I wanted to yell that I’d certainly not been briefed on said decision. It was only the realisation that I’d mortify the NAD and make him out to be a bad parent in front of all his friends that held me back. This ceremony had to have been Ms DeForest’s idea — she knew she was onto a good thing with the NAD and wanted to make it permanent. Just the other morning I’d heard him suggest that she could cut down to part-time work if she wanted, as he was happy to support her focus on her spiritual growth.
I watched her take the microphone from the NAD. ‘Welcome, everyone. As I said to Kenneth last night, having witnesses lends this occasion a sense of accountability. You’ll all hear our promises to create a future together, and we want to honour those promises, both to ourselves and to you.’
The ceremony continued with an Apache blessing, a Kahlil Gibran reading, the NAD’s and Ms DeForest’s individual pledges of intention and a sand-pouring ceremony.
The NAD called for me to join him in pouring the sand that represented his past into a hurricane lamp, but I knew if I got up there, my calm would break. I didn’t move from my chair. The NAD quickly told the disappointed crowd that I was still a bit shy when it came to alternative rituals. Thankfully everyone nodded understandingly, except Ms DeForest, who gave me a look before resuming her pleasant expression.
A cloud of butterflies was released into the air at the end of the ceremony, then the NAD and Ms DeForest virtually skipped back down the makeshift aisle. As the cheering crowd surrounded them with congratulations and spiritual blessings, I sat motionless in my chair.
I felt Hayden nudge me. ‘Aurora? Tell me you’re okay?’
‘My dad just conducted his version of a marriage ceremony to a woman I can’t stand!’ I burst out. ‘Of course I’m not okay!’
Fortunately no-one was within earshot to hear Kenneth’s unsupportive daughter. I’d had not one, but two parents spring life-changing choices on me in a matter of weeks. Of course I was glad that they were both moving on and trying to make themselves happy, but couldn’t they at least consult me about things that shifted the axes of my life? It hurt me that they believed my opinion was of no consequence or value.
‘I can’t believe he just sprang this on me in my own home!’
‘I’m sure he meant to fill you in,’ Hayden said, looking anxiously at me. ‘He mentioned in his text message to me that you were upset and wouldn’t open your door. Aurora, I know this means big changes for your life, and if it was me in this situation I’d be totally confronted by it too, but like you said last night, sometimes people fall in love and they move super quickly.’
I stood up, seeing red. ‘I can’t believe you’re using carpe diem as an excuse for my dad’s insensitivity! This is different. I’d like to see you being Mr Calm if both of your parents announced commitments to people you barely know.’
I was so angry I didn’t stay to hear his response. I headed down the garden path and into the kitchen. Dad was there, amongst the crowd, opening a bottle of organic wine.
‘Aurora!’ His face brightened as he spotted me.
‘You know, for someone who advises his daughter against rushing into relationships, you set a pretty bad example.’
I felt pathetic at the way the words came out trembling instead of cool, but composure was fast deserting me. Before he could reply, I headed for the front yard. I didn’t know where I was going or how, but I had to get out of here.
Almost miraculously, Mum’s car pulled into the drive.
As I opened the door and jumped in, I saw the NAD, Hayden and Ms DeForest at the front door, witnessing my harried exit.
CHAPTER 28
‘Your father’s making odder and odder fashion choices as he gets older,’ Mum said as we swung out of the driveway.
‘Believe me, the odd choices go beyond clothing,’ I muttered.
Mum looked at me, then peered in the rear-view mirror at Ms DeForest. ‘That spiritual garb comes too close to crossing the line into bridal wear, doesn’t it?’ She shook her head disapprovingly. ‘There’s a time and a place for long white lace, but never at her age.’
As we headed towards the city, I switched my phone off. For the first time, I understood Lindsay’s plea for space. When your heart was in turmoil, silence was the only way to make sure you still had room to breathe.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked, wanting to shift my mind onto something else. ‘Florists? Cake-tastings?’
‘Jefferson University. It’s their open day.’
‘You’re enrolling?’
Life had thrown so many surprises at me recently that the prospect of my mother returning to study wasn’t unbelievable.
Mum let out her tinkly laugh. ‘You are a silly child sometimes. No, of course not. Carlos has been talking to me about fostering your potential. He was rather impressed after meeting you. We thought you could do a year here while staying at home with your father and then transfer overseas to a top university. Perhaps Cambridge or somewhere in the US. Carlos suggested we could buy you an apartment to live in.’
Instead of our catch-up being about red velvet versus chocolate ganache, or South American roses versus peonies, it was all about me. This was a first.
‘After all, you’ll be applying to university next year,’ Mum continued. ‘I want to be a part of that.’
As she pulled into the university parking lot, I realised I was breathing again.
After spending several hours picking up brochures and touring lecture theatres and campus facilities, Mum took me back to her and Carlos’s apartment for the first time. The rooms were all high-ceilinged, large and painted cream. Mum made tea and served it in impossibly fragile china. I was terrified I’d drop my cup or saucer on her matching set of black and white striped chaise longues, which looked like props from the film Marie Antoinette.
