Because of her own baby boy? Because he’d been too frail, too tiny to live, because she hadn’t been able to protect him the way other mothers could. Hadn’t been able to grow him to his full potential the way Isla had. An arrow of pain seared her heart. He would have been a teenager now, getting ready to fly the nest. She would have had all those memories, sleepless nights, first days at school…so many firsts; long hot summers, a house full of primary-coloured plastic and arguments over too loud music. Instead she had heartache and an extremely unwise choice of sexual partner. She couldn’t even blame that on mummy brain.
She had to let it all go. She had to move on. Her baby was gone. Gone, but in her heart for ever. Do not spoil your sister’s day. ‘Of course, I’m fine, Isla. Talk away. I want to hear about everything…absolutely everything. I’m so happy for you. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there to hold your hand. I’m sending hugs, heaps and heaps of hugs.’
‘Oh, you know I’d have liked you to be here, Iz. I would have, but you need to be away from here… I totally get it. I love you.’
Emotion constricted Isabel’s throat; she had to force words out. ‘I love you too.’ Ever since Isla had waved Isabel off onto the flight to London she had been nothing but supportive of Isabel’s need to get away from Melbourne, to put her life there behind her. To forget Sean. Yeah, that plan had worked really well. ‘So come on, a name? What did you go with in the end?’
‘Geo, after Alessi’s brother, the triplet who died. I told you about him, didn’t I?’
‘Yes, yes. The baby who didn’t make it…’ Another one. Breathe. Breathe. ‘That’s a lovely gesture, Isla. Alessi must be so proud.’ Isabel had chosen a name for her boy too but had never properly given it to him. She hadn’t been able to think straight after she’d given birth, after they took his little body away. There’d been no burial. Nothing to remember him by. But she did have a name for him.
‘Alessi? Proud?’ Her sister laughed down the line and it was so good to hear her so happy. ‘Oh, yes, and then some. He’s acting like he’s the only man who’s ever fathered a child. Still, if it means he continues to treat me like a princess then I’m happy. I’m not allowed to move a single muscle without him making sure I’m okay.’
‘Lucky you, enjoy it while you can. Give baby Geo lots of kisses from his very happy auntie and email me some photos, now! Oh…who delivered you? Don’t tell me it was Alessi?’
There was a kerfuffle in the background, familiar hospital noises—bleeps, voices. The sweet, soft snuffle of a contented newborn. ‘No, he was too busy up the top end dealing with me, trying to keep me calm. Darcie was the attending, she was amazing. Very patient, all things considered. I think I may have been a bit rude to everyone, but at least it made them give me more pain relief. Talking of Darcie, did I tell you…? It’s all hearts and roses over here. You’ll never guess who she’s dating. True love and everything.’
Sometimes Isabel really missed the gossip of her home town. The familiar. ‘No? Who? Spill.’
‘Only Lucas bloody Elliot!’
The heartthrob of the MMU. ‘Mr Playboy himself? No way! I thought you said they hated the sight of each other.’ But Isabel knew that there was a thin line between love and hate—that passion came in many forms and was fuelled by many different emotions.
Isla sighed. ‘It’s really cute to watch actually. There were fireworks all along the way—neither of them wanted to admit they were falling in love. Little Cora’s thrilled too. Now she has an auntie as well as an uncle to watch her. Quite a unit, they are.’
Hearing all the news she’d missed out on made Isabel realise just how far away from them she was. Darcie had only been in Melbourne less than a year herself, having been part of the same exchange as Isabel. In fact, Darcie would be scheduled to return to Isabel’s job in a few weeks, when the year’s exchange was over. ‘Well, that’ll cause Darcie a few sleepless nights if she’s fallen for Lucas, because he’s firmly committed to staying in Melbourne with his brother and niece.’
‘I know. He’s been such a rock for them both since his sister-in-law died. There’s no way he’d leave all that behind. But I hope it won’t mean you’re not coming home? Your job will still be open if she decides to stay here, right?’
Isabel had a brief image of her and Sean arriving off the same flight hand in hand stepping onto Aussie soil. Then she shook away such a fantasy. But whatever happened, she was definitely going home. And soon. ‘Absolutely. Try and stop me. Oh, I do miss you all.’
