by Anna Lewis
I cocked my head to one side and stared at my reflection in the mirror. It was difficult to picture myself as anyone other than the person I was right now, but it felt impossible. I couldn’t really see anything past high school, I couldn’t imagine myself as anywhere other than here.
“I can imagine that,” I smiled weakly, staring at Sara in the mirror instead. “You were absolutely meant to be the center of all social activities. I can just see you as the party queen.”
She turned to face me with a real sadness in her eyes. “I wish you would consider coming to California with me, it won’t be the same without you.”
“I know, but that’s great for you and tennis. If I get accepted to Hawaii I have to go there.” I didn’t want to admit it, but part of the reason I was choosing a running program so far away was to see if I could make it by myself. I’d always existed under Sara’s shadow, and while I liked that, it was too comfortable. I wanted to see if I could cope without her.
I guess in that way I was trying to reinvent myself, so why not ask Adam out on a date? Why not take that brave step while I still had the chance? What was the worst that could happen? He could reject me, humiliate me, and the whole school could laugh at me...
No, maybe not. I’d managed to talk myself into it and out of it within about three seconds.
“Right, I suppose we better go. Science class starts in a minute.”
As we entered the classroom and we took our usual seats, I felt all out of sorts. My talk with Sara had my emotions all over the place, and now for the very first time I was really considering the prospect of getting out of school. I’d spent so long working towards a future, and now that time was almost here, it felt a little weird. To be honest, it was always this magical thing, right out of reach, so I wasn’t sure how to deal with this change. It felt very sudden...
“Right class,” Mr. Wheeler, the incredibly boring science teacher started, causing about ninety percent of the room to instantly switch off. “We are about to start our new project, and for this I want to shake things up a bit. You’re all getting close to leaving school now, and you need to get used to working with people you don’t know very well. What I’m asking of you won’t be hard, you have been in school with your class for the last few years, I just want you to work with someone you might not necessarily know...”
I glanced over to Sara who had her eyes narrowed and her lip pushed out in disappointment. She didn’t like this plan, and neither did I. Still, it didn’t seem like there was anything I could do about it.
“So, I’m tacking a list up to the wall, I want you all to find your names and see who you’re with. Then I want you to sit with that person while I tell you the details of the project.”
Everyone bundled up to the front of class, fighting each other off to see who they’d been put with, and I was right in the middle of it with my heart thundering in my chest. There were a lot of people that I really didn’t want to be put with, people who’d been bitchy to me during my time in high school. Mostly the cheerleaders; Tiana, Janelle, all of that gang really. I had no idea how I would even begin to work with those girls...
“Jenna Smee,” I heard a very familiar, chocolatey smooth voice calling out, making my heart flutter anxiously. “Who is Jenna Smee? That’s my partner.”
I had no idea how to feel about that as I slowly raised my hand. This was either a dream scenario or a total nightmare. I was going to be working for the next few months on this science project with Adam Martin. His green eyes connected with mine and I felt the shuddering in my chest intensify. I could barely stand to look at him, he was that good looking. How the hell was I going to communicate with him? Discuss things with him? Anything... this was going to be the hardest thing that I’d ever had to do.
“Cool, let’s go and sit down.”
Well, at least one of us thought that it was cool, because I certainly didn’t feel that way. I was shaking, hot, and freaking out all over.
* * *
16th September 2016
“Okay, so is there anything else you'd like me to do?” My eyes remained fixed on the ground as I spoke. If we weren’t going to acknowledge that we knew each other, that we had a whole history, then I couldn’t stand to look at him. It was too odd for words. Even if I could feel a weird burning coming off of him, I wasn't going to do anything about it.
“Yeah I think so... so do any of the other staff stay in these rooms?"
"From time to time, when needed," I glanced and pointed towards my own temporary door which was unfortunately right opposite his. "I'm in there for a moment, until the plumbing in my apartment stops leaking."
I wasn’t looking at him, but I felt acutely aware of every inch of his body as he neared me slightly. I was always this way with Adam Martin, magnetized to him, knowledgeable of his every move, and it seemed like our time apart had done nothing to dull that. He seemed to spark a hypersensitive prickle all over my skin, no matter where we both were.
“Okay, thank you. And I guess I'll see you around, Jenna."
Finally, I forced my eyes upwards to meet his again, and as I did my heart jiggled, the way it did the first time he properly looked at me. Of course back then I had no idea how important we were going to be to each other, I was far more anxious than excited, but now... now I knew everything, yet nothing had really changed. I still felt nervous, I still felt a little wrong footed, like the ball was well and truly in his court.
Hearing my name playing on his lips was very weird too, especially when the tension in the air was so thick and strained. I could’ve said something about our past then, both of us should’ve, but we didn’t. I nodded slowly, and Adam turned away from me before locking himself inside his room.
I checked my phone one more time, to see if there were any more updates to what was going on in my apartment, but of course there wasn’t. Luke had told me that he needed to wait a few days for parts, no amount of begging was going to change that. I just needed to accept this as my situation and get on with it. This wasn’t high school anymore, me and Adam were both hurtling towards thirty, we were adults. We could handle this, we had to.