‘You liked attending Jefferson University, right?’ I asked her. ‘I mean, I know you met Dad there, but you’ve never told me what it was like academically.’
‘The business course was very comprehensive, but my studies were a bit broken up by my modelling work. I’d often be flying in and out of the country. Never anything truly glamorous like Parisian shows — I was just a little too short to do catwalk — but commercial work paid really well. Your father followed me to Japan only two weeks after he met me. He’s the type to jump in quickly, as you’d know.’
I let out a laugh before I could stop myself. He certainly hadn’t changed.
‘Tell me about what happened in Japan,’ I said. Dad never wanted to talk about the early days.
‘At the time I had no idea he’d got it into his head to come after me. We’d been on three dates and then I’d told him I had to go away for work. He managed to track down the hotel where the agency had put me up and booked a room on the same floor as mine. The night after I arrived I heard this knock at the door. It was about 9 pm and I was cross because I’d specified to the front desk that I wasn’t to be disturbed. I was rather religious about my beauty sleep as a model. Anyway, I flung open the door ready to give a staff member a dressing-down and there was your father, with a bouquet of white roses hiding almost his entire chest and face. He told me I was too sophisticated for red roses. I was at an age where I desperately wanted to be sophisticated and was completely won over by the gesture.’
Mum’s voice sounded like she’d been drinking honey tea instead of the green that was in our cups.
‘Speaking of your father,’ her voice became practical again, ‘we should get you home.’
‘I’m not really in a hurry.’
‘Something’s going on back there, isn’t it?’ Mum said. ‘I saw your face when I picked you up.’
I nodded and looked down at the thick, swan-white rug that caressed my feet. I didn’t want to go into it; it would only make going back even more formidable.
Mum sighed. She obviously thought I was being difficult. And then she said something that was far from the mum I knew.
‘Why don’t you stay her
e for the night? Carlos is away, and we’ve got several spare bedrooms. I can give you a nightgown and a spare toothbrush to use. I’ll drive you back tomorrow morning.’
The guestroom was bigger than my room back home, and our place wasn’t exactly small. Mum told me she had to do some work on one of Carlos’s proposals, but I was welcome to help myself to magazines or books from their library. I flicked through a few books, not really absorbing anything; instead, I listened to Mum typing away on a computer in the next room. It had been four years since I’d slept in the same house as her, and knowing that I could call out and have her answer me within seconds was almost odd. It was ridiculous, but as the evening stretched on a tiny part of me was frightened she’d change her mind and tell me she was dropping me back.
I finally switched on my phone at 9 pm, knowing I needed to tell Dad I wasn’t coming home. He certainly wouldn’t be expecting Mum to keep me overnight. My phone lit up with missed call after missed call. Dad, about three times. Hayden, about ten times. Jelena. There were texts too. Jelena had seen Jeffrey’s Facebook page and wasn’t happy. Tyler had sent three texts asking if calling Lindsay still counted as giving her space. Hayden had obviously told Cass what had happened because there was an R U OK??? from her. I felt exhausted just looking at all the messages. I sent an I’m staying at Mum’s, I’ll talk to you tomorrow text to both Dad and Hayden before turning the phone off. I felt guilty about Hayden, but I knew if I called or texted him in this mood, we’d only wind up in another argument.
Mum had left a towel out for me, so I headed into the ensuite bathroom. I washed my hair with the salon shampoo and conditioner in there, hoping by some kind of magic it would strip my mind clean of all the stress stuck to it.
When I got out, Mum was sitting on my bed. I stood there in my towel, wondering if she was going to ask me to go home. The little girl in me felt like clinging to her skirts and begging to stay.
‘I thought you might need a comb,’ Mum said, holding one up.
She gestured for me to sit down at the dressing table, then came over behind me and gently ran the comb through my hair.
‘You’re such a beautiful girl, Aurora.’ She studied me in the mirror. ‘I always said to your father that I wanted a child other mothers would be envious of, and that’s exactly what I got.’
‘You wanted a child then?’
It felt like a forbidden question, but after what Ms DeForest had said I wanted to know the truth. It wasn’t like the question hadn’t gone through my mind a million times over since Mum had left.
‘Of course.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘I wasn’t silly enough to get pregnant accidentally if that’s what you’re thinking. I suppose someone’s told you I left because I never wanted children.’
Mum stopped combing and met my eyes in the mirror. I didn’t answer. The question hovered between us for what felt like minutes, but was actually only seconds.
‘I didn’t know what mothering was really about, to be honest,’ she said. ‘You have to remember, the English way is to send your children to boarding school. Like Carlos, I only saw my own mother about three times a year for most of my childhood.’
Mum’s parents had been English. I thought of how she’d once told me she’d come here because it was the other side of the world and different from everything she’d ever known.
‘Unlike your father, who’d race to you the second you let out a tiny murmur or whimper, I’m not good with small children,’ Mum said. ‘That’s why my relationship with you has improved more recently. You’re becoming mature enough to understand me as a person, rather than simply demand things of me as a mother.’
A few months ago, I would have been insulted by this. Now, I found myself trying to understand what she was saying.
