Tattered on My Sleeve

by Autumn Jones Lake

  Something painful twists in my chest at the way she says that.

  “They had a party ready. Balloons, cake and all sorts of crap. It was nice, I felt welcomed. Grown up. After a couple hours, the girls started leaving.”

  “Trin, it’s okay, you can stop.” I was wrong, I can’t hear this. Every word shreds me. I can’t stand making her relive something she’s tried so hard to forget.

  “I won’t go into details. That’s why the night Inga was up here pulling her shit bothered me so much. You can figure out what happened to me, right? I told myself it was okay. That it meant they loved me and accepted me. Even though they fucking hurt me.”

  I swear I’m so close to losing it. “What did Tyler do?”

  “Sometimes he watched. Sometimes he helped hold me down.”

  “He let them—”

  Her fiery gaze burns into me. “He was done with me. I was club property from then on. They passed me around that clubhouse until I graduated from high school.” She takes a few deep breaths. “Some of the guys treated me okay. Others not so much. About a week after graduation I discovered I was pregnant.”

  Aw, fuck.

  “There was no fucking way I was raising a kid in that mess. Besides the fact that I had no way of knowing who the fuck the father was, I did not want to be a mother at eighteen.” She glares at me so fiercely, as if daring me to challenge her. I don’t.

  How could I?

  “I understand,” I say softly while holding her gaze.

  Reaching over to the nightstand, I grab a glass of water and hand it to her. After finishing it, she passes it back and continues. “I gathered as much money as I could and got the fuck out of there. Headed East because I knew it was Demon territory Saints shouldn’t step foot in. I stopped in Corner Grove and lived there for a while, but it wasn’t far enough away for my comfort. After a year, I made my way to Empire where it was easier to blend in. I did fine until a week after we met, when one of Tyler’s guys, Jug, walked in the bar.”

  She pauses and I watch as she clenches and unclenches her fists. I’m about to tell her she can stop, but she takes a deep breath and continues. “Jug had always been one of the nastiest ones. Nights he forced me into his room, he’d make me sleep on the floor like a damn dog.” She shifts as if reminded of something especially painful.

  White spots jab at my eyes. I want to slam my fists into Rock until he tells me where these fucks are buried so I can dig them up and kill them all over again.

  Trinity’s voice pulls me out of my futile revenge fantasies. “When he spotted me that night, his face split into this evil fucking grin and I was terrified. Whatever he had in store for me was bound to be a thousand times worse than I remembered. Then he dropped the bomb—that Tyler had a fifty thousand dollar bounty out on me. He gave me an ultimatum—come with him quietly, or he’d get backup to take me home forcefully.”

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I didn’t have that kind of time, Wyatt. You were on a run. I had no idea how far away you were.”

  “Trin—”

  She cuts me off with an angry shake of her head. “I called Rock. He, Dex, and Teller, came to the bar and got me out of there. Rock brought me to the old clubhouse. I told him the story. He had a right to know what he was getting into by giving me shelter. He gave me a room, and asked if I’d want to take care of this place. The club needed someone to clean up, cook, whatever, and they would give me a room and pay any other expenses. You guys had just closed on it. I visited and loved it so much. He gave me this room, told me to get whatever I wanted for it and the rest was up to me.”

  “Baby, if you had told me this, I would have—”

  “What? You would have what?” she snaps. “Laid a claim on me? I didn’t want you to look at me differently. I couldn’t stand your pity, Wyatt.”

  “I understand, but—”

  “Have you ever noticed at the bigger parties, I always avoid the older guys?”

  “Uh, I’m not sure how to answer that.”

  The corners of her mouth tilt up in a pained smile. “You know Ulfric? I like him. He’s a decent guy. He hit on me once and I almost barfed.”

  “Okay. What does that have to do with anything?”

