It occurred to me, while sitting on the cold white toilet seat pretending to pee in order to avoid Bob, that I much preferred having the power over the man and deciding when to cut the cord, over being powerless and on the receiving end of the silent fade-away.
With my new found philosophy firmly in place, I was ready to leave and spotted Bob laughing with a few guys from his accounting office. I walked over to them and when there was a pause in the conversation, I coughed and said, “Bob, we're gonna leave now. Thanks so much for having us.” I glanced at Todd, who was standing quietly behind me.
Bob eyed me suspiciously but just said, “I'm really glad you guys could make it. I'm so happy you finally met Trish.” He turned around and called her name.
Trish looked to be in a dynamic conversation with an older woman but smiled brightly when she heard Bob call out to her. Then she looked over at me and frowned.
“Come say goodbye to Jane,” Bob said.
Trish looked at Bob and then back at me and slowly walked over. “It was nice to meet you, Jane,” she said flatly. Gesturing towards Todd, she said, “You too, Todd. Good luck to you.” Then she stood on her tippy-toes and tousled Bob's hair before walking away without another mention of us coming over for dinner.
Bob turned back toward us and shrugged. Extending his hand to Todd, he said, “Nice meeting you.”
“You too,” Todd said. “Thanks for having me. I totally forgot to talk to you about basketball. Jane told me you played.”
Bob muttered, “Of course she did. Next time.”
When Todd walked away first, I caught Bob's eye and he gave me a questioning look. I winked in response and followed Todd out the door.
Todd and I didn't talk much during our walk toward the 6 train after the party. My epiphany made me want to skip down the cobblestone village streets and nod knowingly at all of the girls I saw holding hands with some guy to see if they were in on the secret. But Todd was dragging his heels with his head bowed. I didn't very much care why he was suddenly sullen but out of some sense of obligation, I stopped walking. Todd walked a few steps before realizing I was no longer by his side, but finally stopped, turned around and asked, “What's wrong?”
“That's what I was going to ask you. You've been so quiet. What's up?”
Todd walked over to me and guided me to the steps of a brownstone. He motioned for me to sit.
I was reluctant. The steps were part of someone else's property. I really wanted to go to bed but I sat down anyway, patted the concrete step next to me and said, “Sit.”
Todd sat down and I waited for him to speak his mind. “OK, here goes nothing,” he said. “How come you didn't mention that Bob was your ex-boyfriend? You said it was a friend's party, not an old boyfriend and his new girlfriend's party.”
“I didn't think you'd want to go if I told you the truth.” I left out the part about desperately needing a date.
“Do you still love him? I know it's only our third date, but I need to know if you're still pining over an ex before proceeding to a…”
Interrupting him, I put my index and pointer fingers on his lips. “Shh,” I whispered. “I'll always love Bob, but we're not in love and haven't been in a long, long time. I've moved on. I wouldn't watch college basketball for just anyone, you know.”
When Todd's lips parted in a smile, I kissed him softly. We kissed for a few minutes before I claimed an upset stomach from too much red pepper and garlic hummus, and, promising a fourth date soon, asked if he'd walk me to the subway.
I lay in bed alone twenty minutes later and as my head hit the pillow, I knew one thing for certain:
There'd be no fourth date. But this time, it would be on my terms.
CHAPTER 23
I woke up bright and early the next morning and felt so rested that I made it to the 8:00 spin class at the gym. Energized and famished, I walked through the entrance of H&H bagels but thought better of it, walked back out and stepped to a corner to call Lainie.
When she answered, “Hello” with a frog in her throat, I said, “Wanna go out for breakfast?”
After yawning loudly into the phone, she answered, “Calling me from the next room is really lazy. You could've just knocked on my door, Jane.”
Laughing, I said, “Yes, I'm so lazy, I just finished a spin class. It's beautiful out. Feels like Spring in December! Get up and meet me at EJ's. I'm all sweaty so no need to shower. I'll call Marissa and reserve a table.”
After a brief hesitation, Lainie said, “OK, but pick me up a coffee somewhere first. The wait will be long and I need coffee to deal with a perky Jane.”
