How to Convince a Boy to Kiss You

by Tara Eglington

  I felt my goblet tremble slightly in my hand. Ten minutes and then I’d know just which hearts I’d be responsible for.

  Hayden appeared at our side. His jaw looked tense. ‘Jelena, can we talk?’

  Why was it that I wanted to reach up and smooth the stress away with a touch? My fingers were actually twitching. The only thing that held me back was fear that my touch would cause Hayden to flinch, seeing as how prior contact had proved semi-deadly.

  ‘Sure, Hayden.’ Jelena took a sip of her drink, seemingly unfazed by his stressed expression.

  ‘I know I sound like a bore,’ Hayden said, ‘but the party I agreed to and the party that’s happening right now are kind of poles apart.’

  ‘Really?’ Jelena replied. ‘I thought my brief was pretty detailed.’

  Hayden gave her a look. ‘You told me it was “a small gathering meant to inspire”.’

  I glanced at Jelena, surprised. She’d never mentioned the word ‘small’ to me when we’d talked numbers over the phone.

  Jelena shrugged. ‘I think this is pretty contained.’

  ‘Contained?’ Hayden repeated, shooting a glance at the guys now mud-wrestling in his former sandpit.

  ‘You aren’t happy with the fantastic launch of Aurora’s program?’ Jelena sounded slightly hurt.

  Hayden sighed. ‘I don’t think it’s fair that you’re bringing Aurora into it.’

  ‘But you want her to be happy,’ Jelena replied breezily. ‘Now she’s in love, she’s extra inspired to help others feel the same way. That’s what tonight is all about.’

  ‘Obviously, I want her to be happy,’ Hayden said. ‘That’s the only reason I agreed to the party, despite knowing Mum and Dad wouldn’t be happy about it.’

  I had to speak up, firstly because it wasn’t right that Hayden should suffer the consequences of an out-of-control house party purely to make me happy, and secondly because I felt really weird about Jelena announcing my feelings to Hayden like I was unable to do it myself.

  ‘Jelena —’ I started.

  ‘So what’s the problem?’ she said to Hayden. ‘Aurora’s happy, so you should be happy.’

  I tried again. ‘I’m not happy if Hayden’s feeling uneasy —’

  ‘I’m just not sure how I feel about love with a political agenda,’ Hayden said, interrupting me.

  I felt like a ghost — able to hear their conversation but unable to contribute.

  ‘I know that sounds ironic for someone so involved with the school council, but love should go beyond policies,’ Hayden said firmly. ‘It’s purer —’

  ‘Love always has an agenda, Hayden,’ Jelena cut in. ‘Let me get you a mocktail. You’ll feel better.’

  ‘The only thing that’s going to make me feel better is clearing the party out,’ Hayden said.

  ‘Seriously, right now?’ Jelena shook her head. ‘No way. We haven’t announced the winners yet.’

  ‘So announce them and wrap it up,’ Hayden said. ‘If things were a little calmer, then I’d be happy to keep the night going, but you have to admit the mood’s kind of out of control.’

  ‘Maybe we could take the party to my place after the announcements?’ I suggested. ‘The NAD’s out tonight, and without a pool things would probably calm down a bit. Maybe we could make some hot chocolate or something? I could screen a romantic movie, finish the night with an appropriate vibe?’

  Finally my words got through. Jelena shook her head at me. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. We’ll lose half the crowd if we shift location. Hayden, seriously, come on! Everyone here’s just in high spirits because of the Zeitgeist of love.’

  Her voice was drowned out by a retching sound. Travis, who had climbed out of the pool to get some grape juice, had thrown up on the formerly pristine outdoor couches.

  ‘Ew!!’ A circle of girls who had been sitting on the couches leapt up screaming as purple vomit threatened their party costumes.

  Jeffrey Clark appeared at our side. ‘Oh geez, I think I gave him too much.’

  ‘Too much what?’ Jelena shot him a furious look.

  ‘Ummm …’

  ‘Spill it, Clark, otherwise I’m not paying you for tonight,’ Jelena said. ‘In fact, you’ll be paying to get the couches cleaned.’

  Jeffrey looked sheepish. ‘I may have slipped him a little something. Jack Daniel’s never did a man wrong. Or not until now.’

  Travis retched again and people darted away from the danger zone. Steve Wills did an elaborate commando roll.

  ‘It’s a non-alcoholic party!’ Jelena shouted. ‘I promised Hayden!’