  “Think about it. None of you were more than seven or eight years older than me. You were a small charter, only ten of you. After what I’d been through, I could handle that. Not all the guys were even interested in me, so that was even better. Bricks was married. Dex didn’t do club girls. Sparky and Stash never leave the basement. Rock never had any interest in me sexually.” She stops to let that last one sink in. In a much lower voice, she continues. “No one pulled trains here. No one roofied me. If I wanted to say no, I did, and I didn’t get the shit beaten out of me. All the guys treated me well.”

  “Everyone except me?” I ask.

  “Yup.”

  “Fuck, Trinny.”

  “I didn’t think you cared about me that much. We hadn’t known each other long. I tried to explain, but—”

  “I refused to listen?”

  “Yeah. I had already left my job and my apartment. I was terrified of being kicked out and having no place to go. Jug found me, I was afraid it was only a matter of time before someone else did.”

  “But I told you—”

  “That you’d get me an apartment, yeah. But for how long? You still would have been gone long stretches leaving me unprotected.” She shakes her head and focuses her gaze on her lap. “I was scared,” she whispers.

  “I wish you had told me.”

  “I didn’t want you to look at me differently or feel sorry for me. Then when you didn’t say anything, I figured you didn’t care. When I realized how angry you were, I knew I’d made a horrible mistake. I also knew how it worked. Once you jump beds, you’re done. I couldn’t change it and I didn’t know how to fix things between us.”

  “You couldn’t have fixed it, baby. I’m just as responsible for it getting broken.”

  “After leaving the Saints, I never spent more than one night with a guy until you.”

  Somehow that’s not as comforting as I think she meant it to be. I think she senses it because she tries to explain. “I felt so dirty, I didn’t think anyone would ever want to be with me for more than one night.”

  “Oh, Trinity. You have no idea, do you? Never mind how beautiful you are. You’re so fucking sweet and funny. I think I fell for you that first night when you told me you weren’t looking for an ol’ man.”

  She chuckles at the memory. “Can I tell you something?”

  “You can tell me anything.”

  “That night I told Hope how Rock and I have never…I’d already explained it to her. I said it again for your benefit.”

  I snort and look away. “Am I that obvious?”

  “Yes.”

  I pause. “What about your mother?”

  “Demons tossed her out. She tried going back to the Saints, but they wouldn’t let her in the door. I never found out what happened to her. Don’t care honestly.”

  The worst is over. She’s smiling a little.

  I open my arms to her. “Can I hold you now?”

  She crawls over to me so quick, I’m thrown. Snuggling right up against my side, she lays her head on my chest and wraps her arm around my middle. My arm winds around her back, my hand landing on her hip again. We lay like that quietly for a while.

  “Wyatt, do you hate me now?”

  “No. Why?”

  “You don’t think I’m a disgusting whore after—”

  “Stop. No, I’d never think that about you. Don’t ever say that again.”

  “But—”

  “I’ve fucked around as much, if not more, than you. Do you think I’m a disgusting whore?”

  “Yeah, kinda.” I feel her smile against my chest.

  “Wench.”

  While she’s busy giggling at me, my hand lifts the hem of her shirt, and lands a nice, crisp smack on her ass.

  “
Ow!”

  I bend down and kiss her forehead. “Baby, your time with them…none of that was your fault.”

  “No, but everything I did afterward is.”

  I’m not so sure I agree with that.

  She’s suddenly serious again. “I like sex.”

  “Good, I do too.”

  She scrunches up her face and pulls away from me. “No, I felt ashamed for years because I figured that’s why Tyler—”

  “Babe, he sounds like a sick fuck who preyed on an innocent girl.”

  She tips her head forward so that her hair covers most of her face. “I wasn’t innocent.”

  My hand brushes over her leg to get her attention. I want her to look at me. “You were, what? Fourteen?” I’m sick thinking about it. She should have been sneaking around with boys her own age not being molded into what some twisted old fuck wanted her to be.

  “I never said no,’” she whispers.

  “Did you feel like you could?”

