by Andria Large
Christian felt the heat rise up his neck and face. Dammit, he was not a good liar at all. He just shrugged, not meeting any of their eyes.
“Aw, shit. I never would have thought that you were that kind of guy, Chris.” Sebastian smirked.
“Can we not talk about this?” Christian rasped, his voice messed up from all of that coughing.
“Really? I certainly want to hear more about your freaky sex habits.” Henry grinned before sipping his beer.
Christian’s face burned and he glanced around, looking for some kind of exit. He then felt an unwanted anxiety attack coming on hard and fast. His heart started fluttering, he got lightheaded, and the beer and burger in his stomach started to turn sour. He swallowed hard and tried to pull in a deep breath but his lungs wouldn’t expand enough.
“Shit, you guys, now look what you did. You’ve sent him into a panic attack,” Quinn snapped and grabbed Christian’s upper arm to drag him away from Henry and Sebastian.
Christian started hyperventilating as Quinn pulled him away, black spots dancing in front of him and he struggled to stay on his feet. Quinn wrapped an arm around his waist and led him into the house, where he took Christian right to the bathroom in the hall on the first floor, shutting them in and locking the door. Christian gagged and slapped a hand over his mouth. Quinn rushed him over to the toilet, threw up the seat and got Christian’s face over the bowl just in time.
“Jesus Christ!” Quinn sighed behind him and rubbed circles on Christian’s back.
Christian was heaving so hard that he could barely breathe, and when he was able to draw in a breath, it was loud and ragged. It was a few minutes before he finally stopped. When he seemed to be finished, Quinn reached over him and flushed the toilet. His brother then grabbed some toilet paper, put a hand on Christian’s forehead and lifted his face out of the toilet bowl.
Quinn put the wad of toilet paper up to his nose. “Blow,” he said softly.
Christian did as he was told and blew his nose. Quinn grabbed another wad of toilet paper and wiped his mouth next. Damn, he couldn’t remember any of his brothers ever taking care of him like this; it was usually Shea’s job, or he went at it alone.
“Are you alright?” Quinn asked, concern coloring his tone.
Christian had to swallow a couple of times before he could answer. “I think so,” he rasped, his throat raw from the choking and now this.
Quinn smoothed Christian’s hair back from his forehead. “Christian, you can talk to me, man, you know that, right?” he said quietly in his deep raspy voice.
Christian closed his eyes. “I know.” He sighed, letting Quinn help him sit on the floor with his back against the wall. Quinn then sat down next to him.
“Is there anything you want to talk about? Do you want to tell me why you almost passed the fuck out because of what Sebastian said?”
Christian dropped his head into his hands. Did he tell Quinn? He was afraid of what he would think the most because of what happened to him - a man raped him. Would he think that Christian was a freak for wanting to be with another man? He was definitely closest to Quinn, and usually went to him first with any problems that he had.
“Chris, whatever it is, you can tell me,” Quinn coaxed.
For the first time, Christian felt the urge to blurt it out, just tell Quinn that he was gay and deal with whatever his older brother’s reaction would be. Now he had to decide if he was going to give into that urge or not.
“If I…if I tell you, you have to swear to me that you will not tell anyone else,” Christian whispered, lifting his face to look over at Quinn.
Quinn’s serious brown eyes studied him. “You have my word, I will not tell a soul,” Quinn answered sincerely.
Christian knew for a fact that Quinn would keep whatever Christian told him to himself, it was as clear as day in his eyes. Christian nodded and took a deep breath. Here goes nothing…
“Can you promise not to hate me?” Christian asked, his voice trembling.
Quinn frowned in confusion. “I could never hate you, Christian…never.”
Christian held Quinn’s gaze as he said, “I…I’m gay, Quinn.”
Quinn stared at him for a moment, nothing changing in his expression. Then he started to nod slowly, a small smile playing across his lips. “Okay.”
Christian gaped at him. “Okay? That’s all you have to say? Okay?”