  Hayden sighed. ‘Really not cool, Jeffrey.’

  ‘Oh man.’ Jeffrey looked uber-guilty. ‘I was just trying to help him woo a woman. You know, imbibing him with courage.’

  ‘Okay, I admit it, you’re right, Hayden,’ Jelena said. ‘We need to get this party under control.’

  ‘I think it’s too late.’ Scott put a hand on Hayden’s shoulder. ‘Hear that?’

  We all fell silent. Over the booming music came the sound of police sirens getting closer.

  ‘Someone’s filed a complaint,’ Hayden said. He looked as miserable as Travis.

  ‘But we haven’t even announced the candidates yet!’ Jelena cried.

  CHAPTER 8

  ‘I can’t believe we missed out on announcing the candidates while the party was at full capacity!’ Jelena shook her head as she, Cass, Lindsay, Sara and I headed to a booth at our favourite breakfast café the next morning. ‘Talk about a wasted opportunity. The only saving grace is that it’s Saturday. I would not want to be seen at school with these.’ She gestured at the invisible-to-everyone-else bags under her eyes.

  My own eyelids felt as heavy as the kettlebells we had to lift in gym class. After the police had arrived and the partygoers had been sent home, the five of us, plus Scott and Tyler, had stayed up till one helping Hayden clean up. We were only three-quarters done when his parents arrived home. They’d driven the two hours back from their holiday house up the coast after they’d received a call from the police.

  ‘I don’t see why Hayden couldn’t have waited till the professional cleaners showed up this morning,’ Jelena said as she studied the menu. ‘I’d pre-booked. Plus, they would have got double the results in half the time.’

  ‘Jelena, we couldn’t leave Hayden with rubbish all over the yard and body paint smeared on the walls,’ I snapped. Lack of sleep had stripped away my patience. ‘Seriously? It was the least we could do for him.’

  ‘Okaaay,’ Jelena huffed, slamming her menu down.

  ‘No, it’s not okay!’ I said, remembering Hayden’s face when the police arrived on the scene.

  Our neighbourhood was one of the most respectable in Jefferson, so a single noise complaint from a neighbour had produced an entire convoy of officers keen to enforce the law on an otherwise quiet Friday night. Half the street had peered from their doorsteps and front windows while Hayden was questioned for twenty minutes by two officers. Meanwhile, the rest of the patrol hustled teenagers from the house and backyard.

  ‘You do realise that if Scott and Tyler hadn’t hauled Travis over the fence to my place, the police could have charged Hayden with distributing alcohol to a minor?’

  ‘He didn’t buy it for them!’ Jelena shot back. ‘Jeffrey was the idiot who smuggled the Jack Daniel’s in in a jam jar.’

  ‘It’s Hayden’s property,’ I explained, trying not to raise my voice in the busy café. ‘Meaning he’s responsible for what happens there, and he faces the consequences if that activity is illegal. We’re just lucky that the police only called Hayden’s parents.’

  ‘Who were completely uncool about it.’ Jelena rolled her eyes.

  ‘Their house was trashed by two hundred teenagers!’ I cried. ‘Did you expect them to pat Hayden on the back?’

  ‘My parents never have an issue with parties,’ Jelena replied. ‘They know that social events are key to stepping up a few rungs on the influence ladder. Come on, how m
any times have you visited my place when my parents have had the sound system up way louder than ours was last night?’

  Jelena’s dad was a high-flying producer for one of the TV networks. Their place was palatial — the outdoor entertainment area alone was bigger than the entire ground floor of my house.

  ‘I don’t get why you didn’t host the party at your place then,’ Sara said to Jelena. ‘It’s a lot more glamorous than Hayden’s.’

  ‘Our pool’s being revamped,’ Jelena replied, sighing with relief as our coffees arrived. ‘Hayden’s was the next best option.’ She tore open a sugar packet and turned to me. ‘You know, I never intended the party to get that out of control. I specified no alcohol on the invitations, and I had Cass and Sara doing spot checks at the door. I can’t help it if idiot Jeffrey smuggled JD in. And it’s not my fault Hayden’s parents are stupidly old-fashioned and have grounded him till Friday. Go blame them for putting the red light on any post-school make-out sessions for you and Hayden.’

