by Kay Maree
"Because Bonnie and her attorney convinced the Judge that I could keep her with Sammi and hold their family together while helping her at the same time."
"In other words, she bullshitted the Judge."
"Pretty much. It's three months, Syn. Can you hold out for three more months?"
Lucy didn't answer right away. She took a deep breath, let it out, took another. The three months was not the issue. Bonnie having her claws in Jonah was part of the issue, being able to hold Sammi over his head the other part of the issue. The fact that Jonah was allowing it to happen was something Lucy didn't want to think about at the moment, including the fact that he was willing to allow Lucy to become collateral damage.
"Syn?"
"I'm here."
"I love you so much, and I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Lucy lied. "It's not your fault. I can just... hang out here... for a while longer... if you don't want me to come now."
"That wouldn't be a good idea. Bonnie is going to be having enough problems without having to live with someone new."
Without having to compete, you mean. As long as Bonnie gets what she needs, to hell with what I need.
There was silence on the line for a minute, then Jonah spoke quietly.
"I hope you can understand why I have to do this."
"Yeah, cause the Judge ordered it."
"No, because I can't let anything happen to an innocent little girl."
"Don't you think Bonnie knows that, Jonah? Don't you think just maybe she's using Sammi as a carrot to lure you in like a rabbit?"
"Either way the end result is the same."
"No, it's not. Because Bonnie needs help from a professional drug addiction counselor - not someone she can manipulate." Lucy tried to stop herself but the hurt overrode her censorship.
"Manipulate? You think she's manipulating me?"
"Yes, I do. She knows how to do it with surgical precision. She knows exactly how to trigger your sense of duty and obligation."
"Trigger huh? Been talking to Celeste, have you?"
Lucy shrugged. No sense in lying now. "Yeah, she caught me on Facebook and explained Bonnie's ability to control you."
"Oh, now she's controlling me? What else, pray tell, did my dear sister whisper in your ears to make you convinced what she spoke was the gospel truth?"
"Jonah, it doesn't matter. She loves you; I love you. She was trying to help me understand."
"Well, guess what - I do love you, and I do love Celeste. But I'll be damned if I'll have you thinking that Bonnie is some kind of monster. She needs help, she asked me. End of story. Sammi is the victim here, no one else."
No Jonah, Sammi is the tool with which Bonnie is going to destroy you. And as long as you constantly defend her, that's exactly what is going to happen. You have to open your own eyes.
Lucy sighed. “We’ll figure it out. I don’t want to spend our time arguing.”
"Syn, I need to tell you something."
"What’s that?"
"I love you so much - I always will. You are the one good thing in my life, and I have to keep it that way."
"I'm not going anywhere. We can disagree without losing the good."
"I can't do this anymore."
She misunderstood. "If you can't help Bonnie, Jonah, just tell someone. They'll find someone else that can. You tried your best but some things just don't work out."
"That's not what I mean. I thought I could hold off on this, but you’re miserable. I’m making you miserable because I'm changing, and I do not want it to affect the way you feel for me."
"Changing? We're all changing; we've always been about changing."
Jonah choked and couldn't speak for a moment.
"Baby, are you there?"
"Syn, I'm no good for you. We can't be together; we have to end this."
"Jonah, don't..."
"I have too. Bonnie is killing me and there's nothing I can do."
"I can help you; Celeste can help you."
"No, you can't. This is my problem and I have to deal with it. I can't drag you into it."
"I'm already in it. Don't you see that?"
"No, you're not. We're done."
Lucy started crying. "Just like that?"
"Just like that. You deserve to be happy, and I can't promise you anything anymore."
"Don't do this to me, Jonah, please..."
"I have to and I am. You need to be free to plan your life for you, not for me. Be happy and know that I will always love you. Goodbye, Syn."
She stared at the phone after he hung up.
Chapter Fourteen
Lucy
Each morning, Lucy automatically signed into messenger but Jonah wasn't online. She checked Facebook and he hadn't been online there either. He hadn't returned any of her texts the previous two days, nor had she spoken to him. She wanted to tell him about her dream, which had been haunting her more and more frequently.
Lucy remembered the moonlight and the cliff with crystal clear memories, along with the pool that constantly called to her. She spent hours searching through books and scouring the internet for the meanings of symbols in dreams. She had never particularly paid a whole lot of attention to the subject before, but this dream really affected her. She had plenty of material that she planned on discussing with Tera when they went to Lombardi's after work.
By noon, Lucy's resolve broke. She couldn't sit there and stare at the screen of her phone or her computer any longer, nor did she have any more ability to try and will either of them to pop up with Jonah's name. She nervously dialed his number, praying that Bonnie didn't answer.
"Hello, Syn," he answered in a hushed tone.
"Hi, Jonah," she began. "How are you?"
He didn't even acknowledge the question. "How are you?"
"I’m good. All things considered."
"That's great. I've been worried about you, it's just..." his voice trailed off.
"I know, Jonah. I shouldn't be calling you. I just miss you and wanted to make sure you were okay. How's Sammi?"
"You can call me whenever you want. I know I've screwed everything up, but I still love you. Sammi is fine. We've been looking at schools for her."
