I Got This

by Jennifer Hudson

  I am in control of all decisions that have to do with my image, which means that no one will decide what’s right for me except me. I’m not special. We should all feel this way about ourselves. Sadly, so many women don’t, and in the process they compromise their value to please someone else.

  Sure, some people want to step out there and expose themselves by using their body to get ahead. That’s not who I am. I know my value and wasn’t about to taint my image for a record. I didn’t need a sexy body to land the role of Effie, I didn’t need a sexy body to win an Oscar, I didn’t need a sexy body to win a Grammy, and I surely don’t need a sexy body to make a music video.

  I may have a new body but I am still the same person.

  There are a whole lot of people out there who have applauded me for taking control of my weight and health. I’ve met so many women who have come up to say how much I have inspired them to take control of their health, too. They see my decision as strong and fearless because I stepped out of my comfort zone to reinvent myself. To those women, I want to say thank you. But I didn’t really reinvent who I am so much as how I appear.

  When I step out onto the stage, I can see and hear people react.

  “Oh, my God—she looks amazing!”

  “I had no idea she lost so much weight!”

  “She is fabulous. I am so happy for her.” And so on.

  I actually open my shows with me behind a curtain in silhouette so the crowd can see me, get their comments in and done, and then I can do what they came there to see—entertain. For the most part, once they’ve checked me out, it’s all good and the show goes on as usual.

  But there has been another reaction people have had to my weight loss that came as quite a surprise to me. They say some very negative things. I’m serious. They are rejecting me instead of embracing me for getting healthy. Even the media began writing articles that I had taken my weight loss too far by losing way too much weight. One article accused me of “pulling a disappearing act,” saying that I was “so svelte in my tangerine orange Versace dress at the 2011 Oscars, I nearly vanished when I turned to the side.” Well, at least they didn’t say it was too tight!

  Apparently, there is a fine line in the media between being thin enough to succeed and being so thin that nutritionists I’ve never met actually worry about my health in the press. While I wasn’t seeking publicity for my weight loss, it appears there are those who find it necessary to comment about me. Just as I had to go through a transition period, I guess they did, too. The funny thing is, I know my people, the fans who come see my shows, and up until I lost my weight, the audience was always filled with love and support. Now I’ve got people looking at me up onstage thinking they don’t know me anymore. They see a thinner version of the girl they once knew and appreciated and are now disapproving of me—all because of what I have achieved with my weight loss.

  In the summer of 2011, I performed at a show and was barely out on the stage before I had the feeling that the audience was not entirely on my ride. I sensed the negative energy coming from the crowd as soon as I walked out.

  “Who does she think she is coming out here looking like that?”

  “Girl don’t look that good.”

  “She must think she’s all that now because she lost weight…”

  “I heard her voice changed when she lost all the weight. I’ll bet she can’t hold a tune.”

  I just felt like the audience was standing there thinking these things. I could see their heads shaking, arms crossed, hear their lips smacking. You would have thought they never heard me sing before, let alone know anything about me. I never had an audience treat me like this.

  Why were they acting so angry?

  I began to sing “I Got This,” a song from my second album, as a way to connect with the crowd.

  I was doing everything I knew to grab ahold of the audience and take them on the ride, but they wouldn’t take my hand. And then, it hit me. They no longer saw me as one of them. But you see, to me, I am the same person I’ve always been. Granted, I might look different on the outside, but I am still that same girl from the South Side of Chicago who overcame adversity and found a way to do things right by staying positive and finding myself along the way. And yet, I was feeling rejected.

  I felt like there were one thousand voices inside my head saying all of the negative comments coming from the audience. There was a point when I wanted to stop singing, stop my show, and say, “Y’all, it is me. It’s still Jennifer.” But I didn’t. What was the point? I wasn’t going to change anyone’s mind that night.

  Later that night, some friends who were in attendance told me they were hearing the negative comments from the audience, too. At least I confirmed that what I was feeling was true.

  I felt so hurt by this experience. The only thing that made me any different that night was my choice to lose weight and get healthy. I mean really. Why would anyone rebel against me for that? Was my choice to lose weight somehow touching a nerve for those who think they can’t do it?

  Folks started using Twitter as a platform for sharing their views about my weight loss. I originally got on Twitter as a way to stay connected to my fans. I wanted to get to know them and give them a chance to know the real me. I don’t read every comment that gets posted to my account, but whenever one catches my eye—I’ll take the time to address it.

  At first, Twitter was an adjustment for me because the people writing had the freedom to say whatever they wanted—good and bad. Naturally, the negative comments are always the ones that get my gander up. I’m a very outspoken woman, and I’ve spent a lifetime defending myself for one reason or another. My first thought is always to answer back. All of the negative comments started to make me so mad that I stopped checking my account for a while. But I always ended up coming back to Twitter because I liked the interaction with my fans so much, and the positive outweighed the negative.

