by Molly Evans
Shadows from the past haunted him as he pulled into the area she indicated. Without thinking, he’d reached out and placed his hand over hers. When he’d felt her thumb close around his finger, he had nearly been lost at that small gesture of connection. It gave him a small amount of hope that the connection they’d once shared hadn’t been completely lost. He unbuckled his seat belt and turned off the engine. There was only one way to find out. Maybe right now wasn’t the time, but he wanted to know.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice sleepy.
“I’m seeing you home. Safely.” He opened the door and put one foot on the pavement. “No argument.” Never, ever again would he leave her in an unsafe position.
“It’s okay. I don’t need you to do that.” She opened her door and got out as well. Her movements were slower than usual, an obvious expression of the depth of her exhaustion.
“Too bad. I’m doing it.” He exited the car and closed his door.
“Let me rephrase. I don’t want you to do that. I can take care of myself.” Though she stiffened, he didn’t think she would be able to defend herself right now if she needed to. That protective instinct that had surfaced an hour ago kicked into overtime.
“I know, Emily. I’m satisfying my own needs right now, not yours.” She couldn’t even protect herself from herself right now, so he had to do it.
“Chase! Why are you doing this? I don’t want you here.”
“Because I need to.” He made his way around the car to where she waited. “I need to, Em. Just let me.”
“But—”
“You can’t run away forever, Emily.”
Brushing around him, she made her way to the door, and he hurried after her. He blocked her in the doorway as she was about to charge inside.
“I’m not running from anything, Chase Montgomery.” He would not convince her otherwise right now, but he knew differently. She was running now just as surely as she had three years ago, but he wasn’t about to let her run, not if he could help it. She’d come back here for a reason, and he was going to make her see the truth of it, of them, of what they might still recover, if it was even remotely possible. If it was, he wanted it. All of it.
“You’ve been running for three years, and you’re still doing it.”
“I’ve been building a new life. That’s what I’ve been doing.” She opened the door, and he shoved his way inside behind her, stiff-arming the door before she had a chance to slam it in his face.
“You’ve been building walls, not a life.” Before she could shove him out the door he slammed it shut and followed her a few steps into the room, tempting fate as far as he could.
“I have not. Get out!” She spun, fire in her eyes like he’d never seen. His words had obviously triggered something in her, and he was going to see what it was right now. She snapped and crackled with electricity, and he was amazed as well as fascinated and aroused by the passion in her.
“Liar.”
With a cry of outrage she pinned him against the wall before he knew what had happened. Though her height was much shorter than his, she had him. And he grinned. Then he laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Her breathing came in short ragged gasps.
“You are. We are.” Seriously. This was funny. Maybe he was exhausted, but this was damned funny to him. All of the tension from the day eased, though he was tied up like a pretzel.
“I am not funny.” Her breath came in short gasps and she had apparently regained some of her strength. “Do I look funny to you?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” He looked down at her mouth, breath coming quickly from between parted lips. Lips he’d been wanting to explore since yesterday, since forever.
“You’re saying that a lot lately.” Her eyes narrowed as she watched him.
“Everything comes out wrong lately. You have me in an uproar on the inside.” Inching his head closer, he focused on her luscious mouth. “Come closer,” he whispered to her, the way he used to do before he kissed her.
She would remember that.
He couldn’t forget it.
For just a second she dropped her gaze to his mouth, then returned it to his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” Inching a millimeter closer, he was almost where he wanted to be.
“Like you want to kiss me.” Her voice softened, and her gaze dropped to his mouth. She licked her lips, but didn’t pull away. Her focus on him intensified, as if she struggled with herself to pull away.
“But I do, Em. I do. I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day began.” What the hell? Why not? His voice dropped to a whisper and curious desire he had never expected to feel for her again surged through him. Before he changed his mind or she beat him up, he pressed his mouth against hers. It was the only thing he could move, as she had the rest of him tangled up in her tight grip.
The feel of her lips was something he’d never thought he’d experience again. She was soft and her lips clung to his as if she didn’t want to let him go. God, he was in so much trouble. He should not have done that. But the fact was, he had. If he could get out of the clinch she had him in, he’d show her he didn’t have to let go of her ever again.
CHAPTER NINE
EMILY COULDN’T BELIEVE he’d got to her. In this hold he shouldn’t have been able to move, but he had. He’d kissed her.
He’d kissed her! Dammit, Chase Montgomery had kissed her!
And now she didn’t want him to stop. Memories overwhelmed her, and she trembled from the onslaught of emotions.
Physically and emotionally he’d gotten to her, she’d have to admit that. His close proximity, his energy, the desire in his eyes had all gotten to her, and she’d dropped her guard. Gone in an instant.
Pushing away, she relaxed her hands, released him to do what he would because she could no longer fight him, or was it herself she was fighting? What he did was put those arms around her and draw her into his embrace, the embrace she’d fought to forget about, and now it was gone in a flash of heat and fire.
