by Anna Lewis
I opened and closed my mouth a few times, because I didn’t really have anything to say. Then as he stepped closer to me, that brave, sex goddess that he’d turned me into took over once more and I yanked him so close to me that I could feel his length teasing my entrance. The powerful need was growing, desperation was intensifying, so when he finally slid into me I almost couldn’t take it.
The first thrust made me yell, a guttural violent sound that came from so deep within me it was uncontrollable. Adam felt incredible, he filled me up in the most amazing way, leaving me panting and breathless.
Because of how I was sitting on the edge of the dresser, every thrust of Adam’s cock brushed past my clit, pushing me over the edge into the deep pool of bliss. I was so hot, practically bubbling over, and it was all about Adam.
As the most powerful orgasm known to man shattered through my system, I clung to Adam as if he was the only solid person on the planet. He was the only one pinning me down, stopping me from floating away, yet it was him who had the bliss pooling through me.
I’d never gotten over Adam, it was clear to me now. The memories still hung about in the forefront of my mind, the feelings meant I couldn’t quite move on my life, that no one could measure up.
I still loved him.
I never stopped.
* * *
21st July 2006
This party was a bust, I should have stuck to my instincts and stayed well away. Sara was nowhere to be found, there was no magical friendship fix happening here, I wasn’t even sure she was at the damn party at all, and Adam had been stuck talking to Tiana for what felt like forever leaving me totally alone.
Well, maybe stuck wasn’t the word. He didn’t look like he was complaining. He was laughing at her jokes as if she was the damn funniest person alive.
As if I didn’t exist.
“Drink?” someone I barely recognized from my class asked.
“Sure.” I hadn’t planned on having any of the awful brown looking liquid that was doing the rounds, but I needed to get through this somehow. I was the only one not in a lovely, celebratory mood. Right now I didn’t feel like I had anything to look forward to.
Was this jealousy going to be my life now? It was bad enough seeing Adam flirting in front of me. How would it feel knowing that he was in a whole college full of gorgeous girls, knowing I could only spend a certain amount of time with him? All of a sudden my future didn’t appear as bright as it once had. I’d been looking at it through rose tinted glasses, but now all of that fell away.
I slugged the liquid back, despising the way my throat burned as it made its way down. I didn’t think I was going to make a very good drinker, especially not with my head already spinning. The dizziness consuming my brain made everything I was looking at that much harder to stomach.
I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and put in a call to my friend, but the endless ringing just made my heart sink into my shoes. Where the hell was Sara? Couldn’t she sense that I needed her? Okay, so maybe I hadn’t been the best person in the world recently, but still...
I needed to go home. Being here, in the back yard of the girl I despised, without my best friend, watching the guy I thought felt the same way about me all over someone else... this was hell. It would’ve been hard to stay at home, not knowing what was going on, but actually knowing wasn’t much better. The intense alcohol was only sending my black mood spiraling, I felt like I needed to get out before I did something stupid.
I spun on my heels, staggering slightly as the booze settled in my tummy, and I moved away from the crowd. Frustrated tears stung my eyes as I recalled the small beam of excitement I felt as I picked out my favorite black, figure hugging dress this evening. I wasn’t looking forward to Tiana, but I was happy to spend time with Adam... how naïve I was. The curls fell out of my hair, and my makeup ran down my cheeks and I didn’t even care anymore.
This was the worst night of my life. What did it matter how I looked? I was stupid to assume that it’d make a damn bit of difference.
“Hey!” Adam’s voice ringing out from behind me was the only thing that could persuade me to stop dead in my tracks. As hurt as I was, I still adored everything about him. I still wanted him by my side... and since he’d brought me here in his car, he was my ride home, so I didn’t have much choice. “Where are you going?”
“Home,” I shot back glumly, refusing to turn and look at him. “I didn’t think you’d notice, since you’ve had no time for me tonight.”
“Oh, don’t be like that.” He wrapped his arms around my back and pressed his face into my hair. “You know I only want to be with you, I just got stuck talking.”
“Only to Tiana, though.” I sounded petty and I knew it, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
“She’s my friend, we’ve been friends since junior high.” He honestly couldn’t seem to see the problem, which unfortunately left it riding on my shoulders. Was I in the wrong here? If Sara had attended the party, would I have even noticed?
Probably!
“Okay, well why don’t you stay with your friend then? I’ll call a cab. I’m not in the partying mood anymore.”
Adam wanted to stay, I could sense it, and actually I wouldn’t have minded too much if he did. Maybe I would’ve been mad that he picked the others over me, but this was our last blowout until graduation. I was old enough to understand what that meant, I fully understood that our lives were about to turn on their heads forever.
“I’ll take you home.” The less annoyed he sounded, the guiltier I felt.
“No, I’m the one who wants to go, please, you stay.” I turned to face him and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’ll be just fine, I will message you when I get home.”
