Zach wished he could tell her that Harrigan men never lifted a violent hand to a woman and somehow make her believe him. But Mandy had to learn that over time.
“I know it sounds weak of me,” she went on, “but I don’t have it in me to love or trust anyone, Zach. My dad ... well, he left me feeling broken inside.” She lifted her shoulders in a helpless shrug. “I like you a lot, truly I do, but that’s as far as I’m able to take it.”
Chapter Sixteen
Mesmerized by the twin beams of his truck’s headlights, Zach stewed all the way home about Mandy’s inability to trust again. I’m not a wife beater, damn it. But he could probably tell her that a million times and never get her to believe him. He also had it in him to be steadfast and true to only one woman. It was the way his father had raised him to be. But how could he convince Mandy to set her fears aside—all of which were understandable—and get her to take a gamble on him?
Usually Rosebud’s excited whinnies of greeting made Zach smile, but tonight when he entered the arena, all he could do was scowl. He got the mini set up for the night outside Tornado’s stall, shook out his sleeping bag, and then went to cut the lights. Cookie startled him half out of his wits when he called down from the landing.
“What’s got your tail tied in a knot?” the older man asked.
Zach sighed and put his hands on his hips, gazing solemnly up at his foreman. “I’m in love with her, Cookie. Crazy in love, and she can’t love me back.”
“Well, shit.” Cookie rubbed the crown of his head, then gestured Zach upstairs. “Only one thing to do in a situation like that—have a counselin’ session with good ol’ Jim Beam.”
Zach nearly refused. He was in no mood to get drunk. But then he decided it wasn’t a bad idea. He would find no answers at the bottom of the jug, but with enough booze in his system, he might get some sleep. He had a long day planned for tomorrow. He mounted the steps with quick, angry taps of his boots. When he entered the apartment, Cookie was already sloshing Jim Beam into two tumblers. He motioned at a bar stool. “Hang your hat and have a seat. Tell me all about it.”
Zach needed a good belt of bourbon before he could sort his thoughts and say anything that made sense. “I need all day tomorrow off.” He held up a hand. “And, please, no lectures. It won’t be a play day. I’ll be working my ass off.”
Cookie listened as Zach briefed him on his suspicions about the disappearance of Sharyn Pajeck. “Sweet Lord have mercy,” he whispered. “You really think he killed her and buried her in the backyard?”
Zach raked his fingers through his hair, not caring if he made it stand on end. “Yes.” He spat the word, then met Cookie’s gaze. “Sharyn loved those kids. She always made Mandy grab Luke and hide upstairs when Tobin flew into a rage. She took beating after beating after beating, and she never left. What else could have happened that night to suddenly make her do a vanishing act?”
Cookie’s ruddy complexion had turned almost as ashen as his frizzy hair. “It’s just hard for me to think of it. What kinda man does stuff like that, son?”
“The Tobin Pajeck kind. He didn’t give a damn about his wife or kids. All he cared about was himself.” Zach took another slug of whiskey and whistled air through his teeth. “Here’s the dilemma. Do I tell Mandy, or should I tear up that slab first?”
“If it was me, I’d wanna be there.”
“But, Cookie, what if I don’t find a body? Then I’ll have put her through hell for nothing.”
The foreman passed a gnarly hand over his eyes and blinked. “I don’t think that’ll happen. A mother’s love ... well, it’s mighty powerful stuff. Don’t get me wrong. There’s women who don’t give a rip. They can walk off and leave their kids without a second thought. But those that love their babies?” He shook his head. “They’ll fight like she-bears to protect ’em. I’m with you. I don’t think Sharyn Pajeck ran off.”
Zach couldn’t argue the point. “So you think I should tell Mandy? Cookie, what if I do find her mother’s body with her standing right there beside me?”
“Tell her, Zach. Make it her call if she’s there with you or not. But tell her. She deserves the chance to decide for herself.”
The following morning, Zach awoke with a headache and a rotten taste in his mouth, but he wasn’t about to let a hangover alter his plans for the day. After a quick shower, he gathered some tools and tossed them into the bed of his truck, then headed for town, his first stop a rental supply outfit that carried jackhammers. Once he’d gotten the equipment, he took it over to Montrose Place to drop it off before going to Mandy’s.
