The cage has been on my mind ever since I left that nasty building. It haunts me in my dreams, reminding me that one day I’ll have to knock someone out in there or risk facing the same fate. And the fact that there’s a load of drugs in my drawer doesn’t help either. There goes another good night’s sleep. I can’t even count the days I haven’t slept, because there are too many to remember.
I’ve got my notebook filled to the brim with dates, names, information, and everything else I have to remember. I penned them down right after I came home yesterday. If I don’t write it down, I can’t make sure I have all the information I need to catch them. And I’m sure Agent Williams will demand evidence, so I need to remember everything. Otherwise I’ll never get my brother out of jail.
I’ve been so busy writing down things about the gang, the drugs, and the dates and times when I have to be somewhere that I barely spent any time on my homework. Worst of all is that it’s due today, and I know it’s half-assed. I hate that I’m wasting my time with the gang, because I promised my brother I’d do my best in college. It’s just so much to deal with right now, and I’m not sure I can do both at the same time. I want to make my brother proud, and I want to save him, but it seems impossible to do both. I don’t want to choose between the two horrible options of failing in class and disappointing him, or failing to free my brother and facing the world alone. I can’t make that decision.
What my brother wants and what I want are not the same thing. I feel conflicted because of the desire to make my brother proud and to make myself happy by having him in my life. Is it even possible to have both?
I get up from my bed and grab my bag. I should stop thinking about this and just go with what I think is best, which is to make both happen.
When I finally get to class I know I’m going to get scolded, but I don’t care. I can handle it. I knock on the door, and the teacher is just standing there, staring at me like I’m some kind of alien. I’m not sure I’m allowed to come in, so I wait.
“Well, come in then,” the teacher snaps at me.
I step inside and hide my face further with my hoodie. My eye is still pretty black from getting hit in the face when I was high, and I don’t want anyone to notice. I’d rather not have that attention drawn to me, especially not when I’m trying to worm my way into a gang like Alpha Psi.
I look around the room and spot Leafy sitting there, cringing when she sees I’m looking straight at her. She’s clearly still shaken from last time we saw each other, and I feel guilty for being so rude the other day. I was having a shitty day, weighed down by the effects of the drugs. I can only remember bits and pieces, since the pot pretty much made my writing skills useless, and when I can’t make notes I can’t make sense of what I’ve done either.
“You’re late,” the teacher says, and I direct my attention back at him.
“Yeah … Sorry,” I say.
“And your homework is shoddy at best.”
That part is true. I can’t even remember the last time I actually turned something in. Of course, it’s not on my priority list either.
“Mister Bane, I don’t know if you realize this, but your grades are on the line.”
Again he’s telling me things I already know. Yes, I know I’m a screw-up, and no, I can’t help it. Some things are more important than homework.
For the sake of making my brother happy, I’ll try to make this work, though.
“I know, it won’t happen again. I’ll work harder. I promise.”
The old geezer squints at me, mulling it over for a second. I hope my persuasive smile will help him come to the decision to let me stay.
“This is your last chance, Mister Bane. Don’t screw it up.”
I try to hide my smirk while nodding. Yes! I’ve done it again. That sincere act always works.
I hurry up the steps, making my way toward my usual spot beside Leafy. I go wherever she goes. It’s only because I know she’s a geek and her notes will help me get through college if I actually manage to peek without her noticing.
Yep, that’s the only reason I’m sitting next to her.
No, really.
I sit down and grab my bag, throwing everything I have onto the table. I want to focus on studying now, just like I promised my brother. Nothing’s going to stop me from achieving what I want. Not even the attraction I feel toward Leafy.
Dammit! Why am I even thinking about this? I shouldn’t. I don’t have time for it. As if I don’t have enough problems already.
But she’s piercing my skin with those blue eyes I could drown in. I don’t have to look to know she’s watching. She’s been shivering in her corner ever since I sat down here.
I turn my head and look her straight in the eyes, and I’m immediately fazed by how amazing they look. It’s so fucking mesmerizing, I can’t look away anymore. Shit, that was a bad decision.
“Don’t you have to pay attention?” she says, her eyes pulling away from mine.
“To you? Yes.”
She’s been too interested in me from day one, and I keep wondering if she’s going to be a problem later on. I don’t want her to get me into trouble.
She pulls on her scarf as if it’s wrapped too tightly around her neck. “The teacher has already started talking.” She points at him, but I don’t even bother to look.
“I don’t care.”
For once, I’m telling the truth. I’m much too focused on her right now. I’m hoping that by staring into her eyes I can force myself to remember what I told her and what she did in the cafeteria. I can only remember a fraction of it, and the things I do remember scare me. I think she knows something’s wrong in my life, and she’s poking her nose where it doesn’t belong. I have to be careful around her.
Leafy blinks and swallows, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Like two magnets, our eyes are drawn toward each other. When they meet I feel lost again. Just looking at her makes me forget everything bad in my life. It’s like time stops and suddenly all the anger and frustration coiled up inside me evaporates. She frees me.
“But your grades …” she stammers.