Quinn shrugged. “What do you want me to say? I don’t care if you’re gay,” he replied.
“You don’t?” Christian croaked, tears welling up so fast that he didn’t have time to stop them from rolling down his cheeks.
Quinn’s face softened. “Of course not. You are still my brother, no matter what. I still love you. Did you really think that would change once I found out?”
Christian blinked rapidly and nodded. Quinn sighed sadly and wrapped his arm around Christian’s shoulders, tugging him closer. Quinn kissed his temple.
“You being gay changes nothing. I love you. You’re my brother, and I will always be here for you,” Quinn murmured.
“What about Henry and Sebastian? What will they think? And mom and dad?”
Quinn chuckled low. “Honestly, Henry, Sebastian, and I were already starting to suspect that you were, and I’m sure mom and dad will be fine with it.”
Christian’s eyes widened on Quinn. “What do you mean you guys were already starting to suspect?”
Quinn shrugged. “There have just been a few things lately that sort of pointed in that direction. Henry especially got suspicious when he saw that painting of Shea that you did.”
Christian winced. He just knew Henry was going to pick up on that. Dammit.
“So are you and Shea together?” Quinn asked curiously.
Christian nodded. “Yeah.”
Quinn snorted. “How did that happen? I swore Shea was straight.”
“It’s a long story, and I really don’t want to get into it right now. I don’t even know if he’s going to stay with me.” Christian sighed.
“Why not?” Quinn asked.
“We actually fought on our way over here because I kept refusing to tell you guys, and he’s tired of hiding our relationship…”
“How long have you been together?”
“Five months,” Christian answered.
Quinn blinked in shock. “Well, shit. I knew something was different between you two, but I never would have guessed you’ve been dating for five months.”
“We’re in love,” Christian whispered, dropping his gaze to his hands where they were clasped in his lap.
“I don’t doubt it.” Quinn smiled.
“I want to marry him,” Christian said, lifting his eyes to see Quinn reaction.
Quinn smiled widened. “That’s great, Christian, really. I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy.”
Christian shook his head. “I just can’t get over how well you’re taking this.”
“Please, dude, I think my secret was worse,” Quinn scoffed.
Christian found himself chuckling as a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. A knock sounded at the door, making them both look over at it.
“Yeah?” Quinn called.
“Is everything alright in there?” Their mother’s voice called through the door.
“Christian had a panic attack, he’s okay now,” Quinn answered.
“We are getting ready to sing Happy Birthday; do you think you guys can join us?”
“We’ll be right out,” Christian called.
“Okay.”
After a moment of silence, Quinn got up and helped pull Christian to his feet and right into a big hug. Christian sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around his brother’s waist. Quinn patted the back of his head fondly before grabbing his shoulders and pushing him back so Quinn could see his face.
“What happened in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom.” Quinn smirked.
Christian laughed. “Thanks.”
“You tell everyone else when you’re ready, b
ut I promise you, everyone will be fine with it.”
Christian nodded. “Thank you, Quinn.”
Quinn gave him a wink and opened the door. Christian rinsed out his mouth in the sink before leaving. He walked out the back door just as Shea was getting out of the pool. Christian tried not to gawk but…goddamn! The man was just stunning. His shoulders were broad, covered in ropey muscle and tanned skin. His chest and abs were defined and rock hard. The water ran down his body as he made his way up the stairs. His board shorts were slung low on his lean hips, showing off the V of muscle that was cut off by the waistband of his shorts. He brought his hands up to wipe the water from his eyes, so he didn’t even notice that Christian was watching him.
Shea grabbed a towel off a nearby chair and dried his face some more before he looked around, his worried gaze finally landing on Christian. Shea searched his eyes and mouthed, “You okay?”
Christian nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, but Shea continued to frown. He dried off some more with the towel before wrapping it around his waist. He walked over and stood next to Christian while everyone sang Happy Birthday to Adalyn and Michael. Both kids were set up in a highchair and given a piece of cake when the song was over. Amazingly, both kids dove right in and got down and dirty with the cake. Everyone was laughing and taking pictures and just having a great time.