In broad daylight, the house and yard looked even seedier than they had late yesterday. Clearly the old fellow who owned it had experienced difficulty finding good renters, or possibly any renters at all, for a good long while. Zach carried the jackhammer out to the patio, then used the wheelbarrow to haul the picks and other tools he’d brought from the ranch. Pausing to catch his breath, he almost hoped he wouldn’t get the heebie-jeebies again. Digging up a decayed corpse wasn’t high on his list, and he would have happily passed. But when he went still, his skin went cold. She was down there. He couldn’t explain why he felt so certain. He only knew it was so.
Drawing his small digital camera from his shirt pocket, Zach took snapshots of the entertainment area so he could reconstruct it later. Then he fetched a tape from the wheelbarrow to take measurements. He used his BlackBerry to e-mail the dimensions to himself for future reference. If the landlord found out what was happening over here, Zach could plead a convincing case that he intended to replace everything.
In no hurry to tell Mandy of his plans for the day, Zach decided to take a short tour of the house. He unlocked the back door and entered through a utility room. Recalling Mandy’s story about scorching her father’s shirt and pressing a wrinkle into a napkin, he opened a tall, narrow door set into the wall and stared at the drop-down ironing board. Maybe it was dumb, but he ran his fingertips along its bottom edge, picturing Mandy letting it down. It made him feel connected to the child she’d once been.
His boot heels clunked on the hardwood floor as he moved through the house. The echoes filled him with melancholy. He envisioned Mandy in every room—on her knees scrubbing floors, rushing about to polish furniture, and wrinkling her cute little nose as she cleaned the toilets. How could her father have expected her to keep this huge place clean while she attended school full-time and cared for her little brother? It blew Zach’s mind. But, bless her heart, she’d done it. That was Mandy, with more grit in her little finger than most people had in their entire bodies.
He wished—what?—that he could rewrite the story of her life? That wasn’t possible, but when he thought of all she had endured within these walls, he wished he could do it anyway. No little girl should ever go through all the horrors that she had.
Upstairs, he found the closet where she’d probably hidden with Luke while her father pummeled her mother. It angled back under the attic stairs, one of those long, deep closets with a sharply pitched ceiling. Crouching down inside the doorway, Zach stared into the shadowy recesses until his eyes smarted. This is definitely the place where they hid. He could have sworn he tasted the metallic tang of her fear on the back of his tongue. He remembered Luke’s tale of how scared he’d been when he came here, and how Mandy had always told him it was okay. She’d held her brother close and tried to comfort him even as terror filmed her small body with sweat.
Tears burned at the back of Zach’s eyes. He didn’t try to blink them away, wouldn’t have even if someone else had been present. He believed what he’d told Luke that day at the park: A real man wasn’t embarrassed to cry. Frank Harrigan said it best: A real man has nothin’ to prove to anybody but himself.
As Zach made his way back downstairs, he looked out the kitchen window and saw what a bright, sunny morning it was, a perfect day for patio demolition. As the thought slipped through his mind, he belatedly remembered his promise to Luke last night about taking
Rosebud over to his house for a visit. Damn. A promise was a promise, and Zach took that seriously. If his hunch was correct and Sharyn’s corpse lay under that slab, it had been there for fifteen years and would keep for another twenty-four hours.
Zach returned to the ranch to switch vehicles and collect Rosebud before going to Mandy’s house. Luke met Zach and Rosebud at the door and barely let them cross the threshold before dropping to his knees to hug the horse. Rosebud snorted and whinnied, clearly as delighted as Luke to be reunited. Mandy appeared in the archway. Circles of exhaustion underscored her eyes, a sign that she hadn’t slept well. She’d probably lain awake worrying herself sick over her feelings for him.
Oh, yes, he felt certain she did have feelings for him. He wasn’t the only one who’d fallen in love. Mandy was just having a good deal more trouble accepting it.
“Hi.” She rubbed her palms on her jeans. “I didn’t expect you until around noon.”