  Finally, she looks up at me. “Not until I came here. The times I tried, didn’t end well for me. I ran away once and being on the street was almost worse…”

  Christ, no wonder she’s so twisted about us.

  “Trinity, you know I’d never let that happen.”

  “But what if we—”

  “No. No what if. I love you.”

  “Wyatt, please listen to me. I couldn’t go back to all that hostility between us.”

  Because you love me too. Admit it.

  “It would kill me and where would I—”

  “Trinity, I’ll leave first before I do that to you, okay?”

  “No. You couldn’t—”

  “Yes, for you I would. But it’s a non-issue.”

  “I’m afraid when you get to know the real me, you won’t like her very much and realize this was a mistake.”

  A number of things come to mind. First—that’s absurd. Second—I wonder the same thing about myself sometimes. Third—that’s never going to happen. I start with number three. “I think I know you pretty well by now.”

  Her mouth curves up a bit. “Yeah. Probably better than anyone else ever has.”

  I like the sound of that. “And I love everything about you.”

  Now her face pulls into a sad smile. “I like everything about you, too. So much it scares me.”

  “So let’s try not to worry about stuff that will never happen.”

  “I’ll try.”

  I guess that’s as good as I’m gonna get right now.

  She takes a deep breath and looks in my eyes. “I’ve never told anyone the whole story.”

  “Thank you for trusting me.” I hold open my arms and she snuggles up against me again.

  “Do you remember the night we met?”

  “Of course. It’s still one of the best nights of my life, Trinity.”

  She pulls away and stares. “I trusted you. You made me feel safe and comfortable. Even though I was a little nutty that night.”

  Laughter rumbles out of me. “Yeah, you definitely took me down a peg or two.”

  “I think I was just freaked out by how much I liked you. The last time I trusted someone like that…”

  Yeah, she doesn’t need to finish that sentence.

  “Trin, about that night. I’m sorry I—”

  “No. Don’t ruin it. It’s still one of the best nights of my life too.”

  Revealing my past to Wrath doesn’t leave me feeling as vulnerable as I thought it would. If anything, I’m relieved to share it with him. Not once did he make me feel bad or ashamed. I fall asleep in his arms and don’t wake until morning. Not one nightmare.

  “Hey, babe,” he greets me in the sexy, morning-rough voice I love so much.

  “Were you watching me sleep?”

  He runs his hand over his face and yawns. “Yeah, you’re pretty.”

  It’s simple but so amazing to hear.

  His phone buzzes and he throws his arm out, slapping the nightstand until he finds it. He takes a second to check the screen and smirks. “Guys are on their way back.”

  My mouth turns up. I know how happy Hope will be to see Rock and I say so.

  “Ummm, he said keep it under wraps. He wants to surprise her.”

  “That’s mean. What if she wants to get all dolled up for him?”

  Wrath shrugs. “Only one I’m worried about gettin’ dolled up is you.”

  We tease each other like that for a few minutes. Then one hand cups my cheek and he stares into my eyes. “You okay, baby?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry I made you—”

  “I feel better.”

  He nods once. “I have a confession to make.”

  Immediately I assume he’s teasing me. “Oh, yeah?”

  He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. “The reason I asked you to help me prepare for the fight? I just wanted a way to get close to you again. You blew me off after we—”

  My hand reaches for his face. “Oh, Wyatt.”

  “You were a big help to me. Once I came up with the idea, I knew it was a good one.”

  I work to keep the smile off my face. “So why the confession?”

  “I feel guilty you got behind on your book stuff because of me.”

  Sweet mercy. How is it this man who could kill someone with his bare hands if he wanted to, is also so fucking sweet? “Yeah, but you got me all my fancy new stuff. I’ll be caught up in no time.”

  “I’m glad. Want you focusing on that. Gonna talk to Rock soon about you handing off your household chores to someone else.”

  Now wait just a minute. I bolt upright. “What?”

