“Yeah, Jackson, I let you get your shots in. But only because I knew I deserved it for not coming to you and straight out telling you I was dating Quinn. But Quinn not only doesn’t deserve it, but right now, she doesn’t need your shit. Your problem is with me. We’ll handle that problem when Quinn isn’t present but only after I get her sorted.”
“Quinn’s not your business,” Jackson returned.
“The fuck she isn’t,” Brice growled and I knew it was time I put a stop to this.
“Why are you here, Jackson?” I asked.
My cousin’s eyes sliced to me and I knew him so well, I couldn’t miss his ‘are you fucking kidding me’ look. Though I didn’t have to wait long for him to verbalize it.
“Are you fuckin’ kidding me right now? I find out you’ve been fucking around with him.” Jackson pointed his thumb at Brice and shook his head. “And you think I wouldn’t be here asking you what in the actual hell you’re thinking?”
“I’m thinking it’s none of your business.”
This was going nowhere.
“Babe,” Brice muttered and I slid my gaze from my best friend to him. “Do me a favor. Either go out to the truck and wait for me there or go back in your room for a minute, yeah?”
“I don’t think—”
“Trust me. You don’t need to hear this shit.”
“He’s right, Quinn,” my dad cut in. “Go out and wait in the truck.”
“What?” Jackson seethed.
I glanced at my dad and he nodded his encouragement and I turned back to Jackson.
“If he comes outside bleeding again, you and me got problems, Jackson.”
Brice’s hand on my hip tightened and the low rumble of laughter took me by surprise.
“Thanks for that, baby, but I think I can handle it.”
“I’m sure you can,” I huffed. “But it’s total bullshit he hit you once. And if you get blood on my mother’s carpet she’s gonna lose her ever-loving mind. I’m waiting five minutes. If you’re not out by then, I’m coming back in.”
“Noted.” Brice leaned down a fraction and kissed my forehead. “Shoes and purse. We’ll come back tomorrow and pick up anything else you brought over.”
I nodded and pulled away from Brice and went directly to my dad. When I got close, he tagged me around the shoulders and brought me close for a hug, then he lowered his mouth to my ear and whispered, “Everything’s gonna be fine. Brice will be right out.”
“Tell Mom I said I love her and I’ll call her later.”
“Will do.”
“And I love you, too, Dad.”
“Love you back.”
I didn’t say a word to Jackson as I walked past him to the front door. I slipped on my flip-flops and grabbed my purse before I turned around and asked Brice, “Is it unlocked?”
“Yeah, babe, and the keys are in it.”
It wouldn’t be until I was sitting in Brice’s truck waiting for him to come out when I realized not only had Brice gotten his way, but my dad hadn’t batted an eye I was going home.
I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant and I was too worried about what was going inside the house to process it.
Everything was so screwed up.
16
The door clicked shut behind Quinn, and I counted to ten to make sure she was far enough away not to hear, then I faced Jackson and tried real hard to remember he was my best friend.
“We have a lot of years of friendship between us,” I reminded him. “But I swear to God if you ever call Quinn a piece of ass again, I’ll forget those years.”
“You’re fucking serious right now?” Jackson barked out a laugh. “You’ve been fucking my—”
“And another thing,” I cut in. “I suggest you remember who else is in the room and watch your goddamned mouth.”
Jackson’s mouth got tight and his face turned hard. I hated what this did to him, hated he had a right to be pissed, but Quinn’s dad was in the room and the last thing he needed to hear was Jackson talking about me fucking Quinn.
“That’s rich coming from you, the man who nails a different woman each week. Now suddenly you’re all about respect when you have no issues fuckin’ whoever you want then tossin’ them out on their asses when they want more.”
I had nothing to say to that mainly because he was right—I never had an issue with the way I’d lived my life.
“Quinn is not other women,” I told him.
“You’re right, she’s my family.”
“She is.”
“Yet you took her to bed.”
Goddamn, I wished Jackson would stop saying that shit in front of Jasper.
“Let’s focus on something else,” I suggested. “Like what she means to me and how we’re gonna get past this.”
“There’s nothing to get past, because you’re gonna stay the fuck away from Quinn.”
“That’s not gonna happen, Jackson. I’ll tell you the same thing I told her, either you’re gonna get over your snit, see that she means something to me, and we’ll move on. Or you won’t. But mark this, whatever you decide doesn’t change a damn thing between me and Quinn, but it will change you and Quinn. So you need to figure out a way to get over yourself because Quinn loves you. You’re more than family, you’re her best friend. And it would kill her if you couldn’t be happy for her.”