Christian looked over at Shea to find him standing with his arms crossed and his head down. Christian frowned. He was just about to tell Shea that he told Quinn about them when Quinn actually asked for everyone’s attention.
“Since everyone is here, Margot and I have some news,” Quinn said.
“We just found out that we are going to have a baby!” Margot squealed and started jumping up and down.
The crowd erupted. Christian’s jaw dropped, not expecting that. He thought that they were going to wait longer before having kids - they weren’t even married yet. Not that you needed to be married to have kids, but that’s just what he thought they would do.
“We are also going to get married next Saturday at the courthouse,” Quinn added.
“What? Why not have an actual wedding?” Sebastian squawked.
“Not my thing, man.” Quinn shrugged. “We’ll have a party, though, at a later date, when Margot’s family can fly in from Paris.”
“Loser!” Sebastian huffed.
Everyone made their way over to the soon-to-be parents and newly-weds to congratulate them. Christian hugged Quinn. “Congrats, Quinn.”
“Thank you. You could say something, too, you know,” Quinn whispered.
“No, no fucking way. It’s your moment. I’ll have mine another time,” Christian said adamantly.
Quinn pulled back from the hug and smiled at him. It was so good to see Quinn finally smiling all of the time. “Alright, if you insist.”
Christian nodded. “I do.”
Quinn patted him on the face before he was pushed out of the way by Margot. “Christian! Are you okay? You did not look so well earlier,” Margot asked, cupping his face in her dainty little hands.
“I’m much better now, thank you. And congrats.” Christian smiled and patted her hands.
Margot beamed. “Oui, merci. It came as a surprise but we are ecstatic.”
“Good, I’m glad,” Christian said warmly.
“I’m thinking us Beck men have some damn strong swimmers - Raelynn got pregnant by accident, Henry’s popping them out like a fucking bunny, now Quinn’s having an accidental baby - I’m blaming our sperm,” Sebastian said, appearing next to Christian and Margot.
“Oui, me, too! They must have survived my birth control pill. That is the only way because I was vigilant with them,” Margot said.
As Sebastian and Margot got to talking about sperm, Christian turned to find that Shea was no longer by his side, but sitting at one of the tables, talking to Christian’s father. They were both smiling, so Christian was guessing it was a light and happy conversation. He decided to let Shea be and talk to him later.
Christian was clapped on the back a minute later. He turned to see Henry with Adalyn in his arms in just a diaper and covered in chocolate. It was everywhere, in her hair, all over her arms and legs, and smeared all over her face and body. Christian couldn’t help but laugh.
“I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable,” Henry said quietly.
Christian shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you alright? You looked like you were going to pass out earlier,” Henry asked, concern drawing his brows down.
“I’m fine now, seriously, don’t worry about it,” Christian assured him.
Henry nodded. “Okay.” He then shoved Adalyn into his arms. “Here, take the chocolate monster so I can go get the hose.”
Henry’s naked torso and arms were smeared in chocolate from holding his daughter. Christian held her out and away from his body so he didn’t end up like Henry. Adalyn giggled and kicked her chubby little legs.
“Should I just toss her in the pool?” Christian chuckled.
Henry barked out a laugh. “Hell no! I don’t want chocolate in my pool!”
“Too late!” Claire called.
Christian saw Henry whip his head around in the direction of the pool. Christian turned to see Sebastian standing on the steps, dipping Michael in the water to wash the chocolate off him.
“Dammit! Sebastian!” Henry shouted and started toward him.
Christian watched as Henry took Michael from him, handed him off to a laughing Raelynn, before taking a flying leap at Sebastian who was laughing hysterically on the pool steps. Henry caught Sebastian around the waist and they both flew back into the pool. When they came up out of the water, Henry had Sebastian in a headlock. Sebastian surged up out of the water and flipped Henry over his shoulder. Christian shook his head as the two continued to wrestle and tried to drown each other.
