I lower my head, peering into her vivid blue eyes, which are full of anxiety. Her whole body is shivering, and her quivering lip makes me want to press my lips against hers.
I’ve never hungered this much for a trembling girl. What’s wrong with me?
I shouldn’t even be thinking about this right now. I should be scaring her away so she won’t even want to talk to me. I don’t want her to be in danger. Or anyone, for that matter.
“I don’t need anyone,” I snarl.
It hurts me so much to say that, but I have no choice. Weakness isn’t something I can afford when I have to join a drug-dealing gang.
But her smell, God … it’s so good, it hypnotizes me. Before I know it, my head is already drifting closer to her. I’m drawn to her, and I have no idea why. I have to put a stop to this now before it gets out of hand.
I take a huge breath and step back. I look down at the floor, wondering why she hasn’t run away from me yet. She’s just standing there, holding up her bottle like she won’t leave until I take it.
Oh, Leafy. Why do you keep persisting? Just give in to your fear, it would be easier for the both of us.
Damn it, when I think about it, my throat does feel dry. What’s the worst it could do? Cool my aching throat?
I reach for the bottle. When our fingers briefly touch, electric shocks course through my body, setting my nerves on fire. It takes one touch for me to feel her softness, her tenderness. I’m feeling more and more lost in her eyes, her sweetness, her helpfulness.
But what am I thinking? I don’t deserve any of it.
I take a few sips, and the water feels nice, settling the pain in my chest. I don’t even care if half of it is running down my chin. I gulp it down as if it’s the only thing that will save me.
When I’m done, I give her back the bottle, my stare probably unsettling her a little. She seems frightened. I don’t want her to feel that way about me, but at the same time I do. So fucking confusing.
“Thanks,” I say, the turmoil in my mind reverberating in my voice.
“No problem,” she says, swallowing away her nerves as she puts the cap back onto the bottle.
Now that she’s done what she had in mind, she’ll probably head for her room. I wonder what she’ll think of me. I know she saw me crying.
Will she tell anyone? I can’t have that. Rumors about me being a weak son of a bitch won’t help my reputation. Especially not when I want to infiltrate Alpha Psi.
“Please don’t tell anyone you saw me,” I say, avoiding her eyes. It’s difficult for me to ask such a thing.
“Good night,” I say when she doesn’t respond, and I open my door.
“Sure … good night,” she says, and she turns around.
Her familiar shuffling makes my heart speed up. It reminds me of the fact that I’ll be alone once she’s gone back into her room. That I’ll have to spend the night alone. And as I walk into my room, I realize I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Not after today. Not after her.
Chapter 7
Difficult Decisions
As expected, I didn’t close my eyes at all last night. My mind was playing tricks on me, showing me a future where my brother gets hurt. In my nightmares he’s doomed to spend the rest of his life in prison, either that or he’s killed. Either way, I wouldn’t be getting him back.
And then there were the times I partially drifted away into vague dreams about a girl with frizzy brown hair and an adorable smile, one that could make me forget everything.
I don’t want to dream about her.
I don’t want to forget anything.
I need to remember.
But at the same time I long to have someone close. My brother was the only one I had. Now I have no one. So I cling to the only one I connect with.
Leafy.
I spend the morning memorizing important things in my life, writing them down as I go. Every step I need to take in order to save my brother. I don’t need to write down anything about Leafy; she’s stuck in my mind like a song repeated on the radio for the millionth time.
My notebook will be with me wherever I go from now on. There’s one note I stick to the front, making me remember that I have to open it every hour of the day, to remind myself of my task.
When Jaret finally awakes, I tell him the news. I didn’t want to wake him from his sleep last night, but the moment I say it he tells me he already knew. The gang told him.
“I’m sorry about your brother, man,” he says, but he’s said this five times now.
“Thanks, but that won’t make my brother come back. I want to join the gang,” I say.
“What? Are you crazy?”
“I need to get my brother out.”
“There must be another way.”
“There isn’t. I already told you about the deal I made with the cop. I have to join the gang. Period.”
“But they’re after your brother! Fuck, man, you could be in danger too.”
“Well, we can tell them I’m there because I want to make up for him being gone. We’ll tell them I’ll be better than he could ever be. Make them think I don’t care about my brother.”
“And you think they’ll fall for that?”
“They have to. I will join them, no matter what.”
Jaret sighs and rubs his neck. “Dammit, Hunter. I promised your brother I’d keep you out of this at all costs.”
“Screw that. He’s in jail. Anything goes. From now on, I’m going to spend every waking minute figuring out what I can do to get to the top so I can find out who the leader is.”
“Are you sure? There’s no going back on this. Once you’re in, you’re in for life.”
“I know,” I say, speaking the words loud and clear so he knows I’m serious.
“They could kill you.”
“I can fight.”
He sighs again. “Fine. I don’t think I can stop you either way.”
“Nope.”
“I’ll help you as long as you promise to listen to me.”
“Fine,” I snap.
“I’ll get a distributor to take you in, but it’s going to be hard and painful. You should know.”