He tugged his car keys out of his pocket and jangled them at me. “I’m taking you, you’re the most important person to me. I can see everyone else over the summer anyway.” Of course, he wasn’t on a scholarship, he didn’t need a job. Sometimes I forgot how different we were. “So come on, we can lie under the stars and talk about how much we love each other.”
How was I supposed to resist such a sweet offer, I was only human after all? A beaming smile burst across my lips as I allowed Adam to lace his fingers through mine. I knew it was bad of me, to rest all my happiness on one person, but when he made me feel so special it was very challenging not to.
Adam Martin was everything to me, and I couldn’t see any universe where that wouldn’t be the case. I was his, and he was mine, what more could we possibly want?
* * *
20th September 2016
As soon as the post orgasmic bliss subsided, another, colder feeling settled in instead. I fixed my eyes firmly on the ground, scanning desperately to find my underwear. I couldn’t look at Adam anymore, not now. Not after what we’d just done.
What the hell was I thinking?
Why did I have to succumb to temptation? I’d already decided that nothing was ever going to happen until I found out the absolute truth about what’d gone on back then, but I caved anyway. Like an idiot. And now I was going to have to face the awkwardness of rejection, in my workplace. This hotel was the one thing I had going for me, and now I’d wrecked that. And what for? One moment of fun?
The heat of my body was replaced with an icy guilt, one that flew through my veins and almost froze me over completely. This was awful, I desperately needed a hole to open up in the ground, to swallow me whole.
“Jenna?”
Shit, Deana’s voice was angrily bursting through my radio, shaking me from my shock. How long had she been trying to get through to me? She’d fire me for sure... although maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing anymore. Maybe that was what I needed to escape the rut I was in.
“He... hello,” I stammered into the receiver, utterly unable to keep the fear from my voice. “Hi, Deana, is everything okay?”
“Where the fuck are you? Have you sorted this lock yet?”
I glanced towards Adam, but it appeared t
hat he was doing his best to avoid me, just as I was him. Knowing that he didn’t want to discuss it sent a horrifying sickness swirling around inside of me. It was one thing for me to know it shouldn’t have happened, it was quite another for him to feel that way.
“Erm, yeah, I think Hank might need to take a look later on, but for now it seems fine.”
Don’t come up here, do not come up here. The last thing I needed was for Deana to catch me and the new hotel owner in varying states of undress.
“Okay,” she sighed deeply, giving me a much needed moment to breathe. “Well, get back to work then.”
“Is she always so cold with you?” Adam asked, with a similar iciness to his tone. “She needs to speak to her staff better.”
Really? That’s where we were? Okay... seemed like a damn great avoidance tactic. Where was all the sweet talk now? He was as far away from me as possible, and that was so much worse. I actually preferred being confused by him.
“Erm, yeah I guess.” If he wanted to act that way then I really didn’t want to be near him either. The sooner we both got out of here, the better. “We better try and jimmy this door open, I need to get out of here before I lose my job.”
This time as Adam fiddled with the door handle, it somehow swung wide open. It was almost as if the universe knew exactly what we needed, some time alone to talk, and we’d squandered that unwisely hooking up.
“Right, well I guess we can go...”
Adam’s voice trailed after me as I stormed out the room, just an extra sting to my already aching heart. I hated myself for giving in, and now all I needed was a few moments to cry that out. I wasn’t going to sob, I’d wasted too many tears on Adam already, but I did need a little weep.
“Fuck,” I muttered angrily as I brushed a stray wet patch on my cheek. “Fucking idiot. What the hell!”
My brain flickered everywhere, recalling images of him now, the masculine man who took full control of my body, the boy who I adored, the person who destroyed my heart and left me a crumbling mess. I couldn’t match any of those pictures together, it was like three totally different people, which really freaked me out.
I liked Adam, I really did. I definitely still loved him, that wasn’t a heat of the moment thing, but love wasn’t always enough. Maybe I wasn’t the most experienced person at life and matters of the heart, but I knew that sometimes the complications were too much to withstand. And boy, did me and Adam have our complications. Our past, the events that tore us apart, even now... he was my boss, the extremely rich owner of this hotel and goodness knows what else, whereas I was still the small town, poor girl with no future prospects.
By the time the elevator doors opened once more, I had my stoic face on. I could get through this, I’d been through worse. It was just one workplace slip up, nothing to worry about. Soon I would be back in my own apartment anyway. Luke had let me know that he was making some serious progress, so my hours in this damn building would be reduced, and Adam would move on too.
Soon this was all just be another part of the past, something else to forget. I just hoped that it wouldn’t leave yet another permanent scar on my heart.
* * *
21st July 2006
“The sky is beautiful, isn’t it?” My head had lolled back so I could look out of Adam’s sun roof. “And I love your car.”
“You are drunk, you crazy girl,” Adam laughed in response, not at all annoyed at my idiotic behavior. “I’m glad I wasn’t drinking too, can you imagine what an insane mess that would’ve been? One of us has to be smart, to deal with the constant threat of hissy fits!”
