by Dale Mayer
And her guilty shame – Tavika had let her.
*
Jericho quickly reached the safety of his truck and hopped inside. He turned on the engine and sat quietly studying the world outside. He could feel the darkness coming, but instead of it coming from one direction it was almost as if he was being surrounded. He didn’t understand. And what he didn’t understand he had a healthy respect for. He’d called out to Stefan once already, but Stefan was busy. For Stefan to ignore him meant he was helping someone else in greater need.
Given the case he was working on, he had to wonder if this darkness was the Ghost’s handiwork. They had considered the Ghost might be psychic, but there’d been no reason to assume so.
It was almost a go to excuse when it came to cases they couldn’t solve. As if the killer had some abilities that kept him out of reach of the law. Jericho had seen a few who were psychics. One who hadn’t even known that’s what he was. But there’d never been signs to lead them to believe the Ghost had similar abilities.
He didn’t understand this blackness that pursued him. There was an odd sensation wrapping around him, threatening to choke him.
He pulled up at the traffic light then drove around the block, curious to see if he could find the source of the darkness. And found nothing. Driving carefully he headed back toward Tavika’s place. It was still afternoon. She shouldn’t be home from work yet.
As he drove around the park, he saw something that made him hit the brakes. Tavika sat on the bench not twenty feet from him. He pulled in quickly and shut off the engine. The darkness, the sense of danger eased. Confused and wary, he got out and quietly closed the truck door.
Wait, Stefan ordered.
That explained why Stefan hadn’t answered. He was here working with Tavika. Jericho stopped and studied her energy. She was the source of the darkness.
He shook his head. Jesus, what the hell was she up to that she could transmit with so much power?
This letting go stage is going to be very difficult for her. I’m trying to contact Maddy to get her help.
Almost absentmindedly Jericho nodded. “That would be very good.”
So far Tavika is refusing to go to Maddy’s place.
“Of course she is.” Jericho motioned to the park around them. “She doesn’t like closed in spaces at the best of times.” That also explains why she spent so little time in her apartment. “How about Maddy coming in spirit form? I could get Tavika back to her apartment and the healing could happen there.”
Stefan seemed to consider the matter then said, I just got a hold of Maddy. Back in five.
And he blinked out of Jericho’s mind. No matter how often Stefan popped in and out there was always an odd sensation, his leaving always left a void.
Jericho sat down on the bench. Close enough for her to know he was there but far enough to give her space.
“Go away,” she muttered.
“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think. I want to be alone.”
“Too bad.” He stretched out his legs, crossed his feet at the ankles and dropped his head back with his arms over his chest. To anyone observing it would look like he was taking a nap. With his eyes closed he let the darkness emanating from her swirl around him. It wasn’t dangerous. Not to him. There was so much pain, anger, and frustration he knew she had no control over the flow. It was just spewing forth.
He sympathized. There was nothing gentle, kind, or easy about this process. Plus, it was also dangerous as hell.
She was attracting energetic beings from all over the planet. Both good and bad.
He’d never seen anything so loud, huge, and powerful.
That she was caught in the midst of her own pain, blind to what she was actually doing, what was happening, was itself amazing. He wished she could learn to direct it, but he knew all of this had to be expunged regardless.
There was nothing comfortable about the bits and pieces he was seeing and hearing. There were voices, yelling and screaming, always voices, loud strident ones. Harsh critical voices. Complaining angry voices. He recognized her mother’s voice. And then there was the mocking disdainful voice of her older sister. There were some comments from the brother, but not much. As if the brother had distanced himself from all of this mess. Smart boy. But these old memories, old wounds, were like tiny knife cuts – only thousands of them at once. And when mounded together in the millions he could see the child she’d been – bleeding from every one of them.
He was relieved she was no longer struggling to send him away. All he could do was send her calm, loving energy as she went through the process.
He wasn’t sure she was capable of doing anything at this point. It hurt him to hear and see the bits and pieces of memories. And if it hurt him, he could just imagine what it was doing to her. In the center of the storm was a huge black hole. He knew that was going to be the week she’d been held captive. He hoped she didn’t open that here. It would be good for her to let it go but better in a safe place with someone like Dr. Maddy to help. Here she had no privacy, and he wasn’t sure what the effect would be on her physical body.
From where he sat he could feel the fear. The guilt. Such hopelessness from her.
From the faint child energy there was a sense of desolation. As if she knew what she was unlocking was so ugly and bad nobody would ever love her. As he watched the pieces fly around he wondered if she knew what love was. Every child had the right to be loved. Every child or adult should know there was somebody who cared for them. Even if it was just for an occasional hug, a smile to brighten up the day.
Everybody needed somebody.
Did she know what love was? Had she ever experienced it? It was only as he pondered the issue that he understood he’d taken the wrong route with her.
He’d treated her like he treated all other women. With a series of relationships both good and bad behind them, families both good and bad.
Tavika stood as an island. She let no man in. She let no part of herself out. She was, as always, alone.