"But won't that be pointless when she'll be going home with Bonnie right about when school starts anyhow?"
"Some things have come up."
"Oh no. Did she fail a drug screening?"
Jonah sighed before he answered. "No, baby. It's couldn't be that easy. She's..." he hesitated as if deciding whether or not to finish his sentence. "She's pregnant."
Lucy was stunned. She literally didn't know what to say and was incapable of saying anything.
"And no, before you jump to any inaccurate conclusions, the baby is not mine."
"Oh, thank God," Lucy gushed, unable to hold back the words.
"I'm not sleeping with her, Syn. I have no interest in her. Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing. The kicker is that the baby isn't Trevor's either. From what she can figure, it belongs to a local dealer that she had been screwing around with."
Just when I thought I couldn't think less of the woman. "What does this mean for you?"
"I just don't know. I can't just kick her out."
"They're not your kids, Jonah. You can't save the world."
"Damned if I know how to quit trying. Aren't you glad you're not a part of this fiasco anymore?" Jonah meant it as a joke, but it fell flat.
"No, Jonah," Lucy sighed, "no I can't say that I am." She hung up.
Later that evening, Tera drove to Lombardi's. Both women waved at Vito as they entered their favorite sanctuary.
Sarah sat at their regular table, a huge smile on her face. "I was getting old waiting for you!" She threw her arms around Lucy's neck and hugged her close.
"Sarah! When did you get back?"
"We only stayed a few extra days, and that was only because Carter got involved in a business deal. We got home last
night."
"So, you called Aunt Tera before your own mother? Shame on you."
"Pssssshhhh. Trying to ask you how you are is pointless. I called Aunt Tera first to get the truth so that I was armed when I talked to you, and she said you were having dinner here. I decided a surprise might be more fun."
"Nice, you brat. I'm just fine, thank you very much."
"Just like I figured you'd say. Jonah turned into an idiot, you want to drown yourself… yeah, you're just fine."
Lucy raised her eyebrow. "Anything you didn't tell her?"
Tera wore the most innocent look possible. "I just touched the highlights. You can give her the details yourself."
"Yes, I’ve had a strange dream."
"But you and Jonah had so many plans, you were so good together..." Sarah started.
"Yep, and then the evil witch of the drug world cast her spell and made him give up his own life to be her puppet."
"No, no," interrupted Tera. "Puppets don't get jerked around as much as he does."
"Whatever the case, I'm screwed. I have a husband who treats me like a sugar mama and couldn't care less if I have a life or not and Jonah made his choice - oh, and by the way, now the whore is pregnant and NOT by her husband. And no, it's not Jonah's."
Both women looked at her with surprise. "Wow," Sarah ventured, "she really knew how to hook him permanently, didn't she?"
"I feel sorry for him," Lucy sighed. "I really do. That man is my soulmate on all fronts and nothing he is doing is because he doesn't love me. He's trying to protect me from the crap this woman is slinging. At the same time, he's trying to win a losing battle with a worthless cause. Jonah is so attached to Sammi, as he will be to the new baby, and he's going to be devastated when the next Tom, Dick or Harry walks into Bonnie's life and she rips those kids out from under him."
"Not your problem, my friend. He made his choice. No matter how much it hurts, you need to figure out your own life and not dwell on his issues."
"What are you going to do, Mom?"
Lucy looked at her two favorite females in the world. "Well, for starters, young lady, you are going to tell us all about your trip."
For the next hour, Sarah filled the women in on all the funny little stories of her first couple weeks of marriage and told them all about the places they had explored and the sights they had seen. As they finished dinner, Tera reached for her purse and remembered the folder.
"Hey, we haven't discussed this dream of yours yet." She handed Lucy the papers.
Sarah looked at her mother with slanted eyes. "Tell me all about this dream before you start discussing it."
Lucy described the dream in as much detail as she could remember. "I have researched dream symbols for as many things as I could think of: escape, drowning, water, running."
Tera was reading the papers. "Ok, escape - 'indicative of needs to uncover new potential in self or drop bad habits of the past' - yep, that's you," she paused to look at Lucy, "it may as well have Jake's name right here."
Sarah picked up one of the pages. "Let's see. Water - 'deep water may create unease because of the murkiness or uncertainty of what lies below the surface'. Well that's a duh."
Tera continued reading. "Drowning can mean you're being swept away by the flow of your emotions. That makes sense. And when you're escaping in a dream, it could be a sign that whoever you are running from wants to be understood and accepted."
Lucy sighed unhappily. "I don't know ladies. All I know is that I really, really wanted to go swimming."
Sarah leaned over and gave her a long hug. "Well, Mama, hate to tell you but you're never swimming again."
Chapter Fifteen
Lucy
Her cell phone rang as she was driving home from Lombardi's. Lucy was shocked to see Jonah's number on the screen.
"Can you talk?" he asked her when she answered.
"Yeah, you actually picked a good time to call. I'm in the car on my way home."
"You're on your way to Toronto?"
"Ummm, no. Why would you think that?"
"Because you said home, and your home is here with me."