Very happy to be “perky Jane” again, I agreed. “Sure thing! See you in a few.”
By the time I convinced Marissa to skip the shower, picked up coffees for all three of us, pushed my way to the hostess to put our names in for a table and returned to the waiting area, Marissa and Lainie had arrived. Forty-five minutes later, we were seated at a corner table by the window, the huge menus stretched out in front of us. I took a quick look and slammed the menu shut. “Blueberry pancakes. No brainer. Just don't tell my mom.”
Looking up from her open menu, Marissa asked, “Why not?”
“Let me guess,” Lainie said. “She thinks protein is a better way to start the day?”
“And the winning answer goes to the curly haired southern belle in the pink hoodie!” I said cheerily.
“That's why you should order a side of bacon with the pancakes,” Lainie said matter-of-factly.
“Another brilliant idea from Lainie.”
Just then, my cell phone rang and before I could remove it from the table, Marissa looked over. “It's Todd,” she said. “You can answer it. We won't be mad.”
“Speak for yourself,” snorted Lainie.
I turned off the ringer and tossed the phone in my gym bag. “That's OK. I'm busy with my peeps.”
Marissa nodded. “I suppose that's the way to go. Don't want to appear too available. You can call him back later.”
“Or not,” I muttered under my breath.
“Katherine told me he really likes you.”
“Of course she did,” I said.
“She's happy that she fixed him up with a nice girl. He's had some bad luck,” Marissa said.
“Haven't we all,” I said. “But no matter.” I glanced out the window and at the same time a lanky dark-haired guy, probably about 5′7″, sporting black jeans, a white T-shirt, and a sexy five o'clock shadow was peering in. Catching my eye, he smiled. Despite skin sans makeup and my unwashed hair being up in a bun, I felt endorphins from my earlier workout and smiled back. He motioned at me to come outside and when I shook my head and motioned for him to come inside instead, he disappeared out of sight. I assumed he continued to his original destination and giggled at Lainie when she gave me a high five for my flirting effort.
Then, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and standing over our table was the guy from outside, lugging a bag of CDs. Smiling brightly, he said in a British accent, “I told the waitress my friends were already in the back. Mind if I join you?” Not waiting for an answer, he sat down in the booth next to Marissa and across from me and dropped his bag on the floor.
Marissa stared at him with her mouth opened while Lainie looked out the window and snickered. Non-flustered, I motioned to the bag and said, “What's with the CDs?”
He looked from me to the bag and, said, “Oh those? I was bringing them across the park to Westsider Records when I saw you and realized how hungry I was for…” Removing a piece of bacon from my plate, he smiled, took a bite and said, “Bacon.”
“So, buddy,” Lainie interrupted, “Got a name?”
Flashing her a surprisingly straight-toothed smile, he said, “Buddy will do.” Directing his gaze back at me, he said, “More importantly, what's yours?”
“Frances.” Ignoring the questioning looks from Marissa and Lainie, I said, “Frances Jane.”
Buddy smiled. “Well Frances Jane. I reall
y do need to get these CDs off my back. But what do you say to a rendezvous in the park, say the volleyball courts in Sheep's Meadow, in an hour?”
“Make it two and you've got yourself a date, Buddy.”
“Brill.” Standing up, he waved to the girls. Winking at me, he said, “Cheerio. See you in two hours” and walked away.
After watching him make his way to the exit, I continued eating my pancakes. When I looked up from my plate, Marissa was looking at me wide-eyed. “You're not seriously gonna meet that guy are you?”
Shrugging, I said, “Why not? He was cute!”
“I guess,” Marissa muttered. “You don't even know his name though.”
“He doesn't know mine either! That's the fun of it.”
Lainie laughed. “Not sure what's gotten into you, but I'm digging this new Jane! Or shall I say, Frances.”
“Just having some fun, girls. Never killed anyone.”
Clinking her glass of orange juice against mine, Lainie offered an enthusiastic, “Amen to that.”
Ignoring Marissa's furrowed brow, I smiled at Lainie and repeated, “Amen, sista!”
