by JoAnn Durgin
Her snort escaped. “Well, then, why don’t you shuck the fancy suits and wear your jeans and Stetson and drawl away? I’m sure that’d thrill your legion of female followers.”
“Amy, I know I’ve been the worst kind of Christian. I never should have done it, and I don’t know that I can ever adequately explain myself, but even in my deception, I showed you who I am. In here.” He tapped his curled fist on his chest. “Everything I said to you this whole trip was true. About my background, my family and especially about my feelings for you.”
Her eyes grew large. “The things you said as Cooper that were the same things Landon said to me, you did that on purpose, didn’t you? You were somehow hoping I’d get wise and call you on it because you were too chicken to just come right out and tell me? And please don’t call me sweetheart.”
“A part of me wanted you to catch me. You’re a very intelligent woman, and I knew you’d eventually figure it out. But I needed to be the one to tell you—for my own peace of mind, not that it’s helping much at the moment. Here’s something for you to chew on: maybe you didn’t want to know the truth. Ever consider that possibility?”
Her mouth gaped. “Why would you think something so completely ludicrous?”
“Because maybe—just maybe—it’s crazy enough to be true.”
Huffing out a breath, she tapped his arm. “Let me see your wrists.”
“Why?” Nonetheless, he raised them for her inspection.
She pretended to examine one wrist and then the other. “Well,” she said, “I figured there’s an ID bracelet to identify you as an escaped mental patient from the state hospital. Are you wearing a straitjacket beneath your clothes?”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Landon said, shaking free of her grip. “I’ll admit I’m guilty of a big—okay, huge—lapse in my mental faculties, but it’s not like I’m delusional. Can we at least talk about this like rational adults without hurling insults at each other?”
She snorted. “How many sane, rational people do you know who go around impersonating someone?”
“Don’t you mean impersonating themselves?”
“That’s even crazier! Now you decide to be rational? You know exactly what I mean and none of your explanations are going to change the facts. And to think I thought I’d fallen for you.” Why did I have to say that? I’m such a fool. “Turns out, the whole time, it was a lie, a carefully calculated mirage.” She snapped her fingers. “I know. In your spare time, you’re also an off-off-off Broadway actor.”
“Yeah, right. My singing’s halfway decent, but I can’t act my way out of a paper bag. I’ll leave that to your esteemed thespian grandfather.”
Amy inhaled a quick breath. “You know about . . .”
“For the record, darlin’, you didn’t just think you fell for me, you fell in head first, eyes wide open.”
“Don’t darlin’ me, Cooper—Landon!” She raised her hands in exasperation, and took over the pacing routine he’d abandoned. “I don’t know what to call you right now. Guaranteed, it’s nothing flattering. You’re not really a Texan anymore, either, as much as that must pain you.” When he opened his mouth, she held up one palm. “Don’t start spouting some hackneyed cliché like ‘born a Texan, always a Texan.’” Unable to control the flood of emotions, she bit her lip and turned aside. Her composure had gone on holiday along with her common sense. Amy felt his presence directly behind her. Closing her eyes, she drew in a deep breath, releasing it slowly.
“Amy.” Lowering his hands to her shoulders, he turned her around. “Look at me. Please.” His voice was low, his tone unbearably tender as he lifted her chin with one finger. Opening her eyes, her lashes fluttered over misty eyes. “If you’d asked me point-blank if I was Landon at any point during our trip, I would have told you the truth. You didn’t ask my last name, didn’t question. You accepted me for who and what I am even when I tried to point you to the truth.”
“Sugarcoat it all you want, but one thing I can’t tolerate is deceit. What you did was low. And cruel.” Her roller coaster emotional stability was in question now. If she stayed angry, she wouldn’t dissolve in tears.
Dropping his hand, he stepped back. “I take full responsibility for deceiving you, but I never meant to be cruel. If you honestly believe that, then I can only pray you’ll accept my heartfelt apology.”
“Don’t you see? The sin of omission is every bit as dangerous and wrong.”