‘We miss you too. They all say hi.’ It seemed the labour drugs were still in Isla’s system as she chatted on oblivious to the fact it was five o’clock in the morning for her. ‘Come home soon. I want you to meet Geo. Oh…and talking of babies…more goss hot off the press. Oliver and Emily are looking to adopt another baby. So sweet. Toby’s growing into such a lovely boy and they want to add to their family.’
Another MMU romance—seemed there had been quite a few recently. Something in the water. Obstetrician Oliver and midwife Emily had been having marriage problems back when Isabel had been there; it was good to hear that they’d managed to put their rough past behind them. It was good to hear that at least some rekindled relationships could work.
She’d bet that Oliver hadn’t hot-footed out of the bedroom at the first opportunity. ‘I’m glad things worked out for them in the end. Their marriage was put under so much pressure struggling with IVF. It was hard for them to see beyond that. Time makes such a difference.’ Geez, she could have been talking about her and Sean. But there wouldn’t be any happy endings for them. Not with the way he’d looked as he’d left. She couldn’t help the yearning in her voice. ‘But now everyone sounds so settled and happy.’
‘They all want to know what you’ve been up to. Have you met anyone?’ There was a pause, then Isla cleared her throat. ‘How’s Sean?’
What to say? Hot sex is epic. It’s the aftermath that’s the problem. How to move on from here? ‘He’s…he’s okay. Actually, he’s here in Paris with me.’
‘What the hell? What do you mean? Here’s me rabbiting on… Have you told him?’ For a woman who’d recently given birth, Isla was very animated. Those pregnancy hormones were amazing. Isabel had seen some women act as if nothing earth-shattering had happened—popped out a baby and gone straight back to normal life, thank you very much. ‘Are you…? You know…?’
We just did. ‘It’s just a conference.’
‘Nothing’s just a conference if Sean’s there. You’re away with him? Isabel? In Paris?’ A loud squawking zinged down the phone line. Voices. A lot of loud garbled language. Greek? Cries, a loud hullabaloo. Then Isla was back. ‘Sorry, hon. I’ve got to go. Geo’s hungry, I think. Alessi’s parents have just arrived. It’s chaos. I’ll call you. Call me. Talk soon. I love you.’
And she was gone. Isabel’s head was spinning. There was never enough time to chat properly and the long-distance hum always interfered. She wanted to sit down and talk to her sister, to hold her precious nephew. She wanted to go home. A few more weeks and she would…only a few more weeks until the end of this contract. And then what?
She scrunched up the Egyptian cotton sheet in her hand and looked down at where Sean had been lying a few moments ago. Remembered how good he had made her feel. And how easily he’d slipped away. So instead of then what, it was, now what? Now how to face the elusive Dr Anderson?
Isabel had absolutely no idea.
CHAPTER SIX
ISABEL NEEDN’T HAVE WORRIED. There was no time for chatting at breakfast with Mr Incubator doing all the talking. No chance to catch up over lunch as she’d been cordially invited to the speaker’s special VIP luncheon. Then after her presentation she’d been whisked away on a tour of the Sacré-Coeur followed by dinner and a show in Montmartre, which, it appeared, Sean, or rather Jacob when he’d registered, hadn’t signed up for. And after all that French flavour she was good and ready for bed. To sleep on her own.
And no late-night visits. S
he didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed.
Turned out there was rather more of the latter than she expected.
The next day flew by with more meetings—one a real success with the promise of a hefty discount on some new high-tech monitors—and interesting talks all round. She only had one more day to dodge Sean’s questioning eyes, then he’d be heading back home and she’d have a couple of free days to shop. The French baby clothes were so gorgeous and chic, she just knew Isla would adore them; Isabel had no problem hanging on to spend time perusing and indulging her new nephew.
Right now, though, she was spruced up ready for the gala dinner and surveying the majestic ballroom for someone to hide behind. And yup, no Sean as yet. Thank goodness. She still had no idea what to say to him. But if she zipped towards the medical-rep crowd she might be able to get stuck in a conversation before he arrive—
‘Wow, Isabel. You look amazing.’
