by Jiffy Kate
I give her what she wants, driving into her, letting her feel every inch of me.
When I try to switch positions and roll us over, so I can watch her ride me, she holds me to her.
“No, just like this. I need to feel you.”
Taking her hands, I entwine our fingers and bring them above her head, kissing her softly as we climb to orgasm, this time together.
There’s no talking afterward. Kadi pulls my arms around her and buries herself in my side.
That’s how we fall asleep, wrapped around each other—her holding on and me wondering if I should do the same.
Table 10
The sound of clothes rustling and footfalls around the hotel room wake me from a restless sleep. I stretch my arm out, looking for Kadi, but only find her side of the bed cold and empty. I reach farther, turning on the lamp, and find her dressed and standing by her bag. The glow of the lamp is soft but she doesn’t hide from the spotlight it shines on her. She knows she’s been caught trying to sneak out and I see guilt and shame cover her delicate features.
Trying to remain calm while ignoring the twist of dread that’s been building in my stomach since last night, I prop myself up on my arm. Maybe I’m assuming the worst, jumping to conclusions without giving her a chance to explain. It’s a small thread of hope but it’s the only one I have so, I’m holding onto it as long as I can.
“Where are you going?”
She zips her bag and focuses on her fingers holding the handle when she answers. “I think I need to go home.”
“Why? It’s the middle of the night, Kadi. Are you not feeling well?”
She lets out a deep breath and sits on the corner of the bed, leaving her bag in the chair by the door.
“Nathan, I can’t do this anymore.”
A cold chill runs down my spine as I hear six of the most dreaded words put together in a sentence. I sit up and scoot closer to her. I see her body tense when I get too close, so I stop where I am, giving her the space she needs even though it goes against everything I want and need right now
“What do you mean? What happened last night?”
“Nothing happened. The gala was very nice, but it made me realize how different we are. I mean, I knew how opposite our worlds were but didn’t understand just how different until last night.”
“Bullshit. You’re using those differences as a cop-out. You knew who you were getting involved with from day one.”
“I’m not using that as an excuse. I thought I could do it. I thought I could pretend enough to fit in for one night but I couldn’t. And if I can’t pretend for one night, I’ll never make it for the long haul, Nathan.”
“Kadi, I don’t want you to fit in.”
“Oh, so you wanted me to fail? Is that it? You thought you’d dress me up and put me on display to teach me a lesson?”
“Fuck, no. Listen to me. I love that you’re different from all the cookie-cutter women who were at the gala last night. I’ve never known anyone like you. That’s what I wanted to show off. You’re better than all those women and you’d be failing yourself if you tried to lower to their standards. You’re the one I want, not them. I thought you understood that.”
Her eyes are shut tight and tears begin to stream down her cheeks. I grab her hand, not caring if it’s too much for her right now. She needs to know how serious I am.
“Kadi, I—”
“Nathan, don’t.” She turns her body to face me, holding my hand with both of hers. “I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done for me. Not just things like helping get my keys or letting me stay at your place when I had nowhere else to go, but for helping me. You believe in me so much, how could I not start to believe in myself as well? You’ve given me opportunities that have already changed my life for the better and I’ll always be grateful, but I can’t take from you anymore, especially when I have nothing to give back.”
“I don’t want anything from you; I only want you. You’re more than enough… more than I ever imagined. Certainly more than I’ll ever deserve.”
She won’t look at me so I try another tactic.
“So, that’s it? You were just using me?”
That got her attention.
The look of pain I just caused her with my words is like a knife in my own stomach. She has to know I didn’t mean it.
“That’s what they’ll say,” she whispers.
“Who? What are you talking about?” I know there’s more she’s not telling me and I’ll be damned if I let that shit fly. If I find out someone was rude or hurtful to her in any way, they’ll live to regret it.
“Nothing. No one said anything to me, but I know everyone thinks I’m using you.”
“Fuck them. We know what’s true and what’s not. Don’t let them win, Kadi.”
I see the struggle on her face. She wants to stay just as much as she feels the need to leave and my heart starts to break because I know I’m losing her. I don’t know how we got here so fast. I thought she was different … I thought we were different and that we could work through anything.