“I agree.” Raising his arms to his sides, Landon stepped back. “As long as we’re getting everything out, I might as well tell you the journalist in me considered pretending to be a twin brother or something. It could have been a good exposé on what it’s like to look exactly like someone else and walk a day in their shoes. You know, the publisher versus the cowboy . . .” Seeing the look on her face, he stopped. “Okay, this thread of discussion is getting me nowhere fast. This is what you need to know: I crossed the line at the point where I decided to go along with your misperception and pretended to be Cooper. It was the point of no return. After that, I knew if I confessed, you’d reject me and push me away forever. I realize I’m running the serious risk of that very thing right now, but—”
She looked up at him through watery eyes. “Landon, how can I ever trust you, knowing what you did?”
“Because I’ve never done anything like it before in my life and you have my word I never will again. If you give me a chance, I’ll share so many honest feelings you’ll be sick of me. Sick. If you want, I’ll tell you every single thing—no matter how big or small—that’s going through my head.”
“Now you sound chauvinistic. You’re already on shaky ground, so don’t push it.”
“We’re going in circles here,” he said. “Look, I know it in no way excuses what I did.”
“That’s the most intelligent thing you’ve said yet!”
He captured both her hands in his and held them tight, his face hovering right above hers, his lips a heartbeat away. “I didn’t want to, but God help me, I’ve fallen in love with you, Amy. Believe that. I was impressed and infatuated with you when Mitch first told me about you. Then when I met you . . .”
Withdrawing her hands, Amy stepped backward. Her heart pounding, she brought a hand to her chest. “Wh—” she gasped, her breath ragged, “wh—what do you mean when Mitch told you—” Digging deep, she couldn’t find the words.
Beneath his golden tan, Landon’s face paled. “After meeting your brother at the Knicks game and then seeing him again at that charity event, I almost called Mitch to see if he could arrange for us to meet, but—and this is the part I want you to understand—I decided against it. I wasn’t supposed to be at Café Eduardo that night. My advertising director was home with a sick child and I had to pinch hit. So whatever you’re thinking in that beautiful head of yours, it wasn’t a deliberate set-up.”
He lowered his face into his hands for a long moment while she waited. Finally, he raised his head. “Every woman I’ve ever dated wanted something from me other than my love. They either wanted the prestige or the money that comes with success. The couple of times I had an ongoing relationship with a woman, I kept my dad being in prison a well-guarded secret. When they found out, they dumped me.” When he raised his eyes to hers, they were wet with emotion. “The worst part of all is that I’ve prayed for a woman like you, a woman of strong faith, to come into my life. Someone who might love me for who and what I am on the inside—not the outside—and now that I’ve finally found you, I blew it.” He rose to his feet. “Never mind. I can’t expect you to understand, but you’re imprinted on my heart and that won’t ever change.”
The sadness in his soulful eyes and the exhaustion in his face tore at her heart, ripping it straight down the middle, and an ache stirred deep inside her. “I’ll find my own way to Houston,” she said.
“Nothing doing,” he said. “I might be a royal jerk, but I’m no heel. I’ve arranged for another pilot to take you. A driver will pick you up at the airport
and take you to Sam and Lexa’s.”
“Landon, I can’t accept—”
“It’s called keeping you safe.” His eyes met hers. “Call it my parting gift. I promised to take you and I intend to keep my word. I just won’t be delivering you in person.” When she raised her brow, he blew out an exasperated sigh. “Figure of speech.”
Amy fought the strong impulse to tear up again. This crazy cowboy had her all kinds of emotional, and her senses threatened to spin like an out of control merry-go-round. The man could silence her with a well-chosen word and stir passion with the soft brush of his lips over hers. A well-known and respected New York publisher who also happened to be the most ridiculously handsome, infuriating, confusing, irritating man she’d ever met.
“We’d better get moving.” He hiked his sleeve and checked his watch. “It’ll take thirty minutes to get to the airport if the traffic cooperates. I’m driving you there, so—like it or not—you’ll have to put up with me a little longer. I hope you’re not planning on giving me the silent treatment the entire way.”
