“Micah,” I said calmly. “Think about what you're saying. Didn't we just have this conversation a few days ago? Except it was me worrying about your job. Do you remember what you said to me?”
He grimaced. “Yeah, I remember. I said it was my job and I had to do it.”
“Right, and then you said you would never ask me to give up an investigation.”
“I'm not asking you to give up on your investigation.”
“You might as well be. You're asking me to compromise it. What's the difference? If he's already decided I'm a liability then there isn't much I can do to make it worse, and if he is still underestimating me, it could work to my advantage. And all of that is beside the point, because I don't intend to let him see me.”
“How are you going to avoid him seeing you?”
I pulled the mask out of my jacket pocket and slipped it on. Most people weren't wearing their masks, but enough people were that I wouldn't draw any attention if I was. “I've only met him once, he doesn't expect to see me here, and I'm wearing a mask.”
He sighed. “Just be careful. Guys in his line of work can't afford to be unobservant.”
“I'm always careful. I don't think we should stay together though. Even if you never met him, he most likely knows what you look like and if he sees us together he might put two and two together.”
He opened his mouth to argue but then nodded. He wasn't happy about it, but he was willing to admit I was right. “Ok, we'll split up.”
“I'll let you know when I'm ready to leave.”
He nodded and turned sharply on his heel and started to walk away. He stopped a few feet away and then came back.
“I just remembered another rumor about Mr. Black that might be important.”
“What's that?”
“They say he likes young boys.”
“He's a pedophile?”
“Maybe not that young. But Jake would probably be just about right.”
I looked around the column again. Now that he'd put the idea in my head, it did seem as if Jake was his date. Jake was wearing an expensive looking tux that looked as if it had been made just for him. He wasn't wearing a mask and his expression was easy to read-utter boredom. Fenton/Neal, wearing an equally expensive white tuxedo, was speaking quite earnestly with someone who I knew I had seen before but couldn't place.
“Who's he talking to?”
“Who? Black? That's Ronald Humphrey, one of the other commissioners. One of the ones not implicated in the big scandal.”
“Where would I have seen him?”
“On the news possibly. He's been the most outspoken critic of the article I wrote, calling it irresponsible journalism. Chances are he's protesting so loudly because he has something to hide.”
“Do you think it means anything that he's talking to Neal-I mean Fenton Black?”
“It might, but it doesn't have to mean anything. Everyone wants to talk to Fenton Black. He's like a celebrity around here. He has a lot of money to throw around.”
“I want to get closer.”
“How are you going to do that without attracting his attention?”
“Um...maybe you could create some kind of distraction...”
“Like what?”
“I don't know, do something outrageous. Pretend to fall down or choke or something.”
“Killian, I have to think about my professional reputation. I might have to interview some of these people and I don't want them to remember me as the klutz at the ball.”
“Yeah, ok. You're right. How about if you just walk up to them and start a conversation. You can just pretend to be a reporter asking that Humphrey guy some questions.”
“First off, I wouldn't have to pretend to be a reporter; I am one. Secondly, there are certain rules you follow at a bash like this. You don't just walk up to people and start interrogating them. Not unless you want to be thrown out on your keister, and trust me, Humphrey would do it. He dislikes me that much.”
“Ok, we don't want that. Forget the distraction. I'll just move around the outside edge of the room and try to work my way up behind them.”
“Sounds like a plan. I'll mingle. Good luck.”
I stuck my tongue at his retreating back and then slipped through the crowd as inconspicuously as possible. Once I reached the wall, I began to slowly work my way around behind where Black and Jake seemed to have stationed themselves. Black didn't mingle so much as people came to pay homage. While I was attempting to get into position, Humphrey had moved off and already two more people had approached, spoken briefly, and then moved reluctantly off. I could have sworn he was dismissing them like royalty. A third person was speaking to him now and another waited off to one side.
I made it all the way around the room until I was directly behind them. Keeping a careful eye on Jake, who wasn't paying any attention to the people approaching Black and was busy looking around the room, I started easing up closer to where the two of them were standing. Finally, I was close enough to eavesdrop. Or I would have been if not for a small group nearby that seemed to have already imbibed a bit too much and were a little on the loud side. They were laughing with their party laugh. You know the one. Frantic and with a slightly hysterical edge? The one that says I'm going to have fun even if it kills me.
They quieted down for a moment as a short fat guy began to tell a joke. Something about an airplane and a pilot who leaves the intercom on by mistake. I was finally able to hear Black and Jake.
