“Good afternoon, Your Grace,” the butler said with a bow. “I shall tell his lordship that you are here to see him.”
“Actually, I came to speak with Miss Featherstone. Her mother told me I would find her here.”
“I’m sorry, Your Grace, but she left about ten minutes ago. She said she had a few more visits to make.”
Damn. He didn’t feel like returning to Mrs. Featherstone’s cottage to wait for her. That older woman had a stare that would frighten any man.
“Shall I tell his lordship you are here?”
“Yes.” Perhaps a bit of brandy with Hart would ease his frustration.
The butler sent a footman to search out Hart while Colin waited in his study. He poured two snifters of brandy and set one on a table for his friend. Then he walked to the window and stared out at the overcast day.
He prayed she was all right. The more time that passed, the more he worried some harm may have befallen her. He’d never forgive himself if that were true because of some foolish words he’d spoken in front of her.
“Any word?”
Colin shook his head. “No. I actually came to speak with Miss Featherstone.”
“She left only a few minutes ago.”
“I know.”
Colin sipped his brandy and let the heady liquid wash over his tongue. Maybe getting completely sodden would ease his mind. He doubted even that would help.
“Where the hell is she, Hart?”
“I wish I knew.” Hart sat down and drained his glass in one large gulp. “Is there any possibility she went to London?”
“She once told me she had no desire to leave the countryside for the ills she would see in town. I just can’t imagine she’d run there.” Even still, he would contact a Bow Street runner tomorrow to start searching.
Hart placed his glass back on the table. “I asked Miss Featherstone about Selina’s family and she told me Selina had never met her father’s family. Mrs. Featherstone admitted the man married down. He was the second son of a squire in Suffolk.”
“How can I find her when I have no way of knowing where she might be?”
“You might not be able to, North. She might be out of your life forever.”
Colin clenched his fists. He would not stop searching for her until he found her. As the evening wore on, the men continued to drink until they were so deep in their cups, Colin knew he would be spending the night.
Mia awoke the next morning feeling sick to her stomach. It just wasn’t like Selina to leave without a note to her. She slowly sipped her tea while her mother paid a visit to a sick tenant.
A knock scraped the door. “Come in.”
One of Middleton’s tenants opened the door. “Good morning, Miss Featherstone. I have a message from Miss Tia for your mother.”
“Thank you,” she said and reached for the message. “Would you like some tea?”
“Thank you, no. I am off to the village.” He bobbed his head. “Good day.”
Mia glanced at the missive and decided to open it in case Tia needed assistance with a delivery. Scanning the note, she muttered, “Stupid girl.”
Then she read more and raced out of the house. She lifted up her skirts and ran up the hill toward Hart’s stables. She had to get to the duke’s home as fast as possible. The earl wouldn’t mind if she took one of his fastest horses to deliver this message.
“What are you about this morning, Miss Featherstone?”
She slowed down and breathed in deeply. She shouldn’t be surprised to see him at the stables. He was always an early riser. “My lord, I need to borrow your mare.”
“Is there a problem with your horse?”
“She’s too slow. I know where Selina went. The duke needs to hear about this.”
Hart’s face relaxed and his molded lips lifted. “Then there is no need for a horse. He is in my house probably still abed.”
“He’s here?”
“Yes. Most likely with a raging headache like I have this morning.” He laughed gruffly.
“I will give you something for it.” She followed his quick stride, barely able to keep up without breaking into a run. Obviously, his headache was not as bad as he stated.
Hart ran ahead and into the house. Just as she arrived, she heard him tell a footman to wake the duke immediately. “Come with me. We shall wait for him in the library.”
Mia walked down the marble-floored corridor to the library. She had only been in here a few times but loved the pale blue walls and shelves filled with books.
“So where is she?” he asked after the tea arrived for all of them.
“She went to my sister’s house. I must have arrived before Selina did so Tia hadn’t seen her at that point.” She stared down at the letter in her hands and fought back tears.
“What is wrong, Miss Featherstone?”
“She’s gone,” she whispered.
“Miss White is gone?”
She shook her head. “No, Tia. She decided to chase after the viscount’s brother. She went to London. I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.”
“I’m sorry, Mia,” he whispered.
“What is going on?” the duke asked as he entered the room. “Why the hell am I up at his hour?”
Mia smiled at the grumpy man. “Your Grace, we have found her.”
“What? Where?”
“She is at my sister’s house.”
“Thank God,” he said and raced from the room without even saying good-bye.
Selina spent her morning in her new home organizing the shelf near the fireplace so she could find what she needed. She then checked Tia’s herbs and found her supply lacking many basic items. She created a list of things she either would need to buy or forage for in the woods.
But none of the busy work kept her from thinking about Colin. She still worried that a fever may have set in. Perhaps he was lying in bed right now . . . dying. Oh, God, she couldn’t think like that. She had to stop before she went mad.
