“How so?”
“I am expected to have children. A girl in particular. No one here cares how the child comes to be, whether in the bonds of marriage or not. The only thing that matters to them is that I have a girl to whom I will teach the healing arts.” She let out a low sigh and leaned her head against the window frame.
“But don’t you care?”
She shrugged. “It would be nice to have a man who loved me and accepted me for who I am.” She glanced back at him. “But those are the exceptions. Most are like you, who don’t understand why I give up so much of my time to help others. Or those who believe medicine should be left to educated men.”
Colin sipped his brandy again and stared at his drink. “Why do you? Every time I ask you about it, you tell me it’s your duty. Is there more to it than that?”
“Yes!” She moved away from the window.
As she passed him, a hint of lavender swirled in the air. “So why else do you help everyone?”
“Because no one else will,” she said emphatically. Returning to her seat, she leaned forward, close to him. “That physician in the village is dreadful. He scares more people than he helps.”
“All right, but why you?” he asked again. “There are many other women who live on the land who could learn what you know. So why you?”
Her gaze fell to the floor. “Because I have an obligation to do this for the others.” She looked up at him intently. “Because seeing how my assistance helps someone is an incredible feeling. Watching as a new baby, that I helped bring into the world, looks up at his mother is the most heartwarming sensation in the world.”
He smiled slowly. “So you love what you do?”
“Of course I do.”
“But what about on a night like this when things go wrong? How do you deal with the emotions?”
She cast him a gentle smile. “That is life. There is good and bad. No matter how hard I try I can’t save everyone.”
“I might believe you if I hadn’t seen how upset you were over Mrs. Wells’s loss.”
She blinked furiously as if reliving the memory. Colin instantly regretted the remark. He had been enjoying her company tonight and with one comment, he’d brought back the memories of her emotional night by the reflecting pond.
“Some days are harder than others,” she whispered. “Seeing a child die is the worst.”
He knew that all too well. He closed his eyes as the memories returned as if it had happened yesterday, not eight years ago. “Why can’t I forget?” he whispered.
A warm hand touched his thigh. The idea that she would touch him to comfort him warmed his frozen heart.
“Because you loved her,” she said softly. “But maybe it’s time to let go.”
He opened his eyes to find her on her knees in front of him. Her green eyes were wet with tears for him. “I don’t know how.”
A large tear fell on his knee. “Your wife would never have wanted you to lock away your heart. She would have wanted you to love again, Colin.”
He looked away from her unable to face the pity he saw there. “You can’t possibly know that.”
“No woman who truly loved her husband would want him so lonely.” She dropped her head on his knee. “You need to return to London and find a woman who will love you.”
He leaned his head back against the chair and sighed. While he’d done much to ruin his reputation over the past eight years, he knew nothing was so awful that couldn’t be forgiven with his title. The women of the ton would be overjoyed to have a chance to become the next Duchess of Northrop. But he doubted one would come to love him as Mary had.
His hand reached down and caressed Selina’s head. Her tears had stopped but her head still lay on his thighs. He wanted to grasp her arms and then pull her onto his lap. Only that would lead to things he should not even consider. Kissing her that night by the reflecting pond had been a mistake. A glorious, passionate error.
Or was it?
That night he’d felt alive again. It had been the first time in eight years that he’d truly desired a woman. He wanted Selina in his bed. But how could he ask such a thing from her. As if sensing his desire, she rose and moved away from him.
He caught sight of her toes sticking out from the hem of her dress and smiled. She had no sense of propriety at all.
“Where are your shoes?”
She stared down at her feet as pink tinged her cheek. “I-I left them at the door. They were muddied.”
“Muddied? We haven’t had rain in a week.”
“Well, I found a patch,” she said with a nervous laugh.
He smiled over at her. There was something about this unconventional woman that made his heart feel lighter. “I would appreciate it if you stayed with me tonight.”
Her green eyes widened slightly. “What do you mean?”
His fists clenched when he realized her mistaken meaning. “I meant stay in the house. So that if my sister needs you tonight you are close.”
She stared at the floor. “Of course. I will relieve the duchess so she can sleep.”
Colin rose from his chair and held out his hand to escort her to Kate’s room. He had to get Selina out of the study before he offered to take her to his room. Distance. He had to keep a strict distance between them.
Chapter 13
Selina walked up the stairs with Colin directly behind her. She was a coward. There had been abundant opportunities to offer herself to him while in the study and she’d said and done nothing. She would certainly understand if he rejected her. He might not even find her attractive in that manner.
And yet, she thought he might. Even now, she could swear he was watching her hips sway as she walked. What would he do if she just turned and moved into his arms? As she reached the top step, she realized nothing would happen. He clasped her elbow and led her to his sister’s room.
“Good night, Selina,” he whispered near her ear.
She shivered. “Good night, Colin.”
“Thank you again for taking care of my sister.”