I see it, the moment she makes up her mind. Her shoulders straighten and her face is wiped of all emotion. She lets go of my hand and stands.
“It’s not about winning or losing, Nathan. I have to do this for myself; I can’t use you as a crutch.”
Now, I’m standing. With the bedsheet no longer covering my body, it’s not lost on me how naked I am. Not just physically but emotionally. I’m laying myself bare for her, putting her in control of my fate.
“Kadi, you know how I feel about you. Surely, you know I—”
“I said, no, Nathan!” She grabs her bag and stands by the door. “I know all about you and how you work. I refuse to be another project for you, someone else to … to fix.” She stops with a huff, but then hammers the nail in the coffin. “These last couple of months have been a fantasy and I can’t afford fantasies. Fantasies lead to disappointment. I’m not going to sit around and let myself get weak, forgetting how to take care of myself only for you to be done with me and move onto a new project down the road.”
Project.
Her words echo what my father said and they slice through me, taking me completely off guard. I’m so shocked, I barely register her walking out the door and leaving me forever. I’m hurt, angry, confused, and absolutely devastated, but I love her enough to let her go.
I love her.
I can’t believe I just made that connection—the second she’s walking out the door, out of my life. I think it’s been there for a while, but in the face of her leaving, I’m no longer able to call it something else. It’s not lust or infatuation. It’s more than that and it’s written on every breath that cuts through my lungs and the crippling pain that tears through my chest.
As difficult as it is to not chase her down the hall and force her to come back to this room and crawl back in bed with me, I don’t. Bottom line is I want her happy and I want what’s best for her, and if she believes she’s better off without me, then I’ll have to trust her.
But even then, I sit aimlessly on the side of the bed, head in my hands, trying to think of some way to fix this.
Fix it.
That’s what she said.
I’m always trying to fix things.
Maybe I can’t fix this.
Table 10
It’s been a week since she walked out of that hotel room.
A week of whiskey.
A week of sleepless nights.
A week to let her scent disappear from my bed.
A week since I’ve had her pie.
A week since I’ve been to the diner.
A week since my life made sense.
“Nathan,” my Uncle Teddy says from the door of my office, pulling me from my thoughts. “We’re going to lunch with the Premiere Properties guys. Be ready in ten.”
A meeting is the last thing I want to do today. But if it weren’t for work and the million projects we have going, I’d be going crazy. All I�
��ve done for the last week is think about Kadi—what I could've done differently, what she’s doing right now, is she safe, is there any way I can get her back. So, at least the meetings are a way to escape the what ifs and think about something else, if only for a moment.
“Still thinking about that waitress?”
His question startles me because I thought he was gone, but the way he says it makes me bristle. He doesn’t get the right to call her that waitress. He didn’t even meet her. He doesn’t know her.
“She has a name.”
“Oh, excuse me,” he says with a laugh. Everything is always a joke with my Uncle Teddy. He doesn’t take anything in life seriously, except money, and that’s questionable. Sometimes, I wonder if he thinks he’s playing a game of Monopoly. “What was it, Kadance?” When I don’t respond, he continues. “Eh, I think you just haven’t had your feelings hurt in a while. Buck up, cowboy. Grow some balls. Get laid. This will all blow over. Shit, get a blowjob. That always clears the cobwebs for me.”
“I don’t need any advice, but thanks,” I say sharply.
“You’re being way too serious about this, Nathan. I think it’s time you let it go and move on.”
“I get to decide that. Not you. Besides, this isn’t your area of expertise. So, I don’t need your two cents’ worth.”
He laughs again, standing from the chair he was occupying. “Your dad said you’d went and fell in love, but I didn’t believe him.” Stopping at the door, he turns around, shaking his head. “What’d you go and do that for? Didn’t I teach you anything? Women … love … all they do is complicate things. There are only two things you can depend on in life: death and taxes. And only one of those is definite.”
“She’s different.”
“Now you sound like your father.”
