How to Convince a Boy to Kiss You

by Tara Eglington

  ‘No problem,’ the NAD said. He swiftly scooped Snookums up and headed out of the kitchen. I heard his footsteps going up the stairs towards my bedroom.

  Snookums had been officially banished. I was really struggling not to say something at this point. This was my house and my cat! Since when did Ms DeForest get to call the shots for both? Since when did the NAD let her?

  The NAD returned with the weekend newspaper, and he and Ms DeForest sat down at the kitchen table with their juices.

  ‘Toast, anyone?’ I asked. ‘Meaning sprouted bread with nut butter?’

  ‘Yes, please.’ The NAD was pulling out the various sections of the paper.

  ‘No, thank you,’ Ms DeForest said. ‘I like to allow the juice time to produce vital stomach enzymes before I have my first meal for the day.’

  ‘Okay, toast for me and Dad then.’

  I turned my back on them and made a face while loading the toaster. How was I going to get through two months of this? I needed a hobby, an excuse to be out of the house more frequently.

  The toast popped up, and I took it over to the bench facing the kitchen table and started spreading the nut butter on it.

  ‘I don’t know why you read the paper, Kenneth,’ Ms DeForest said as Dad frowned down at an article. ‘It’s full of negativity.’

  ‘I like to have an awareness of what’s going on in the world,’ the NAD answered, turning the page. ‘If we stay ignorant of the suffering of others, it’s hard to be a truly conscious individual.’

  ‘But don’t you think,’ Ms DeForest put her hand over Dad’s to stop him turning to the next page, ‘that a focus upon negative events only lends them power? If we turn that focus onto the generous actions of most human beings, that contributes far more to the world’s positive energy. By reading this, you are helping to spread a plague of fear. Newspapers are the genesis of disease. Look at this, for instance: the social events page — an entire section devoted to materialism and self-interest.’

  She took the paper out of Dad’s hands and shook it in the air for emphasis. I nearly gasped out loud when I saw photographs of Mum and Carlos’s engagement party filling a whole page. I raced over to the table for a closer look. To my horror, a photograph of my mother and Carlos had ‘Recently engaged and soon to be wed’ in bold letters above it.

  Thankfully the NAD hadn’t seen it yet; he was focused on what Ms DeForest was saying.

  ‘These are people in positions of power, able to make a real difference, but their notion of charity is to attend a ball wearing a dress whose cost could have provided a hefty donation to whatever cause they pretend to be interested in.’

  Ms DeForest waved the paper in the air again. I couldn’t let Dad spot Mum. Not when I hadn’t told him the news yet.

  ‘I agree,’ I said, and gripped the corner of the paper, motioning for Ms DeForest to let go. ‘It’s really reprehensible. Dad, I think you should listen to Ms DeForest and stop reading the paper immediately. Let’s make a stand this very minute.’

  Ms DeForest looked taken aback by my support. ‘Not just yet, Aurora. I don’t think your father’s getting it.’ She flung the social pages down on the table and thrust her finger right at the photos of Mum and Carlos. I wanted to scream. ‘Look at this — people smothering their consciousness with alcohol and hedonism.’

  The NAD, recognising my mother, choked mid-sip and sprayed green juice onto Carlos’s and Mum’s faces.

  ‘I knew you’d be horrified!’ Ms DeForest cried triumphantly.

  ‘That’s my ex-wife!’ The NAD pulled the damaged paper closer. ‘Aurora, look at this! The paper says she’s soon to remarry.’ He stood up, looking furious. ‘This is just typical of Avery. Doing what she pleases and never letting you or me know about it, as if it doesn’t have an impact on us at all.’

  Would it be totally heinous of me to pretend I hadn’t known about the engagement? To make the NAD feel like he wasn’t alone in his ignorance? He was clearly very upset.

  ‘The lovely couple were joined by Ms Skye’s stunning daughter,’ Ms DeForest read aloud as she took a closer look at the photographs. She was obviously curious about Mum.

  The NAD sat down again and grabbed the paper from Ms DeForest. I watched him take in the photo of me at the event.

  ‘Dad —’

  ‘You knew about this?’ He looked up at me, the hurt on his face unmistakable.