CHAPTER 24
Two hours later, after finishing my breakfast and a long, hot shower, I crossed the 72nd Street transverse, zigzagged out of the path of the many runners taking advantage of the unusually warm temperature for December and walked west toward the volleyball courts in Sheep's Meadow. Buddy was leaning against a tree. I only got the side view but could see him take a deep drag of a cigarette and blow the smoke skywards. I felt the pitter-patter in my belly as I wondered what the day would bring for Frances Jane. I anticipated far more excitement would ensue than in the typical Sunday of one Jane Frank.
To start, Jane would have chosen her outfit based on how well it camouflaged her ass, but Frances was wearing tight black skinny jeans with a cropped soft pink sweater emphasizing her rear-end in all its squeezable/biteable glory. Jane would spend the afternoon outwardly making entertaining conversation with Buddy while inwardly wondering how her first name would sound before his last and worrying how many dates she should wait to sleep with him. But Frances would toss all that nonsense aside and enjoy the ride in full certainty that there was no point worrying about a future that would never unfold. Frances would live for today.
Finally, Jane would have done an about face the minute she spotted Buddy smoking. She hated smokers and didn't want to raise children in a smoking environment. But Frances had no desire to procreate with Buddy and couldn't care less if he was a pack-a-day kind of guy.
Buddy didn't seem to see or hear me approach so I leaned against the other side of the tree, stretched out my hand and lightly jabbed him in the side, forcing his feet to lift slightly off the ground in surprise. He turned around and smiled when he saw it was me. “Blimey, Frances, I didn't even see you coming!”
Keeping my hand on the tree, I pivoted so I was standing in front of him. “Didn't mean to scare you.”
He nodded and smiled again. With a quick glance at his black leather cuff watch, he said, “You're right on time.”
Jane would've purposely arrived five minutes late, but Frances had no interest in playing games since she never won.
I noticed his bag from earlier was not in sight. “Any luck selling the CDs?”
Buddy raised his eyebrows and said, “Depends on your definition of luck. I sold them all but for sod all.”
Knowing Jane would have pretended she had the slightest clue what that meant, I said, “No comprende British-speak.”
Laughing, Buddy explained, “I sold them, yes, but I might as well have given them away.” He motioned west towards the expanse of greens. “Shall we walk?”
I nodded and accepted Buddy's hand as we walked through the park. Buddy, who had only been in New York for six months, was decidedly enthusiastic about the beauty of Central Park. We walked up to the Belvedere Castle, through the great lawn and ended our tour watching the model sail boats at the Conservatory. Our legs heavy as tree stumps from our scenic explorations, we left the park and headed to Baker Street Pub where we sat at the bar with Scotch Mist whisky cocktails before us.
Buddy was sitting sideways, his long legs crossed and resting on the foot of my bar stool. I was initially facing forward and turning only my head toward Buddy but after the second drink, I mirrored his body language.
Buddy trapped my legs between his and traced his palms up and down my thighs. Feeling the warmth of the alcohol coursing through my loins, I leaned over and kissed him. He kissed me back and when I felt his tongue gently massaging mine, I moved so I was standing between his legs. I held his stubbled cheeks in my hands as I kissed him more passionately.
Buddy pulled away, bringing me back to reality. Feeling a bit other-worldly, I looked at him confused. “Is something wrong?”
Buddy shook his head and when his black eyes pierced into mine, I felt like he could see through my clothes. “Nothing's wrong, Frances,” he said. “You're a dish, that's all. And it's not just because I'm sloshed.”
I leaned over and nibbled on his soft earlobe. Blowing in his ear, I said, “You're a dish too. Not sure if it's because I'm sloshed, but I don't really care.”
“Not to sound cliché, but should we take this someplace more comfortable?”
I nodded my response.
He nodded back. “Your place or mine?”