I glance away from the window and back up at him, there’s a hint of disappointment in his eyes. I think he always thought I’d choose the bachelor lifestyle like him—no complications, no distractions.
“Well, don’t just sit there. You’re a Hendricks. We pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and get back on the horse. One thing I do know is that you can’t make a woman love you. I tried that once and it didn’t work, just blew up in my face. So, do yourself a favor and let her go. Use that head of yours on more important things, like how to make my next million.”
Table 10
You can’t make someone love you.
Those words have been rolling around in my head since they came out of my Uncle Teddy’s mouth a week ago. Like everything he’s ever told me, I decide what to keep and what to disregard. But those have stuck with me. I guess because I’ve always known them to be true.
I learned them the hard way. I spent the first years of my life trying to make my parents love me, but they never did. I was a meal ticket and a warm bed.
There was a time when I thought I might be incapable of love. I thought something inside of me was broken. My therapist told me some children who experience abandonment at such a young age have attachment issues. Usually, it manifests in relationships with people who try to fill the roles of your parents. But when I was able to feel genuine love for my adopted parents, I thought I was a rare case, and that I somehow escaped my troubled childhood with a few scars, but no permanent damage.
Then I tried allowing myself to fall in love, giving myself permission to let someone into my life, but I never felt the connection. I’ve had three serious relationships in my life and I know now that none of them were love. They were my desire to help someone or fix someone and becoming attached to that person, but not in a real way. And then I went from that to meaningless relationships with women who were out for their own gain. Neither type of relationship brought me true happiness, especially not the kind of happiness I felt with Kadi.
Maybe I was trying to earn Kadi’s love.
One thing I know for sure, she wasn’t a project or someone I was trying to fix.
It was quite the opposite.
She made me better. She made me see things clearer. She made me feel alive. She gave me perspective. She let me know I can fall in love. And I fell hard.
I’m still falling.
I still want Kadance Davis.
I know she doesn’t want my help anymore, but I still believe in her and her dreams. If I can’t be there to take care of her, I want her to be able to take care of herself. So, this morning, I did one last thing for her. She can take it or leave it, but it’ll give me peace of mind knowing she has the opportunity to move forward in her life, if she so chooses.
I’m leaving the ball in her court.
“Nancy,” I say into the intercom.
“Yes, Mr. Hendricks.”
“I have an envelope I need delivered.”
“Yes, sir. Where to?”
“Mack’s Diner.”
About the Authors
Jiffy Kate is the joint pen name for Jiff Simpson and Jenny Kate Altman.
Jiff was born and raised in Louisiana. She’s now living in Texas with her two teenagers and two bulldogs, Georgia Rose and Jake. She spends her days enabling people’s LulaRoe addictions. Don’t worry, it’s not illegal.
Jenny Kate was born and raised in Oklahoma where she lives with her husband, teenager, and two high-maintenance Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, Wrigley and Oliver. She’s a coffee-obsessed accounting assistant, who wishes she had an endless supply of money and vacation days.
Some people think they’ve been friends forever, but they’ve only known each other about six years. Kindred spirits and all that. After their first “date”, they knew it was fate. Five years ago, they started writing their first story and they haven’t stopped.
Their first published book, Finding Focus, was released in November 2015. Since then, they’ve published the second book of the Finding Focus Series, Chasing Castles, and a new adult romance, The Other One.
If you like a romance set in the south, then you’ll love their southern fried fiction with heart and soul.
You can find Jiffy Kate on most social media outlets:
Website - www.jiffykate.com
Facebook – www.facebook.com/jiffykate
Twitter – www.twitter.com/jiffykatewrites
Instagram – www.instagram.com/jiffykatewrites
Goodreads - www.goodreads.com/jiffykate
Reader Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1715874732005911/
Other Books by Jiffy Kate:
Finding Focus – https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Focus-Book
Chasing Castles – https://www.amazon.com/Chasing-Castles
The Other One – https://www.amazon.com/Other-One
Jiffy Kate’s Amazon Page - https://www.amazon.com/Jiffy-Kate
Read the next part in the Table 10 series on June 30, 2017, exclusively on Amazon!