  ‘Yes, but not for long; barely any time, in fact —’

  ‘And you deliberately kept it from me.’ Dad’s voice was very quiet. He shut the paper.

  ‘No! I wanted to tell you — I was going to this weekend —’

  ‘This is the second time this week when you’ve chosen not to share an essential part of your life with your own father.’ Dad stood up, folding the paper under his arm. ‘The person who stood by you when the woman you’ve been keeping this secret for ran out on our family.’

  The words stung like I’d been slapped in the face by a huge wave. The NAD rarely verbalised his anger about Mum. And I understood it — I’d felt the exact same way when I’d found out about the wedding. Mum, who’d left one marriage because of not wanting to be ‘trapped’, was choosing to do it again, but with someone else.

  ‘Kenneth,’ Ms DeForest reached for his hand, ‘let’s go to a meditation class.’

  ‘I don’t want to meditate on this.’ The NAD strode over to the kitchen bin and threw the paper into it. ‘Let’s go get your furniture.’

  I heard him grab his keys from the hallstand and open the front door. Ms DeForest dashed after him without a glance back at me.

  As soon as I heard the car leave, I grabbed the paper from the bin and headed out to the front to dump it into the recycling bin. I wasn’t going to risk having the NAD see the photos again later. Hayden was outside, putting the garbage out.

  ‘Hey,’ I called, and he turned around with a smile. ‘Do you mind putting this one in your bin?’

  Hayden looked down at the paper as I handed it over the fence to him. Even through the splatter of Mean Green Monster he recognised my mother’s picture in a second. His eyes scanned the caption and he dropped the garbage bag in shock. ‘Aurora!’

  I nodded. It was hard to know what to say. I still felt overwhelmed from the awful scene in the kitchen.

  ‘I want to jump over the fence and give you a hug, but my hands are dirty. Wait one second.’

  He dashed over to his garage and I heard running water, then he came running back and leapt the fence in one quick move.

  He pulled me in close. ‘This is how she told you? Her own daughter? I know what she’s like, but still —’

  ‘I knew,’ I said miserably. It felt beyond good to have Hayden hugging me, but my guilt about Dad was like an iron sculpture, completely immovable. ‘I’ve known for a while. I was just trying to come to terms with it before I broke the news to Dad. It just never seemed like the right time and so he found out from the paper instead.’

  I felt so ashamed admitting what a coward I’d been, but Hayden’s hug only grew tighter.

  ‘Your mother should have told him. It was completely out of line for her to hand that responsibility over to you.’

  ‘She offered, it’s just …’

  ‘She wouldn’t have been as kind.’

  Hayden looked at me like he understood everything. I nodded.

  ‘Listen, did you ask your dad about me coming over for a chat?’ he asked.

  ‘I was about to and then he saw the photos.’

  ‘Well, I’ll pop round anyway,’ Hayden said. ‘Probably around five, once I’ve finished some chores.’

  ‘I really don’t know if it’s a good idea today.’

  The NAD wasn’t the shouting type, but at the rate things were going, he’d likely show Hayden the door.

  ‘Your dad’s going through a lot right now,’ Hayden replied. ‘And so are you. Removing one worry from his shoulders might help the situation, and it might mean that he eases up on you.’

 
‘I can deal with it,’ I protested.

  Hayden shook his head. ‘Nope, not taking no for an answer. Every prince is, by law, required to fight a dragon before winning his princess. Your dad’s not even a fire-breathing one so I’m getting off pretty easy.’

  I laughed, knowing that Hayden couldn’t be stopped once he was on a mission.

  ‘Okay, fine. But if I see his nostrils flaring, I’m pushing you out the door for your own safety.’

  I headed back up to my room and dozed on my window seat for the remainder of the day. I woke up to the sound of furniture being shifted. Ms DeForest’s belongings had officially entered the premises. Even though I didn’t want to, I knew I should go down and help.

  As I came down the stairs and into the hall, my toe connected with a concrete dragon that had materialised there.

  ‘Oww!’ I wailed as I hopped on the spot.

  ‘Aurora?’ The NAD’s head suddenly appeared from the lounge room. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Well, I think I nearly broke my toe, but I should be asking you that question.’

