by Nancy DeRosa
Penny did come back into the living room. She decided to take charge of the situation and she quickly told her brothers to take the children out of the room. The whole family scurried out.
She sat by her mother’s side and watched her sob uncontrollably. She had never seen her cry, and it hurt the core of her. Sorrow for her mother flooded her heart as swiftly as the anger had only moments before. She saw how hurt her mother really was.
“Mom,” Penny said as something began to dawn on her, “maybe you really did try to do right by me.”
“I did,” she replied with a bubbling sob. “I really thought I knew what was best for you. I wanted you to be safe.”
It came to Penny so clearly, so vividly, as if someone had implanted a neatly stencilled message in her brain. She remembered how cold and distant her grandparents had been to her mother. Dolores hadn’t grieved for either of them when they passed. They had respected Dolores’ brother and always gave him more attention. How could her mother embrace her in warmth and love if she had never experienced it herself?
Of all the absolutes, she knew she could never change her mother’s perception of her, but Penny could change her own perception of her mother. She alone had the power to not have any expectations of their relationship. Dolores would always have a difficult time watching her daughter walk where she had never gone.
Watching the tears fall down her mother’s cheeks, Penny instinctively put a hand on her knee. “Mom, I’m sorry I’ve been such a pill. I’ll really try harder not to snap at you.” She sighed deeply. “I’ve just been trying so hard to change my life.” She laughed as she added in exasperation, “And it’s been a little more stressful than I had thought.”
Her mother’s face softened slightly. She hiccupped a few times as she attempted to stop crying. Dolores began to wipe her eyes with the back of her sleeve. It was a childlike gesture and Penny was secretly amused. It was not very often that her mother was endearing. “Mom, can I get you a tissue?”
“Oh, yes, yes,” she answered with a look of embarrassment.
“I’m on it.” Jumping up, Penny ran across the room to get them. The ability to reach out to her mother and give comfort felt easier already. The distance she had taken from her family had made her stronger and she could see more clearly. She no longer had to worry that her mother’s baggage would become hers. She could stop herself from holding onto it, for it was never hers to begin with.
Everything had changed in that one instant, and Penny knew with certainty this change was permanent.
She soothed her mother and said all the right words to calm her. She now wanted nothing more than to enjoy the turkey, and the company of her niece and nephews. She ate a delicious turkey dinner with no sense of danger or indigestion. The whole family went overboard to please her and she accepted it as her due. She knew she was always a good daughter, a good sister, and a fabulous aunt. She accepted the fawning with grace and goodwill. She had the sense that her family did appreciate her, and for the first time they were trying to show it. Penny now would like nothing more than to help her mother know that she is worth so much more than that.
Chapter 36
The next day, she leapt to work on the feast of feasts for her special friends. She prepared Beef Wellington and fingerling potatoes brushed with garlic and olive oil and roasted to perfection. For dessert, she baked from scratch a cheesecake, the recipe for which had been passed down from her great grandmother. It came out of the oven without a crack in sight. She was so excited over her perfect cake that she actually took a picture of it.
Mike, Alyssa and Josephine waltzed into Penny’s home with flowers, candy, and bottles of wine. Josephine had asked Penny if she could bring her sister. Penny said she would be absolutely delighted to have her.
“This is just too much fun Penny,” Alyssa cried out excitedly, polishing off yet another glass of wine.
“Who knew you could cook?” Josephine exclaimed. “You’re so humble Penny, never a word about all your talents. Damn, but I totally went way over my points at Weight Watchers tonight.”
Mike sneered wickedly. “It wouldn’t be the first time Joe.”
Penny enjoyed every moment with her friends. She drank too much wine, laughed too loud, and ate too much. The overindulgence paid back with an upset stomach, but she wouldn’t have had it any other way.
After her guests departed, she slumped on her couch and surveyed all the dishes piled up in her sink. She smiled at the messy sight, and she still was basking over the success of this wonderful evening. It was her first, but it would definitely not be her last.
She noticed Winston looking up with his I have to go out and pee face. “Oh baby,” she cooed, “Let’s go take a walk. I could use some fresh air.”
The night air felt good after being cooped up in her kitchen all day cooking. She decided to take a longer walk than usual, and before she knew it the stroll had led her to the dog park. It was deserted, but she hadn’t expected anyone to be there.
Standing in the middle of the park, she welcomed the silence and breathed in the night air as if gorging on it. She remembered vividly the last time she had visited here… Tattoo Woman with the angry face and the accusation that little Winston had morphed into the next Cujo. She could even picture those tattoos on her arms. She’d had the courage to put a hand on them and had diffused an altercation as quickly as one would put out a match. She still felt proud of how she handled that encounter. She could still feel the sense of empowerment, the power to create change to her favor, to shape her own fortunes. From such a small action, she had begun to believe in herself. Since then, she had so many more moments of feeling like she had made the right choices. But this memory still felt good to her, so she savored it for a few more moments.