“You’re talking about the arena, right?”
Jaret swallows. “Yeah … I’m surprised your brother told you about that. It’s fucking crazy.”
“I can handle crazy. Make the appointment. I’ll be there.”
“All right, all right,” he says, holding up his hands in defeat.
We settle on meeting after class and leave the dorm after agreeing.
When I finally find my way into class, it’s already started without me. The teacher scolds me for being late. I don’t care about listening to him. I’m already walking up the steps, avoiding everyone’s eyes because I know mine are still red from yesterday. The moment I spot Leafy, I sit down right next to her.
Somehow I feel like I can trust her. I hope she won’t ask me too many questions about yesterday, or today for that matter. Plus, I should really start focusing on my homework. She’s a nerd, so maybe I can help myself with her work instead.
I know it’s wrong, but I don’t care. I need to succeed. This is the only way.
But damn, I’m really tired. I yawn loudly before leaning on the table and dropping my head between my arms. I feel so drowsy, I can’t even hear the teacher anymore. All I hear is muffled noises that interrupt my attempt at sleeping. It doesn’t matter, though. I’m already way into dreamland. Although I’m vaguely aware of the snores my nose and mouth are producing, I don’t give a rat’s ass.
Something pokes me in the side. Annoyed, I groan. Damn, why can’t I just rest my head for a moment?
“Wake up.”
It’s Leafy. She’s whispering sweet words into my ears, and somehow those two words get translated into ‘fuck me.’ Now my mind is really playing tricks on me.
Air rushes through my mouth as I gulp in a breath. My head shoots up from the table, and the first thing I see is her surprised face
. She’s right in front of me, frozen, her lips parted in a way that makes me want to kiss her. She’s so fucking close I could. Holy shit.
She presses her lips together. Did she hear me think out loud or something?
I smirk. I wish she had. I’d love to see the look on her face when she realizes I want to kiss her. It’s probably not something she’d expect of me.
Then again, I’m not sure what to expect of me either. Normally I’d already have fucked her senseless, knowing what I do to girls. She’s not one of those girls, though. This is different. Something I’m not familiar with.
She’s staring at me, and I can’t help but tease her a little because she looks so bewildered.
“Well, hello there,” I say, grinning.
“I … uh …” she stammers.
She shoots back to her regular place, her fingers twitching. She’s breathing rapidly and her eyes are skidding from left to right. It’s hard not to laugh a little. It’s cute that she’s so nervous around me. I like it.
“You what?” I say, taking my time to gauge her reaction.
“You were sleeping in class. I was waking you up,” she mumbles, avoiding eye contact.
Does she think I mind?
Her senses must be on full alert right now, seeing as she’s tensed up. It’s probably because of me. I don’t want her to be uncomfortable around me, though, so I settle for a dumb joke.
“Nah! I wasn’t sleeping,” I say, yawning.
An adorable laugh comes out of her mouth, and it’s putting me on edge. I’m finding her more and more attractive with each passing second.
“Guess you didn’t sleep last night either,” she says.
Well, she’s right about that. Except for the short, hot dreams I had about snuggling with her, burying my face between her perky tits, there weren’t a lot of things to make me want to sleep. Especially not the hellish thoughts I had about my brother.
“Not really, no,” I say.
I stretch my arms and catch her peeking at me. I lick my lips in excitement. Her sparkling blue eyes scanning my body gives me a boner. I feel like she just ran her tongue over my cock.
Suddenly she starts fiddling with her pen, clearing her throat. She clearly doesn’t feel comfortable being attracted to me. I wonder why.
“You always come so close to guys you barely know?” I taunt.
Her jaw drops and her eyes widen, but she doesn’t say a word. All she does is utter words I can’t understand, and I grin at the sight.
“W-what?” she finally manages to say after shaking her head.
Seriously? Is she that flabbergasted?
“You were only a few inches away from my face a couple of seconds ago,” I point out.
She blushes, and it makes me smirk even more. God, she looks so good when she blushes. I wonder if she’d look the same if she was lying under me, naked.
“I’m just trying to help,” she snaps, frowning.
There she goes again with her holy Samaritan act. She keeps saying she wants to help, but she’s too goddamn afraid to actually be of any use at all. She doesn’t want to be close to me, and that’s what I need most right now.
But I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to be involved with me. It would be dangerous.
“I don’t need any help,” I say, clearing my throat.
It’s not true, but I have to keep reminding her to back off. She can dig all she want, but she’s not getting anything. I’m kind of done with this ‘helping’ thing she does. Unless, of course, she’d like to get it on with me. I’d have no problem sticking my tongue into her mouth, or other places for that matter.
Yep, I’ve been having a hard time not giving in to my urges since I came to this school.
“You said the same thing last night,” she says.
“Yeah, and I meant it.”
“Well, you sure looked like you could use some help,” she says, pursing her lips.
Goddammit, why does she have to make it so hard for me all the time? I don’t want to keep talking about this. I’d rather just forget about everything, but she won’t let me.
I sigh, trying to restrain myself. I’m getting tired of this. She has no idea what she’s saying. “As if it could do anything. As if it could solve my problems.”