  ‘It’s not about make-out sessions!’ I cried. Several patrons looked up at my impassioned response and I lowered my voice. ‘It’s about the fact that you only got Hayden to agree to host the party by convincing him that it was his duty as my crush. That’s not fair.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s the issue at all,’ Jelena replied. ‘I think it’s frustration. You haven’t had a smooch for a week, you’re unlikely to for another week due to Hayden being grounded, and now you’re worried your fledgling relationship’s going to suffer.’

  I took a deep breath before my temper could get the better of me. I didn’t trust myself to lift my coffee cup, my hands were shaking so much from lack of sleep and extreme irritation. The guilt that I felt about Hayden’s punishment and the Parises’ trashed house had kept me from being able to sleep in the few hours available once we’d finished clean-up patrol. The girls had crashed at my place and Jelena had roused us all out in search of caffeine at 9 am. Unfortunately, the NAD had given our Nespresso machine away just this week. Apparently the group had labelled his morning coffee as an ‘addiction to stimulants’ and the NAD had filled the cupboard with dandelion and liquorice tea instead — or ‘weak crap’ as Jelena called it when she saw the overpriced packets from the health-food shop.

  ‘You’re not exactly Ms Mature while sleep-deprived, are you?’ Sara said to Jelena.

  Jelena took another desperate sip of her coffee. ‘I need eight hours.’

  Sara snorted. ‘On four-thousand-count sheets I bet, Ms Lopez.’

  ‘Ten thousand,’ Jelena replied as the waitress reappeared. ‘Waffles, thanks.’

  My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my bag. A message from Hayden.

  How are you and the girls faring? It’s grim faces at the breakfast table over here.

  What could I say? ‘I’m sorry I let my best friend’s political ambitions land you under house arrest’? I’d already said sorry in about a dozen different forms when Hayden had walked us back to my place last night. I hadn’t even been able to give him a hug because his dad had accompanied us as well. The truth was, I couldn’t blame this all on Jelena. I should have tuned into Hayden’s feelings earlier on during the party — or even during the week leading up to it. I’d been so wrapped up in planning the program that I had totally failed in basic communication.

  I hadn’t felt like myself lately. Usually I was passionate and confident — words were my forté. But it was as if timidity had taken over since Hayden and I had started dating. It dawned on me suddenly — it wasn’t just my classmates deeming me Lethal Lips; a part of me had actually started to believe I was a disaster in the dating stakes. And my every encounter with Hayden had become infused with self-doubt since.

  ‘Aurora?’ Sara’s voice broke into my self-reflection. I looked up and saw the waitress patiently waiting for my order. The last thing I wanted was food — I felt sick to the stomach.

  ‘Just raisin toast, please,’ I said. Hopefully I’d be able to nibble at it.

  The table fell silent after the waitress had departed with our orders.

  ‘Right, what’s up?’ Jelena asked Lindsay and Cass. ‘You guys haven’t said a word all morning!’

  Lindsay shrugged. Cass fiddled with the ring on her right hand, avoiding Jelena’s gaze.

  ‘You know, maybe we should get Scott to give you a promise ring,’ Jelena mused. ‘It could be the next step in the campaign.’

  Cass looked up, her eyes slightly panicky. ‘Jelena, I don’t think Scott —’

  ‘Nothing tacky,’ Jelena said, assuming that was why Cassie looked uneasy. ‘I’m talking good quality and lasting, like your relationship. It’s about reinforcing the brand to our classmates.’

  Sara shook her head. ‘Is anybody else worried that Jelena’s associating her best friends with brands? Next thing she’ll be calling you guys Cartier and Louis Vuitton instead of Cass and Lindsay.’

  ‘I’m thinking a promise ring from Tiffany,’ Jelena said, pulling out her iPhone and typing notes. ‘It would build on the little blue box concept that we introduced last night.’

  Cass looked pained at the reminder. ‘Jelena —’

  ‘We could do a similar thing for Tyler and Lindsay,’ Jelena went on. ‘Except not Tiffany. It’s got to reflect the overall feel of the couple. Tyler’s not really a Tiffany type of guy.’

  ‘Why don’t they just get a tattoo of each other’s name?’ Sara suggested sarcastically. ‘You know, you could film a segment leading up to it. Lindsay pleading with her parents to sign the tattoo permission slip, her parents forbidding it, Lindsay being all Romeo and Juliet and disobeying them, and jumping on the next bus with Tyler to the tattoo shop, where their eternal love is stamped on them for all time.’