“Again, thank you so much for your generous donation,” a woman was finished up whatever conversation she'd been having with Black. She was quite an imposing sight. To say she was top heavy would have been misleading. She was heavy everywhere and still managed to look top heavy. Her bosom was easily large enough to serve tea from. Altogether, she rather resembled a cruise ship.
“You're very welcome,” Black said. “Now, if you'll excuse me.” The behemoth accepted his dismissal and moved away. “Tiresome woman,” he said as soon as she was out of earshot.
“They're all tiresome,” Jake said. “I hate these things.”
“Jacob, we've been through this.”
“Yeah, I know. It's part of the bargain.”
I couldn't hear what was said next because the rowdy group burst into raucous laughter as Dumpy delivered the punch line. When I could make out what he was saying again, it sounded like Black was placing a drink order. It only took me a second to remember that the closest bar was directly behind me. Before I could react, Jake nodded and turned around and started in my direction. For a moment, I panicked, but then I remembered that I was wearing a mask and just turned casually (I hoped) to the side, as if I was with the band of merry jokesters.
Stupid, that was way too close, I scolded myself. I had to be more careful. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Jake approach the bar and place Black's drink order. He waited while it was mixed, and then carried it back, without once so much as glancing in my direction. I was just about to break cover when he leaned in and whispered something in Black's ear. Black nodded, and then to my stunned horror, Jake turned and walked right up to me.
“Can I have a word with you in the hall, please?” He spoke in a civil enough tone, but his eyes were flashing with anger.
“Of course,” I said quickly. What else could I do without causing a scene?
Jake spun on his heel and marched stiffly towards an inconspicuous door behind the bar that I had completely failed to notice earlier. I followed him through the door and into a completely deserted but brightly lit, if sterile, hallway. Jake kindly waited for the door to close before ripping into me.
“What the fuck do you think your doing?” he snarled as soon as the door snicked shut.
“Huh?” I responded brilliantly. No one can ever say I don't think quickly on my feet.
“Damn it, Killian. I know you've been snooping around, talking to my old friends. Danielle called me in a panic and wanted to know what was going on, that you'd told her she was in d
anger because she knew me or some shit like that.” I knew that would come back to bite me in the butt. “What kind of fucked up shit is this, Killian? I thought you were my friend.”
“Calm down, Jake,” I started, which is, of course, always the worst thing to say to someone who is upset.
“Calm down? You want me to calm down? After I find out you're sneaking around talking to people about me behind my back? And then I catch you following me around here at the AIDS Ball and eavesdropping on my conversation? And you want me to calm down?” His voice had been steadily climbing throughout that whole tirade, but it reached a crescendo on that last question that I thought would bring security running. I decided a judicious fib was in order.
“I'm not following you,” I said in what I hoped was a completely believable voice. I pulled off the mask and tried to arrange an expression of righteous indignation on my face but I was feeling so guilty that I'm not sure I pulled it off. “I'm here with Micah.”
“Bullshit.” I opened my mouth to argue but he cut me off. “Oh, I know you're here with Micah. I saw you both hiding behind that damn column, peeking out at us every few minutes. And then you come creeping up behind us. And I know you've been following me for a while now. I've seen you behind me in traffic and at the mall once. At the time, I just thought it was a coincidence and I wondered why you didn't say anything. Now I know it's because you're...you're...investigating me!” He spat out the last two words as if they tasted nasty, which they probably did. He stomped back and forth a few paces while I tried to decide what to say.
“Jake, listen...” I tried, but he wheeled around and silenced me with an angry slash of his hand.
“So far, Fenton doesn't know you're here; he's too busy playing benevolent king to the greedy peasants.” So I wasn't the only one who'd made that comparison. “But all I have to do is make a scene and he'll have your ass in jail so fast you won't know what hit you. I'll say you're harassing me, or that you tried to force yourself on me here in the hall.”
“You wouldn't do that to me,” I said, aghast.
“I didn't think you'd stoop to sneaking around behind my back either.” There was genuine hurt in his eyes and it killed me to see it.
“It's only because we care about you,” I said.
“Oh please. Spare me.”
“Really. Everyone is worried about you. You stop talking to your friends, you don't come home at night, and then you suddenly start throwing around a huge amount of cash that you won't explain where it came from.”
“Mom is behind this, isn't she? God. I should have known. I knew someone had been through my stuff. That settles it. I'm moving out.”
“You're only 16!”
“I'm almost 17.”
“You're still underage. What are you doing with this Fenton Black guy? He's bad news, Jake.”
“What do you know? You don't even know him!”
“We've met.”
That stopped him. “You've met?” There was a hint of jealousy in his voice. “Where? How?”
“Through another case.”
He waved it away. “Well, you don't know him. I'm old enough to make my own decisions.”
