by Sam Sisavath
“Thank God for shitty miracles,” Davies grunted, hopping out of the driver’s side door.
“Gas?” Will asked.
“Half a tank,” Danny said.
“You think it’ll actually make it back to Starch?”
Danny shrugged. “If it doesn’t, we’ll be walking the rest of the way unless we find a decent replacement along the highway. There isn’t anything else out there, bub. It was either settle for this beautiful bastard or start looking even farther out, and that would have taken another hour, easy.”
Will nodded. He walked over and peered into the minivan through the side hatch door. “Good enough. Davies, go bring Megan.”
Davies jogged back over to the school.
Danny looked over at Lara, standing with Elise next to her. “You guys find Todd?”
“He wasn’t in the auditorium,” Lara said.
“That sucks.”
“Yeah.”
Danny looked over at Elise. “Sorry, kid. We really wanted to find your brother for you.”
Elise nodded but didn’t say anything. Instead, she slipped behind Lara while still holding onto Lara’s hand.
“Kids love me,” Danny said.
“I can see that,” Lara smiled at him.
“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Will said, walking back to them.
“How much room do we have?” Lara asked.
He shook his head. “It’s going to have to be just us for now.”
“That’s it?”
“We’ll be back for them later. Right now, we have to make sure we’ll be around to come back.”
“Will, there must be some room…”
Will put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently. “We have to worry about us first. I know it’s hard. But Megan and Elise, the others, it has to be us first.” He paused to let it sink in. “We’ll come back. I promise. We’ll come back as soon as we can.”
He gently brushed back some hair that had fallen across her face and smiled at her.
“You promise,” she said. It wasn’t a question. “We’ll come back.”
“Tomorrow morning. As soon as the sun is up, we’re on the road with as many vehicles as we can muster to take them back with us. I promise.”
She nodded. “All right. Tomorrow. I’m holding you to that promise.”
She looked back at the school, imagining she could see through the walls into the auditorium, at the field of poor souls trapped inside.
Were they conscious? Did they know she was about to abandon them? Were they crying out right now but unable to make any sounds? Or were they completely oblivious, more dead than alive?
She wished she knew, and not knowing made it somehow much, much worse.
*
They drove back through Dansby along the same route they had used to enter the small town. Lara was squeezed into the long back seat with Elise and Megan, fastened to her seat by a seatbelt, while Davies sat in the middle chair in front of them. Danny drove while Will navigated from the front passenger’s seat. Their equipment, guns, and what supplies they were able to salvage from the destroyed trucks were spread out in the empty spaces between the seats. She could barely move her legs without kicking something.
As they drove through Dansby for the second time, she looked carefully at the cars parked along the curbs, in the streets, or in driveways. They all had flat tires and bullet holes along their sides.
My God, how did we miss the signs? It’s all there in front of us, but we drove past them without really seeing…
She listened to the sound of wind whistling through the holes in the van, mingling with the soft noise of Elise snoring lightly against her shoulder and Davies snoring much more loudly in front of them, his body slumped against the seat so awkwardly she was afraid he might tumble to the floor at any moment since he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.
She looked down at the little girl who had fallen asleep almost as soon as the car started moving. How long had it been since Elise could fall asleep without thinking about monsters, without being afraid? She marveled at how the girl had survived all this time with just her brother, hidden in that dark basement. It had worked out until Todd got sick. What would have happened to them, she wondered, if Davies hadn’t been listening to the ham radio in the Control Room when Elise called yesterday?
She brushed some blonde hair from Elise’s face, revealing the cherubic shape behind it. She had managed to clean most of the dirt and grime, but despite her best efforts, there were still small patches here and there that clung on stubbornly.
Lara felt eyes watching her and glanced up to see Will looking over his shoulder. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” he said back.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you something…”
“Yeah?”
“I…” she started, but didn’t finish. Instead, she smiled at him, and perhaps he knew what she was going to say, because he smiled back.
“Oh, get it out,” Danny said.
Lara pictured him rolling his eyes, though she couldn’t see anything but the back of his head behind the driver’s seat headrest.
“Just pretend I’m not here,” Danny continued. “Just a guy driving a minivan. Riddled with bullet holes. Down a deserted highway. In the apocalypse. With undead creatures probably watching us from the woods. You know, nothing special.”
She exchanged another private look with Will. “I’ll tell you when we get back home.”
“Okay,” he nodded back.
Danny said, “Wow, be still my heart. That was possibly the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. You guys should write greeting cards. Love Notes from the Apocalypse. You’d sell a shitload. I’d buy a dozen…”
CHAPTER 37
KATE
The first time he came to her was in a dream, a month after they arrived at Harold Campbell’s facility.
She was dreaming of Deussen Park, near Lake Houston, which had always been one of her favorite places to go. Her father used to take her there often. She would spend the entire day with him, running up and down the piers, loving the feel of freshly cut grass against her bare feet. She loved darting in and out of the gazebos while he fished. Or tried to fish. The truth was he spent more time keeping her from falling into the lake than he ever caught anything.