Yet...
Why couldn’t I stop wondering what he was doing back here? And in this hotel of all places? He knew that I had a part-time job here, even back in our school days, so it seemed really odd to me that not only would he come back randomly after all this time, when he swore that he’d never set foot in this place again, but that he’d buy this place specifically. He probably didn’t know that I hadn’t moved on, but it was still strange... wasn’t it?
Oh God, I needed a time out.
I raced into my own room and I moved quickly into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. I needed to calm down my pounding pulse. I had to stop this massive emotional turmoil that was going on inside. Yes, this was crazy, of course it was going to be hard, but we both had to work here so I needed to get over it.
I could easily achieve that by avoiding him at all costs.
That wouldn’t be too hard, I didn’t even know the name of the last hotel owner, our paths never crossed, he was just some mysterious guy that occasionally demanded that Deana change things. I would be at work for most of the time anyway, and I was only going to be in this bedroom for a few more days.
I stepped back, determination surging through my veins. Maybe this wouldn’t change my life too much after all! Although, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to make myself look a little better. I wasn’t doing it for Adam, he’d already seen me looking like shit so it wouldn’t matter, I just had the chance now to improve and make myself more of a professional.
I rapidly sorted myself out, and moved towards the door. Before I made my way back out into the hallway I pressed my ear up against the door. I just didn’t want to bump into him already after promising myself that I would avoid him, but luckily all I could hear was a resounding silence. Either Adam was already gone, or he was waiting for me to leave.
I clicked the door open and sl
ammed it behind me, trying to make it obvious that I’d left, then I tore back towards the cleaning cart which I could use as my safety net for now, a distraction from this mess. I needed to forget all about the fact that my traumatic past had just crashed back into my life, and the only way I could do that was to throw myself into my
* * *
20th May 2006
"You are not serious?" As Adam shot me that increasingly familiar look, my heart fluttered violently in my chest. It was weird, how close we'd become so quickly, but nice too. It was easy to see why everyone liked Adam, there was something so affable and sweet about him. From afar he was the cool, well off, unattainable guy, but up close he was incredibly accessible, which just made my adoration for him grow. "That is not how it works?"
"Who's spent more time listening in science class, me or you?"
As I teased him, he grabbed hold of his text book, accidently brushing his fingers against mine. Electricity bolted right through my system as our skin connected, and as our eyes met I could see that he felt it too. Despite all the odds being stacked against us, there really seemed to be something there.
Maybe my dream really was going to come true! I didn’t know how I felt about it, my fantasy becoming reality. Would it live up to my expectations? Oh my God, would it be even better? I wouldn’t turn it down if the opportunity arose though, I sure as hell wasn’t that crazy.
We'd been working on the project for days now, finding more and more excuses to spend time together doing it. I'd never seen him so dedicated to his work before, and with Sara constantly in my ear telling me that equaled love, I was becoming increasingly inclined to believe her. There had to be some reason he kept wanting to hang out, didn’t there?
"Hey there, handsome." I had to keep my eye roll to myself as Tiana draped herself all over him. Much as it really pissed me off, I noticed her doing it specifically when he was around me, giving me hope. If she was jealous, that only strengthened the possibility that there was something real. If that was the case, I could suck it up and ignore it... mostly. "How's it going? Why the hell are you hanging out in the library?"
"Same reason you are." He patted her butt and smirked, which sent my temper flying. It was bad enough to see her flirting with him, I could justify that in my brain, but seeing him doing it back was almost too much to bear. He was a bad boy, I'd seen that playing out from afar for years, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. Especially not now that I was so invested myself. "Well, maybe not. You're just loitering. I'm actually trying to get some work done."
"Urgh, that boring science stuff? Why not just leave it to your partner like I am? Nerds love this stuff."
I wanted to protest, to argue back, to insist that ‘nerds’ knew they had to do it because it was best, but I was too shy for that. Instead I slid further down my seat as my face flamed painfully. Tiana had such a scathing way of dealing with things, which she made even worse by not even offering me a cursory glance.
"Come on T, I'm working here. Some of us actually want to graduate, you know?"
She pouted her lips, and threw her hands on her hips, waiting for him to offer her some reassurance, but he didn't. He stood his ground, and stuck with me. For some reason, I felt oddly proud of him for that. It wasn't easy to want to be academic in this school, for some reason people viewed it as uncool, but he was bypassing that and sticking up for me at the same time.
As she flounced off, temper radiating off her shoulders, Adam turned back to me and gave me that gorgeous grin, as if he hadn't just been flirting with someone else in front of me. The heated look he sent my way warmed up my insides, and I forgave every inch of him. He could do what he wanted, as long as he still liked me at the end of it.
"Come on then, if you're so clever. Please enlighten me more on what happens in science class while I'm not listening."