“And what decision are you making? To throw away your family and friends? For what?”
“For what? I'll tell you for what. For a life I could never have with my so-called family and friends. Fenton gives me anything I need or want. He takes care of me.”
“Does he love you? And what's your end of the bargain?”
“What good is love? What has love ever gotten me? Hurt, that's what. My whole family is dead and my brother killed half of them. And tried to kill me. Before I even have time for that to sink in, I'm yanked away from the only people alive that I still knew and cared about. I go off to live with complete strangers on the other side of the country and everyone expects me to be just fine. And then, just when I start to make friends and enjoy life again, Mommy Dearest decides it will be good for me to move back here where I can be close to family. Good for her is more like it. And my family? Where to start? No one gave a damn about me. No one ever once asked me how I was doing, if I was ok. No one ever cared about me until I start throwing a little money around and then suddenly everyone is so concerned for me. Give me a fucking break. And you! The person I thought was my friend! You're too busy following me around and talking to people about me, you can't even talk to me. If you were so damn concerned for me, why didn't you just walk up to me and ask me what was going on?” He paused to wipe angry tears from his eyes.
I was reeling from his revelations and his accusations. I'd never known he'd felt like this. After everything he'd been through, why hadn't it ever occurred to me that he would be having a hard time dealing with it all? Because I'd been too caught up in my own life to think about anyone else. I'd talked, really talked, to Jake only once since he'd been back. He was right; I'd done a piss poor job of being a friend.
“Jake, I'm...”
“Sorry? Well guess what, Killian? It's too late for that now. Do you know how many nights I've laid awake in bed for hours, wishing you'd just let Todd finish me off? At least that way I wouldn't have to be feeling all this pain. But you know what? I finally found a way to make the pain go away, at least for a little while. So I don't need you, and I don't need Judy, and I don't need my supposed friends who never really cared about me either. The only reason they ever hung out with me is because they wanted something from me. They wanted me, but not for me, but because of what I look like.”
I didn't even try to argue with him. I couldn't argue with him. He was right.
“So save your sorry's for someone else, I don't need them. I'm fine now. I have everything I need. You can quit following me around, and you can stop asking questions, and you can tell Mom to fuck off, because I don't need her anymore either.”
“Jake, please, just listen to me. Your mom loves you, she really does. She's tried to do what she thought was best for you.”
“Like leaving me with that child abusing monster when I was just a defenseless little baby? She didn't want me then, she already had a golden boy. Why does she want me now? To appease her guilt?”
“It's not like that!”
“How would you know? And if she really cared so much about me, wouldn't you think she'd at least ask me if I wanted to move back to Maryland, instead of just springing it on me one day when I come home?”
“Did you ever try to talk to her about it?”
“Why bother? She does what she wants when she wants. She can't even handle this like a normal mother; she has to hire a private detective. I don't know why she didn't just get her boyfriend to do her dirty work for her. Why'd she have to drag you into it? Or maybe you volunteered for the job of snooping on me. You always did seem to like watching me when you thought I wasn't looking.” I flinched. “I was good enough to look at, but not good enough to love. Even then, you chose Asher over me. I guess you got tired of him too, huh? Maybe Micah had better watch out.”
I knew he was baiting me, that he wanted me to lash out in some way, but even so, I could feel my temper rising. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to tell him that wasn't what happened and he knew it. But I also knew it was exactly what he wanted. A real fight. It's hard to fight with only one person angry. Stay calm, I told myself. If you lose it, it'll just give him more ammunition.
“Jake, I'm sorry I hurt you. I've said it so many times; I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry I've been such a shitty friend since you've been back. You're right; I haven't been there for you. But this isn't the answer. Can't we try to start over?”
All the fight seemed to drain out of him all at once. He almost seemed to collapse in on himself. “No,” he said in a soft, broken voice. “No we can't. It's far too late now. Too much has happened. I'm in too deep. I can't start over.”
“Too deep into what? It's never too late. I can help.”
He laughed a hollow sounding laugh. This new, withered Jake was somehow much scarier than the angry
, overblown one from just a few seconds ago. “No one can help. I'm beyond help. Can't you see? Just give up. Go back to your happy little life. It's too late.”
“Jake...”
“It's too late,” he screamed. “It's too fucking late!” He slumped back against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. I rushed over and knelt at his side, but he shoved me away with surprising strength. I landed hard on my butt with an oof of surprise. I was pretty sure I'd have a bruise there in the morning.
“Just go,” he said as he began to sob. “Get out before I call security.”
“Jake, please let me help.”
“I told you, you can't help. Get out. Now.”
The Truth of Yesterday Page 38