And she was no longer a case. Or a person to help or who could help him. She was someone he cared about. Someone he wanted so much more with. He’d been alone a long time. And somehow in the last few days, she’d gone from being someone “out there” to someone “inside” – his heart.
He thought he’d been alone. Until he’d met her and understood what that really meant.
And it broke his heart.
Now he wanted to make sure neither of them would be alone again. Not when they could be with each other.
Chapter 26
How did she go on from here? It was like somebody pulled the plug on all the emotions and pain she’d stuffed way down and instead of draining away, here she was reliving it all again.
Caught up in her chaos she barely noticed when Jericho grabbed her gently by the arm and tugged her to her feet. “Let’s go home.”
She stared down at his hand. Weird colors sparked from the point of contact. She’d never seen it before. It was both amazing and terrifying. Not sure she had any strength left to fight, she stood up.
He reached out his other hand to steady her. And she realized she was swaying on her feet, the world around her shaking. Barely cognizant of where he was taking her, she walked toward his truck. Yet her home was barely a block away. At least she thought it was. The world around her didn’t look normal. The darkness of the stale air, flares of heat and color.
“We’ll take the truck. I know home is close, but it’s too far for you right now.”
Like a child she followed his lead. When he put her in the truck, buckled her in and shut the door, she never said a word.
At her apartment he nudged her to the elevator then led her carefully down to her apartment. Once the door was open she stepped inside and walked straight to her bed. She still hadn’t said anything, but closed her eyes and let her body fall face forward. The welcome softness of the blankets
reached up to meet her.
Instantly Solomon greeted her with a series of yowls and howls before jumping up to lie on the small of her back.
In the background she could hear Jericho calling out to Stefan. How was it he had nothing better to do than come when called? Like a genie. She didn’t think he had any wishes that could make her life better though. Right now she’d fallen into an abyss like no other.
Interesting term, came a beautiful melodious voice through her head.
Tavika smiled. She didn’t know whose voice that was, but it was not hard to listen to. She rolled over onto her side and curled up in the fetal position. Maybe, if the world was just, it would let her sleep this lifetime away. She closed her eyes, willing herself into unconsciousness. The woman’s voice, not quite so soft or perfect now, snapped, Not yet.
Tavika’s eyes popped open. Jericho crouched down in front of her, worry creasing the lines of his face.
She reached out a shaky hand and stroked the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. “So worried,” Tavika whispered. “Don’t be. I’m fine.”
Jericho gave a half laugh. “Sweetheart, you’re anything but fine. You will be though, but right now you’re in crisis.”
Considering the term crisis, she stared into his deep, dark eyes. That was actually a really good term. She felt like she’d been in crisis for twenty years. All she’d ever done was shove everything inside. It had been necessary to get up and move on.
I’m Dr. Maddy. And I’m going to help you deal with this crisis, the woman’s voice said.
Tavika smiled and let her eyes fall closed. Solomon slipped off her back and disappeared. This was too strange even for him. She’d heard of Dr. Maddy. She was supposed to be really good. Why were all these exceptional people here helping her? She was nothing.
You need to stop thinking like that, Dr. Maddy said. You are exceptional.
Too tired to argue, Tavika gave a tiny shrug, muttering, “Whatever.”
I need you to lie there and rest but do not fall asleep. Can you do that for me?
She managed a tiny nod and relaxed. She wasn’t even sure what was consciousness or unconsciousness at the moment. Because her mind was just – everywhere. She didn’t like it. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t as she knew herself to be, but at the moment she floated, tossed and turned by whatever emotions buffeted her system. Who knew emotions had such power?
Dr. Maddy’s voice rolled through her head as she explained a few basics. Emotions are the essential building blocks of our world. We all have them, abuse them. We rarely look after them. In your case they were so painful they limited what you could do. You blocked them out and ignored them. That has worked up until now, but it can’t continue.
Tavika stayed quiet, listening.
First, we’ll do a complete scan to make sure nothing else is going on that I don’t know about. Then I’ll start cleaning the energy. I’ll try to work at such a level as to keep the actual events at bay, but some are going to slip through. Do you understand?
“Yes,” she whispered. “I just don’t understand how.”
It’s not necessary that you do so right now. You can always ask questions later. Right now we need to get to work.
When Dr. Maddy said get to work she meant it. Tavika lay there as somebody came with a massive vacuum that grabbed ribbons of energy and pulled them from deep in her gut. Her body twisted and turned, pulled up by the harder tugs before crashing back onto the bed.
Somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind she could hear Jericho whisper, “Jesus. Maddy, really?”
And she realized he knew Dr. Maddy as well. Of course he did. It seemed like they were all in the know. She was out in the cold. Again.
You will never be out in the cold alone again, Dr. Maddy said. There’s no way for that to happen after this.
There was a distant sound to Dr. Maddy’s voice. A distant feeling to the events going on around her. As if she’d taken that one final step of separation she’d always been trying to achieve. It had started in childhood then crystallized during her nightmare week. She’d managed a major step at that time – which had allowed her to move forward in life.