“Do I have a choice?”
He stopped and stared. “You know the answer to that one.”
Without another word, Amy started for the door. “I don’t know what to say to you right now, but I suppose I can come up with something to talk about if it’ll keep you from singing.” Flinging open the balcony door, she stalked toward the grand staircase.
Chapter 38
Emotionally spent and bone-weary, Amy reached for the pilot’s hand as he helped her step aboard the plane. “Nice to meet you, Miss Jacobsen. I’m Tony Koenig.”
She forced a small smile. “Thanks, Tony. You, too.” As she moved to one of the four seats behind the cockpit, Landon climbed inside with her bags.
“Do you want me to hang the bridesmaid dress?”
“It doesn’t matter. You can put it anywhere.”
What an inane conversation, but it was safe since it was clear neither one of them knew what to say next or how to act. From the corner of her eye, she noticed he hung it in the back of the plane.
Landon paused in the doorway. Finally, he raised his eyes to hers. “Jack’s doing much better, by the way.”
She stared. “Jack from Café Eduardo?”
“The same. He’s home now and recuperating.”
Swallowing hard, she fought more tears. “I’m glad to hear it. I’ve been praying for Ellie, too.”
Landon’s Adam’s apple slid up and down and the muscles in his jaws clenched. “I’ll talk to Mitch when I get back to New York and try to explain myself.”
“You don’t know Mitch very well,” she said. “Better let me do it. I might be furious with you, but I don’t wish you bodily harm.”
Landon lowered his eyes and rotated the Stetson in his hands. “Be well, Amy. I’ll pray for a safe trip and have fun with your friends in Houston.” Without giving her a chance to respond, he shoved the hat down on his head and exited the aircraft. Twisting in her seat, she watched as he strode across the tarmac to where Tony talked with another man in a mechanic’s jumpsuit. A minute later, Landon addressed both men and appeared to do most of the talking. Fingering the sapphire locket, Amy unclasped the chain and held it in her palm, staring at it as tears slipped onto her cheeks.
When Tony returned to the plane, she inhaled a deep breath as he slammed the door, securing it. Something about it seemed so . . . final. She didn’t know what she expected for the end of the road trip, but she’d never felt such a heaviness in her heart.
“Tony,” she said, unbuckling her seat belt and sliding out of her seat, “I need five minutes. It’s important.”
Giving her a hesitant look, the pilot reopened the door and stood aside. “There’s a storm brewing and we need to circumvent it. We leave in ten minutes.”
“Thanks. I’ll be right back. Promise.” Within seconds, she jumped down to the pavement and headed toward Landon. With his head lowered and slumped shoulders, he walked toward Matilda. Thank goodness he moved slowly or he might have already been halfway out of the airport. Amy’s pulse throbbed in her ears as she raised her voice. “Landon! Wait!” A departing plane drowned out her words and they floated away with the wind. I can’t let him go like this. Opening the door, he climbed inside the truck. “Landon!” Breaking into a run, she sprinted toward Matilda.
Raising his head, he tipped back his Stetson and squinted. A faint smile creased his lips, but as she drew nearer, the sadness in those gorgeous blue eyes shredded her heart. How could she be so infuriated by a man and yet feel her heart slipping into his? This love business could be a beautiful thing, but why did it have to hurt so much?
Slightly out of breath, Amy halted beside the truck. “I wanted to tell you . . . thank you . . .” Why am I stumbling over my words? “Thanks for bringing me safely to Texas.” Say it. “In spite of the way things turned out, I had a great time.”
His eyes narrowed but not before she caught the flicker of surprise. “You’re welcome. It was my honor.” He started to tug the door closed, but she grabbed it, holding it firm. “You have a plane waiting, Amy. Time to go.”
“In a second.” She stepped to the side of the door so it wasn’t a barrier between them. “Tell me the truth. You could have told me who you were anywhere along the way between Baton Rouge and Austin. Why didn’t you?”