I close my eyes, shake my head, and laugh. Dammit. She’s still going on about that? Like it matters. I’m in a fucking gang right now, dealing drugs, fighting with people, making horrible decisions, all for the sake of my brother. To say that my grades are of less importance would be an understatement. My life is one fucked-up mess, and there’s nothing I can do but fight to make it better.
I glance sideways and notice Leafy observing me from a distance.
“Something wrong?” I ask. She’s staring at me with this crazy look on her face, like she’s afraid of me. Maybe she finally is. Maybe she isn’t. Neither would make me happy.
She shakes her head rigorously, and I can clearly tell that’s not what she thinks at all. The scared look on her face speaks volumes.
“Then why are you looking at me like that?” I say, inching closer. The closer I get, the more she withdraws. She can’t handle me being in her comfort zone, and it’s only making me want to come even closer. I like scaring her. I like that she makes me feel powerful.
She’s still fighting, and I’m confused by her constant change of attitude. One second she can’t stop butting into my life, and the next she wants to flee as fast as she can. I don’t think she even knows what she wants anymore.
I can relate to that.
A grin appears on my face as I scoot closer, wanting to make her even more uneasy. I want to hear her breath hitch in her throat, hear her heart go crazy for me, see her plump breasts rise and fall with each short breath, and kiss her sweet lips. I want to conquer her. Claim her as my own. Make her want me the way I want her.
She’s turned her head away from me, her lips quivering. Her neck is exposed to me, and it makes me want press my lips against her pale skin. Strands of hair tickle my cheek. Her intoxicating scent drifts into my nose, and I can’t help but inhale, loudly. Her smell is just too good.
She free
zes, clinging onto herself. My mind tells me to back off, leave her alone, because she can’t handle me. My heart tells me to let her in. I don’t know which one to listen to anymore. When she’s not around, I’m determined to let nothing sway me from my course, but when I see her, I falter. She’s just so goddamn attractive with her petite body, and her ability to learn with such ease is something I admire. And the way she keeps coming back to me, even when I’m being a dick, tells me she can’t resist the urge to be near me either. We’re drawing toward each other, neither of us wanting it, but unable to fight it.
I don’t want to fight it.
I want her beautiful eyes on me, I want her to see me succeed, I want her to cheer me on, to be proud of me, to be there for me and support me. Her looking at me with those doe-like eyes makes me excited. Hungry. Lustful.
And so I lean forward, open my mouth, and whisper into her ear, “I like it.”
She shivers, her arms riddled with goose bumps. I’d love to just run my fingers up her arm and along her cheek. My cock twitches in my pants just from the thought of it.
I chuckle and take in a sharp breath to smell her one last time before I slide back to my own seat.
She just sits there, staring straight ahead, not moving an inch. It’s quite amusing to look at. Her breathing is loud, ragged, as she straightens her glasses and clears her throat.
“Why did you do that?” she asks.
As if that wasn’t clear enough. I want to tease you until you give in to me. I could tell her that. Of course, that would probably scare her more than I already have.
The corner of my lip quirks up into a smile, because I’m thinking about all the ways I could fuck her until she screams.
“No reason,” I say with a big smirk on my face.
Her eyebrows draw together. “What?”
Guess she won’t take no for an answer, again. Geez, what is it with this girl? Talk about persistence.
“Are you going to explain why you’re acting this way?” she asks.
“Nope.” She can try all she wants, but I’m not going to tell her. She won’t like the answer anyway, because I don’t even understand it myself. One part of me wants to keep her far away, and another one wants to make her mine. It’s hard to choose.
“Why do you even come to class anyway? Only to torment me?” she snaps.
What? I never meant to torment her. Dammit. This is what you get for messing with girls, Hunter. I’ve been so bad at showing her what I feel. I don’t want her to be dragged into this gang, and I know the only way to keep her at bay is to be an asshole toward her. But I can’t keep this up. I’m falling for her kindness, and I can’t bear to treat her like that anymore.
I can imagine it’s confusing for her, though.
“Leafy, don’t take life so serious,” I say, trying to diffuse the tension between us.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she snaps.
I wish she could take a glimpse into my life without being in danger. Maybe then she would understand.
“You gotta live a little,” I say.
“Excuse me, but I think I’m fine without your advice, thanks.” She purses her lips and starts flipping through the pages of her book, almost ripping them out. Guess I really piss her off. But she can’t be serious about being fine the way she is. She’s withdrawn, sheltered, and probably a bit lonely, too. I’m sure I could bring some fun into her life, if she’d let me.
If I took that chance.
“Oh c’mon. Is your life really all that exciting?” I say, trying to coax her to come out of her shell.
“I don’t need excitement,” she says, snapping her book shut.
I wonder what’s ticking her off so much. She doesn’t want me to know what she finds exciting? Interesting …
“Everyone does something they get excited about.”
Look at me, I enjoy all sorts of things. Like sucking on her nipples. That would be exciting to me. I wonder what they look like …
I’d love to know what she’s thinking right now.
