep into my eyes. “I haven’t exactly worked out the details of everything yet, but I do want you back in my life, we all do. I’ve explained to James and Lorna that I’m falling for you, and they’re happy with that, they want you to come back in any capacity…”
“You’re falling for me?” To hear him say it in such a blunt way, at home as well, not just in Hawaii, it really took me back. This was actually real, this meant something huge, it was everything that I wanted.
“Of course I am, I spent the last month trying to tell you that.”
Oh my God, everything he told me was the truth, this was almost too much to handle. I’d assumed he meant it in a throwaway manner, but he was actually being honest. “Well,” my voice was thick with emotion. “I’m falling for you too.” This was my dream coming true, but this time it was happening within the context of my reality, making it that much more special.
“So… is that a yes?”
I paused for a second, just wanting him to sweat before my face burst into a happy grin. “Of course it’s a yes, a thousand times yes.”
As our lips crashed together I knew that it would always be a yes for Evan Hawlin, he was the best damn thing to ever happen in my life, and this time I’d never have to let him go.
THE END
= Bonus Book 4 of 12 =
The Man Of Bliss
Book 1: Temptation
Ellie
My heart thundered in my chest as I stood in line, waiting for my very first modeling audition ever. It felt all wrong, like I really didn’t belong, like my hair was wrong and my clothes didn’t fit right, but I didn’t allow any of that to show on my face. I kept my expression determined and stony. I got the sense that if any of these other girls could see h
ow I was feeling, they would use that to get ahead of me. I knew the competition would be fierce, and that there was going to be some bitchiness. These girls were like vultures, just waiting for the chance to pick each other apart.
It had taken me a lot to get here. That was why I was a lot older than most of the other girls at twenty six years old. But I was proud of myself for finally working towards making my dreams come true.
I’d grown up in a very strict household, completely ruled by my father. My younger brother, my mother and I had been forced to succumb to his whims, to hide from his tempers, and to follow his rules. And unfortunately for me, he believed that women belonged in the kitchen, bearing children. He didn’t like it when people started to pay too much attention to me, because of the way that I looked. He especially didn’t like it when I told him that I wanted to make a career out of my face, and that all I desired was to be a model. In fact, he got terribly angry when I mentioned it.
For me, growing up in such a tightly run household, the freedom of modeling seemed very glamorous. I spent my teenage years practicing poses in the mirror, working towards a goal that I was certain I could make my dad come around to. I felt like I had what it took. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I was determined to give it my best and succeed.
Unfortunately, my dad wouldn’t back down, however hard I pleaded with him. I cried to him, wept at his side, begged him to just give me a chance, but he flatly refused no matter what. In the end, under pressure from my mother too, I felt compelled to follow the path that he’d set out for me, and I became a seamstress. He said that would give me just some of the skills that I needed to become a good wife. I just used it as a way to make money, to build my own life. I worked hard.
Now I was here, in New York, and I was about to finally reap the benefits of my years of patience and hard work. All I needed to do was pull off this photo shoot, beat out these very glamorous, much more experienced models than me, and get my very first job. It would only take one for me to kick start my career. This was all that I needed.
I took in a few deep breaths, trying to calm down my racing heart, trying to get myself into the right frame of mind, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t remember everything that I’d taught myself over the years, it was honestly as if my mind had gone completely blank.
And then the door to the studio burst open, and another one of the girls came flying from the room, tears streaming down her face.
“If you can’t stand the heat, get the fuck out of my kitchen,” the surly photographer growled behind her, fury on his expression. “I don’t need weaklings!”
I trembled at the scene. My heart pounded. Was I a weakling? Was I about to fall at the very first hurdle? I’d never imagined anything like this, when I first set my heart on being a model.
“Now, I need the next three girls in here. You need to get changed before you come through. Jazmyn Telford, Heidi Turner, and Ellie Wilkes.”
My skin went cold with fear. Oh God, oh no, there was no way that I could do this… but at the same time I had to. I hadn't come all this way just to quit now. I’d spent my entire life locked away in a bubble set for me by my father. Now it was the time to use my wings, to fly free, to finally be me.
I stepped into the dressing room, examining the leather outfit critically, wondering if it was going to fit my body at all. I knew that KM Styles was a fashion brand that was known for being out there, but this was something else. I knew that if I wanted to be a model, I would have to get used to wearing some crazy outfits from time to time, but I’d never worn anything like this. I couldn’t stop self-doubt from creeping in.
Just get dressed, I warned myself. You can worry about everything else after that.
I focused on the task. I tugged the clothes up my body. I felt the heat of embarrassment creeping in my skin, and hoped it would not show. I turned to glance at my reflection in the full length mirror behind me, I found a stranger looking back.
