by JoAnn Durgin
Closing the door, she caught him staring at her. Before she knew he was coming over, she’d changed into a pair of her most well-worn jeans and a faded TeamWork T-shirt. If he wanted to talk to her, he could talk to her “as is.” Not that she didn’t want to look nice, but he might as well get used to the “real” Winnie, the way she normally dressed at home. Judging by the look in his eye, maybe she should rethink it. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. She’d taken a shower after dinner and hadn’t bothered smoothing her hair. Josh appeared fascinated by her natural waves. Maybe I should wear it this way more often.
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Watching for me by the door.” His lips curled. “If that’s what you were doing.”
“Well, I was afraid you’d break down the door otherwise. I didn’t want to frighten Chloe.”
“Idle threat. Sorry for sounding so abrupt on the phone. May I please sit down?”
“Of course. It’s the least you can do after barging over here.” She ignored his smirk. “Let’s go into the kitchen. Did you have anything for supper?”
“Actually, no,” he said, shaking his head. “To be honest, I didn’t even think about it. Sam, Lexa and the little guy went out somewhere, but I wasn’t hungry.” He followed her into the kitchen and sat at the table.
“Chloe and I had broiled chicken and vegetables. Let me get you a plate.”
“Thanks. That would be great,” he said with a grateful glance. “Can I help?”
“No, just stay where you are.”
He looked around, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. “Chloe in her bedroom?”
Winnie gave him a look. The man was clueless, something she found rather endearing. He must not know anything about a child’s bedtime, or else he’d forgotten it was almost ten at night. “Poor kid. She played hard today and practically fell asleep with her head on her plate during dinner.” Pulling a few plastic food containers from the refrigerator, she put them on the counter. “You know, the Lord never ceases to amaze me the way He works sometimes.”
“Yeah, I thought the whole guppy kiss thing was pretty cool.”
A giggle slipped out before she could stop it. In a way, it was good he could be calm enough and lighthearted for both of them. It put a more normal spin on this whole scenario since it was decidedly surreal. She portioned the chicken and broccoli onto a plate. “Care to guess what one of her recent words was?”
“I have no idea. Tenacious?” His smile flipped her insides around. Better to look away. She’d already caught the way he watched her, and how he seemed to like the way she was dressed and her hair in its natural state. Maybe she should go change into her robe.
“Something tells me she’ll learn that word soon enough, especially if. . .” She let that one dangle in the air between them. “Believe it or not, one of her words was ‘grant.’ As in a scholastic grant. But still,” she said, feeling that dreaded flush invading her cheeks, “it was a grant all the same.” Why did I even bring it up? She sounded like a bumbling fool again.
“Care to share what your definition was for that one?”
Okay, Lord, way to be subtle. “I told her it was something given to someone. Like a gift.” She scooped mashed potatoes from one of the containers and plopped them on his plate. Using more force than she intended, a little landed on the kitchen floor near her feet.
“Allow me.” Grabbing a napkin from the table, Josh stooped down beside her and wiped it off the floor. Rising to his feet, he tossed it in the can under the sink when she opened the cabinet. “Do you mind if I go look in on her?”
She considered it while she covered the plate with plastic wrap and put it in the microwave. Maybe allowing Josh into Chloe’s room wasn’t the best idea. After seeing the look on his face, she couldn’t deny him the privilege. “Go ahead. Just don’t wake her or you’ll answer to me. A word of warning: Mama Bear gets cranky if you wake up Baby Bear. Chloe likes you, but I don’t want her scared to death if she wakes up and finds you in her room. Leave the door open and come back out at the first sign of movement.”
“Thanks, Mama Bear. I promise to follow the rules.” A hint of a grin creased his lips.
“Be sure that you do.” Their gazes held and locked.
~~**~~
Turning the knob, Josh peeked inside Chloe’s bedroom. Enough moonlight filtered through the slanted blinds for him to make his way over to the side of her bed without stumbling over the scattered toys on the carpet. Kneeling beside the bed, he gazed at his sleeping daughter.