Some nearby leaves rustled. She turned to see who had joined her. A man’s back was to her but she did see a black and white Boston terrier light into the dog park like a streak of lightning. Winston bounded over to the dog and they joined up with one another as if they were old friends.
Finally turning around, the man looked at Penny. He ambled over to where she stood, and she smiled at him.
“Cute dog, I like Beagles,” he said.
Penny knew immediately that she had seen him someplace before. “Your Boston is cute too. They’re such spunky little guys.”
It was his turn to smile, and Penny’s heart caught in her throat. She felt something stir within her. The warmth and intelligence that shone from his blue eyes made her take a step back. She felt as if she knew this man, and as irrational as it sounded, she felt as if he knew her, and that didn’t make any sense at all.
They both stood in the dark, side by side, watching their dogs at play. They didn’t speak for a moment, but surprisingly, she felt comfortable with this silence. She had a feeling neither of them were in a hurry to go anywhere.
He looked at her again and smiled. “Our dogs act as if like they’re old friends. I think dogs have chemistry just like people. Roger doesn’t warm up to just anyone.” He laughed, “I’m kind of like that myself.”
Penny could not stop staring up at him. She wanted to stand beside him for as long as possible. She also could not shake the feeling that she knew him. It still didn’t make any sense to her.
“Don’t I know you?” he asked suddenly. “My name is John. What’s yours?”
“Penny Marins.” She offered her hand toward his. Her mind was racing, trying to place where she had met him. When his big warm hand engulfed hers, it felt as if she were coming home. Stop this nonsense, she told herself, you’re crazy. She said carefully, “You look kind of familiar to me, but I don’t know where I could have met you.”
Snapping his fingers John exclaimed, “I know, Henning’s department store, remember? You ran into my rug department like someone was chasing you.”
Penny laughed as it all came back to her. She had been drawn to him then and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why. “I was avoiding someone,�
� she said as lightly as she could. “But, I’m happy to say I’m no longer running away from anyone now.” Her voice filled with pride.
It had gotten cold and she shivered. John smiled, and again that smile warmed her insides better than any hot apple cider.
“Hey look,” he said, “I know this sounds crazy, I mean, you don’t know me or anything but, let’s put the dogs in the back of my truck and go for some coffee. They’ll have a blast together, and I promise you, I’m not a serial killer.”
She surprised herself: she didn’t hesitate. “I’d love to. There’s a diner just down the street. Do you live around here?”
“Just a few blocks over, I live on Cedars Lane. I go to that diner all the time.”
“I’m surprised I never ran into you before. You live on the street right next door to the hospital I work at.”
He looked at her in surprise. “You work at Wayside?”
“Yes I do,” she declared proudly. “I’m a nurse on the oncology ward. Just started a few months ago.”
John looked astonished. “God, what a small world. My sister Shirley Reins works on that very same floor. You have to know her.”
Putting her head back, Penny laughed so hard she thought she would fall over. “Do I know her? You could say that, she’s my boss, and guess what? I love her.”
He nodded vigorously. “They don’t come better than her. I have to say, a heart of gold, but she is tough on the newbies. Hope she hasn’t been unbearable.”
“She didn’t dish out anything I couldn’t take.”
Penny, John, Winston and Roger went off to the diner to have coffee.
On that first night, over coffee, Penny and John fell instantly and deeply in love. It was the first time she had felt so much passion for another human being and in return, she had never been loved back so fully and completely. She had waited a long time for this, but it would last throughout her lifetime until John and Penny were old and gray. She would always honor this wonderful gift just as she had always said she would when she found it.
They married just six months after they met. It was a beautiful wedding and Penny made a beautiful bride. Cousin Charlene was not invited.
From her family, Penny had gained the respect that she had sought for so long. She made it her business to treat them with reverence and respect in return. Dolores was not able to quit smoking, and she could not enjoy her life as much as Penny had wanted her to, but she had made peace with that. She took only what Dolores was capable of giving in their relationship, and was content with it. Penny was content with herself and she no longer searched out her father’s support; not having any need for it any longer made it pointless.
Penny had her own family to stand by her now. Nineteen months after she and John married, they had a beautiful baby girl. Penny knew from the moment she discovered she was pregnant, that she would never name her precious baby after a penny, a nickel, or a dime. Her daughter was priceless and she instilled this knowledge in Leigh from the moment she laid eyes on her. Never a day went by that Penny did not whisper in her daughter’s ear: You, my love, are worth so much more than that.
Nurse Reins never cut Penny any slack at work.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nancy DeRosa resides in Westchester, N.Y. with her husband, three children, and a Boston terrier named Rocky. She has had short stories published in literary journals and has published women’s fiction; There's No Place Like Home, and a children’s book Lazy Robert. Lazy Robert was chosen as one of the top ten books the Kaysville Elementary school district in Utah uses in their classrooms.
Currently, Nancy is working on her children’s series The Neighborhood Collection and a trilogy of women’s fiction, Food For Thought - First Course, Second Course and Just Desserts.
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