  When it came to discussing my weight loss, people in the Twittersphere had a lot to say. Their Tweets felt more like personal attacks that were rooted in misinformation more than anything else.

  Here’s a typical Tweet.

  “When you get money that is when you lose weight.”

  I wrote back, “My weight loss has nothing to do with money. It’s about having the will to do it.”

  “My mama said when people get money, they don’t need will, they use their money to buy everything.”

  My response? “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

  “I guess you think you’re the shit now because you lost all of the weight.”

  Huh? Uh, no.

  I wrote back, “I didn’t lose weight to impress anyone. I lost the weight so I could be healthy for my son.”

  At the end of the day, I simply couldn’t understand how anyone could be mad at me for a goal I set for myself and worked hard to achieve. That isn’t about money, fame, or power. It’s about will, dedication, commitment, and knowing your self-worth. You can be poor as dirt and have those traits. Money can’t buy you values. You just need to know what is important to you and then feel secure in your pursuit to achieve that. The only difference between the haters on Twitter and me is that my will and what I value is what is important to me. Weight loss may not be someone else’s goal, but that won’t stop me from working toward mine.

  The hostile rejection I received was the single biggest hurdle for me to overcome because:

  a. I didn’t expect it, and

  b. I didn’t know how to handle it.

  I was really upset by this rejection. It reminded me of a friend I had back in high school who told me that he could no longer be my friend because my confidence in myself somehow made him feel like less of a person. I was so hurt that the way I felt about myself made him uncomfortable with who he was.

  I decided to speak to Liz in an effort to understand what the rejection to my weight loss was really all about. I figured she might have some firsthand experience in dealing with this type of reaction.<
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  Liz explained that most people see themselves a certain way their entire lives. When they go through a massive change, such as losing weight, they have to learn to see themselves in a new way. It is one of the biggest struggles her members deal with on their journey.

  When that gets layered with getting negative energy for doing a positive thing, it oftentimes leads to disastrous results. She told me that she sees this type of reaction in almost every member she works with. They have friends, family members, coworkers, and even mere acquaintances who react in a negative way. She shared that sometimes things get so bad that marriages break up and long-term friendships are lost over this lack of support. I was very relieved to know that what I was feeling and going through wasn’t just happening to me. This type of rejection can happen to anyone who is successful in their weight loss, from Jennifer Hudson to Jane Doe.

  People get comfortable with the way you are—they have formed their opinion of you based on everything they see and know about you as a person. When you change that up by losing weight, they no longer understand you. Even though you are the same person they’ve always known, some see you as different. Their perception of who you are has changed based on how you look. Maybe they no longer feel safe, secure, or comfortable with you anymore. Their insecurities get fed by your newfound security with yourself. Liz taught me that when other people reject positive changes you make for yourself, there is always some nerve to get to the root of in those other people. It usually ends up being about fear and lack of self-esteem.

  As a way of illustrating just how common this response is, Liz gave me a scenario of four girls who have been best friends since grade school. They went through everything together, including boyfriends, breakups, weddings, babies, and gaining lots of weight. Since they all got heavy together, they supported one another’s heaviness. And then one day, one of the girls decided to change her life by taking control of her health and losing the excess weight she’d been carrying around for years. She can’t be friends with those people anymore because they can’t handle the change. She doesn’t want to be around them because everything they do together is centered on eating. They don’t exercise, they want to eat out all the time, and they choose all of the wrong foods. Those activities are simply not a part of her life anymore. The rest of the women feel jealous, envious, and angry with her for no longer fitting in with the group. Worse, they are frustrated with themselves because they are still exactly the same. Little by little, they push her out of their circle, until one day they have completely gone their separate ways.

  This happens all the time, and as it turns out, is a much bigger problem for women than it is with men. For whatever reason, men don’t seem to have as hard a time when one of their buddies loses weight as women do when a girlfriend decides to shed some pounds. Interestingly, men seem to be the majority of the people who come to my rescue on Twitter, often writing, “Why can’t you leave her alone?” or “I think what Jennifer has done is terrific. She looks great.” And by the way, there are plenty of girls out there who have supported me, too. And to all of you supporters, here’s a great big thank-you!

  Liz did a great job guiding me through my confusion on this issue by reminding me that I was solid and right in my decision to get healthy. And I was. There was never really a time in my life where this type of rejection would have rocked my world before. No way.

  “Would you trade your weight loss for acceptance from others?” Liz asked me.

  “Not a chance.” I didn’t even have to think about my response.

  “Would you ever go back to your old weight?”

  “Oh, hell no.” My answer was that quick.

  When Liz framed her questions in that way, it was easy for me to realize that my decision to lose weight was for no one else but me. And when you come from that place, no one—and I mean no one—should have the power or ability to push you back to where you came from.