Lord, what did I do to deserve her?
Blonde ringlets hung over her eyes and trailed onto her cheek. Josh lifted the loose curls and brushed them aside. Her skin was warm, her cheeks rosy as a cherub’s. Her pouty, full lips curved in a smile, even in her sleep. So beautiful, this girl would break many a boy’s heart in the future. She’d already brought him to his knees. Chloe’s chest rose with the swell of her quiet breathing. She took in a deep, shuddering breath and shifted onto her side, facing him.
Josh muffled the sound of his involuntary cry with one hand. She turns me into a quivering mass of jelly, Lord. I’d do anything for her or her mother. She already has my heart. Help me do right by her and Winnie. Putting his hand lightly over hers where it rested above the sheet, he bowed his head and prayed. Lost in his prayer, he didn’t know Winnie stood behind him until she squeezed his shoulder. Wiping his eyes, Josh followed her out of the bedroom.
~~**~~
The sight of such a strong man on his knees touched her in places she didn’t know she possessed. “I know I’m a proud mama, but she looks like an angel to me when she’s sleeping.”
“Yeah. She does.” Josh watched as she pulled the steaming plate from the microwave.
She carried his plate to the table, along with the silverware. “Iced tea okay?” Casual conversation might be best, at least until she caught her breath.
“That’s great. Is it sweet tea? You know that’s the only way we drink it in Louisiana.”
Winnie shot him a grin. “I’ll give you some sweetener in case it’s not sweet enough.” Half expecting a flirtatious response, she opened a cabinet and pulled out her sugar bowl and some artificial sweetener and put them on the table. “What’s up with Beck these days? Is the numbness in her fingers easing up any?” Getting an extra spoon from the drawer, she grabbed a napkin and handed them to him. As she opened the refrigerator, she welcomed the rush of cool air. She was heated, and it wasn’t from lack of air conditioning.
“A little. She doesn’t mention it except to say Kevin can always tell, and he massages them for her.” He thanked her after she poured a glass of tea and handed it to him. After tasting it, he added an extra spoonful of sugar. “Just the way I like it.” He winked and took a long drink.
Sitting across from him, a rush of emotion enveloped her as Josh covered her hand with his and bowed for a short prayer. “Lord, thank you for this new day. Thank you for the unexpected discoveries and blessings you’ve brought to my life. May I be a worthy servant as Winnie and I seek to honor Your will in all things, especially in what’s best for Chloe.” His breath hitched and he hesitated for a long moment. “Thank you for this food and bless our conversation tonight that it might be pleasing to you. In Jesus’s matchless name we pray.” When he raised his head, his eyes were shining. “Amen.”
She echoed with her own quiet “Amen.” Leaning her chin on one hand, she studied him with all too obvious admiration. She needed to stop staring. Drop-dead gorgeous looks notwithstanding, Josh’s inner strength and self-confidence made him so attractive. Maybe even more so because he’d been able to triumph over the demons of his past. From all appearances, he’d emerged much stronger. Either that or the man was an uncommonly skilled actor. Still, Josh Grant must collect female admirers every time he left the house.
“Care to share your thoughts?” He paused between bites.
She straightened and cleared her throat. “Not on your lif
e. So, everything’s going okay with Beck and Kevin? Are they getting more serious?” A grin curved her lips at the same time his downturned. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, not at all,” he said. “Let’s just say their status is debatable at the moment. Beck called earlier.”
“It must be wonderful having a sister who’s always there for you, always has your back.” Winnie knew her expression must look wistful but didn’t care. Because she’d been an only child, she hoped to someday give Chloe a little brother or sister. That was another thing—ever since Joe Lewis came into the picture, she’d dropped hints she’d like to have “one of those” come to live with them.