“Maybe it could, if you’d accept it.”
That’s it. I’m done.
I slam my hand on the table, the impact stinging my fingers. It makes her spring up from her seat. I glare at her, my teeth clenched together as I try not to shout. She’s really getting on my nerves now.
“Nothing, nothing, can help me,” I growl.
She. Can’t. Help. Me. Not with this. No one can.
The least she can do is shut up about it.
But when I see her face, I feel bad. Really bad. Her smile is gone. Her eyes are watery.
Shit. I don’t want her to cry because of me.
“Fine. Whatever. I’m just trying to help. You don’t have to take it,” she snaps.
Oh, c’mon. Is she serious?
I try to relax, breathing out heavily as I turn my head and gaze at something else for a second. I can’t look at her right now. Part of me wants to yell and scream at her, another part wants to pull her in for a hug. Neither is appropriate.
My mind drifts off to yesterday and how she offered me some water, even though I’ve been treating her like crap since I met her. I feel guilty, and I realize I’ve been such a jerk to her that I want to make it up.
“Look … I’m sorry,” I say, trying not to be overly loud.
I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. It’s not. I just don’t like talking about my weak moments. Especially not when they have everything to do with my brother and a secret gang.
“I just had a rough night, and I’m kind of pissed about it, okay?” I say.
Pissed being the understatement of the year. I’m fucking furious because of what the gang did to my brother, but at the same time I know they’re the only way I have to get my brother out quickly. I hate that I’ll have to depend on them. Just the thought of having to join them is making me sick, but this is my only choice.
I’ve been taking out all these thoughts on Leafy, and that’s not fair to her.
I look up at her, and she smiles briefly. I’m glad she’s not angry at me. I don’t like to see her hurt.
“I understand,” she says.
She understands. Okay. So I can assume everything is all right now? I just want to forget anything ever happened, really.
I nod, and say, “Okay.” Hoping we can just let things pass, I concentrate on the class instead. It’s about time I did.
After our class ends, I find Jaret waiting at the designated spot, right outside the dorm.
“You’re in, bud. I told them what you told me: that you don’t care about your brother and that you can do much more for them.”
“Good,” I say. I’m not happy. I despise the gang, but I keep reminding myself I’m in it for my brother.
“Wes is the one who’s going to give you the goods. He’ll be your distributor.”
“Oh, really? The guy with the tats I met the first time?”
“Yep. That one. I knew he’d seen you already, so this was the easiest way in.”
“Cool. So what now? Do I have to start dealing? And when do I meet the rest of them?”
“He doesn’t want to introduce you to the rest of the gang just yet. They’re gonna test you first.”
“Okay, whatever,” I say, frowning. I wonder what that means.
“You’ll have to do a drug exchange. That’s the first assignment. He’ll be watching you.”
“There’s more?”
Jaret looks down at the ground. “They want you to do a fight, too.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“Not the arena. I mean, they want you to beat up someone.”
“Seriously?” I hate to admit it, but I don’t like beating up random guys. Unless they deserve it, I don’t like hurting
innocent people.
“I’ll let you know who tomorrow. I don’t know the specifics yet.”
“Okay.”
“But there’s one thing that Wes specifically stated you have to do before you fight.”
“What does he want me to do?” I say, getting anxious.
“It’s a rule we have here in Alpha Psi that you have to know what you’re selling. So before you go into the fight, they want you to take the drugs.”
“What?” I scream. “No! No fucking way!”
“You have to. You’re in the gang now.”
“The fuck I will!”
I slam my backpack into the ground. I hate that crap. I hate it with all my guts. It’s the one reason everything in my life is fucked up. Drugs and I have a history I’d rather keep hidden away forever.
“Hey!” Jaret grabs both my arms. “Calm down.”
“I’d rather die than take that shit,” I yell.
Jaret squeezes my arms and looks me straight in the eye. “Do you want to get your brother out or not?”
“Of course I do!”
“Then you’ll do what they ask.”
“But―”
“There’s no other way. You have to do this. They won’t accept no for an answer. Not anymore.”
I bite my lip, trying to chew away the gut-wrenching feeling I have. I hate drugs. There’s nothing I hate more than drugs.
But if this is the only way I can get accepted into the gang, I have to do it. I have to find out who the leader is so I can free Jessie.
“If it’s the only way …. I’ll do it.” I’m already regretting what I just said, but there’s no turning back now.
“Don’t worry. They’ll start slow. Pot, probably. They just want to know what you’re made of.” Jaret gives me a friendly punch on the arm. “And you’re made of bricks, remember?”
I snort and clench my jaw tight. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all, but I’ll do it. For my brother. For Jessie.
♥♥♥
I’m outside, working out on the fresh grass. Having a cold breeze cool me down while I do some push-ups. I alternate them with stretches, pushing my muscles to the limit. I want to be as fit and lean as possible. I need to be focused and ready to take some blows before it’s my time to beat someone up for the gang.
Fury (New Adult Romance) - #1.5 Fierce Series Page 6