Gone was the shy girl in her skirt that was slightly too long, and her hair pinned back. In her place was a rock chick. I had a glimpse of cleavage showing under the best top. The leather trousers made my legs look really long, and made my butt look high and tight. It was strange to see myself dressed so far out of my comfort zone, but it was nice too. I had to admit I looked really good. Now I just had to find the right way to get these clothes to photograph well.
“Ellie Wilkes, will you hurry up?” a frustrated voice burst out behind me, shaking me from my thoughts as I tried my best to pose. “It’s your turn in a minute, and the boss won’t wait around forever. He’s in these pictures too, you know?
Everything took a different turn after that. Kyle Meyer was in the pictures? With me? He was a living legend in the fashion world, famous for his designs as well as for his crazy reputation. Determination took over me. I really needed this job. This was going to be major.
“I’m coming,” I replied, trying to keep the shakiness out of my voice. “I’m coming now.”
Here goes nothing…
***
Kyle
“Do you really think that it’s a good idea for me to be in these photographs?” I moaned to my business partner, Greg Fond. “I don’t feel like it’s working at all.”
“That’s because we haven’t found the right girl yet,” he insisted. “We need you in this photo shoot, it’ll grab so much attention. You are a celebrity in your own right now, and we need that boost.”
I guessed that we was right about one thing, I was pretty famous now, but it wasn’t always that way. Back when I was just starting out as a freshman at business school, I was just an ordinary guy. I’d always had a creative flair within me, but I didn’t have any idea about how to channel it. I met Greg at business school, and soon after the idea for the fashion line came. With his help, my career took on a very different path. I became a fashion designer.
Now I was more well-known and successful than all of them. The only problem was, a lot of my infamy didn’t come from my clothing. It came from my partying lifestyle, and the well-known women whom I was always photographed with.
I wasn’t always that way, but that side of me was something I needed to escape from. More and more these days that side of my life was embarrassing to me.
Greg was right. This photo shoot was the most cost effective way to get the business where it needed to be. I was just going to have to suck it up. This was why he was the brains behind the operation, and I was the visionary.
“Plus, that pretty face needs to be seen on camera, don’t you think?” he teased, shoving me playfully. “And all these girls are aware that we’re holding a massive party later, so that’s something to look forward to.”
“Yeah okay, you’re right… send the next girl in.”
Jazmyn was sexy as hell with her long dark hair and beautiful caramel skin, but almost as soon as she walked into the studio, I could see there wasn’t any chemistry between us. She didn’t do anything for me. She was making it very obvious that she wanted me, though, pouting, giggling like a cat, and licking her lips. I made a few jibes, a few sexual comments to try and fire the pair of us up because the photos really needed to be sexy. This new clothing line was all about sexual fantasy and desire, and I really needed that to come across clearly. If it didn’t, then the photographs wouldn’t be worth much. They certainly wouldn’t be worth having me in them, especially if we were playing off my reputation. Jazmyn was trying hard, but it was no good. I knew the photos would be no good.
Luckily, the grumpy photographer seemed to have chilled after having a cigarette. He sent off Jazmyn without making her weep, like the last one.
Then Heidi came in, with her bleached blonde hair and gum popping between her obviously collagen-filled lips. For a hook up, a one night stand, this girl was absolutely perfect, but I could already tell that she wouldn’t be right for the line. I needed the natural, bed head, mussed up sexy type of girl… not someone afraid to break a nail.
Still, I had to p
ose with her, so I got right to it.
“Will you be at my party later?” I hissed into her ear, to which she nodded and giggled like crazy. “I will have to make sure to find you there.” I knew for a fact that those plump lips would at least look good wrapped around my cock. If she couldn’t be my model, I at least wanted something from her. “I’ll be the one with the filthy glint in my eye…”
“Next!” Greg interrupted us quickly, probably sensing what I was saying. He rolled his eyes at me, but all I did was smirk back. “This one is Ellie Wilkes.”
As I spun around to see her entering the room, I felt everything within me shift. The sweet, shy looking red haired girl with a heart shaped face and bright green eyes looked more phenomenal than she probably realized in my clothing. She had the exact right mixture of innocence and sensuality about her, which was what I’d wanted all along for this campaign.
This could be the one, I thought excitedly to myself. If I can just get her to come out of her shell, she might be the girl to front this clothing line. I just need to make it work.
Of course, if the chemistry wasn’t there, it would fall apart before it got started, but from the way she already had me intrigued I had a feeling that wouldn’t be the case. I didn’t normally care too much about women these days. That was an after effect of being ignored by every girl I ever liked until I got really rich, I suppose. Nowadays I only saw them for what I could get out of them. But there was something about this one that had me wanting to know more.
“Kyle Mercer,” I held my hand out for her to shake it, introducing myself far too formally. “It’s nice to meet you, Ellie Wilkes.”
As our skin connected, a fission of excitement burst through me, and a spark unlike anything I’d felt in a very long time. I had a feeling that this was going to be an extremely interesting selection of test shots, and I couldn’t wait to get started.