“I thought we might fool around at the park for an hour or so before eating lunch.” Zach glanced at his watch, saw it was only half past nine, and regrouped. “It is kind of early, I guess.” He swallowed, glanced down at Luke. “The truth is, I made other plans for today, some important ones, and almost forgot I promised to bring Rosebud over.”
“Oh.” Mandy plucked at an imaginary piece of lint on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “We can go to the park another day. Right, Luke?”
Luke’s face fell. He straightened away from Rosebud. “Sure, I guess so.”
“Actually, the plans I’d made for today involve both of you, and I’ve put them on hold until tomorrow,” Zach said carefully. “I thought I might fill you in at the park.” And ruin your appetites for Coney Island hot dogs. “I . . . Well, it’s something important. I almost kept it to myself, but after thinking it over, I’ve decided both of you have a right to know.”
Mandy’s brows drew together in a bewildered scowl, but she refrained from pressing him for information. Instead she helped Luke find a fleece sweatshirt, grabbed her keys and some money, and trailed out the door behind Zach, her brother, and the horse.
As had occurred during the last walk to the park, Rosebud performed her job beautifully. Soon Zach would be able to begin her training in a couple of large cities. This time Luke was far more confident and attuned to her signals. The kid crossed each street without help. Zach was pleased to note that Luke also clicked and treated the mini without any reminders. The young man and horse had become a team.
Zach almost wished he’d said nothing to forewarn Mandy. She was pale and quiet this morning, walking mostly with her head bent. He kept remembering that damned closet and picturing her there, how he’d wished he might rewrite the story of her life. Now he was about to tell her something that could rock her whole world off its axis.
Once at the park, they sat on the same chipped green bench, Zach at one end, Luke and Rosebud at the other, Mandy sandwiched between them. Zach was acutely conscious of her shoulder pressed against his upper arm, of how much taller he was—which was saying something, because he wasn’t a tall man, measuring in at only five feet, eleven inches in his stocking feet. Next to her, he felt like a giant.
Luke went into chatter mode, reminiscing about the times he and Mandy had played on a teeter-totter. He talked about the scents he caught on the air, about the little tricks for navigating the world that Carly Coulter was teaching him, and about how much he was starting to look forward to college.
About the time Zach was gearing up to dash Luke’s cheerful mood, a girl he recognized from St. Catherine’s spotted him. Pretty with streaked blond hair, she waved and smiled as she walked toward the bench. “Hey, Mr. Harrigan! You recognize me, I hope. Laurie from church, Jim Patterson’s daughter?”
Zach stood and tipped his hat to her. “Of course I remember you. How are you?”
“Good.”
Her blue eyes sparkled in the morning sunlight. She angled a curious glance at Luke, reminding Zach of his manners. “Laurie, this is Mandy Pajeck, a friend of mine, and that’s Luke, her brother. Luke, Mandy, this is Laurie from my church. Her dad serves on the council.”
“Hello.” Mandy extended her hand and smiled. “It’s good to meet you.”
Chatty Luke had gone suddenly quiet. Zach realized the kid wasn’t sure what to say. Laurie saved the day. “I saw Rosebud on the news, Luke. Is she going to be your guide horse?”
Luke nodded. “I hope so. I have a lot to learn before I can take proper care of her.”
“How does she help you?” the girl asked.
“She, um ...” Luke got a blank look on his face. “She just guides me.” He stroked Rosebud’s neck. “She’s totally awesome.” He cocked his head. “Is it all right if I show Laurie how Rosebud guides me, Zach?”
Zach bit back a grin and relaxed against the bench. “Of course it’s all right. Just don’t go too far. Okay? Rosebud isn’t bulletproof yet. I need to keep you in sight.”
Luke shot up from the bench as if someone had lit a match under his butt. As the trio walked away along the park path, Mandy glanced at Zach and dimpled her cheek. “It appears that Rosebud is a pretty-girl attractant.”
Zach chuckled. “Yep. Luke may net himself a girlfriend without half trying.” He angled a questioning look at Mandy. “How will you feel about him dating?”
“I, um, don’t really know. Until now, he’s never shown any interest in girls.”
