"I brought you doughnuts. I figured since you were studying hard, and have a sweet tooth, I’d bring you a little sugar to help keep you going,” she cooed.
Natalie’s stomach squeezed even as she threw up a little in her mouth. That was Jenny of the big-boob and little-brain fame. Despite herself, Natalie couldn't help but lean in and listen.
"Jenny, you can’t be here right now."
She shrugged. "Look, I know it's early. And you’ve probably got studying or some other sexy thing you do shirtless and with glasses on. But you never called me after the other night. And you know, this girl was starting to get her feelings hurt." She sidled up to him. "I figured I'd give you a chance to make it up to me."
Trevor stepped away from her. "I was meaning to call you."
Jenny grinned and stepped forward again. This time she wrapped her hand around his–
Natalie didn’t wait to see what else happened. It was time to go.
She was careful to close her bedroom door with a soft click before leaning against it, sharp ragged breaths tearing out of her chest.
What the hell was wrong with her? How did this keep happening to her? This is what you get for sleeping with your roommate. She had to get the hell out of here. Without over-thinking, she grabbed a duffel bag and threw some clothes in before snatching up her backpack. She was dressed and in the hallway in five minutes.
She tried to bypass Trevor, but he called out. "Natalie? Where are you going?"
Unable to help the sob, she blurted out, "I figured you’d be too busy with Jenny to notice me leaving. Don’t worry, I’m out of your hair."
She didn't look back when the door slammed behind her.
Trevor called after her. "Natalie, wait. It’s not what it looks like." She was already gone.
He only hesitated for a moment before sprinting into his room and grabbing his running shoes. He barely had them on before he yanked open the front door to go after her. He stopped short when he found Professor Washington with her hand raised about to knock on the door.
"Professor. What are you doing here? Is everything okay with your husband?"
"Yes. He's fine. He's in recovery and doing well. I just came because Natalie forgot her phone." She held up the phone for him to see.
"Oh. You just missed her. I'm actually headed out after her. She's upset. We had a fight. Actually not really even a fight."
Damn it. Why was he telling her all of this?
His advisor nodded her head. "Do you mind if I come in for a minute?"
He hesitated, because he knew that with every second that ticked by, Natalie was disappearing somewhere, and it would be more difficult to find her. But his brain was at least functional enough to know that he couldn't exactly say no to his advisor.
"Sure. Come on in."
Trevor stepped aside and let her into the apartment. When she stopped at the kitchen counter, she slid Natalie’s phone toward him.
"Listen, I appreciate everything you've done for her. Giving her a place to stay after I sort of twisted your arm. And after yesterday, the support you've given her… it's great." She swallowed and licked her lips.
"But?" Trevor's stomach cramped. He didn't like where this conversation was headed.
"But, you and I have been working on getting you international opportunities. You made it extremely clear that you wanted to travel and live abroad. You wanted opportunities that got you away from the US for a while so you could broaden your horizons. And that's what we're focusing on."
He frowned. "Yeah? What does that have to do with anything?"
“It can’t have escaped you that after everything she’s been through, Natalie needs something stable. If you were sticking around, then I would be over the moon. You're a good kid, smart. One of my best students, and I think you got a raw deal with Courtney. But you're not staying. You're leaving. My husband and I practically raised that girl, and I know she would be heartbroken. I can see it in her eyes. You already have the power to break her heart."
Trevor shook his head. ""That's not what I'm trying to do." He ran a hand through his hair. "I swear I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I don't even know what's happening. But I like her."
Professor Washington put her hand over his on the counter. "Yes. You like her. But even before Courtney left, you were hyper focused on your career. When you had a girlfriend, you chose school. Which frankly is what you should choose at this age. You chose to focus on your work and not focus on her. And when the time comes again, you will choose your job. You will choose to leave Natalie behind. Because it's what you have to do. The thing is, as her aunt, I think Natalie deserves more than that.”
“So do I.”
“Especially after the last guy she dated, she deserves someone who's going to choose her. She deserves someone who's going to love her. Not just someone who's using her as a stop on the way to something." She put up her hand to stop him when he started to speak. "And I don't mean that you're using her. What I mean is, given everything that you want, given who you are, when push comes to shove, you will not choose her. And that's going to hurt her. It's kinder to let her go now."
After she left, he stared at the door for a long moment. There was still time. He could still run after Natalie. He’d check the library. He’d check with her friend Alex, if he could find him. He could still go after her.
Or, was Professor Washington right? To him, Natalie was temporary. He wasn't planning on staying here. And she'd just moved here with her own career goals. Maybe he should let her go. It was better to let go now than later, after all.
Except, why was there a burning hole in the middle of his chest?
Eleven
Natalie kicked a patch of grass next to her foot. She looked up as a child ran by screaming.
Okay, maybe Central Park wasn’t the best choice for a quiet place to think about things.
But when she’d run out of the apartment, she hadn’t known where to go. When she got to the curb, she’d realized she didn’t have her phone so she couldn’t even pull up directions to anywhere. She’d told the cabbie to take her to Central Park just because it was the first thing that had popped into her mind. Now she was sitting here surrounded by happy families while she was miserable.