‘I’m very much looking forward to fostering a friendship with the woman you are going to become, Aurora.’ Mum stopped combing and bent to kiss my forehead quickly. ‘There’s a hair dryer in the bathroom cupboard. Sleep well.’
When Mum dropped me home the following morning, I realised something. The odd feelings I got whenever I said goodbye to Hayden after a date, or after walking back together from school, were the same feelings I had now. An unease, a slight lump in my throat, a worry that I couldn’t quite name, but which floated around in the back of my mind for a good hour or so before I managed to sufficiently distract myself. It was so obvious now that I couldn’t believe I’d missed it. I hated goodbyes, even the ones that were part of the normal routine. I seemed to equate goodbye with an unconscious sense of dread that this could be the last time I’d see the person for years.
I didn’t want to feel like that any more. After all, Mum had come back into my life. Maybe I needed to stop living on guard, believing that all the people I cared about would inevitably leave without warning.
As I opened the front door, I saw the NAD and Ms DeForest coming down the stairs with suitcases. I had to appreciate the irony, just at the moment when I was attempting to rework my take on goodbyes.
‘Aurora.’ Dad stopped at the bottom of the staircase, Ms DeForest behind him.
‘Hi,’ I said. I could tell by both their faces that they were unhappy about yesterday.
‘I tried to call again this morning,’ Dad said. ‘Dana and I are going on a short retreat to the country. We’ll be back Wednesday evening. I’ve left the fridge full of supplies, and I’ve written our number next to the phone in the lounge room if you need to reach us for anything.’
‘Okay.’
‘We obviously need to talk, but Dana and I have a long drive ahead so I think that’s best left for when we return.’
‘You stayed with your mother,’ Ms DeForest commented as she and Dad moved towards the door.
I nodded. I didn’t need to explain myself to her.
‘That’s one of the things we need to discuss,’ Dad said. ‘Obviously it’s good that you and Avery have reconnected. But I think you need to realise it could be a temporary thing.’
‘Individuals like your mother aren’t the type to forge stable relationships,’ Ms DeForest added.
‘Maybe she’s changed,’ I said, feeling angry that they seemed to want to take away the tiny seed of faith that had started blooming in my heart. ‘She took me to the Jefferson University open day yesterday. She invited me to stay with her. Maybe this time it’s different.’
‘I’ve seen eighteen years of this pattern,’ Dad replied, opening the front door. ‘Your mother loves you, I’ve always told you that, but she is who she is. Family isn’t her priority. It’s a tragedy, and she’ll probably regret it one day, but she’ll never change.’
I remembered her kissing my forehead the night before. ‘Well, she’s my mother and I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.’
Dad didn’t reply. He shut the front door behind him and I heard the car start soon afterwards. Then I was left, in the quiet, alone.
CHAPTER 29
‘All three candidates eliminated in under two weeks! We need to fix this.’
Monday morning art class hadn’t even started yet and Jelena was already getting stuck into Lindsay and me about Jeffrey’s matches.
‘Um, Jelena, have you seen his Facebook page? It’s the equivalent of a feminist rally,’ Lindsay said. ‘I’m surprised the girls haven’t marched en masse to Mr Quinten demanding Jeffrey be charged with sexual harassment. He didn’t do anything, of course, but no-one is going to convince the girls of that.’
‘We can’t just tell everyone we couldn’t get him a match.’ Jelena sounded frustrated. ‘Aurora, aren’t you embarrassed? This is going to reflect badly on you.’
‘Thanks, Jelena.’ I tried not to feel insulted. ‘As I said, we need you to release a press statement. Then I’ll try to talk some of the girls around.’
Lindsay sighed. ‘It isn’t going to work. I hate to be a downer, but we have to be realistic. His locker was covered with anti-harassment posters this morning. Someone had even photocopied A Vindication of the Rights of Wo
men and stuck it up there.’
‘Okay, what about a match with a girl from another school?’ Jelena wasn’t giving up. ‘Between the five of us we have to know a few girls who might not have heard about Jeffrey yet.’
‘The girls on Facebook aren’t all from Jefferson,’ I said. ‘They’re from all over — the Catholic high school, public high schools in neighbouring suburbs —’
‘Excuses. Start working on it,’ Jelena commanded. ‘In the meantime, I’ll try to hire someone to play the role of starry-eyed girlfriend.’
‘You can’t lie to people like that!’ I knew Jelena was set on winning, but this was corrupt.
Lindsay let out an ironic laugh. ‘She’s technically already doing that with Johannes and Sara. This program doesn’t seem to be working for anyone.’
‘That’s not true.’ I gave her a confused look. ‘What about Hunter and Chloe?’
‘Shh!’ Jelena furiously motioned for us to keep our voices down. But Sara, who’d just entered the classroom, had obviously heard her name.
‘You lie about Jeffrey and I’ll drop the act with Johannes,’ she said. ‘Obviously you guys were at a disadvantage when my name was selected, as you weren’t fully briefed on my commitment to singledom. I’m willing to make up for that temporarily, but I’m not letting you lie about a second couple.’
How to Convince a Boy to Kiss You Page 36