I poke her arm, and when I feel her soft skin I want to slide my fingers up and down and caress her. It’s hard to restrain myself. “Come on … you can tell me,” I say.
“Fine. I like reading. Happy now?”
“Reading?” No shit. I see her doing that every day—not so exciting.
“Yes. Books. You know, the thing lying on your table that you refuse to look at.”
Ouch. Nice retort. She’s really trying to get under my skin, and she knows exactly what my weak spot is.
“You think I’m doing that on purpose,” I say. I’m not. I’d like to learn, if I could be as fast as her. Sometimes things just get in the way. Like gangs … and sexy girls.
She nods. Should I be offended now? Well, I haven’t exactly told anyone about my situation, so I can’t blame her for not knowing any better.
“Wrong.”
It’s not that I don’t want to read. On the contrary, I’ve always been a lover of books. I like escaping into a world where people have great families and live happy lives, something I’m not really familiar with.
The only problem is remembering the stories. The same goes for homework.
I clear my throat. “Just because I don’t like it, doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I know it’s important. Just like I know it’s important to have some fun once in a while.”
What I actually want to say is that I’d love to do something fun with her sometime. But I know I’ve been messing things up between us deliberately. With good reason. So taking her out right now probably wouldn’t be on her list of favorite things to do.
“Right, because you’ve seemed so happy these last couple of days.”
Fuck. There she goes again, confronting me with what’s really going on. I don’t want to remember that. I just want to forget all about it. I hate that she’s right, but dammit, it’s my own fault. And it’s also my fault she’s trying to get under my skin. I did the same to her. Guess I had that coming to me.
But still, it hurts to hear that. It reminds me of the things I don’t have, like a family. A good life where my brother is out of jail and … well, there is no and. That’s just it. I have nothing else.
I sigh. “Believe me, I would give anything to be in your shoes right now instead of my own,” I say.
She chuckles. “Of course you would.”
“Except for the whole monthly women things … you know …” Right. What the fuck am I saying? Am I actually thinking about what it would be like to be her?
I shake my head. Blame the drugs. Yeah, that’s gotta be it. “On second thought, never mind. Anyway, you should really start enjoying life more. Might make it a little easier.”
She folds her arms, her eyes flaming hot. “You mean by fighting with people?”
Fuck. How does she know? Did talk spread so quickly around campus? And goddammit, I didn’t even do anything bad to that guy. I gave him a break, let him run off with only a few punches for show. That was no fight. Although I did want people to think that it was.
But damn, I don’t want her to know that. I’m trying not to be an asshole.
“Whose idea was it? Yours or his?” she says.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say under my breath, and I turn my head. I can’t look her in the eye, it’s too confronting.
The teacher stops, and when people get up, I notice it’s time to leave. Shit, another class I didn’t follow. Why do I keep letting myself get distracted? I want to punch myself in the face.
“Whatever,” Leafy says. “If that’s your idea of having a nice, easy life, have fun with it.”
What? How can she think I like beating people up? Am I really that repugnant?
She gets up from her seat, ready to leave, but I’m not done with her yet. I grab her wrist and say, “I never said I liked that part.”
She stays put, looking down at me, her eyes filled with anger. Frustration boils inside me. I don’t want her to look at me like tha
t. I never wanted that.
“Then why do you do it?” she says.
I want her to know. I wish I could tell her everything, but I know that’s the worst thing I could do right now. For her sake, I won’t.
“Because I have to,” I say, and that’s that. It’s the truth, but it’s all I’m going to say about this. I just want her to know it’s not my choice to fight people.
I let go of her and get up too. I wait until she’s done packing before I follow her out of class. The only reason I’m tailing her is because I want to make sure she doesn’t tell anyone else about the fight. I’d rather put this under the rug and never hear about it again. Especially considering what really happened.
When we walk out of class, someone almost literally bumps into us.
“Hey, Autumn,” he says.
When I see his face and that short blond hair of his, I know I recognize him from somewhere. The club.
Shit. I gotta run. I don’t want the gang to connect me to Leafy. No way.
“Um … Who’s your friend?” he asks when he looks up at me.
She knows him? Fuck. I hope nobody from the gang told him about me.
“Hunter Bane,” I say, clearing my throat.
I seriously do not want to start a conversation with this dude right now. If he goes to the club, that means he’s dangerous. I wonder how well he knows Leafy.
“What do you want?” she snaps.
Good. I suppose that means they’re not friends.
“Look, I’m sorry about my friends. I don’t want to make things worse, so I was wondering if you’d like to hang out for a while. You’re done with classes for today, right? Let’s go grab some food,” the guy says.
Leafy’s eyes shift between him and me, and I shrug. “You should come, too,” the guy adds, looking at me.
“What? I uh … no, I can’t do that.” God, no. The gang is coming way too close for my liking.
“Sure you can. A friend of Autumn’s is a friend of mine,” he says.
I rummage in my pockets and to my relief I’ve got nothing on me. Neither does Leafy.
“Sorry, I’m broke,” I say.
“Yeah … me too,” she says. “Rain check then?”
Fury (New Adult Romance) - #1.5 Fierce Series Page 9