“You’re right. It can be pretty great although we annoy the tar out of each other sometimes.” He shrugged his powerful shoulders. “Guess that’s normal with most siblings.” He took another bite. “I’m sure Beck and Kevin will be fine, but they could use prayer. As much as anything, pray my indecisive sister will wake up and see what’s right under her nose.” Winnie couldn’t miss the way he looked at her as he said the words, couldn’t help wondering at any underlying meaning. “Let’s just say Beck’s a little confused right now. She thinks she’s been waiting on Kevin all this time, but if you ask me, he’s waiting on her.”
That was an interesting insight. “Of course, I’ll pray. I’ll never forget Kevin’s devotion to her in Montana.” An involuntary sigh escaped. “Do you mind if I mention it to Lexa?”
“Already done. You know how Sam’s always had a soft spot for my sister.” Josh’s grin returned. “If Beck doesn’t come to her senses soon, I might have to send in reinforcements in the form of a six-foot-five TeamWork director to shake some sense into her.” Cutting a piece of the chicken and putting it in his mouth, he made a comical face as he chewed. All over again, his smile reminded her of Chloe. Or maybe it was the other way around. “This is delicious. My kudos to the beautiful blonde chef.”
The telltale warmth invaded her cheeks as he drained the glass of iced tea in one long gulp. She’d forgotten how much a man could eat and drink. At least she had more of everything if he wanted seconds. “Thanks. I leave the fancy stuff for the catering and keep it pretty simple here at home. Chloe’s like most kids and prefers the plain, basic stuff, anyway.”
“Nothing wrong with that. Especially when it’s this good.” He sampled the mashed potatoes and gave her a thumbs-up.
“Next time you talk to Beck, please give her my love. We exchanged Christmas cards, but I haven’t talked with her in a few months and haven’t seen her since we all got back from Montana.” She shook her head. “It’s been too long. Maybe we should plan a mini-TeamWork reunion sometime soon?”
“At the very least, I should bring you and Chloe to Baton Rouge and you can visit Beck. I know she’d love it.”
Winnie stiffened at that comment and busied herself refilling his iced tea glass. He’d already started making plans. What she felt for Josh was tender and special but oh so fragile. No way could she uproot Chloe’s life without good reason or playing the groundwork first. Above all, her daughter’s well-being was the most important consideration. “Do you want more chicken or vegetables?” She handed him the iced tea and leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed.
“Can’t eat another thing. Thank you.”
“Welcome.” She started for his plate as he drained the second glass of tea.
“Here let me,” Josh said, taking the plate over to the sink, setting it inside and running water over it. He had a lovely habit of at least trying to be helpful in the kitchen, and he’d been a huge help to her and Lexa at the Red Hat Society dinner.
Pulling him by the hand, Winnie caught his look of surprise. “I’ll clean them up later. It’s time to go have that talk.”
Chapter 21
“I believe you have some questions. Fire away,” Josh said, settling himself on the sofa. Seating herself a good distance away from him, Winnie tucked her legs beneath her. He had his work cut out for him. “I get the distinct impression you still don’t completely trust me, Winnie. We need to talk about whatever it is you’re struggling with as far as I’m concerned.” Might as well state his case. “I’m sure it’s pretty obvious I’d like to pursue a relationship with you. A relationship that has nothing to do with indebtedness or gratitude.”
Under his direct gaze, she lowered her lids and, along with it, denied him the pleasure of looking into those gorgeous eyes. He remembered those eyes—bright, shining, trusting. “Please talk to me.” Is she afraid of what I’ll see? He waited until she lifted her chin. Her bottom lip trembled, making him want to pull her in his arms. Instinct told him he needed to keep those feelings in check.
Winnie cleared her throat. “How do you deal with temptation, Josh?”