  “I don’t want my woman being the maid of the MC anymore.”

  “You said you—”

  “That came out wrong. You’re my girl. I want you lookin’ after me and I want you concentrating on your art.”

  “Wrath. You know I like taking care of things around here, right? It gives me purpose. I can’t explain it.”

  He looks away. “I get that. Just think about it, okay?”

  Think nothing. Now that I’m aware this is in Wrath’s head, it’s only a matter of time before he takes it to Rock. I’m not sure how I feel about it, although I would like the extra time to make my business more solid.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  He leans down and plants a kiss on my forehead. “Thank you.”

  Trinity decided she wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face around Hope, so she’s in her room. Honestly, I think she couldn’t wait to get her hands on her new computer equipment. When I left, she was so into setting things up, she barely glanced at me.

  I’m not insulted. Seeing her happy, makes me happy.

  Messin’ with Hope is also making me happy. She’s got no clue her man’s coming home any minute now.

  “What?” she asks me for probably the tenth time this morning.

  “Nothing.” I grin at her and she wrinkles her nose.

  Her face goes through a complete change when we hear the guys coming up the driveway.

  “You’re evil! Why didn’t you tell me?” she shouts, shooting off the couch.

  “Go greet your man.” That was pointless. She’s already halfway to the door.

  After a minute or two Rock carries Hope in. He barely glances at me long enough to nod and then takes her right upstairs.

  Murphy drops his bags at the foot of the stairs. “Ain’t gonna see them for the rest of the day,” he says with a smirk.

  “That fucker got her name tatted on him,” Z informs me.

  “Would you shut the fuck up about it,” Murphy gripes.

  I grin at both of them. “Calm down children. Maybe if you’re good little boys, Daddy will get your names inked on him too.”

  Z throws himself down next to me. “Look who’s chipper. Have fun while we were gone?”

  Wrapping my arm around Z’s neck I pull him in for a hug-choke and rough him up. “Yeah. Missed you, though, little brother.”

 
He breaks out of the hold, laughing.

  Murphy slaps my outstretched hand. “How’s the leg, bro?”

  “Gettin’ there.”

  “You’re back!” Trinity yells from the hallway, rushing out to greet Murphy and Z. She gives both of them a quick hug and the two fucks keep a respectful distance.

  “I take it Rock’s upstairs?” she asks.

  None of us really need to answer that. Trin takes a seat in my lap, which makes me pretty fuckin’ happy.

  Z smirks at us and heads into the war room. “Got some shit to do, then I’m taking a shower and a nap. Any of you fucks wake me up, I’m kicking some ass.”

  Murphy laughs at him. “I’m gonna grab something to eat then do the same.” He slaps my shoulder and heads into the kitchen. To my delight, Trinity stays put. In fact, she leans back against me.

  “Thanks for letting me get some work done,” she finally says.

  “Sure, babe.”

  “Want to see what I was working on?”

  I tip my head down to take her in. “If you want to show me.”

  A hint of a smile slips across her face. “I’ve got a few things to show you.”

  Now she really has my attention. Sliding out of my lap, she holds her hands out to me. I made it down here without the crutches, but I’m not sure about the walk back. I’m not about to tell her that though. She wraps her arm around my waist, and I lean on her more than I care to admit.

  Restless, I leave Trin sleeping. Definitely proud of myself for wearing her out again. If only I could wear myself out.

  I find Z, Dex and Murphy yapping in the living room.

  “I thought a fucking bomb hit the house,” Z finishes saying as I walk in.

  “What are you talking about?”

  The guys turn and look at me. Murphy smirks. “Z’s tender ears were hurt listening to Mom and Dad get it on.”

  I throw my head back and laugh so hard, I almost lose my balance.

  “Fuck both of you,” Z snaps.

  Dex chuckles. “Keep your mouth shut. That girl embarrasses easy. You upset her, prez will kill you.”