“That’s a joke, right?”
“Your call.” I shrugged my shoulders knowing this needed to wrap up before Quinn got impatient.
I was shocked she’d gone out to my truck in the first place but I wasn’t stupid enough to think it wasn’t her father’s suggestion and the shock of the situation that made her agreeable.
“She staying with you tonight?” Jasper entered the conversation.
“I want her back at her place, around her stuff, comfortable in her bed. I’ll stay there with her.”
“When do you go back to work?”
“Three days. I figure if the asshole hasn’t been locked up by then, I’ll call in some vacation time so I can stay with her. Or I’ll bring her back here so she’s not alone.”
Jasper nodded his approval, his gaze assessing, scrutinizing my every move. I didn’t blame him. He’d gone out on a limb allowing me into his house. Now he was trusting me with the care of his beloved daughter.
“Please tell Emily, I’m sorry I barged in this afternoon.”
Jasper’s mouth curved up into a smile before he said, “Yeah, I expect you’ll get an earful for not at least staying for dinner.”
“Jesus,” Jackson muttered. “I can’t fucking believe you’re okay with this shit.”
“Jack, before you pass judgment on Brice, I think you need to take a minute to reflect. You know I got nothing but love for you and gratitude you’ve had my girl’s back since you two were toddlers. If memory serves, you had more than your fair share of notches before you met Tuesday. After you think on that, I want you to cast your mind back to how you and your wife started your relationship. You and Quinn both entered into one type of relationship hoping to get something more.”
“That was totally different, Uncle Jasper,” Jackson protested.
“If you think that, then you’re wrong. Straight up, Quinn played Brice. Not the other way around. And my suggestion to you would be to go home to your beautiful wife, calm down, and think about it. Because if I’m wrong, and you’re right, and shit goes south, Quinn’s gonna need you. But I don’t think I’m wrong, which means Quinn’s gonna need you for different reasons and one of those is gonna be you welcoming Brice to the family.”
If this conversation had played out a week ago, I would’ve been sick, the knot in my stomach would’ve threatened to choke me. Now, I welcomed Jasper’s approval. I’d need it as I battled it out with Quinn. The truth was, I needed Jackson, too. I’d need everyone in my corner as I convinced Quinn to give us an honest shot. As I undid the harm I’d done. I had no idea how to open up to her, I had no idea how to share feelings, I had no idea how to make
her believe I was worth taking a risk on.
“You fuck her over—”
“I won’t.”
“You say that now but I know you. The next shiny new piece of tail struts her ass into your line of sight or Quinn wants more of you, you’ll toss her aside.”
That pissed me the fuck off, but what was worse, and made my gut clench was, that had been the old me, the me before I’d had Quinn.
“She gets all of me.” I watched as Jackson’s eyes widened and decided to give him one more thing. “She’s mine, Jackson. And that means I’m hers—only hers. There’s no one else and there will never be anyone else.”
“Prove it.”
“Plan to. Now if we’re done, my woman’s sitting outside in my truck, worried about her man, her best friend, and her dad, so we’re done so I can go put her mind at ease.” I turned back to Jasper. “I’ll call you tonight after I have her settled.”
“’Preciate it.”
I didn’t spare another glance at Jackson and headed for the door.
“I expect a call, too,” Jackson demanded and I latched on to my patience.
“I’ll text you,” I grunted.
I hadn’t even turned my truck over when Quinn started her rapid-fire questions.
“It’s all good,” I told her as I backed out of the driveway.
“That’s impossible,” she huffed.
“Babe, Jackson will calm down when he sees I make you happy.”
“We should’ve talked about that before you went head-to-head with Jack and my dad.”
And so it begins.
“For now let’s just concentrate on what you want for lunch,” I suggested.
“You know, it’s super-annoying that you keep blowing me off. I know there are a lot of things that are not my business, but this isn’t one of those things. This conversation is about me and what I want, so you don’t get to keep putting it off with a change of topic.”
“Everything’s your business,” I told her honestly. “I have nothing to hide from you.”
“Right,” she mumbled.