Trevor, meanwhile, was probably boning big-boobed Jenny back at their shared apartment. Ugh. What was wrong with her? You’d think after her experience with Brian, she’d have learned not to mix business with pleasure. Not that Trevor was business, but he was her roommate. And now that they were fighting, it jeopardized her living arrangements. Could she really stay there while he brought other girls home? She recoiled at just the thought. No way. She wasn’t the catfight type, but she’d seriously wanted to scratch that girl’s eyes out. Something about Trevor brought out her territorial instincts, and that was alarming.
She’d been with Brian way longer, and she hadn’t felt the urge to fight off any of his other girlfriends. But what did that mean? Natalie had a sinking feeling it meant that she’d fallen harder for Trevor. Once the shock wore off and the hurt set in, she was going to be even worse off over this betrayal. Which was a scary thing.
“You know what? No. I’m not going to let him have this power over me.” She kicked the dirt by her foot again, scaring a nearby pigeon into flight.
But Natalie was already on her feet, ready to go back to the apartment and have it out with Trevor. He wasn’t going to do this to her. She was tired of allowing other people to manipulate her emotions. If he wanted to have another girl, then she was going to just lay it out for him that she wasn’t into that. He couldn’t treat her like she was disposable unless she let him.
All fired up, Natalie hailed another cab to go back home.
But when she arrived at the apartment, he wasn’t even there.
Deflated, she went through the motions of making lunch and ate a sandwich standing up in the kitchen. But Trevor didn’t come back. She did some laundry and even watched a movie, but by the time she got in b
ed that night, he still wasn’t home. Natalie punched her pillow. He’d probably gone to work.
But when she walked into his room the next morning and saw his perfectly made bed, that was when the tears started. He hadn’t even come home last night.
He probably stayed with Jenny.
Natalie bit her lip, looking around the empty apartment and wondering what she should do. She finally found her phone on the counter in the kitchen plugged up to the charger. There were no new messages or texts. Her eyes caught on her last text message with Alex.
Hey, you busy?
Nope. What are you doing texting me on a Saturday morning? Shouldn’t you be humping that HOT rooomie of yours?
Natalie sighed.
My roomie is a slimy jerk. Can I come over?
Yes. I need the deets. Because if you did that hottie and aren’t happy, that sounds like a story I need to know.
A half an hour later, Natalie was huddled on Alex’s couch in his tiny studio apartment sipping on a cup of tea while he hung, riveted, on her every word.
“I don’t even know why I’m so upset,” she finished. “It’s not like we were really together. It just felt like something, you know?”
Alex rolled his eyes. “Believe me I know. Try feeling that thing with a guy who then tells you he isn’t gay. The universe is cruel and deceitful.”
Natalie winced. From that perspective she couldn’t complain too much. Plus at least she’d gotten to experience the best sex of her life. Although that was partially why this was so hard. How could the best lover she’d ever had be the same one who hurt her so easily? The universe really was cruel.
“You are wise, Alex. So wise. I’m going to stop thinking about him. He’s just a blip on my radar. And I’m not going to let his man-whore ways run me out of the apartment, either. I can handle him and his skanks coming over if it means I can stay were the rent is affordable.”
Alex took her mug of tea and set it gently on the coffee table. “You don’t have to pretend like it’s no big deal. This guy hurt you. If I wasn’t afraid he’d kick my ass, I’d take him out for you. Maybe this is not what you want to hear but I don’t think you should have walked out and let some bitch move in on your territory.”
She rested her head on his shoulder. “That’s just it, I don’t want you to take him out. I just want him to feel the same way I do. Pathetic, huh?”
Alex stroked her hair. “No. Not pathetic. Human. You fell for him, sweetie. And by the way he was looking at you, I think he fell for you, too.”
Trevor wiped down the counter in the kitchen, swiping at a few nonexistent stains. There was no need because the kitchen was already spotless. After all, no one had really been using it for the past few days. Natalie had been home so seldom that the only reason Trevor knew she’d come back at all was because her toothbrush had been there one day and then gone the next.
She’d obviously found somewhere else to stay.
The thought of her moving out sent him into a panic. Initially, he’d been the one staying away from the apartment. After his conversation with Professor Washington, he’d decided that giving Natalie some space before they talked was the right way to go. He could explain his future plans in a calm, rational manner before they decided how to move forward.
He couldn’t leave her alone, even though it was probably the best course of action for them both. He’d been climbing the walls wondering where she was just after the first twenty-four hours. There was no way he could let her go completely. But he’d figured that if they talked and everyone had the same expectations, they could go forward without anyone getting hurt. He’d still be leaving after graduation, sure, but that was a while away and maybe they could get their fill of this insane sexual connection in the meantime.
Trevor ignored the part of him that railed at the thought of reducing what they had to sex. After he hadn’t seen her the second day and then the third, Trevor had gotten his first glimpse of what life after Natalie would be like. And it wasn’t pretty.
