by Sophie Gunn
Lizzie said, “Nah. Not his fault. I got what I wanted. Paige is still here. That was all I ever wanted. What I really wished for. I should be happy.” She could feel herself starting to cry and she fought it. She had so many people right now who needed her to be strong.
“Let’s talk later, okay, Tay? You better go.”
CHAPTER
47
Lizzie brought a breakfast tray to the guest room. Oatmeal with maple syrup. Coffee. Toast. A small glass of orange juice. They had to start talking about Candy’s getting enough folic acid during pregnancy. They had to talk about so many things.
She knocked lightly on the door of the room that had been Lizzie’s when she was a girl, then pushed her way in cautiously. Candy’s eyes were still rimmed with red. Folic acid was the least of this kid’s worries.
“I’m not hungry,” Candy protested as Lizzie set the tray down. “But thanks. And thanks for letting me stay here last night. I’m so embarrassed. I can totally go back to the dorm. This is humiliating.”
“You can’t.” Lizzie kept her voice neutral. “It would be too depressing. Think of yourself as a distraction for Paige and me from our own problems.”
“You know Dante Giovanni,” Candy said. “You’re his girlfriend. This is weird. Freakish, even.”
“Georgia is an old friend of mine. That’s why you’re here. Not because of Tay.”
“I wasn’t going to kill myself on that bridge,” Candy said, breaking into Lizzie’s thoughts. “I was just freaked out, that’s all. See, I had thrown some money off that bridge awhile back.” Candy sipped her coffee, then put it back down. “A lot of money.”
“I know about the money.”
Candy went on. “I didn’t think about the future when I tossed that money, all I could think about was the past. Also, I thought about what an ass that guy was for thinking the money would matter. Sorry, I know he’s your boyfriend, but really. Paying me for what happened?”
Lizzie nodded. She thought Candy was being a little harsh, but she was a kid and she’d had one heck of a crappy year. “He didn’t know any better. He doesn’t have any family. He didn’t know how to act. He was trying. You have to give him credit for that.”
Candy nodded. “I didn’t care a bit about that stupid money. Even if they were threatening to take my car and kick me out of school. I wanted to get kicked out. I wanted that stupid car gone. But then all of a sudden—” She touched her stomach. “Anyway, I wasn’t going to do anything dumb on the bridge. I was just there to think. I had to get out of my dorm. I’d watched stupid It’s a Wonderful Life like five times.”
“That might make me want to jump off a bridge, too.” Lizzie went to the window. Snow had started falling again and it looked very peaceful outside. Too bad inside was a different story. Lizzie felt as if events were spiraling into a perfect storm that would hit as soon as this calm cleared.
“So what’s with your boyfriend hanging around in Galton, anyway? Has he been spying on me? It totally creeped me out to see him last night. Like a ghost.”
“He means well,” Lizzie said. “He didn’t want to leave until he found the money. He’s been looking for months.”
“No way.”
“Way.”
“He didn’t find it?” Candy asked.
“Nope.” Lizzie paused. “Do you know where it is?”
“I think I might,” Candy said. “I was going to go down there. I forgot they closed off the trails in the winter. I was too scared to climb the fence.”
“You don’t think anyone else found it by now?”
Candy’s face fell. “I have no idea. Probably. Maybe some animals found it and are using it to line their burrow. The world’s ritziest raccoon den.”
Lizzie felt awful for the girl. “Why didn’t you call the police?”
“I wanted to keep it all,” Candy said. “I was greedy. It’s all I’ve got. If I called them, I’d pay taxes and probably have to give it all to my mom’s creditors and I’d be right back where I started.”
Lizzie had no idea what the rules about money and creditors were, but she supposed Candy might be right.
“Is he nice?” Candy asked.
Lizzie was relieved and surprised by the change of subject. “Very nice.”
“I still don’t want anything to do with him.”
“I get that. It’s okay, he’s leaving.”
“Leaving?”
“Yep. He had planned to leave today.”
“You’re in love with him?” Candy asked.