Running one hand over his jaw, he stared into the distance before focusing on her. “Like I said, I was already in too deep. Call me selfish, but if I’d told you the truth, you wouldn’t have come with me. I couldn’t risk that happening. I wanted—I needed—to hang onto the dream a little while longer.”
“Which dream is that?”
His eyes softened. “You, Amy. You’re the dream.”
Swallowing her tears, she stared at a sign posted on the hangar. “Where are you going now?”
“Not sure. Out of your life, if that’s what you want. Your call.” His words stunned her and she grabbed onto the door again, gripping it as if it was holding her upright. “My prayer is that—in time—you’ll be able to forgive me.” His eyes held the regret of a hundred tomorrows.
“Miss Jacobsen!” Tony called from the door of the jet. “We need to leave now.”
She turned and nodded, her vision blurred. “I’m coming.” The words choked in her throat.
Quickly stepping out of the truck and moving around the door, Landon caught her sleeve. Leaning close, he brushed his lips over her cheek. Achingly sweet. Beautifully tender. “Bye, Amelia. I hope all your dreams come true.”
“Yours, too.” It was barely more than a murmur, lifted by the slight breeze and her daydreams. “Bye.” Reaching for his hand, she placed the locket inside and closed his warm fingers around it. The stricken look on his face wrenched at her heart and shattered it even further.
She hurried back to the plane and scrambled aboard. With tears streaming down her face, she closed her eyes as she heard Tony on the radio and felt the rumble of the engine. Amy didn’t dare glance out the window until the plane had taxied and started its ascent.
Her sobs escaped as she spied her cowboy leaning against that red and white vintage Chevy truck, clutching his Stetson over his heart.
Chapter 39
Yawning, Amy stretched, feeling as tired as though she’d put in a full day at work when the driver pulled the car into Sam and Lexa’s driveway outside their two-story, red brick home. That’s what mental stress and exhaustion could do to a body. As she climbed out of the car and thanked the driver, Amy smiled as she noted the holiday decorations adorning the windows and the front entrance. The door opened and Josh hurried onto the walkway, pulling on his jacket. “How’s my favorite journalist?”
“Hey, Josh,” she said, shivering with the cold, loving his quick hug. “I didn’t expect to find you here, but it’s always great to see my favorite attorney. I’d say it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.”
He gathered her bags from the trunk of the car and dug out his wallet, but the d
river stopped him. “Already taken care of, sir.”
Walking beside Josh, she wondered about Landon’s reaction when he’d discovered she’d paid for her stay in the Yellow Rose suite at The Driskill. Contrary to what she knew of him, he hadn’t said a word about it. Of course, that could have been another reason he was so quiet during the ride to the airport. That and the fact she made it clear by her body language—arms crossed, body turned toward the window—she didn’t much feel like making small talk.
“Sam and Lexa had a meeting downtown this afternoon.” Josh stepped aside for her to go into the house first. “After you called Lexa to say you’d be arriving later, she asked us to come and be your welcoming committee. I’m currently between meetings and figured you’d want some time alone with Winnie, so I’ll keep the kids occupied while you talk.” Coming in behind her, he closed the door.
“You’re a good man, and your consideration is duly noted.” Amy caught Josh’s grin as she glanced around the spacious living room. “This is such a great house.” The scent of pine filled her senses and she admired the tall, fresh Christmas tree in one corner by the fireplace. Her survey took in the high ceilings and large windows, lending an airy, light feeling. Books lined one wall and photographs another. Throw pillows and personal touches—fresh poinsettias and a vase of fresh seasonal flowers—added to the home’s charm. Spying her favorite photo of Lexa and Sam on one wall, she smiled. In her arms, Lexa held yellow roses and the love and joy radiating on both their faces was infectious. It’d been taken on the night in San Antonio when they’d surprised everyone by getting married immediately after his return to the States from his year-long overseas mission. As she always did, Amy saluted the photo of Sam’s lookalike younger brother, Will, currently training as a future NASA shuttle commander.