She seemed only able to nod. Walking into the room, she saw the duchess sleeping in the bed with her daughter. Not willing to disturb either woman, she quietly departed the room. She covered a yawn with her hand as she headed to the stairs.
“Where are you going?”
Selina blinked and stared at Colin. “They are both asleep. I didn’t want to disturb them.”
“I asked you to stay,” he said, walking closer to her.
“I will ask a footman to make a room up for me. I told you I wouldn’t leave.”
“Come with me,” he said, taking her hand. “There is a room already made up.”
He led her down the hall toward the west wing. She remembered Mrs. Roberts telling her that his suite of rooms was in this wing. Could he be ushering her there? He stopped before a door and then swung it open.
Selina ambled into the room and her mouth gaped. She entered a large salon with two divans, four gilt chairs, cherry tables, and a large fireplace.
“The bedroom is through here.” He opened another door and she entered a room nearly twice as large as her room upstairs. A huge four-poster bed dominated the back wall. The lavender bedcovers made her realize this was not his room after all.
“If you need anything I am right next door.” He bade her good night and walked to a small door on the same wall as the bed.
Connecting rooms! This was the duchess’s room. His late wife’s room! This was the last place she should stay. “Colin, I’m not certain this is the room I should sleep in tonight.”
With his hand on the knob, he shook his head. “She slept in another room. She never used this room except to dress. The room is only made up because the servants believe it should always be ready in case I bring a bride home. Good night, Selina.”
“Good night, Colin,” she whispered.
Once the door shut, she remembered that she still wore her dress. It was one of the few that buttoned down the back. The maids
were exhausted from the house cleaning and upheaval this evening. It wasn’t that improper to ask him to help her, was it? Before she could change her mind, she knocked on the door to his room.
He answered it so quickly she wondered if he’d been standing right next to the door. “Yes?”
“My dress buttons down the back,” she said, suddenly thinking she should have slept in the dress.
He nodded with a sigh. “Of course, just turn around.”
She presented her back to him. His knuckles scraped across her skin at the top of her dress. She trembled. His warm breath caressed her shoulder as the first button came undone. Her breath quickened.
It was nearly two in the morning and yet she felt quite awake. She could only imagine him slipping the dress off her shoulders and untying her stays. If only he would . . .
“That’s the last button,” he said. “Do you want me to untie your stays?”
“Yes,” she replied in a breathless voice. She could have sworn he groaned slightly. Without a doubt, this was the most improper thing she’d ever done. She slid her dress down her arms just enough that he could untie her stays. His fingers quickly loosened the ties on her stays until she would be able to get the garment off herself.
“That should do,” he said in a gruff voice.
“Thank you.”
What would he do if she turned and let her dress drop to the floor? Would he be consumed by lust and take her in his arms? As the door closed behind him, she realized that the decision had been made for her. After carefully placing her dress over a chair, she walked toward the huge bed. She lay down and wondered what he was doing in the room next door. She laughed softly at her musings. He was no doubt already fast asleep. And she should be the same. Except every time she closed her eyes, she remembered the sensation of his lips on hers that night by the pond.
She tossed the coverlet off her and then walked to the window. She glanced out into the dark night. From this window, she could look down at the reflecting pond. Moonlight illuminated the white swans with their heads tucked into their feathers. At least they could sleep.
She turned and stared at the connecting door. All she had to do was walk over there and open the door. Then she’d know if he desired her or not.
Colin dressed the next morning before his valet came to wake him. Not that he had slept last night. After practically undressing her, all he could think of was her. He could not get involved with a woman like Selina. It was madness.
And yet, that was all he’d thought of for hours. He’d even walked to the door that connected the rooms and held onto the handle. But his principles would not let him open that door. She deserved better than a man who couldn’t put his past behind him.
Determined to put her out of his mind, he walked downstairs to breakfast. He entered the room expecting to see his stepmother. Instead, Selina sat at the table wearing the same dress he’d removed from her last night. She looked over at him with a shy smile.
“Good morning, Your Grace.”
“Good morning, Selina. Are you enjoying your toast?” He took the seat across from her.
“Very much so,” she replied. “I haven’t looked in on your sister but I will as soon as I’m finished. Then I shall get out of your way.”
“You’re hardly in the way,” he said as a footman placed a plate of eggs and ham in front of him. He had an overwhelming urge to find an excuse for her to stay. Perhaps he should twist his ankle again.
“You have enough going on with the wedding plans.”
Mr. Roberts cleared his throat to get Colin’s attention. “Your Grace, this just came for Lady Katherine. The messenger said it was very important.”
Colin picked up the letter and stared at the seal. It was from her betrothed. “Why do I feel like this is more bad news?”
“He couldn’t possibly know about the incident from last night,” she whispered.
“I need to give this to her. Excuse me.” He walked up the stairs slowly. After a quick knock, his stepmother bade him entrance.
“Is Kate awake?” he asked softly.