  I tried to put my own suffering aside and focused on Dad’s face. To my relief, his brow was relaxed and his mouth curved upwards instead of down.

  ‘I’m great,’ he replied brightly. ‘Dana’s helping me redo the place. The dragon’s part of the new décor.’

  I felt a twinge of horror. Not again. I tried to peep into the lounge room but the NAD was blocking my way.

  ‘I was so blinded by anger and old wounds this morning that I couldn’t see the situation for what it was,’ he said, and shrugged.

  ‘Which is …?’ I asked tentatively.

  ‘That the universe is commanding your father to move on,’ Ms DeForest answered for him as she joined us in the hall. ‘Your mother chose to do what she’s done in a karmically unconscious way, but for Kenneth, this is an opportunity to step purposefully into a new future.’

  I didn’t mean to be a downer, but I didn’t see what was so revolutionary about the latest room makeover. Dad’s tried-and-tested method for dealing with the unexpected was to replace the furniture.

  ‘I couldn’t believe he hadn’t done a sage-burning ceremony in here.’ Ms DeForest shook her head. ‘The walls were dripping with bold energies left behind by Avery. So much so that they permeated our clothing during the ritual. We had to strip off and have cleansing salt baths.’

  Ms DeForest sounded like an exorcist describing a house possessed by evil. Thank god I’d slept through that part of the process.

  Dad put a hand on my shoulder. ‘I apologise if I took my frustration out on you this morning, honey. Your mother put you in an impossible position.’

  ‘However, it’s important for Aurora to learn that this household is trying to vibrate at a certain frequency and dishonesty will not be tolerated.’

  Ms DeForest obviously didn’t want to let me off lightly. Never mind that I had planned on being honest with the NAD today. Her unexpected arrival had thrown my plan for a loop.

  ‘Shall we show her?’ the NAD asked, looking proudly at Ms DeForest.

  She nodded and gestured for me to enter the lounge room.

  I blinked in shock as I took in the scene in front of me. ‘What happened to the sofas?’

  The NAD pointed to where the four-piece set was squashed into a corner. ‘We drew on Dana’s feng shui expertise.’

  ‘Furniture should never be positioned underneath overhead beams,’ Ms DeForest said. ‘It’s a negative influence upon your health.’

  Having the sofa half a metre from our flatscreen TV wasn’t exactly healthy either, but I held back from commenting as I looked around the rest of the room. Quartz crystals lined all the windowsills and intricately beaded screens separated the dining and kitchen areas. Huge potted shrubs were everywhere, creating a veritable jungle of greenery. The coffee table was lost somewhere in the undergrowth. The white walls were covered by red and purple hangings and an abundance of mirrors. As I stepped forward, I bumped into a heavy wind chime.

  The NAD gestured around him. ‘Isn’t it fabulous?’

  ‘It’s …’

  What had Ms DeForest done? The lounge room was a wreck. If we ever misplaced anything in here, forget locating it. The Amazonian jungle would have swallowed it.

  ‘What do you think?’ They both turned to me.

  Ms DeForest stopped smiling and arched an eyebrow, obviously expecting my disapproval.

  The universe was clearly testing me, what with my mother’s imminent nuptials and now the NAD’s own version of ‘moving on’. I hadn’t been able to soften the blow of the former for him, so there was no way I was going to be anything less than super supportive about the latter. That was what families were for. I managed to come up with a reply that was both honest and non-critical.

  ‘It’s completely transformed.’

  Thankfully I was saved from further elaboration (and dishonesty) by the doorbell. I dashed to answer it, leaving the NAD and Ms DeForest rhapsodising over their creative collaboration.

  Hayden stood on the front step. Was it 5 pm already? The NAD came out into the hall. His beaming smile faded when he spotted Hayden.

  ‘I wanted to come over to clear the air, Mr Skye.’ Hayden’s voice was confident, but I could read the nervousness in his eyes.

  ‘Perfect timing!’ I reassured Hayden before Dad could reply. ‘Dad and Ms DeForest have been doing that all this afternoon!’

  ‘Alright, Hayden, the universe is obviously commanding us to have a chat.’ The NAD motioned for Hayden to follow him towards his study.