As if injected with an anti-drunk remedy, I was immediately bolted back into the real world as I thought about how to answer his question. Even with my new philosophy toward men, going to his place was not an option. I had been Jane for far too long to trust going to some strange guy's apartment. Bringing him to mine was out of the question as well. Frances Jane was not having sex with Buddy the Brit at Jane Alexis's apartment. My mind racing, I flashed back to my bathroom the previous evening, when Claire was doing my makeup. She mentioned something about leaving for Philadelphia early the next morning to visit Kevin's parents and how he'd bribed her into it with a promise to stop for a cheese steak on the way home. Claire reasoned it was OK to consume a cheese steak after eating dinner with her in-laws since she was eating for two.
I surmised that even if they ate dinner at 5:00, they wouldn't be home until at least 9:00 which meant I could use my spare key to get inside, have my fun, and leave without anyone knowing and without giving away my true identity and complicating things.
Returning my attention to Buddy, I said, “My place.”
Buddy called out “Cheers” to the bartender, tossed some cash on the bar and winked at me. Gesturing towards the exit, he said, “Shall we?”
* * *
I collapsed onto my back, my body glistening with sweat after the best sexual experience of my life. Well, the best sexual experience I ever had on my sister's living room floor. (I couldn't bring myself to do it on her and Kevin's bed and told Buddy the walls of the bedroom were being painted and the fumes were dangerous).
I turned my head toward Buddy, who was leaning on his elbow and facing me. I glanced over his head at the grandfather clock behind him. It wasn't even 8:00 but I wanted to get him out of the apartment soon, just in case my sister decided to skip the cheese steak on the way home.
Running his hands gently up and down my arm, Buddy smiled. “I suppose now that we've shagged, you should know my name is not really Buddy.”
I bolted up and realizing I was naked, wrapped my hoodie around my lower half, ironically self-conscious after sleeping with a stranger. “That's OK. Buddy works for me! Let's not ruin the mystery. You — Buddy, Me — Jane, ha ha.” I pounded my fists on my chest Tarzan-style until I realized my slip. “So, uh, I totally forgot I need to do some grocery shopping so, well, this was fun!”
Buddy, also buck naked, stood up and stretched his arms above his head. I glanced at his fair skinned body, slender and hairless except for a small patch on his chest. I avoided gazing downwards, again ironically, since his privates had been in the most intimate quarters with mine mere moments ago. He came closer to me
and drew me into an embrace, our nude bodies once again pressed together until I moved away. He looked me and up down and flashed me a devilish grin. “Jane, huh? OK, fair enough. I'm sure there's more mystery to you than a fake name and I want to solve it. He gazed into my eyes. “Slowly.”
I slipped on my jeans, not even caring that I wasn't wearing panties. Concentrating on checking the rug for the used condom so I didn't have to look him in the eyes, I said, “Uh, that's sweet, Buddy. Really. But, to be honest, I'm not looking for anything, well, anything long term. Like more than one day.” My heart was pounding in the aftermath of my first one night stand and I wondered who had taken control of Jane.
Buddy leaned over to pull up his black jeans. He had stopped smiling and his lower lip was protruding almost in a pout. He actually looked genuinely disappointed, although I doubted he really cared all that much. He was hot and could easily pick up a girl at the corner diner next weekend for another Sunday Fun-day if he wanted. He turned his back towards me as he put his shirt back on and we stood there in silence. Finally, he turned around.
“Wow, Jane. I'd heard that you New York City girls were a ruthless bunch but, blimey, I wasn't expecting it from you.” With that, Buddy grabbed his wallet and keys and headed to the front door of Claire and Kevin's apartment. With a quick glance behind him, he muttered, “Thanks for the shag” and walked out.
After he left I quickly got dressed, took a cursory look around the room, and high-tailed it out of the apartment. I didn't breathe until I turned the corner of my own block ten minutes later. I wondered what time Claire and Kevin would be home and was relieved they'd never know what transpired on their living room floor. Claire would never believe me anyway. Jane Alexis would never have sex with a random stranger. Much less in her sister's apartment.
Giggling as I headed up my walk-up, I thought to myself, “Apparently such activities were not out of the question for Frances Jane! Ruthless New York City girl indeed!”
A State of Jane Page 10