She was a liar, and he knew it.
He cupped her face with his hands, those long-fingered surgeon’s hands. And he plundered her mouth, exploring with his tongue, coaxing hers forward. She didn’t want to give herself to him, she wanted to hold still, to hold herself from him, but her defenses were weak from so much exposure to him in the past hours. And she couldn’t do it. She wanted this connection with him too much. Maybe she would hate herself for it later, but right now stopping herself was out of the question.
Two days ago she never would have let him into her apartment, breaching her boundaries. Now? Now it seemed she’d changed her mind about him somehow, that she wanted him there, wanted him in her life again, contrasting sharply to her previous position. But was it really? Wasn’t this exactly the reason she’d come back to Williamsburg? She’d had to find out if there was anything left between them and there was.
“I’ve missed you, Em.” He choked out the same words that had been lodged in her throat. He’d been her friend, her lover, her partner, and she’d missed so much about him! He pushed her hair back from her face the way he’d used to when it had been longer.
“I’ve missed you, too.” Pulling back, she looked at the face she had once loved and tears formed in her eyes. There were new lines of fatigue, probably from the crazy night they’d had. But the rest was the same. That little scar he’d gotten on his chin as a kid from falling out of a tree, the same crow’s feet that fanned out from his eyes when he smiled and the lips, the mouth she’d loved exploring her body.
“Seems like you haven’t changed much.” Had he? Did she really know?
“No. Not much. But you’ve done a lot.” He ran his hand over her spiky hair and watched it spring back into place. “This is really new.”
“Yes. It’s a new me.” She dropped her gaze and retreated a little. “Not sure you’ll like the new me. The old one is pretty much gone.”
“So far, I’m admiring the new you a lot. You’re stronger than you’ve ever been physically, and that doesn’t come without internal strength.” He let his gaze run over her face, as if trying to reconcile the difference between the old Emily and the new.
He curved his hand around her ear, the way he’d done when her hair had been longer. Unexpected tears pricked her eyes at the bittersweet gesture. It was one she’d loved and it took her by surprise now. “I just wish...” His voice cracked, heavy with emotions too numerous to name.
“Chase...” With reluctance, she started to pull back. This wasn’t what she’d expected tonight at all, and she wasn’t prepared for it. Despite her months of getting ready for this assignment and coming up against Chase, in the moment she wasn’t prepared.
“Give me just one more minute before I have to say goodbye again.” The pleading in his eyes nearly undid her. The want, the need, the pain were all there and no longer hidden, the way they had been.
Uncertain, she raised her gaze to his and gasped aloud with the emotion struggling to break free, the pain in his face, the want, the need, the joy and the sorrow that filled her. She hadn’t known the depth of his pain, but it was there now, exposed, bleak and raw.
“Chase...” The right words wouldn’t come, and she leaned closer. She wanted to be close to him again, but in truth she didn’t know if she could, if she was too broken to ever be that close to anyone again.
With a groan he reached for her, and she gratefully went into his arms. This kiss, this embrace nearly destroyed her. He reversed their positions so she was held against the wall by his body. He kissed her, devoured her as if he’d never get enough of her. Her arms went around his shoulders, and she held on like he was her lifeline, the way he’d used to be, and for a few moments she forgot.
Arousal shot hotly and fiercely through her and then the fear sliced through the heart of her, pushing everything else away.
She stiffened and instead of holding his shoulders pushed at them until he released her. “Stop, stop, stop. Stop!” She took a few steps away from him in the small kitchen, trembling from need and remembered fear. Sweat broke out all over her body. Her breath came in short, chirpy gasps, and she clutched the counter for support, embarrassed that panic had hit her at such an inopportune moment. She’d never tried to make love with anyone except Chase since the attack, so her reaction shouldn’t have surprised her. After all the counseling she’d had for PTSD, and all the martial-arts studies, she’d hoped she’d gotten further along in her recovery, but here she was. Not.
“I’m sorry. I should have let you go, but I didn’t want to.” He watched as she prowled back and forth from the counter to the wall and back again, her thoughts inward, and he didn’t even know if she heard him. “Emily?”
“What?” She looked up at him, eyes wild, and he was certain she was having a panic attack. He’d seen her like this before and it had been right before their breakup. The first time, the only time they’d tried to make love after the assault it had ended badly, ended with a rift so wide they hadn’t recovered from it. Neither of them had been prepared or able to cope.
“It’s me. Look at me. Talk to me.” The pain of watching her was like someone had taken an ice pick and stuck it in his gut.
“I can’t. You need to go now.” Her hands shook as she took hold of the counter again.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Never again would he leave her in a fragile state, no matter what the reason. He was a better man than he’d been three years ago. He needed her to know that.
“Go.” She pointed to the door, but her eyes were still wild, agitated, filled with demons from the past.
“No. I’m not leaving you the way I did before.” The guilt of that had weighed on him for years. “I won’t ever leave you again like that.”