Fair enough. He’d been expecting that question and she had every right to ask. “I know firsthand what sin does to a man. It took total brokenness to see what I’d become. I won’t lie and say I haven’t looked at another woman. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t, but it’s a healthy interest and I haven’t acted on it.” He stopped. “Until this week.” The slight smile curving her lips tugged on him deep inside. “I’ve been focused on getting my law degree and securing a place in the firm. More importantly, I needed that time to get my priorities straight and reconnect with the Lord.” He paused and blew out a deep breath, overcome with emotion. “Sam woke me up by loving me enough to throw me out of the TeamWork camp. It forced me to understand how much I was hurting myself and others. ‘In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace.’ That’s the verse I keep going back to, the one that reminds me where I’ve been and where I stand now.”
“I know it well. Did you feel guilty about that night?”
“Not until I started counseling with my pastor and realized how much I’d hurt you, how much my selfishness might have negatively impacted you. As much as anything else, I missed being with you, Winnie.” He allowed his gaze to roam over her face. She was so lovely, it was difficult to concentrate. “I love your sense of humor, that incredible giggle, and how you always rally everyone together.” He turned and leaned his elbow on the back of the sofa, watching as she brushed strands of long, blonde hair away from her face. He’d always loved her hair, and knew the color was natural. It looked so soft, but he resisted the sudden urge to run his fingers through it.
“You were also the most beautiful woman in the TeamWork camp.” He touched the tip of her nose. “Still are.” He stopped, not sure how to explain. The look on her face was skeptical. She had no clue how gorgeous she was, inside and out.
“I was hardly the prettiest girl there, Josh.”
“You were to me.”
He wanted to kiss her to reinforce his point, and it took everything in him to resist. “I didn’t feel like I deserved you and I knew I wasn’t worthy of your affection. And now,” he hesitated, “I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve you or Chloe.”
She shook her head. “Maybe that’s not something you need to worry about.”
He arched a brow. What does she mean by that?
“I wish you’d contacted me after you left the camp.” She fiddled with her hands, looking away for a few seconds before returning her gaze to him. “Then again, I gave birth to your child and didn’t have the common courtesy or decency to let you know I was pregnant. We’re quite the pair.”
“We can make up for lost time, and I need to prove I’m a changed man. I only pray you’ll allow me the privilege and honor of being in your life, and especially in Chloe’s life.” She didn’t look like she wanted to run away, so he might as well keep going.
“I’ll take whatever you want to offer, Winnie, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I think we should do the honorable thing.” It was a mistake the moment the words left his lips, but there were no do-overs for something like this.
It started with her sharp intake of breath. Those blue eyes grew wide, a fire sparki
ng in them. Winnie pulled away—a withdrawal of mind as well as body. Way to go. Scare her off. “You have to agree the Lord brought us together for a reason. I’m talking about both the TeamWork camp, and now here in Houston.” He paused. “Sitting here on this sofa, with our daughter in the next room.”
A deep frown tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Let me get this straight. You’re saying because we spent one night together—no matter how incredible it was,” she muttered, under her breath, “we should eventually get married because that’s what God must want for our lives?”
Josh nodded. “Yes. Don’t you? Especially since we have a child together. You don’t want her subjected to ridicule from other kids because—”
“It’s a sad commentary that a large majority of kids these days come from single-parent households, Josh. Of course I want the best for her, but—”
“I understand that.” He swallowed his frustration.
“Do I even get a say in this? Does Chloe?”
“I’m certainly not going to force you,” he said, attempting to slow his breathing and keep his voice calm and even. He wasn’t doing a very good job of it. Why is she so upset? “At this point, I’m just asking for a glimmer of hope. Don’t you think that might be a possibility one day? Is the idea of marrying me really so repugnant to you?”
Jumping off the sofa, she started to pace. “I don’t want you—or any other man, for that matter—to marry me out of some misguided sense of duty or obligation.” Her face grew more flushed by the moment as she glared at him, crossing her arms. “You don’t owe me anything, and vice versa.”
She paced some more. “And don’t you even think about giving me the speech about the consequences of sin or I might have to throw something at you! Need I remind you, I’ve been living with the consequences of my sin for almost four years?” Her arms dropped. “And it’s been the best four years of my life.”