I chuckled loudly and delved back into the task at hand with Adam. I wasn't sure why, but I had the really strong sense that if we did a good job on this project, he'd cave to the sizzling chemistry I was certain floated between us, and he'd finally kiss me.
Of course, I could've just kissed him, but little Miss Invisible was far too scared for that...
* * *
20th September 2016
So far, so good.
It hadn't been easy to avoid Adam, he had a commanding, domineering presence that seemed to consume every damn room of the place, and with him sleeping so close to me, with only two doors and a hallway separating us, it was incredibly difficult to forget he was around, but I was doing my best. By keeping my head down, and focusing only on the task at hand, I was just about surviving it.
That was until today.
"Hello again, Jenna."
I didn't need to turn around to know that it was him, but I was undeniably curious as to why he was all of a sudden so interested in talking to me. To be honest I’d been pretty certain that he was avoiding me just as much as I was him. "Hello, Sir." I put an emphasis on that last word, almost forcing him to react. Much as I hated this whole messy situation, I didn't like bypassing our past either. It had been important to me, even if he wanted to forget it, I couldn't.
A throaty chuckle burst out of Adam's throat, but he didn’t acknowledge it like I kind of wanted him to. Why wasn’t he talking about it? Just a little mention would at least mean he gave a shit.
At that moment, the elevator pinged and the doors burst open, revealing a very empty inside. I sighed with relief, it was challenging enough to heave this stupid cleaning cart in there without anyone else taking up room. Plus, I was looking forward to leaving this oddness behind.
"Here, let me help you."
I certainly didn't want Adam that close to me, especially when it simply highlighted the acute differences that had always been there between us—his wealth and my... nothing—but he continued on with it all the same. He shoved the cart forwards as if it weighed nothing, which couldn't have been further from the truth, then waved for me to step inside.
That should've been the end of it, but then he followed behind me, making my whole body shudder to a halt. This was the closest we'd been since the very first day he came back, and I didn't like the way it made me feel. My entire being was confused, a part of me wanted to reach out and grab him like I always used to be able to, but another part of me wanted to shut down completely.
To try and stop all of that, I turned away from him. If I didn't look at him, all would be okay. If I could just pretend that I was alone, then it wouldn’t be too bad...
As the elevator ascended to the top floor, I had horrific visions of a blackout, an electricity fault, anything to stick us together in this terribly confined space, but it didn't happen. Somehow, completely drama free, the elevator stopped, the doors opened, and both of us stepped outside, causing me to gasp out a breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding.
"Hold on," Adam grabbed onto my arm. "Let me help you."
"I've been carting this damn thing around for a decade," I spat back without really thinking. "I don't need your help now." For some strange reason, my breaths were coming out sharp and ragged, like I'd been running for hours. My fitness levels weren't what they once were, but I hadn't even done any walking!
"Okay, I know. I guess..." he trailed off, his strong face faltering for just a second. "Never mind."
What? I screamed in my mind. Just say it, please! Just say something.
But he didn't, he turned his back on me and started to walk away.
"Jenna, are you up by guest room 316?" Deana's voice burst through my radio, making me jump with shock. "The guest is complaining that the lock on the door doesn't work, and I can't get hold of the maintenance guy... what's him name again? Anyway, it doesn't matter, I just want them to see a face so they know we're on it."
"Why can't she get her ass up here?" Adam muttered while turning back around, which almost made me laugh. Clearly he had yet to learn that all Deana did was bark orders.
"I'll do it," I told Deana. "I'
m practically there now."
"Well, I'm coming with you," Adam told me decisively as I tucked the radio back into the waistband of my dress. "They want to see a face, they can see the hotel owner."
As I followed behind him, feeling small and silly, I wondered what all of this attention suddenly meant. I guess Adam always confused me, but back then it was mixed with teenage hormones, time was supposed to make it different.
Everything was supposed to be different. Why hadn’t being an adult kicked in yet?
"Huh, it doesn't seem like anyone's here after all," Adam announced gleefully as he shoved the door open. "The lock can't be that much of an issue."
What I should've done is turned and walked away, left him to it now that he was here, but I didn't. I followed him inside and pressed my face up to the lock as if I was going to actually do something about it. "I guess it's probably a little rusty..." I pouted my lip out doubtfully. I don't know what the hell Deana thought that she was doing sending me here, except for the fact that she obviously couldn't be bothered to come herself.
Adam slammed the door shut, then sent me a wink. He kept his eyes on me as he twisted the door knob confidently, so I could see the exact moment his mood turned from playful to unadulterated fear. "Oh my God," he gasped, shock filling his face. "It really is stuck."
I fell backwards, my butt hitting the bedsheets as I watched him struggle with it. This was a nightmare, the worst possible scenario, and I had no idea what to do. If I thought that getting stuck with Adam in the elevator would be bad, this intimate setting—although more spacious—was somehow so much worse.
"Should I tell Deana?"
“Nah,” he grinned and winked at me, spreading the sickness further through me. “Why don’t we just take a time out from this place for a while.”