“I don’t need you, Chase.”
“But I need you, Emily.” He took a few more steps away from her and moved into the living area, hoping she would follow. “Come sit down for a few minutes.”
Numb, she followed him, trying to figure out how she was going to get him out of her apartment, to take back her peace. “I need to do my relaxation exercises before I can go to sleep.”
“Then do them.”
“Not with you here, watching me.”
“I don’t know how to do anything remotely relaxing, so why don’t you give me a lesson? I need to learn something to help me sleep that doesn’t consist of a medication or alcohol.”
“Seriously?” Doubt covered her expression, and he deserved it. He hadn’t been very supportive of her self-care practices.
“Seriously.” He sat down on the floor and tried to cross his legs the way he’d seen her do, but he couldn’t.
“You don’t have to do this.” She plunked down beside him and crossed her legs easily. Show-off. “It’s completely unnecessary.”
“I want to, but my legs won’t go the right way.” He shrugged. “Besides, it will be a distraction for you to have a terrible student. Can’t get any worse than me, right?”
“Right. You need to stretch more, or you’ll be a stiff old man who can’t tie his shoelaces. For now, just straighten them out in front of you.” She let out a slow sigh, then took in a breath.
He did as she said and there was an immediate release of the tension in his body. “That’s better. Now what?”
She gave additional instructions for his positioning, knowing what he was doing, distracting her from the panic. Since it was helping a little, and there was some ease of tension between her shoulders, she continued. “Now, close your eyes and listen to the sound of my voice.” She took a cleansing breath in and let it out slowly.
“Okay. I’m listening.”
“Now, close your mouth and listen to the sound of my voice.”
Amused, he cracked an eyelid at her, but she was concentrating, her eyes closed. He tried to mimic her as he took in deep breaths, held them for a count of three and then released to a count of five.
As she led him through the exercise, his body began to relax. The tension in his shoulders loosened and the humming in his groin began to ease. Amazing that just breathing could accomplish so much.
Moments later he began to nod off, his body relaxed, and he realized she’d stopped talking. Opening his eyes slowly, he wasn’t sure what to expect. But seeing Emily’s gorgeous eyes watching him made him freeze.
The moment, the connection, the electricity between them was nearly palpable. He wanted to reach out to her, to touch her, but he was afraid if he moved the moment would vanish and so would she.
“I’m going to bed now. There’s a blanket on the back of the couch you can use.” This time, her voice was calm, the wildness was gone from her eyes and the relaxation had obviously done its job.
Graceful and controlled in her movements, she rose from her position on the floor beside him. Before she disappeared and the moment was gone forever, he clasped her wrist gently in his hand. He wanted to drag her down onto the couch with him and tear their clothing off, make love with her until they were both spent and exhausted. But he didn’t. It wasn’t what she needed.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“For what?” She didn’t pull away or move but stood there for a moment, seeming transfixed.
“For helping me learn something new, opening my eyes to things I never would have otherwise considered. I didn’t expected anything like this when I got up this morning.”
A small smile tilted up one corner of her mouth. “Neither did I.” She eased away from him, and he released her wrist, but the warm, smooth feel of her skin sliding against his lingered. “I’ll wake you when it’s time to go in.”
�
��Okay. Good night.”
“Good night.” Emily turned to go and wished for just a moment that she could invite him into her bed, that things were different between them and they could love again.
Dropping her clothing by the bathroom door, she paused as a surge of unexpected energy pulsed within her. The kind she hadn’t experienced in years, not since before the attack and subsequent rape that had drained her of feminine energy, feminine power, and her sexuality. This close proximity to Chase was having quite an effect on her nerves.
Stepping into the shower, she turned her face to the spray, wanting to drown out thoughts of Chase on her couch, Chase in her apartment, Chase in her arms. Chase in her bed.
“Emily.” Chase spoke, his voice raw and husky from the doorway.
“What are you doing in here?” The shower curtain offered little protection, but she pulled it against her, anyway.
“I heard the shower.” A deep bruised look haunted his face, as if he was remembering their past together, too. Dark circles deepened his eyes.
“And, what, you thought you’d join me?” Damn. She shouldn’t have said the words out loud. Now they were out there to become real.
“I could use one.” Chase approached. He still wore his scrubs, still had that bruised, exhausted look about him, and her heart broke. The casement that had protected her for three years fractured.
She’d never felt more vulnerable.
He’d never been more wanting.
With her gaze glued to him, she drew back the curtain, silently inviting him inside the cocoon of heat and water with her. This day was a time out of time, a little bubble of protection where they could forget about the past and just live together in the moment.
In seconds he’d stripped and entered the shower with her, keeping his eyes on hers. Doing the dance to adjust positions in the narrow space, they pressed against each other, sliding slick bodies against each other until Chase had his back against the spray. Tilting his head back, he immersed himself fully under the water and rubbed his hands over his face and groaned. “Oh, God, this feels good.”