Tia was right. At some point, she would have to face him and tell him the truth.
The front door suddenly hurled open and Colin filled the doorway. Her heart pounded as he stared at her with a mix of anger and relief in his eyes. He slammed the door shut.
“Where the hell have you been?” he demanded. He advanced on her position by the cabinet that held Tia’s herbs. “Do you have any idea what you have put me through the past two days?”
His anger emanated from him like the heat from a fireplace. And yet, he had never looked so handsome. His face was unshaved and dark with stubble. His clothes looked rumpled as if he’d slept in them, and judging by the smell of stale brandy permeating the air around him, he probably had slept in his clothes.
He slammed both of his hands on either side of her shoulders, trapping her against the cabinet. “Have you nothing to say?”
“Me?” She finally found her voice. “You tell me you wanted to kill my mother and then wonder why I ran off!”
“I was trying to make a point.”
“Well you did a very poor job of it.”
He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. “Perhaps I did. But it was no reason to run off and tell no one where you were going. Do you have any idea how worried everyone is?”
She hadn’t really thought about anyone else for the past two days. Normally, all she did was think of other people’s feelings. “I’m sorry. I will apologize to everyone. But right now, I’d like you to leave.”
“I am not going anywhere until you tell what really made you run off.”
She should tell him everything and be done with it. Once she told him, he would never want to see her again. But she didn’t want him to leave just yet. She had to find a way to stall. “How is your wound?”
“I am fine.”
She sensed he was nearing the end of his patience. “Are you certain?” She placed her hand on his forehead to feel for a fever. “You are nice and cool.”
“Selina,” he growled.
; “I cannot tell you,” she admitted. “If I do you will hate me forever.” Tears flooded her eyes, blinding her to his handsome face.
“I could never hate you, darling.”
“Oh, you could. You have no idea.”
“Selina,” he said again, closer to her face. “If you don’t tell me now . . . hell, I don’t know what I shall do.”
“Do you hate my mother?” She had to know.
“I do not like what happened.”
“Do you hate my mother?” she pressed again.
His jaw clenched. “I did for many years. But I am working through those feelings, thanks in part to you.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “My mother was not at fault that night.”
“I know. You have told me that several times.”
“It wasn’t her fault,” she cried. “It was mine.”
He reached out and caressed her cheek. “Darling, you weren’t even there. The servants told me it was just your mother upstairs.”
“They lied to protect me. Everyone lied to protect me from you that night.”
His brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?” he whispered hoarsely.
“My mother was too drunk to be of any use. Mrs. Roberts knew I had assisted my mother so she called me. They snuck me in the house and up the back staircase.” She paused to catch her breath. “The cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck. I had never seen that before. I didn’t know what to do. I tried unwrapping the cord but he still wouldn’t take a breath.”
He backed away from her. His face paled and mouth gaped.
“I am the reason your wife and child died that night. Not my mother.”
Chapter 27
Colin backed away until his leg hit the table. It wasn’t possible. They had all told him there was nothing that could have been done. It had been God’s will that they died. All these years he had blamed her mother. They had told him Mrs. White delivered the baby. Mrs. White had even given him the heartwrenching news.
They had lied.
To protect Selina.
“Please say something,” she begged.
He couldn’t look at her. Her bedraggled look and tears would ensnare him. His wife and child might have survived if not for her. The room felt as if it was closing in on him. Without a word, he strode from the house.
He rode back to his house and stumbled into the study. He didn’t care if he’d barely recovered from a night of drinking, it was not too early to start again. He poured a large glass of brandy and gulped it down. Then he poured some more.
“Have you heard anything?” Kate asked from the doorway with a worried look on her face.
“Get out of my study and close the door behind you,” he said in a menacing tone. He didn’t want to speak to anyone.
“Oh, God, what happened? Is she . . .”
“No, she is not dead. My wife and child are dead but the bloody wise woman lives on.”
“What happened, Colin?” She walked into the room and closed the door behind her. “You need to stop drinking and tell me what happened.”
“The hell I will.” He poured another glass, gave her a salute, and drank it down. Nothing would ease the pain he felt in his heart. Everyone had betrayed him. “Get out, Kate.”
“The hell I will,” she parroted and then sank into a chair. “Sit down and tell me what happened. Did you see Selina?”
“Do not mention her name again.”
“What happened when you saw her?”
“She told me the goddamn truth . . . finally.”
“The truth about what?” Kate asked slowly.
“How Mary and my son died.” He drained another glass before collapsing into a chair. “It wasn’t her mother’s fault, Kate.”
“Then . . .”
“Yes, it was Selina’s fault.” He rubbed his hands over his face.
“Tell me what she told you.”
He told her the story that Selina had revealed to him. As he spoke, his heart grew heavier.
“Wait,” Kate said just as he finished. “How old is Selina . . . twenty-four?”
“Yes, but what has that to do with any of this?” He rubbed his rough jaw.