“Yes,” Lizzie said. “But I don’t want it to come between you and me. I won’t talk about him if you don’t want to.”
“What do you think I should do? Forgive him? Just like that?”
“I don’t know. That’s up to you.”
Candy considered. “It’s like the one thing I control. I can’t turn back the past. But I can hold on to it. You know?”
“Yeah. I guess.” Lizzie thought about Jill’s telling her secret about Ethan, about Ethan not coming. “You can also let the past go. You control that, too.”
“I guess. But then, I don’t know, if I do let the past go, what do I have left?”
“The future?” Lizzie suggested.
CHAPTER
48
The knock on the door startled Tay. He’d been staring at the ceiling, thinking about a day when he was ten, when his mother had helped him with his math homework while a pot of homemade chicken soup simmered on the stove. It was one of the last memories he had of his mother before the car accident that took her life. Now he couldn’t remember what she looked like, couldn’t smell the soup.
He opened the door to find Lizzie on the doorstep. “Since you’re too scared to come to my house to get your Christmas present, I decided I had to bring it to you,” she said.
“Merry Christmas to me,” he said, trying to put his eyes back into his head. His bags were packed; he had cleaned up the place; he was sick about leaving when Lizzie’s life was so up in the air and sick about staying when Candy was living in her house. There didn’t seem to be any right way to handle this.
But right now, he wasn’t thinking about what was right.
She teetered into the apartment, turning to and fro, showing off her red, four-inch stilettos. Her long, strong legs stuck out from under her coat.
“You could have broken your head open on all that ice outside in those heels,” he said.
Lizzie ignored him. She opened her purple faux-fur coat to reveal the rest of his Christmas present.
“Oh, my my.” He took her into his arms, his heart beating madly. “I’m very very angry at you for risking your neck out there.”
“So punish me.”
He didn’t want to rush this. It could be one of the last times they were together. His mood fell. He said. “Where are Paige and Candy?”
“Outside,” Lizzie said. Then she mercifully took his hands. “Kidding. Sheesh, Tay, you should have seen your face. Tommy and Annie agreed to stay at the house tonight. They’re fine. Everybody’s fine. Don’t worry, they’re all stuck at the house. I took their car.”
“I love those guys,” he said. He stood before her and took her hands. “I love you.”
“Prove it,” she said.
His heart was pounding out of his chest. He led her down the hall to his bedroom, then watched her stretch out on his futon. He looked around at the bare room, exactly as it was when he came. Nothing had changed and everything had changed and why was he leaving again? “Why do you put up with me?”
“I have no idea.” She paused. “Well, one idea.” She reached for him and pulled him down beside her.
He pressed his body into hers and moaned and she moaned. “This is going to take all night,” he said.
“Promise?”
He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. “Promise.”
She traced his lips with her finger. “Tay, before we do this, I want to tell you something. I’m done with the pa
st. I’m sick of it. I’m all about the future, now.” She paused and he felt his heart skip a beat.
He lay back beside her on the bumpy mattress. He understood what she was saying, and she was right, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. “I wish I could get over this, believe me.”
“What do you think it’ll take? I mean, there’s no rush or anything. Go. Travel the world. Fix everything in your path and save stray cats—whatever it takes. But I just wonder: At some point, do you think you’ll get past this?”
“I hope so.”
She looked up at him. “Candy thinks she knows where the money landed when it went off the bridge. She said it didn’t go into the water. That it caught on a ledge. She was going to go down and look for it herself, but she’s afraid of the closed trails after her scare on the bridge.”
Tay sat up straight. “I’ll get it.”
“You can’t get it if you leave.”
“I’ll stay until I get it,” he said. “But Liz, I’m still leaving.”
“I know.”
“Lizzie?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we stop talking about me leaving?” He hooked the straps of her teddy through his index fingers and pulled them down her shoulders. He pushed the fabric down, and then bent to take her breasts in his mouth one by one.
“Hmm… I already forget what we were talking about,” she said.