Too late. His hand was on her waist as he drew in close and pecked French un-deux-trois kisses on her cheeks. She closed her eyes briefly at the sensation of his touch on her cheek, his aftershave mingling with his sunshine and sex scent. Goddamn, the man was irresistible.
But she was measured in her response. He couldn’t hike out of her room after sex without an explanation. She needed to know what was going on in his head.
Hers was a lost cause.
‘Oh, this old thing? Just something I threw on at the last minute.’ She looked down at the midnight-blue silk shift dress that had cost the best part of a week’s salary but, hell, it had been too beautiful to resist with its teeny shimmery jewels round the halter neckline and the cutaway back. She eyed her favourite sparkly silver sandals, then her gaze strayed onto him and she almost lost her balance. The man was drop-dead hot in a black tuxedo.
Worse, she knew how hot he was out of it too. And so that wasn’t helping her equilibrium, not at all.
‘Well, you’re just too damned beautiful. Drink? Because I need one if I’m going to spend all evening looking at you, not allowed to touch you.’ He took her elbow and steered her towards the bar. ‘And I get the feeling you’re avoiding me because every time I turn around you’ve disappeared.’
She drew her arm away. ‘Oh, trust me, I know that feeling. Wham, bam and suddenly you’re gone.’
‘What are you talking about?’ He leaned over the bar and gave the barman his order, then turned back to Isabel, his eyes widening as the penny dropped. ‘Oh. You’re cross because I left you to talk to your sister in private? Really? Or are you cross because I didn’t come to your room last night?’
‘Shh…people will hear.’ Not that there were many people in earshot, but…well, really.
‘I don’t care who hears. Did you want me to come to you last night? Should I have?’
She looked down at the mahogany bar because that was safer than looking into those dark eyes and saying one thing but thinking the opposite. Yes, she’d wanted to sleep with him again. Had lain awake for hours imagining him naked in bed, the wall between them a barrier she hadn’t been able to bring herself to cross.
Because she didn’t want to want him so much, and put her world into free fall again. She didn’t want to hand over that part of herself that she’d kept safe for so long, the memories and emotions locked away. She didn’t want to feel anything. And right now she was feeling a lot of things. Mainly hot and bothered and very turned on. But more, complicated things she didn’t want. ‘Mmm.’ That should do it. Nonchalant and undefined.
‘Mmm? What the hell does that mean? Listen, Izzy, the truth is, I thought, seeing as we hadn’t spent any time together talking, that it would be… I don’t know, to use an old-fashioned word, unchivalrous to expect a booty call. But that was what you wanted? Yes? You wanted me to be unchivalrous?’ His mouth tipped up, the grin widening as his hand smoothed round from her waist to the back of her neck, sending ripples of desire through her. His mouth was close to her throat. ‘Go on, admit it. You wanted me.’
‘No.’ Yes. She couldn’t help the smile. How had it gone from complicated to sex? From difficult to downright easy? Was it that straightforward? To stop thinking and start doing? She made sure she looked right at him. ‘No.’
‘Next time, say it and mean it. You wanted a booty call?’ He nodded and smirked. ‘Noted, naughty girl.’ Then he handed her a glass of bubbles. French. Yummy. ‘So, we’re celebrating?’
‘Sorry? Why?’
‘Isla’s baby? Boy? Girl? All’s well?’
‘Sorry. Yes, a boy. Called Geo, apparently…both doing fine. She’s emailed me some photos and he’s desperately cute.’ She took out her phone and flicked through the photos, trying to stop tearing up, because Geo was so, so gorgeous and Isla looked as deliciously happy as she deserved to be. Alessi, indeed, so proud. And far from feeling jealous, Isabel just felt her heart filled with happiness for them.
Sean tilted her chin and looked at her. ‘You miss them.’
She looked away because he saw the truth inside her as if he knew her too well. ‘Yes. Of course. They’re my family. It’s my home. My place. Coming here was only ever temporary.’
He took a drink of the champagne. ‘You’re not enjoying it?’
‘Oh, yes. The people are really friendly, I’ve had some fabulous work opportunities, like this conference. Job satisfaction is high.’