“She was only sixteen when this happened. Her mother was too drunk to do her job. And you have the audacity to blame Selina? She told you that she had never delivered on her own. God, Colin, she was only sixteen.”
“Kate, they lied to me. Every goddamn one of them told me it was God’s will. That God had taken them because he needed them in heaven. He didn’t need them yet. She didn’t know what she was doing.”
Kate rose up from her chair and stared down at him in anger. “Of course she didn’t know. Her mother was too drunk to help her. It wasn’t Selina’s fault. I’m certain she did everything in her power to save both your son and wife. You’re a drunken fool for blaming her.”
“They all lied to me. My servants, her mother, and even Selina lied by omission. She should have told me from the beginning.”
“They lied to protect her from you. You are a complete and utter arse!” She stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind her.
Colin leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. Even in his drunken haze, he realized Kate was right. He was an arse. They lied to protect a young girl from a duke’s wrath. The servants had known that he would take his anger out on her.
And they were right. He had spent the past eight years blaming her mother so, of course, he would have done the same to her. He would have removed her from the estate. The only reason he hadn’t ejected her mother was because of Selina. He couldn’t do that to a young girl.
But he wouldn’t have thought of her as a girl if he’d known that she had tried to deliver his son.
“I heard there was a commotion in here.”
Hearing the soft tone of his stepmother’s voice calmed him down. No matter how hard he had tried to push her away when he was younger, she had always been there for him. “Kate and I had a row.”
“I figured it was something of the sort,” she said in that light voice. “Would you like to talk to me? I might know a little more about life than your sister.”
“I suppose you do.” While he had been cordial to the duchess, he had never confided in her until now.
Once he finished telling her what happened, she released a long sigh. “You cannot continue on this path of blame, Colin. She was only a young girl attempting to do something beyond her years.”
“I know.”
“Do you love her?”
“Yes,” he admitted in a whispered tone.
“Then why are you letting this stand in the way of your happiness? What happened, happened. You cannot change the past. You spent eight years mourning a woman I don’t think you loved half as much as you do Selina. I never saw you look at Mary the way you do her.”
The woman was more intelligent than he had ever given her credit for. “Thank you.”
“You know when I married your father, I knew he was still in love with your mother.”
Colin looked up at her. “He was?”
She tilted her head and smiled at him. “Yes. He loved Elizabeth beyond words but knew you needed a mother. He picked me because he thought I would be happy just being a duchess. But that wasn’t what I wanted.”
“Oh?”
“I wanted your father’s love. I fought for two years for it. Until he finally admitted that he loved me. It was the happiest day of my life. Losing him ten years ago just about killed me too. I understand grief, Colin. It can consume you if you let it. Don’t let it. Life is too hard and too short to be miserable all the time. The happiest I’ve seen you was with Selina.”
He closed his eyes again. His stepmother was right. With Selina, he felt whole again. “You are a very wise woman, Mother.
“It’s about time you realized that. Now go to your wise woman and tell her how big a fool you’ve been and how much you love her.”
“I will.” He rose slowly. “But first
I must change. I will not propose to her looking like this.”
Selina spent the rest of the day in bed. Her heart ached, her body was tired, and nothing seemed to help. He had done exactly what she expected but still, she was disappointed in him.
She’d tried to tell herself this was for the best. Now, she could go back to her life as it was before he arrived. She would miss his tenants and servants terribly but Middleton’s tenants would welcome her. Once they learned she had taken over from Tia. Tomorrow she would force herself out of bed and speak with the viscount.
But for the rest of the day, she intended on staying in bed and crying her heart out. How could she still love him after the way he treated her? It made no sense.
Tears soaked her pillow. She had been certain he loved her. He danced with her three times at the ball and told her everyone was talking about their betrothal. So how could he have run out like that this morning?
She heard a knock on the door but ignored it. If it was a tenant, they could send for Mia. She always covered for her sister when needed. By not answering, they would assume she was not here. She just needed today for her self-pity.
“Selina?” Colin’s voice called to her.
God, no. She couldn’t see him now. Why was he even here? Did he want to humiliate her? Tell her to never set foot on his land again? She had already assumed he would never want her near, which was why she left. Perhaps he would go away if she stayed quiet or pretended to sleep.
“Selina?” The door to her bedroom opened silently. She heard his footsteps coming closer but refused to open her eyes. The side of her bed depressed from his weight.
“Please leave me alone,” she cried. “I cannot stand to see you so angry with me.”
“I am not angry, Selina.”
Hearing the tender tone of his voice only made her cry harder. “You should be.”
His rough hand caressed her wet cheek. “I was a fool.” He chuckled when she nodded. “I should never have blamed you for what happened. I was just in shock when you told me. I had lived the past eight years believing the version of the story that everyone had told me.”
“They only sought to protect me.”
Bewitching the Duke Page 24