  After giving Liz’s questions some thought, I know that truthfully, I would be willing to gain back weight for a film role, but only if I had to. Now I know I can control it. I would never carelessly go back to my old weight—it would be a choice, a short-term commitment to gain and then lose that weight. This realization was big because I really feel like I’ve got ahold of my eating and health without any doubt that I would be able to lose the weight again if I gained. You see, Weight Watchers isn’t a diet—it’s a commitment to eating for health. Once you’ve got that, you’ll never go back to your old ways again.

  After I discovered the positivity in my new and healthier body, I began to notice that I wanted to surround myself with other positive people, too. An organic shift began to take place in my entire life. If I am going to be a role model that inspires others to get healthy, then I want to live as the very best example. I didn’t learn how to eat for health until I was a grown woman, but I’m going to be damned sure my son grows up making the right choices from the very start. I wish the principles of healthy eating and exercise were a requirement for kids in school, just like math or reading. Society puts such an emphasis on being thin and looking good, but so few people are given the tools early in life to adhere to these expectations. So when those people walk out into the world, like I did when I got to Hollywood, it can be a real struggle to accept that sometimes appearance can be more important than talent or intelligence. If I had been given the education growing up, I would have started my journey to health at a much earlier age. This is why I am so eager to share all of the information I’ve been given. I want you to know that there are options out there. If given the right tools, you will be ready and equipped to make your own informed decisions. Where there are options, there is a way. Choices lead to success.

  My mama used to tell me that I could do or be anything I wanted as long as I was happy. That was her number one priority for her children. And that is how I want to encourage my son, too. I’ve seen a glimpse into my son’s future—he loves to sing and dance almost as much as he loves to wrestle like his daddy. He is a born performer. He comes to life when he is in front of an audience. Whether it’s stealing my spotlight by sneaking out onto the stage and holding his own microphone during a concert in Barbados or insisting he come out with me during an interview on The View, my son really knows how to work a crowd. I was exactly like that as a child and now I get to experience what that was like for my mama through my son’s eyes. Seeing him shine like that makes me feel so proud. Growing up, I always dreamed of having a sibling I could sing with. Now I get to sing with my son. Munchkin and I sing together all the time, especially when I am putting him to bed at night. He knows his mommy’s voice, whether he hears it on the radio, television, or in his bedroom when it’s just the two of us together. To the outside world, I’m Jennifer Hudson, singer, actress, and weight-loss ambassador, but to my son, I will always be just Mama. I can’t think of a better title!

  Becoming a mother is by far my greatest accomplishment. My son has helped me put everything into perspective and figure out what is really important in my life. Even though I had made up my mind to lose weight before I knew I was pregnant, having my son gave me the best reason not to fail. My mama taught me to always see a cup as half full, and I want to teach that positive perspective to my son, too. I want him to know there is a whole world out there beyond the block he grows up on. Even though he’ll grow up in a more privileged environment than I did, he’ll still face the world having to make his own decisions. All I can hope for is that I’ll do my very best to provide him with the right information and guide him by setting the example by how his father and I live so he will make the right choices.

  After becoming a mom, I am most proud of my newfound role as an ambassador of health. There have been such great rewards in seeing how the changes I’ve made in my life have empowered and inspired others to do the same. I know I touch people’s hearts when they see me in an emotionally charged role like Effie White or Winnie Mandela, but nothing had empowered me to help change people’s lives un
til I joined forces with Weight Watchers. I let the world in on my progress by allowing them to monitor my journey to health. I never dreamed that my actions would have such a powerful impact, but God did. He is using every part of me to make a difference in people’s lives by spreading my message of health any way I can.

  I will never forget a letter I received from a fan shortly after Dreamgirls was released. He wrote me to say that he thought God gave me my acting career because I embraced my gift of singing and shared it with others. Every time I enter a new realm in my career, I realize that there is so much more I am supposed to be doing with my life. And that is why this journey has been so rewarding. It isn’t that I’ve lost eighty pounds and kept it off. No, it’s because of that accomplishment that I can see people come together—whether it has been my family, fans, or the people on the street—and be inspired by something I did to make a positive change in their lives. That is the true meaning of feeling good!

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  I GOT THIS

  “Jennifer! Over here!”

  “Jennifer, can we get a photo?”

  “Jennifer, whose dress are you wearing tonight?”

  “Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer…”

  Walking the red carpet has taken on a whole new dimension these days. I get to stand next to the skinny supermodel talking about what I am wearing, about my eyelashes, earrings, and even the color of my toenail polish! Years ago, the only thing anyone wanted to talk about was if I felt insecure as a big girl in Hollywood. And now all they want to focus on is how great I look. Any way you slice it, the emphasis is still about my physical appearance instead of my talent. Does it frustrate me? Sure, but I also know it is part of the game we all play, especially in the looks-obsessed world of Hollywood. Just once I wish someone would make it about being healthy instead of being thin. I’ve always been comfortable with my size, but I haven’t always felt healthy like I do now.