Something in Lucy's spirit lifted as she realized he was in one of THOSE moods, which this time was a great thing. "Ahhhhh I see. Well, since I hear that so infrequently anymore, I've slipped into forgetting where home is. Since you've reminded me, I'm on my way to the house that I live in at the moment."
He laughed at her teasing. It was a good sound, one that she hadn't heard in a while. "I hear you, Syn. I deserved that. I've neglected you for way too long."
"So, not to ruin it, but why are you in such a good mood?"
"Bonnie found the father of her baby. And he wants her to come live with him."
"Woooo hoooooo!!!!" Lucy couldn't contain her excitement.
"She still has a few weeks left on her probation before I can let her leave, but they're talking and getting along and there is finally an end in sight."
"What about Sammi? How does she feel about this?"
"That is kind of up to you."
"Up to me?" Lucy puzzled. "Why up to me?"
"I talked to Sammi. As long as Bonnie moves out, she would be extremely happy staying here. Bonnie has agreed because she'll have the new kid to worry about. I told Sammi I would talk to you about legal adoption."
"Adoption? As in permanent? Of course," Lucy almost shouted, "that's a great idea!! I would love to have Sammi live with us."
"Us. Do you know how much I love the sound of that? Do you know how much I love you??" He sounded so much like the old Jonah that Lucy's heart hurt from swelling with the love that she felt for him.
"Yes, I do Jonah. That's why I couldn't just give up when you asked me to. Cause I love you just as much. There will always be an us."
"I will be so happy when this nightmare is over and we can be together. How is everything with you?"
"It's fine. I want to tell you about a dream I had though. Maybe you've just given me an answer to the riddle." Lucy told him everything about the dream.
"First of all, Syn, no swimming. Stay out of the water."
She laughed. "Yeah, yeah, I've already had that lecture from Tera."
"Well I'm backing her up. Hopefully I've given you the answer that you need for the short time schedule. I'll have more details soon. I'm going to call the probation officer and see if maybe Bonnie can get early termination since she's been the model criminal except for her one outburst. I'm quite tired of being a babysitter."
"Ok. Well tell Sammi that I would love for her to be my daughter and I will not be an evil step-mother. If we adopt her, I'll actually BE her mother and she can..." She stopped, realizing that she insinuating that she would be marrying Jonah.
He caught her hesitation and the reason why. "Yes, my future Mrs. Creer, I will tell OUR future daughter that you would be pleased."
"Jonah, I didn't mean to insinuate or put you on the spot like that."
"You didn't. And I didn't insinuate either. I meant what I said."
"And be sure to tell her that Crusader will be more than happy to have a new friend."
"Oh yes. Our faithful companion. I'll tell her."
"I love you, Jonah."
"I love you too, Syn. Talk to you soon."
The next day was a page out of the past. Jonah was happy and chatty on messenger and Lucy was even extremely surprised when a dozen red roses was delivered to her desk mid-afternoon. The card simply read "Soon."
She met Sarah for dinner and for once, it was just the two of them. Lucy quickly caught her daughter up on Jonah's change of attitude.
"Mom, are you sure that's going to last? He's been pretty wishy washy lately."
"As sure as I can be, I guess."
"Are you sure you're not just wanting his attitude to be changed?" Sarah was trying to be very careful with her word selection so as not to get Lucy's temper up.
"He sent me flowers. I would say that's
a pretty good sign that the old Jonah is back."
"Just be careful. I don't want your feelings getting hurt again."
"I'm fine, Sarah. When did you become my mother?"
Sarah grinned. "It becomes my right to tell you what to do as soon as I get married. Being a newlywed means I still have my man under control so that makes me the temporary expert on the male species."
Lucy laughed. "At least you got something from your father - you're as full of it as he is."
"Seriously mom - what are you going to do?"
"Short answer? Bonnie is off probation or whatever you want to call it in a couple weeks. At that point, I salvage what I can of my finances, load my car with what I can fit, and off to Canada I go."
"Do you have your passport?"
"Yes ma'am, I sure do. I've had that for a while now."
"And you're sure that Bonnie is leaving when her probation is over?"
"Yes, Sarah - I'm as sure as I can be. Chill out, will you?"
"No, I won't. I like Jonah, mom. I really do. But he screwed this up once and I don't want him to throw you out if it happens again. That woman has Jonah wrapped tighter than a yo-yo. What happens to you the next time she decides to pull his string?"
"I'll be there so she won't be able to."
Sarah threw up her hands in mock surrender and they spent the rest of the dinner enjoying each other's company.
Chapter Sixteen
Lucy
After too many beers, Jake backhanded her across the face, hard.
They had been arguing about overdraft fees because he took money out of their account without telling her. Lucy could never be sure if he just forgot the dog was standing there or if he was just so drunk that he didn't care. It took Crusader about a quarter of a second to attack.
Lucy didn't fall, but the blow stunned her. She held the side of her face as she straightened up, trying to make sense of what had just happened. The big Doberman had Jake pinned on the floor.
"Get him off me! GET HIM OFF ME!!"
Lucy was almost hysterical. "CRUSADER! RELEASE!!"
The dog released his grip and reluctantly backed away. He positioned himself in front of Lucy as Jake picked himself up off the floor.