“I’ll take her, Christian,” Claire said, bringing his attention away from his crazy ass brothers.
Claire and Raelynn were standing there smiling. “We’re going to stick these two in the outdoor shower,” Raelynn said.
Christian laughed. “Okay,” he said and handed Adalyn to Claire.
As they walked away, Christian heard Quinn yell, “CANNONBECK!” He turned just in time to see Quinn leap into the air, hug one knee to his chest, and splash into the pool right next to Henry and Sebastian. Christian laughed and shook his head as Quinn got in on the fight, jumping on Sebastian’s back. Christian figured he better get in there to make it even.
Shea turned in his chair when he heard Christian yell, “PENCILBECK!” He had no freaking idea what the hell a “PencilBeck” was, so he had watch and find out. Christian stood on the edge of the pool at the deep end, hopped off the ledge, keeping his arms flat to his sides, his body completely ridged and straight, as he entered the water. Shea understood now what a “PencilBeck” was. He laughed and shook his head. Idiot.
When Christian came up out of the water, he swam over to his brothers and climbed on Henry’s back. Sebastian screamed, “CHICKEN FIGHT!” and Shea groaned. Four grown ass men were going to have a chicken fight? Really?
“I swear, they stopped maturing at ten,” Henry Sr. murmured next to him.
Shea chuckled and watched as Christian got on Henry’s shoulders and Quinn got on Sebastian’s. Shea couldn’t get over how vicious the four of them fought. Quinn and Christian shoved at each other, while Henry and Sebastian tried to shove each other’s faces in the water. Quinn, at one point, palmed Christian’s face and pushed hard. Christian almost went down, his arms pin wheeled, but Henry grabbed one of his wrists and pulled him back up. The smile on Christian’s face as he played with his brothers warmed Shea’s heart like nothing else. He could see what Christian feared losing if his brothers didn’t accept him being gay. There was a lot of love and a super tight bond between the four of them. That was also the reason Shea knew that they would never disown him. They loved hi
m too much.
Christian and Henry won, only because Henry gave Sebastian a double titty twister while Christian did the same to Quinn, then pushed. The two men went down instantly, both screaming and covering their nipples. Shea had to laugh, that was Christian and Henry’s signature move. They used it many, many times back in the day when they all went to the public pool during the summer growing up. Quinn and Sebastian must have forgotten about it, Shea sure did.
Shea figured it was now safe to get back in the pool; plus, he wanted to talk to Christian to find out if he was okay. The way Quinn had practically carried him inside earlier had him really worried. Shea got in by the stairs and made his way over to where Christian was lounging against the wall in the deep end. Shea swam up and clung to the wall next to him.
“Hey,” Shea murmured.
Christian gave him a soft smile that made Shea’s heart flutter every time he saw it. “Hi.”
“Are you doing okay?” Shea asked, wishing so bad that he could touch Christian.
Christian nodded and moved closer. “Quinn knows,” he whispered.
Shea flinched as if slapped. “What?” he asked dryly, not sure he heard Christian right.
“I told Quinn, he knows.” Christian smiled.
Well, shit. “And?” Shea prompted.
Christian closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if he could breathe for the first time ever. “It’s fine. He doesn’t care, he’s actually happy for us,” Christian murmured, opening his eyes.
The look in Christian’s eyes made Shea have to choke back tears - he saw peace. For the first time in his life, Christian wasn’t worried or anxious, he was just calm and relaxed and full of joy.
“I want to kiss you so fucking badly right now.” Shea breathed.
Christian smirked. “Not yet, let me tell the rest of my family before we start doing that in front of them.”
“When?” Shea asked.
“Another day. I want Quinn and Margot to have their fifteen minutes of fame.”
Shea nodded. “Okay,” he agreed.
“Thank you,” Christian murmured, his eyes sincere and full of love as they bored into Shea’s.
“For what?” Shea asked, confused.