He’d tried working on one of his projects and hadn’t been able to concentrate. At work, he’d given three people the wrong drinks before he realized what he was doing. He’d even been called out for daydreaming in class today. He was a mess.
How could he have thought that staying away from Natalie was the best option?
It was easier to pretend that it was just sex and that he wasn’t inexplicably drawn to her. But it was useless, really, because he already knew that it was way more than the physical that was drawing them together. It was her sweetness and her smiles. It was the warmth she seemed to exude like sunlight. Just a few days without her and he could barely function.
Nothing seemed to matter when he didn’t have her face to come home to. It was startling to realize that he’d come to rely on that, knowing that she was there waiting for him, making his apartment feel like a home.
Trevor pulled out his phone and called her again. He wasn’t surprised when she didn’t answer. He needed to figure out where she was and go to her. But the only person who would know was her aunt, and Professor Washington definitely wasn’t going to help him.
Then he glanced over at the whiteboard where her friend Alex’s number was still scrawled. Before he had time to second guess it, he dialed the number.
“Hello?”
“Is this Alex?”
“Yes, who is this?”
“It’s Trevor. Natalie’s roommate. Please don’t hang up.”
There was a sigh on the other end, and that was enough to tell Trevor that he’d guessed correctly. She’d obviously told the other man what had happened or he wouldn’t sound so disgusted with him.
“Can I help you?” Alex’s voice was cold as ice. He sounded like he really wanted to say, Can I push you off a cliff?
“I just need to know that Natalie is okay. Is she there?”
“Mmm. I’m not sure I want to help you.”
Trevor gritted his teeth. He needed to be nice. Alex was quite possibly the only person he knew who’d seen Natalie in the past few days.
“Please. I fucked up, but it’s not what it looked like. I just want to apologize to her. Is she there?”
After a few seconds, Alex sighed. “Yes, she’s here studying. Do you want to talk to her?”
Making a split-second decision, Trevor decided to surprise her. He didn’t want to give her too much time to put her guard up before he could explain.
“No, don’t tell her. I want to surprise her.”
“Okay, but don’t take too long. I’m not a good liar, so if she asks me what’s up I won’t be able to hide it.”
Trevor hung up and grabbed his keys after sticking his feet into the jogging sneakers next to the door. He was still wearing the sweatpants he’d slept in and hadn’t shaved in two days, but he was taking Alex at his word. He couldn’t afford to waste any time, so he could only hope she wouldn’t hold his appearance against him.
What was a guy supposed to look like when he realized he’d met the woman of his dreams, anyway? He was having an epiphany, surely he deserved to catch a break for looking a little sloppy.
When he arrived at the address Alex texted, he knew as soon as the other man opened the door that something was wrong.
“You look guilty,” he accused.
Alex sighed. “I told you I wasn’t a good liar. When she asked me who was on the phone, I tried to say it was my mom, but she saw right through it. Then she took my phone and looked at the call log.” He rubbed his arm. “She’s stronger than I expected, too.”
Trevor groaned. “Great. Do you know where she went?”
Alex shook his head. Then he glanced behind him. “You can still come in if you want. Maybe I can make you feel better?”
“Seriously?” Trevor had to laugh at the shameless pickup line. It was either laugh or give in to the overwhelming urge to punch the other guy for letting Natalie leave so easily.
Alex held up his hands in apology but didn’t look the slightest bit s
orry. “Too soon? Okay, it was worth a try.”
Trevor left, deciding that maybe the universe was giving him a hint. If Natalie didn’t want to talk to him, he had to respect that. But it didn’t mean he had to like it.
Twelve
Natalie found a quiet corner in the library and tossed her backpack onto the floor before plopping down on the oversized seat. She hadn't exactly been running away from Trevor, but the last thing she wanted to do was stick around and hear his excuses.
What girl really wanted to hear about how she wasn't good enough, how she was fine to sleep with, but once that fascination was over, he was done. Nope.
Frankly, she was pretty damn tired of guys not choosing her. This whole Trevor thing came out of the blue. She hadn't even been looking for a guy. But there he’d been, with his freaking eight-pack abs, chiseled jaw, and sinful tongue. And you fell for it, like an idiot. Just like she had with Brian.
Well, she was done being an idiot now. And for that matter, she was done hiding. She was going to go back home and put her focus on where it should've been from the get-go. She’d come to New York for a fresh start, to get away from her previous mistakes. Her psychology program was top notch. She had some opportunities for some awesome internships. And for the last few weeks, she’d been focused on this guy. Like she’d come to New York looking for a boyfriend.
You are not that girl. No she wasn't. And she was going to refocus, starting now. There’d be no more thinking about Trevor Hamilton. There would be no more listening to him in the shower as he moaned her name. From this point forward, she was all work, all the time.
This is going to be easy.
No. No it wouldn't be. As a matter of fact, it was likely going hurt…a lot. At first anyway. But she was tough. If she'd survived Brian and his constant lying, she could survive this.
She cracked open the book and forced herself to read. It was time to focus on herself. And that's just what she was going to do.
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