“We were talking about how beautiful you are.” He bent to put his mouth to her nipple. He teased it, playing with it under his tongue until it hardened and puckered. He pulled her teddy all the way down. “God, you’re amazing. This is the real present. The rest is just wrapping.”
“Mmm…” She pulled at his shirt and he paused to rip it off over his head. He slipped out of his jeans and boxers. Then helped her out of the teddy. He lay beside her, feeling the heat of her body transfer into his, warming him. He hoped that he was warming her. He could feel himself go hard, and he rolled closer to her and she felt it, too, and murmured.
He prepared the condom, then moved over her and then into her and then moved with her while she arched and groaned and finally cried out his name. He held her while she shook gently.
He came, too, and it was as amazing as ever. Why was he leaving this woman?
He held her, wondering if that was the last time they’d ever make love. When he left, would she wait for him? How long would she wait? He imagined Candy in Lizzie’s house. Candy didn’t have a home. Galton was as much a home as anywhere for the girl. What if she stayed forever? Would Lizzie ever leave Galton to be with him somewhere else?
He’d find her money, give it to her, and go.
He stroked Lizzie’s arm. He wanted this night to be perfect. For it to go on forever. “Liz?”
No answer.
“Lizzie?”
She had fallen asleep, exhausted from her marathon night of tending to the girls.
He kissed the top of her head and smiled.
Perfect.
He tried to close his eyes, but he knew it was hopeless, so he watched her. She deserved more. She deserved everything. In the beginning, when they first met, she had thought that she was his charity case.
Funny how the tables turned.
But there had to be hope. There had to be a way.
He’d get the money back tomorrow. But he knew it wouldn’t solve what needed solving. He’d still have to leave Galton to spare Candy the pain.
And he didn’t know how long Lizzie would wait for him.
Or how long he could live without her.
CHAPTER
49
The next morning, Lizzie came home with White and Dune to an almost silent house.
Annie was in the kitchen, trying to keep Meghan quiet by reading her Green Eggs and Ham. When the baby saw Lizzie and the animals, she screeched a welcome. “Shhhh…” Lizzie put White down and released Dune from his leash. She took Meghan into her arms and held her tight while she spun around. “How’s my little one? Shhhh…”
Meghan giggled.
Annie tossed the book across the table. “I’ve been reading that thing over and over for hours. Candy sure can sleep.”
“I vaguely remember those days,” Lizzie said.
“I don’t,” Annie said. “So, are these your hostages?” She motioned to the animals, who were sniffing around the kitchen. Dune was licking Meghan’s chair, cleaning up the fallen crumbs of whatever she’d had for breakfast. “Tay can’t leave while you have his crew?”
“Yep,” Lizzie said. “I’m only sort of kidding,” she admitted. “Tay’s going to be busy all day, so I said I’d take the dog. The cat seems to think she’s a part of the deal.” She knelt with Meghan so the baby could pat the dog. White disappeared upstairs to check her territory.
“Paige went boarding with her friends,” Annie said. She started to straighten the kitchen. “I figured you’d say it was okay. I thought it was good for her to get out of the house. They left an hour ago.” The clock read 8:33 in the morning.
“No Ethan?”
Annie shook her head.
“Maybe he’ll come today.” It was the first thought that flew into her consciousness when she woke up in the morning and the last worry when she closed her eyes at night. Flights got canceled. Cars broke down.
“Any number of things could have happened,” Annie said.
“The ratbastard could have called.”
“So, let’s talk about good men. How’s Tay?”
“Perfect. Except he still says he’s leaving just as soon as—” She stopped herself. She still hadn’t told anyone about Tay’s money. “—everything settles.”
“You have to stop him,” Annie said. She looked at her watch. “When a man leaves, there’s no guarantee he’ll ever come back.”
“No one knows that like me, Annie,” Lizzie said. The truth of Annie’s words stung.
“Shoot. We have Mommy and Me swimming at the Y in twenty minutes. You okay here?”
“Fine, go.”