  They emerged forty minutes later, the NAD looking much happier. I’d been trying not to pace the hall the whole time as I wondered how on earth a simple ‘clearing of the air’ could take so long.

  ‘You two feel free to hang out in the kitchen,’ Dad said as he and Hayden joined me in the hall. ‘Dana and I still need to put the finishing touches to the lounge, but I’ve told Hayden he’s welcome to stay for dinner.’

  ‘It went well then!’ I whispered to Hayden as we headed for the kitchen.

  Hayden caught sight of the lounge room as we passed it and did a double-take. ‘Yes, you could say that.’

  ‘How did you appease the dragon?’

  ‘Your dad told me that although it would be a challenge I had to learn to control my baser urges and focus on relating to you via my heart chakra.’

  Despite my best efforts, I snorted as we sat down at the kitchen table.

  ‘I tried to convince him that my baser urges weren’t a threat to your innocence, but he wasn’t buying it after finding me sprawled on top of you the other night. Then we did a guided meditation together.’

  The NAD came into the kitchen just as Hayden finished his sentence.

  ‘Nothing like a deep breathing exercise to resolve conflict,’ he said, smiling at us as he went over to switch on the kettle. ‘Hayden and I are now relating harmoniously again. I told him that as a requirement of dating you, he needs to attend our men’s circle on a weekly basis, to ensure he’s relating to you in an evolved way.’

  OMG, I didn’t want Igneous offering Hayden advice on relationships.

  ‘Dad, that’s not necessary. Hayden’s a total gentleman —’

  ‘As I said, it’s a requirement of dating you,’ the NAD said firmly. ‘I was feeling very uneasy about this relationship after the other night; however, the revelations of today have put that event into context. I now know that you were struggling with a major announcement from your mother, Aurora, which caused you to act out of character.’

  The NAD was definitely sterner than he had been pre-camp. I really wished he’d have a little more faith in me.

  ‘I know you’re both aware that relationships must be taken slowly,’ he finished and headed out of the room.

  ‘Slowly? He’s the one letting his on-off girlfriend move in,’ I whispered to Hayden. ‘She now has unlimited access to every room in this house, including his bedroom!’

  Hayden squeezed my
hand. ‘As long as I’m allowed to see you, I don’t care how many guided meditations I have to do.’

  ‘Just don’t give a guy called Igneous your phone number,’ I warned. ‘Trust me on that one.’

  CHAPTER 24

  ‘Jelena, you didn’t have to come. Lindsay and I have this under control,’ I said on Sunday afternoon as the three of us sat in Jeffrey’s living room waiting for him to bring us a drink before we got started on his matchmaking workshop. ‘I don’t want Jeffrey to feel overwhelmed with three women trying to overhaul his approach to dating.’

  Jelena waved my concern away. ‘Relax. Jeffrey looked totally stoked to have three girls showing up at his front door. Plus, it’s time to get real. We’re two weeks from election date come Monday and Jeffrey’s lost two of his matches. If the third one doesn’t work out, my campaign’s going to be in serious trouble.’

  She fell silent as Jeffrey entered the room with three glasses of Coke and ice. He served the drinks then sat down on the couch and looked at us expectantly.

  ‘Ladies?’ Jelena launched into business. ‘So, strategy: Ruby and Jemima are officially out of the picture so it’s time to try a new approach. Aurora, the DVD.’

  I reached into my bag and handed the disc to Jeffrey. He looked at the DVD case. ‘A nature documentary? You want me to bring out my animal instincts?’

  ‘NO,’ Jelena almost shouted.

  Lindsay giggled as I hurriedly explained the strategy. ‘We noticed you were extremely discouraged after what happened with Jemima and Ruby.’

  Jeffrey looked bummed. ‘Yeah, that was like three days’ work lost in seconds. Neither of them will talk to me. I even left a message on Ruby’s home phone and her mum rang back totally freaking out that I’d referred to her daughter’s boobs on the family’s voicemail.’ He took in our horrified faces. ‘I didn’t mean to! I was just trying to apologise and the word “boobs” slipped out! I’m a guy, it happens!’