Her father would laugh a lot during those visits. It was never about the fish. If you wanted to catch fish, you bought a boat and went out onto the lake. Fishing from the pier was just a way to pass the time. Or spend a day with your eight-year-old daughter.
She wasn’t eight anymore, but going to the park as an adult always brought back memories of her father. This was their place, where she recalled her happiest childhood memories. So it was no wonder that when she closed her eyes and dreamed her first dream in quite some time, she found herself back at Deussen Park.
It was in one of these dreams that she met him.
Tall, handsome, wearing a suit and tie for some reason. No one wore a suit and tie to the park, but he did, and though he stood out from the others, in their overalls and slacks and jeans, no one seemed to notice.
Except her.
When she first saw him, he was leaning over a railing in one of the bigger gazebos, looking down at the water lapping quietly, serenely against the foundation poles. Tiny, busy spiders spun cobwebs along the ceiling above him. White pelicans walked lazily around the gazebo behind him, unperturbed by his presence. The pelicans were used to dining on the shrimps left behind by unsuccessful fishermen.
She was barefoot and wore a simple dress in the dream. It was a brilliantly clear day, with no annoying boaters on the waters to ruin the fishing for the people perched along the piers or to break the tranquility of the lake.
She leaned against the railing and gazed out at the calm lake, missing her father. He would have loved a day like this.
“What’s the point?” the man asked suddenly.
“What?” she said, looking over at him. “Did you say something?”
“What’s the point?” he asked again, smiling at her. He had white, almost translucent skin. He looked at home in the sun, as if he were born to bask in its heat.
“I don’t understand,” she said.
“I’m just wondering. What the point of all of this is.”
“The lake?”
“No. The facility.”
“What facility?”
“The one you’re staying in now. Harold Campbell’s facility. What’s the point?”
“I don’t understand.”
And she didn’t. This was a dream. Why was a man in her dream asking about Harold Campbell’s facility?
“Don’t you?” he asked, eyes searching hers.
“Surviving,” she said, finally. “The point is surviving.”
“For what?”
“That’s a strange question.”
“Is it?”
“I don’t even know you.”
“My name’s Mabry,” he said. “Now you know me.”
“I still don’t know you,” she said and moved away from him to the other side of the gazebo.
She hadn’t yet settled against the railing before she realized he had somehow moved across the gazebo without her knowing. He was to her right now, still smiling at her. Had she moved away from him or toward him?
“Luke’s dead,” he said. “Ted’s dead. Donald, Jack… What’s the point?”
“Living,” she said. “The point is living. Surviving.”
“For what purpose?”
“That’s a stupid question.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t the point of surviving to survive for something? So what are you surviving for, Kate?”
She opened her mouth to answer, but couldn’t. Did she even know the answer?
She did… Didn’t she?
“That’s not the point,” she said, her annoyance growing.
“No?” He feigned satisfaction with her answer. “Maybe not.”
“Who are you?”
“You know who I am, Kate.”
“I don’t have a clue.”
He laughed. It was surreal, almost artificial. “I told you. My name is Mabry.”
“Go fuck yourself, Mabry,” she said and walked off.
“What’s the point?” he shouted after her as she exited the gazebo. “What’s the point, Kate? You’ve been asking yourself the same question all month. What’s the point?”
*
Deussen Park was crowded, and she was wearing a different dress than the last time she was here. There was a celebration of some kind going on in one of the gazebos, and she watched and smiled, enjoying the sounds of laughter and children and happiness.
“Have you figured it out yet?” a voice asked.
She glanced at Mabry, standing next to her, in the same suit and tie. His face looked just as white, as otherworldly.
There’s something wrong with him. He’s not…whole.
His sudden appearance didn’t startle her. It was almost as if she had expected him. But why would she?
“Figured what out?” she asked.
“What the point is,” he said.
“Who are you?” she demanded.
He laughed. “I told you. My name’s Mabry. I’m starting to think you’re purposefully not remembering my name, Kate.”
“Leave me alone.”
She walked away…only to see him waiting in the grass ten yards ahead of her.
“What’s the point?” he asked again.
She ignored him and walked past him, not giving him the satisfaction of meeting his searching blue eyes.
“What’s the point, Kate?” he shouted after her.
As she walked farther away, she knew intimately that she didn’t answer him because she didn’t know the answer. It was the same question that had been nagging at her ever since Luke died. She didn’t have the answers then, and she still didn’t now.
What was the point?
*
She almost asked Carly that question when the younger woman showed up at her room one day, out of the blue. She thought Carly had given up coming by, so when she heard the knock on her door and went to open it, she was surprised to see Carly standing outside.
“Hey,” Kate said.