  Jelena failed to heed Sara’s sarcasm. ‘Hmmm, that could be compelling viewing. Maybe instead of their full names we could just make the tattoo TylerandLindsay. Or T&L if either of them’s a little needle-shy —’

  ‘NO!’ Lindsay and Cass blurted out simultaneously.

  ‘Cass, I don’t mean you.’ Jelena laughed. ‘You and Scott aren’t the tattoo type. This campaign has got to be believable.’

  ‘If it’s meant to be believable, then you shouldn’t be manufacturing content,’ Lindsay said, clearly distressed.

  ‘I don’t know why you’re complaining,’ Jelena said. ‘Your content was totally believable. I showed all aspects of the TylerandLindsay dynamic.’

  Lindsay sighed. ‘I’m not even going to touch on the issue of total invasion of privacy. But in Cassie’s case you manufactured a whole proposal, plus hypothetical toddlers!’

  ‘You completely embarrassed me,’ Cass said softly. ‘Now I’m worried Scott thinks I’ve been going on about Tiffany boxes to you. Boys always think girls are obsessed with getting married. Two days ago I asked him to rent Bride Wars for me and now I know he’s totally suspicious it’s a hint.’

  ‘Cass, you guys have only been together a fortnight,’ I soothed. ‘Scott’s not silly enough to think you’re trying to lock it down already.’

  ‘It’s not just Scott I’m worried about, it’s the whole school,’ Cassie said. ‘Our dance class is performing Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” at assembly in a few weeks.’ She groaned. ‘Can you see me, front and centre, enthusiastically flapping my hand at the audience and singing about putting a ring on it? That’s hardly going to dispel their suspicions.’

  Jelena burst out laughing and we all glared at her.

  ‘I’m sorry! It’s just perfect irony,’ she spluttered.

  ‘Perfect for your campaign, you mean?’ Sara said, raising an eyebrow.

  ‘Maybe you could chat with Scott?’ I suggested. ‘Say that you know there’s been a lot of wedding talk, but you’re certainly not a matrimonial monster chasing him for a rock.’

  Scott was a good-natured guy who liked a laugh and was sure to see the funny side of the situation. If he didn’t, then I’d get Hayden to have a chat with him. He’d known Jelena about as long as I
had, so he’d be able to explain her grand schemes to Scott.

  ‘I just didn’t want to have to talk about this stuff so early on,’ Cass said. ‘We’ve only just started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Neither of us has even changed our relationship status on Facebook yet.’

  ‘I haven’t changed mine back yet either,’ Lindsay admitted. ‘I feel like the only honest status is “It’s complicated”.’

  ‘That’s going to have to be corrected quick smart,’ Jelena said, in between bites of waffle. ‘Both of you — here, let’s do it now on my iPhone. What are your passwords?’

  ‘NO!’ Cass and Lindsay cried again.

  Cass shook her head, her delicate little chin looking unusually stubborn. ‘I’m not changing mine the morning after that slideshow.’

  ‘OMG,’ Jelena huffed. ‘What about you, Aurora? If you’re heading up the Find a Prince/Princess Program™, you need to look loved up.’

  ‘I don’t think you can call it a “relationship” when one party’s in solitary confinement due to the gross insensitivity of the other,’ I said, and sighed.

  ‘I get it. You don’t want to be the instigator of the altered status,’ Jelena said. ‘How about I text Hayden and tell him to do it?’

  ‘NO!’ the entire table cried. Not only was the idea totally inappropriate, but I was pretty sure he was banned from Facebook too.

  ‘I really wish she didn’t have any of the boys’ numbers,’ Cass whispered to me. She looked really upset.

  ‘I’m just trying to help you people!’ Jelena said, and took the last bite of her waffle.

  ‘Hinder, more like it,’ Lindsay muttered.

  ‘Oh my god! I didn’t come to breakfast to sit with a table of people who are angry at me!’

  Jelena stood up, grabbed her handbag and flounced out the door.

  ‘I guess we’re paying for her breakfast too,’ Sara said wryly.

  ‘Do you think we should send Jelena a text?’ Cass asked as she and I walked home post-breakfast. ‘I feel kinda guilty.’

  ‘That’s the thing though,’ I said. ‘Why are we left feeling guilty when she’s the one who pushed the limits — not only with you and Scott, but with Lindsay and Tyler as well, not to mention poor Hayden and the party? She has to know that we’re going to speak out if she takes it too far. Otherwise, much as I love her, she’ll just keep striding over the boundary lines in the name of political expediency.’