Don’t try to disassociate. Not right now. Your energy is too frail. You’ve been keeping this cauldron of emotions underneath. It was going to have to blow up at some point. But it’s dangerous because some of the stuff that’s in here is very dark.
Tavika found herself lying on her back facing the ceiling, so overwhelmed by the scenario going on around her, through her, inside of her, she barely heard Dr. Maddy’s last words.
But she did. And now she couldn’t stop wondering what she meant. Then Dr. Maddy said, It’s also very dangerous.
Just what was she doing that was so dangerous?
*
Jericho watched from a safe distance. Dr. Maddy had asked him to step back a little to give her some space. He could see the darkness fill the room. He didn’t understand why there was so much of it, but he could feel a lifetime of pain stuffed inside the apartment.
Neither could he disrupt Dr. Maddy long enough to ask. He settled back in the living room and just let her work. He knew her from years ago. The skills she had, well, they were nothing short of magical.
Catching the shimmer of another presence in the room he turned to see Stefan standing beside him in spirit form. He didn’t see that very often.
“Stefan, you okay?”
I’m fine, he murmured. Tavika on the other hand is dealing with some major trauma.
“Why is it so black? Why is there so much of it?”
The darkness speaks to the age of the energy. And there’s so much of it because it was not just one little bit of trauma in her life. There was a lot of it. Whenever we have experienced trauma there’s other emotions that go with it. Her mother wasn’t the easiest to live with, neither was her sister. So this goes way back.
To Jericho there still seemed to be too much energy for something like that, but he kept his own counsel. “What will she be like when this is over?”
Stefan shot him a curious look. It’s hard to say. She spent a lifetime pretending to be this other person. Once we clean out all this damaging energy that’s been poisoning her system, she should be more peaceful. But there are no guarantees there as she’s put away a lot of murderers in this last decade, and more than that, she’s taken on bits of each victim’s energy. That’s why there’s so much of it. And with all that trauma and pain came her own reaction to each event. It’s kind of like a typhoon that just grows and grows. At some point it just overwhelms.
Now that made more sense. He’d seen that with the homeless people she’d interacted with. That hard edge of hers had everybody believing she was uncaring and cold. They were wrong. She cared too much, took on too much. He didn’t understand the shield but could see that the people fed in and out of it. He just didn’t understand what the point of the shield was if the energy continued to travel through it.
He also hated to ask but knew he had to for the sake of Hunter and Anna, not to mention the Ghost. “How long is this going to take? And is she going to lose any of her abilities or forget any of the conversations up until now?”
No way to know. Stefan shook his head. It will take as long as it takes. She should not lose any of her memories. I also understand the time factor. But we can’t have Tavika be yet another victim. If there’s anything we can do to help then we need to do it. If she in turn can help the others then that’s a good thing all around. But this cannot be rushed.
Damn. He was really hoping for a different answer.
As he stood there wondering what his options were the black energy changed to an odd gray color. And damn if that didn’t appear to be people walking through the living room.
“What the hell, Stefan?”
I am not sure, Stefan murmured in a low voice. I’ve never seen this before.
With the two of them standing side-by-side, one in physical and one in spirit form, they watched in amazement as t
he gray energy softened and separated into dozens upon dozens of other spirit entities walking through the apartment. But so many of them… How could she have so many people in her world?
Not just in her world – in her energy, Stefan said in shock, reading Jericho’s mind. Dear God, no wonder she was always worn down.
“Are these people who passed over? Is she communicating with them? Or are they spirit entities of people in physical form but…” He let his voice trail off. This was crazy. He’d never seen anything like it.
You haven’t? Hell, I haven’t either. Stefan snorted. I can’t answer that question because I don’t understand it myself.
Jericho turned to stare at Stefan. “She said something about going into the abyss. She would take these trips where she could see through layers to find these dots so she could follow them and see the connections of that person to other people.”
Into the abyss, that’s a really good way to describe it. Stefan smiled, his gaze returning once again to Tavika. She’s stronger than I thought. I don’t know anybody who’s managed to travel through the layers and not lose themselves forever.
“What do you mean by layers?” Jericho asked.
Think of the universe around us as more than just dimensions. It’s almost worlds upon worlds in layers – or bubbles. Your world over top someone else’s world. All of this functions in one dimension so people can go about their day in happy ignorance living in their own layer. Other people function in other layers. And so on and so on. The problems occur when people cross through the layers and connect with somebody else’s. Stefan motioned at Tavika. The Ghost might function on one layer completely differently than the one Tavika is on. But because of one meeting there is going to be a dotted pathway between them now. Say she’s tracking somebody and sees a dotted highway. She’s going to have to go through the different layers to see where each person intersects with another.
Stefan’s smile widened. I can track somebody in an instant, but I can’t go back into their history. We know those who can go back for a few minutes to read the energy of time. But to actually take a person’s pathway and track it through the layers to where it intersected with other people – now that is a talent.