“Yes, I’m awake. And I’m not dying, Colin. You can speak in a normal tone of voice.” Kate sat up slowly. “What’s the matter? You look like hell.”
“I shall take my leave to change my clothing,” his stepmother said and then left the room.
Other than being slightly pale, Kate looked very well rested. He would have to thank Selina for that. “You have a letter from John.”
Her face lit up like a small child who’d just received a sweet. “Let me see it.”
He handed the note to her and then sat in the chair nearest the bed. He watched with dread as her brows furrowed and tears welled in her eyes. “What’s wrong, Kate?”
“His mother died three days ago. He’s in mourning and shouldn’t marry me for another three months. He thinks we should run to Gretna Green, regardless of his mourning period.”
Colin clenched his fists. “What do you think?”
“There’s no point in rushing the marriage and suffering the consequences of the gossip it would cause.”
“Are you certain?” he asked softly.
She stared up at him and nodded. “You know, don’t you?”
“I was suspicious when you moved the wedding date. When Miss White told me it was feminine issues, I assumed you lost the child.”
“Yes.” She brushed away a tear.
“I’m sorry, Kate.”
“I just wish I could be there to comfort him. He was very close with his mother. I will write to him and tell him there is no need to elope now.”
There was nothing else he could say to her. What was it about this house that caused so much misery? There had to be some way of changing it. “Miss White would like to check on you. Should I send her up?”
“Please.” She placed the letter on her nightstand and lay back against the pillows. “I’m so glad she was here last night, Colin.”
“Me too.” But he did wonder how she’d arrived so quickly. “When did you call for Miss White last night?”
Kate shrugged. “I’m not certain. Why?”
“I had only just heard that you were unwell, and by the time I arrived upstairs, she was here.”
Kate’s cheeks reddened. “I didn’t want you to know yet. And I believe she was checking on a tenant.”
“Very well,” he said, allowing the topic to rest.
“If you wouldn’t mind, I would like her to stay a few days. She has been a great comfort and a dear friend to me.”
As much as he didn’t want the temptress in his house any longer than necessary, he couldn’t deny Kate her comfort. “Very well,” he finally answered.
He left his sister in search of the wise woman. Only his stepmother sat at the dining table and she’d said Selina was not there when she arrived. He then checked the bedchamber to no avail. Perhaps she had already left.
“Mr. Roberts,” he asked, walking back down the steps, “have you seen Miss White?”
“She walked toward the library, Your Grace.”
Colin strode down the long marble hall to the library. He found her staring at the books. “Were you looking for something in particular?”
She gasped. “You frightened me, Your Grace.”
He stepped closer to her. “Did you want to read something?”
Her green eyes sparkled. “You would allow me to borrow a book?”
“Of course.” He took another step closer until the scent of lavender swirled around him. “So, which one has caught your interest?”
“Well, this one is definitely interesting.” She pulled out an old book and handed it to him.
He laughed. “The Malleus Maleficarum.”
“Have you read it?”
“No, have you?”
“I have no need to read such a biased book.” She stared at the lettering on the book. “But I do wonder how it ended up in your library.”
“It’s not that hard to determine. How better to claim y
our wise woman is not a witch than by having the witch-hunting manual of the day in your personal library. I would guess that one of my great-grandfathers was determined to protect the woman.”
“How unusual,” she commented sarcastically.
He opened the book and smiled. “Not if he loved the woman.”
She took a step back. “Are you saying that one of your great-grandfathers kept one of my great-grandmothers as his mistress?”
“It’s quite possible.” Colin had no idea if there was any truth to that or not. There had always been some gossip about a wise woman becoming the duchess a few hundred years ago. But he’d always put that off as foolishness.
Selina shook her head. “I need to check on your sister. Was the letter from her betrothed good news?”
“Unfortunately, no. John’s mother died so he needs to push back the wedding date until after his mourning period.” Colin placed the book back on the shelf and slowly turned around to face her. “Kate would like you to stay a few days. She said you have been a great comfort to her.”
“If that is acceptable to you, I would like to stay.”
“Thank you.”
“I should go see to her.”
Colin sighed. He doubted this would work but he felt there were no other choices. Ever since he realized that Kate had miscarried, he’d thought of little else. And seeing that odd specter a week ago had made him wonder if Selina couldn’t help with that too. “Selina . . .”
“Yes?”
He closed his eyes. “Would you please complete the cleansing of the house?”
“Of course,” she replied easily. “But I do wonder why you wish me to do so now.”
He walked away from her and sat in a chair. “I want this house to be rid of the bad memories. It seems like nothing good ever happens here.”
She glanced around as if to determine if they were alone. “Colin, I can’t guarantee that cleansing the house will rid it of the memories. Those are in your mind, not the house.”
“At least try.”
“I will get started on that after I see to your sister.”
“Thank you.” He looked over to see the slight smile on her face. “Will the cleansing work on spirits too?”
Bewitching the Duke Page 12