“Oh ha ha.” All the hurt I’d just been experiencing had vanished, Adam had me feeling really good about myself all over again, he’d somehow managed to turn my entire mood around with only a few sweet words. I was so glad that we were still together, that we’d left that stupid party behind. Adam was the only person I cared about, I didn’t need to say goodbye to any of them. “You’re hilarious, you!”
A warmth burst through my chest as I glanced at my guy out of the corner of my eye, a really happy and content sensation that made me grin brightly. So things hadn’t always run smooth with us, there was flirting and jealousy and interference from other parties, but we were still here. We’d survived a fair few weeks under the intense scrutiny of our classmates, I felt like we could really go the distance now. College would be a positive step forward for us, not another obstacle we couldn’t endure.
“You know what?” I turned in my seat to face him, finally ready to say the words aloud that I’d been locking away for a while now. “I love you.” It was an intense thing to say, I knew how loaded it was, but it felt like the right time to say it. I’d been holding back for a while now, not wanting to make a fool out of myself, but now all of that was gone. My heart fluttered as I finally freed my emotions, I felt thrilled and exhilarated all at once.
Maybe tonight would even be the night...
I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that Adam was still a virgin, which had kept me from taking that brave step, but now none of that mattered. This was my damn future husband, the man I would have kids and a life with. What was the point in worrying about anything else? What was the point in waiting any longer?
I folded my arms, pressing my cleavage in his direction, wanting him to really take notice of me, but not so much that he got too distracted from driving of course. I just wanted him to know that sex was on my mind.
“You do?” Adam gasped in shock. “Wow that’s...” for a second I wondered if he was going to reject me, I hated the thought that he might tell me that he didn’t feel the same way. “You know I love you too, right?”
I didn’t know that, not until now, but I nodded anyway just because I didn’t want to ruin this by explaining. This was the perfect moment, I had everything I ever wanted. Nothing could ever go wrong...
“Of course, I know.”
I didn’t know it was actually happening, until it was too late. At first all I spotted was a white beam of light, one that was so bright I had to blink about a million times just to help me see. Then, the words were sucked violently from my throat as I heard a loud crashing sound, but it felt like a very long time later that my body slammed hard to one side of the vehicle, and even longer until the pain radiated right through me. My body was flung everywhere as the car rolled, but I wasn’t aware of any of that. I guess my brain just shut all of that out in a weird attempt to protect me.
Either that or I totally blacked out as everything became too much for me.
All I knew for sure was that one minute everything was fine, the next nothing made any sense anymore.
Adam didn’t drink at that party, because he didn’t want to have a car accident. He might have been young, but he was incredibly smart in that area, he never wanted to be the cause of an accident. It was just a shame that everyone else wasn’t the same. A forty-six-year-old man who had been in the pub all day long stepped behind the steering wheel of his car, and decided to take our lives into his hands that day, as well as his own.
He didn’t see us, not until his car was already connecting with ours and we were cascading off the road, our entire lives being shaken about with our bodies. He probably wasn’t even aware that he was wrecking the most magical time of my entire life, he was just drunk... and driving right into us.
That stranger changed the entire course of my life, and I never even got to know his name.
* * *
22nd September 2016
Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
My less than peaceful night of sleep, which was pierced by horrific memories of that night, was eventually disturbed by my phone ringing, which made me feel even crankier. My fingers scrabbled onto the nightstand next to my bed, my eyes doing their best to force themselves open.
“Hello?” I eventually murmured sleepily into the handset. “Jenna speaking.”
“Hi, Jenna, it’s Luke.” That caused me to bolt upright in my bed, alertness coursing through
my veins. Luke meant my apartment, which meant I could potentially get the hell out of here. “I just wanted to give you an update. I’ve done everything that needs doing now, so you can move back into your home whenever you’re ready.”
“Oh my God, that’s amazing, thank you so much! And... is it okay to do what we always do with the bill?” I hated that I could never pay Luke for his work upfront, but I simply didn’t earn enough. Luckily he was very easy going when it came to me because I always paid him eventually. He’d never had a problem getting his payment in the end from me, and I prayed internally he was okay with doing it one more time.
“No worries, I’ll leave it on your dining table.”
“Thanks, Luke, you’re a star.”
As I hung up the phone, I let out a breath that it felt like I’d been holding forever. Living here in the place I worked felt like a burden, even more so since the unspeakable incident two days ago. At least when I returned to normal life I’d barely have to see Adam anymore. Eventually he would be gone too, and I could hide out when he came in to visit.
It would be okay in the end... it had to be.
I had the quickest shower known to man and got myself ready for work, trying to allow positivity to flow through me now that this huge weight was lifted. It would be easier when everything was steady... steady was good. I’d gotten so used to steady over the past decade. This shake up, this was something new and it made me realize how much I severely disliked change.
But all of the false happiness zapped from me as I stepped out the door, just to run right into Adam talking to Deana. I was normally so careful, I usually spent ages listening desperately through the door before I dared to use it, just to prevent an awkward meeting.