Zach sighed and folded his arms. “Brace yourself. He’s plenty interested now.” He paused. “Laurie’s a nice kid. Maybe they’ll hit it off.”
When Luke and Laurie returned, Zach invited the girl to join them for lunch. Laurie called her mom on her cell phone to ask permission, and then said, “I’d love to.”
Zach drew his money clip from his pants pocket and peeled off two twenties. He leaned forward to slip them into Luke’s hand. “You and Laurie can do the honors today. I want a Coney with the works and a giant root beer.” He glanced at Mandy. “How about you?”
“That sounds fine.” She looked worriedly at Luke. “Can you handle this, Luke?”
Luke straightened his shoulders, a picture of stung masculine pride. “Of course.”
“I’ll be with him,” Laurie inserted.
“When you get there, tell Rosebud to find the checkout counter,” Zach instructed. “It’ll look a little different to her from the ones in a store, but I think she’ll figure it out.”
While the kids were gone to get the food, Mandy turned sideways on the bench to face Zach. “What are the plans you made for today that involve me and Luke?”
Zach met her gaze. “That conversation will keep. Let Luke enjoy lunch with Laurie. Then we’ll talk after she leaves. Okay?”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re going to tell me something awful?”
Zach didn’t want to lie to her. “You’re fishing,” he accused with a grin. “Let it go, Mandy. I’ll tell you all about it later.”
Laurie and Luke ate lunch on another bench farther along the pathway. The sound of their voices and intermittent laughter rang in the spring sunlight, warming Zach’s heart. Luke was obviously smitten. Zach just hoped Laurie realized that and didn’t lead him on unless the interest was requited.
As if Mandy read his thoughts, she whispered, “If she hurts him, I’ll wring her neck.”
Zach gazed at the younger couple. They had chili ringing their lips and were talking with their mouths full. “Like I said, she’s a nice girl.” He took a pull on his drink straw. “As for hurting him, maybe. Luke will kiss a lot of female frogs before he finds his princess, and he’ll get his heart broken a few times along the way. That’s life.”
Mandy wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Have you ever gotten your heart broken?”
Zach nodded. “I’ve been lucky. It’s only happened once.”
“When was that?”
He thought carefully before replying. “Last night.”
Her pale cheek bulging with a bite of hot dog, she stopped c
hewing to shoot a startled look at him. For an awful moment, Zach thought she might choke, but she collected herself, took a sip of root beer, and swallowed the food without mishap.
“Last night?” She gazed at him with a question in her lovely eyes. “Are you implying that I broke your heart?”
“I’m not implying it. I’m straight-out saying it. I’m in love with you.”
Her eyes went bright. “Don’t say that, Zach. I like you as a friend, but I—”
“Bullshit.” Zach set aside his hot-dog tray and drink, no longer hungry. “You have feelings for me, Mandy. I can understand how that must frighten you, given your past, but please don’t lie to me about it.”
She dabbed at her lips again, then stared at the tray balanced on her knees. “All right, I admit it. I have feelings for you.” She brought her head up. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. But, as I tried to explain last night, the situation is impossible.”
“Difficult, but not impossible.” Zach got up to dispose of his lunch. The trash can flap made a clicking sound as it swung back and forth. “We’ll take it one step at a time.”
She parted her lips to reply, but Luke and Laurie returned just then. “Thanks for lunch, Mr. Harrigan,” the girl said. “It’s been fun. I wish I didn’t have to go, but my mom has a hair appointment, and I promised to babysit my little brother.” She bent to pat Rosebud’s head. Then she touched Luke’s arm. “Bye, Luke. I’ll call, okay?” She patted her cell phone, clipped to the pocket of her jeans. “I’ve got your number.”
Luke smiled. “I’ll look forward to hearing from you. Bye, Laurie.”
As the girl walked away, Zach studied the expression of hope and trepidation on Luke’s face. “She wants to go to a movie. Hello? I’m blind as a bat.”
Zach couldn’t help but laugh. “Luke, you have a lot to learn. When you take a girl to the movies, you aren’t necessarily there to watch the show.”
Here to Stay Page 31