“Liz, I’m so sorry. I’ve been thinking about what I can do. I’m going to do something to help Paige, I just haven’t figured out what yet.”
“Just being here helped,” Lizzie said. “Helped both of us. Thank you.”
Lizzie checked in on Candy, who was sound asleep in the guest room. Poor thing had the beginnings of morning sickness and was best off if she just let the mornings go by.
So she went downstairs.
Paige’s board, Figgy, wasn’t in its usual spot of honor, propped against the wall by the front door. That was good. Christmas break was, after all, prime snow season. Paige and her friends liked to be there for the first lift up the mountain for the freshest snow, and by now, the mountain had been open for over an hour. Lizzie tried Paige’s cell phone, just to say hi, but there was no answer. The reception on the mountain was terrible. She knew that. Something about the terrain blocked the signals.
No worries. She’d back off. Let Paige have her space.
Still, she wished she were here.
Lizzie fixed more coffee.
Tay called awhile later. He had gone to the gorge, climbed the fence, looked where Candy had said, but hadn’t found anything. “The snow and ice made it kind of dicey. I couldn’t get anywhere near the edge. We might have to wait for spring.”
“Would you wait for spring?”
“I don’t know, Lizzie. I’m having a hard time leaving. And I’m having a hard time staying, too.”
“If you leave, Tay, I’m afraid you’ll never come back,” she said, echoing Annie’s words.
“So let’s take advantage of today,” he said. “Let me drive you out to the mountain to see Paige. I’m sure Annie could come back to sit with Candy. We could be there in twenty minutes, right? It’s just the next town over.”
“The way you drive, we won’t be there till next week,” she joked. “Anyway, I should give her some space. No need to go crazy on her.” Lizzie fought off the growing sense that something was wro
ng. “I talked to her best friend’s mom and she told me they were coming home at five. I can wait.”
But it wouldn’t be easy.
Lizzie vacuumed the living room. Cleaned the fridge. Candy came down and made herself a nest on the couch in front of the television. Lizzie kept waiting for Paige to call her back. Didn’t she wonder if Ethan had shown up?
Finally, Paige sent a text. Snow gr8. Fun. Text if RB comes.
So Ethan had become Ratbastard again. It made Lizzie sad instead of glad.
Maybe she would take Tay up on his offer of a ride. Just to check in on her. Maybe even to see her board. She hadn’t seen her snowboard all season, and with all her private lessons, she must be getting good.
At two o’clock, Lizzie started making chicken enchiladas, Paige’s favorite meal. After a day on the slopes, she’d be starving. They’d eat and laugh and forget Ethan and things would start to get back to normal.
She assembled the enchiladas, then put them in the fridge. She’d bake them as soon as Paige came in the door.
She wandered around a bit, cleared the presents from under the tree, put everything away. The gift certificate she had gotten Paige was still in its box. She took it out and recycled the box. Then she opened the kitchen drawer to stash the certificate somewhere safe.
“No!”
The single word echoed in the empty kitchen.
She rifled through the drawer, trying not to panic.
Then she panicked, her heart pounding, her breath too shallow to do the job.
She picked up the phone and dialed Tay.
“Paige’s passport isn’t where I left it. It’s gone. I need to get to Meeks Peak. Now.”
CHAPTER
50
Lizzie studied every car zooming past in the opposite direction as Tay slowly wound his truck toward the mountain. Paige could be inside any one of the cars, on her way home. Which was not a problem, as Annie and Meghan were in her kitchen, waiting. They’d call the minute Paige showed up. No problems. No worries. No sense in being a crazed, overwrought mother. Such lovely barns, half-fallen, red paint peeling. Silos in the snow. Tidy little houses with rockers on the front porches, Christmas decorations everywhere. The ski patrol still hadn’t found Paige, but her friends swore she was there, swore they’d just seen her on the south-side slopes, or was it the north? Such a busy time of year. So many kids looking exactly alike. No rush. No worries. To prove it, she’d promised herself she’d let Tay drive her. After all, what was the rush?