He smiled. ‘The sex is pretty good too.’
‘Exceptional, yes.’ Her cheeks bloomed hot. She was still so new to this, she didn’t know the art of flirting, but Sean made it easy today. Maybe she’d misunderstood his frown the other night or the reason he’d left. Maybe he had just been giving her space. Maybe he’d forgiven her?
Forgiving was one thing, but forgetting? She imagined that would take him a whole lot longer. It would always be there between them. Wouldn’t it? God, if only she could thrash this out with Isla, the only person who knew everything.
Apart from Sean now, of course.
They walked towards a table, so beautifully decorated with silver tableware on a crisp white linen cloth and a small silver and white Christmas tree centrepiece. He nodded to the other guests sitting there, pulled out an empty chair and indicated for her to sit. ‘So tell me, Isabel, why did you really come to the other side of the world? All this way away from your family?’
She sat. ‘To develop my skills and knowledge. To take part in an international study and hopefully open a new Australian strand of it when I go back to MMU.’ That was what she’d told them over the video interview anyway. There’d been no mention of running away from her ex because his questions made her uncomfortable. Made her remember things she’d prefer to keep under lock and key.
‘So you’ll be going back when your exchange has finished?’
‘If my job’s still there—I get the feeling that Darcie might want to stay in Melbourne. Apparently she’s hooked up with Lucas.’
He grinned. ‘Really? Now that’s something I’d never have predicted. They’ll keep your job open for you too, though, surely?’
Isabel sighed. ‘Yes, I hope so. That was one of the conditions of the exchange. I’m ready to go back, to be honest. I’ve had my year of living dangerously.’
‘Not nearly dangerously enough.’ His eyebrows peaked and his smile was as dirty as could be mustered at a dinner shared with two hundred delegates. ‘There are a few things I have in mind that you could do. Only takes a bedroom. Well…not even that really. A willing mind.’
Her body was willing, it was her closed-off mind that she was having trouble with. To stop herself from slapping a kiss on that smirking mouth she desperately tried to keep the conversation on a civil track. ‘And you? Will you stay here or move on somewhere?’
He shrugged. ‘I haven’t decided yet. My contract runs for a couple more months…then I’ll make some decisions. I’m registered with a locum agency in London, so I may just stay in the UK for a while, perhaps see what Edinburgh’s like. I’m happy moving around for now but I gu
ess at some point that’ll grow old. I like the challenge of new places, meeting new people. I like not having to commit to one place. There’s a lot more to the world than Melbourne.’
Her heart began to hammer a little uncomfortably. ‘You’ll want to settle down at some point, surely? Family?’
And she didn’t even know why she was asking him such a question…it wasn’t as if that kind of life was anything she’d been working towards. She was happy being on her own, making her own decisions, living the single life. Wasn’t she? At least she had been. A bit lonely, perhaps, but nothing serious.
Maybe that tiny ache in her gut that she’d tried to ignore was a reaction to Isla having a baby. Yes, that was it. Isabel decided she was a little unsettled by that, that was all.
The food arrived, and even though it might have seemed a little rude to ignore the other diners Isabel just wanted to sit and listen to Sean; his voice was lyrical and smooth. ‘My parents have hinted about grandchildren. No, make that, my parents ask about potential wives and babies every time I phone or email. It’s like something out of the eighteenth century. Neither of my brothers look like they’re settling down either, so I’m in the firing line.’
‘Your parents are lovely. How are they these days?’
‘Same as ever, working hard on the business. Dad’s still in accounting and Mum’s still doing his paperwork, but she craves grandkids and won’t leave me alone.’
Isabel laughed, remembering the not so subtle hints her father had been dropping about continuing the Delamere line. ‘Mine too. So hopefully they’ll be appeased by Isla’s bub and leave me alone now.’
Sean looked surprised. ‘You don’t want that for yourself?’
And risk the chance of losing everything again? ‘No.’
He paused to eat some of the amazing chicken pâté and bread, then continued with a frown, ‘But you always used to talk about having kids—a whole mess of them, I think you said. You wanted to be a different parent from yours, you were looking forward to chaos.’
Her Doctor's Christmas Proposal Page 7