“You hungry?” Carly asked. She was holding onto a food tray with one hand. The tray had carrots and beets and what looked like turkey. “It’s not turkey,” Carly said, as if reading her mind. “Tofu. Ready-to-go, MRE tofu. But looks like turkey, right? It doesn’t taste too bad, either.”
“Oh,” she said, not quite sure what to say.
It had been almost three weeks since the last time Carly came by. Kate was sure they had given up on her. Even Will had stopped coming by a month ago.
“I’m not really hungry,” Kate said.
“I thought you’d say that.” She took her other hand out from behind her back, revealing a small cupcake with a single candle on top. “Happy Birthday!”
Kate stared at the cupcake. She had forgotten it was her birthday. She was thirty-two. Where did all the time go?
She was keenly aware of Carly watching her closely. “Come on,” Carly said, “you have to at least let me light it, okay?”
She nodded and did her best to smile. She hadn’t smiled a lot lately, and she wasn’t sure how it came out.
Kate stood aside and let Carly enter, then closed the door. For a moment, just a moment, she was disappointed Will wasn’t also out there. But just as quickly as the thought appeared, it evaporated. She had given that part of her life up a long time ago. She wondered if he had found someone else yet.
“You forgot, didn’t you?” Carly asked.
“I did, actually.”
“I knew it.”
“Who else…?” she asked, but couldn’t bring herself to finish.
Carly gave her a pitying look. Kate felt like telling her that she didn’t care, that she was just curious.
Wasn’t she just curious? She didn’t really care if anyone else remembered, did she? Especially Will?
Of course not. That part of my life is over. I was the one who severed it.
“No, it’s just me,” Carly said. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she said and smiled again. She still wasn’t sure how it came out. It had been such a long time since she had company, had to fake a smile for the benefit of others. Did it at least look mildly convincing? “All right,” she said, “let’s light it up.”
Carly put the tray down on the foldout table where Kate ate most of her meals. Carly dug out a lighter and lit the candle on the cupcake, then held it out for her. “Okay, blow. But make a wish first.”
She nodded, closed her eyes and pretended to make a wish, then blew out the candle.
“What did you wish for?” Carly asked.
“I can’t tell you or it won’t come true,” she said, playing along.
Carly smiled and nodded. She looked happy.
This isn’t for me, it’s for her.
Carly stayed with her for exactly ten minutes. They talked about little things. Pointless things. Carly asked if she was still keeping her journal, but Kate told her she gave it up a month ago.
Carly looked disappointed. “I was hoping to read it.”
“Sorry. I threw it away.”
Eventually the conversation stalled, and Carly waited for her to say something, but Kate didn’t feel like it. This visit had already gone on long enough, and she was ready for it to end.
“I should probably get going,” Carly said and got up.
“Thanks for the cupcake,” Kate said. She stared at it, half-eaten, on the tray in front of her, with the beets and carrots and the disgusting tofu turkey. “I’ll eat the rest later.”
“Promise?”
I’m not your little sister, Carly. I don’t have to do what I promise you.
She said, instead, “I promise.”
Carly nodded, satisfied, and went to the door. She looked as if she
was in a hurry to leave.
At the door, Carly stopped and looked back at her. “We miss you, Kate. You should come have dinner with us sometime. We all miss you. Danny, Will, Vera…”
“I will,” Kate lied. “Thanks again for the cupcake.”
“Sure,” Carly said, gave her a pursed smile, and left.
Kate closed the door after her and locked it. She didn’t think she could stand another surprise visit today.
What’s the point, Carly? she had wanted to ask the other woman. What’s the point of celebrating a birthday when the world above us is dead?
*
“What’s the point?” Mabry asked.
She was in the dream again, though it was sometimes hard to tell where the dream began and ended. It had begun to merge with her life in Harold Campbell’s facility. Or what passed for a life, anyway.
Sometimes she liked the dreams better. She couldn’t go to Deussen Park in real life. Not anymore. She couldn’t go anywhere in real life. She was stuck in Harold Campbell’s concrete facility. The place that was supposed to be her salvation had become her prison. She realized that now, more than ever.
What’s the point?
“Exactly,” Mabry said, leaning against the gazebo railing next to her. He had come out of nowhere again, like always.
She looked over at him. “What?”
“Exactly,” Mabry said. “What’s the point?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“Don’t you?”
“No.”
“Then why continue like this? What’s the point of going on like there’s still a point, Kate, when you know in your heart there isn’t really one?”
“I don’t know,” Kate said. “Do you?”
He shrugged, and gave her an amused look. “That’s for you to find out. I’m just some guy in your dreams.”
“You’re an annoying guy in my dreams,” she smirked at him. “Why can’t I get rid of you?”
“Maybe you don’t want to. Maybe subconsciously I’m here to ask you the very question you can’t bring yourself to ask when you’re awake. But you know, deep down, that it’s a question that demands to be answered.”