“I was being truthful when I told you why I didn’t tell you about the DOAs. But I did leave out the part about it being hard to talk about because even after all this time knowing it’s always a possibility, it guts me when we lose a victim. It feels like a failure even if they pass before we get to the call. Maybe even more so, because I can’t stop thinking about response time. What did I do wrong, how did I waste time, how can I do better next time? I’ve never had anyone to talk to about those feelings so I didn’t know how to. Didn’t know if I should. I’ve never done this, babe. So I’m gonna need you to cut me some slack.”
That was an understatement of epic proportions. I was going to need more than slack, I’d need a mile’s worth.
“I know it’s asking a lot,” I continued when she remained silent, “but I’m asking all the same.”
“What are you asking for exactly?”
“Everything.”
“Everything?”
“I want all of you.”
The silence was so fucking thick I was nearly gagging on it. And the longer it stretched the more irritated I became. This was not me. I was never unsure about a situation. When I set my sights on something I knew with great clarity how to get it. But Quinn was different, she was important, and I couldn’t fuck this up. All of that made me uneasy.
“I can’t give you that.”
Her refusal snapped me out of my funk—her answer unacceptable.
She was mine. I knew it, I believed it, and soon she would, too.
I pulled up to a red light and glanced at Quinn.
So beautiful.
And if at any point in my life I’d allowed myself to think about what I wanted in a woman, she was it. Top-to-toe, she was extraordinary.
Deciding a restaurant was now out of the question I headed home. The conversation we needed would happen sooner rather than later and it would be happening in private.
“Where are we going?”
“Home. We’ll order in.”
Quinn remained quiet the rest of the short drive and so did I. When we pulled into the parking lot, I couldn’t miss the waves of trepidation rolling off Quinn. And when I grabbed her hand to walk across the lot and up the stairs, she was stiff and distant. The last thing she wanted was me touching her, which was too fucking bad.
I unlocked her door, took her purse off her shoulder, tossed it on her kitchen table, and walked us to the couch. I wanted to take her directly to her bed and pin her under me so she couldn’t escape, but she’d get the wrong idea.
Everything had changed, our relationship was no longer just about sex. It was time I set the record straight and showed her we were moving forward.
“Brice—”
“Hold on, Quinn.”
I sat down and pulled her astride me, her knees pressed against my thighs, and her ass settling on my crotch. Quinn stopped squirming but she looked uncomfortable.
“Relax.”
“I can’t.”
“We’re just talking,” I reminded her.
“We can talk with me sitting next to you,” she snapped, and I smiled.
“I have something important I need to tell you.”
“And you can’t do that with me on the couch?”
“No. I need to touch you when I say it. I need to see your face. I need you close.”
I picked up her hands that were resting on her thighs and threaded our fingers together.
“I went to see Bryan,” I started, and Quinn’s head tilted to the side at the useless piece of information she already knew. “I thought I was going there to give you space. I thought I was doing the right thing even if it felt wrong. But I went because I needed to talk to my brother. I needed to find a way to be what you deserved, be the man I want to be with you.”
“I don’t understand.”
No, she wouldn’t. She’d have no idea why I’d lived my life by a set of rules that were set in place to protect myself. And she wouldn’t know because I’d never shared.
“Settle in, babe, it’s a long story,” I told her.
It took a while for me to tell her about Lucy and Bryan. First from my teenage perspective then to tell her what Bryan had explained.
“Brice, I feel bad your brother went through that. Lucy, too—that had to be a hard time for both of them. And I don’t mean to sound bitchy, but I don’t see what that has to do with you…with us.”
“It has everything to do with me. Why I thought falling in love was the worst thing you could do to yourself. Why I held myself back—all my life not making promises, not wanting a relationship. I never wanted to feel what I thought my brother was feeling. He was miserable. I thought if falling in love led to that, I didn’t want any part of it. It was better to not commit, keep things purely physical, than get my heart broken.”
“But there’re no guarantees, Brice. Falling in love can lead to heartbreak. Just because you read the situation with your brother wrong doesn’t mean you weren’t right. There’s always a risk.”
“I know, but you’re worth the risk.”
Quinn’s eyes slowly drifted closed and this was why I wanted her on my lap. I wanted to feel her reactions. I wanted to see the swift intake of breath that made her shoulders rise. I wanted to feel her legs tighten against my thighs. I didn’t want to miss a single emotion as they played across her face.
“I want more than sex, Quinn. I want the promises. I want the commitment. I want to share my day with you. I want to open up and tell you everything.”
“I can’t,” she whispered.
“Why not?”
“Because while you thought your brother taught you about love and the ways it could hurt, that’s what you taught me.”
My body went rigid and my chest ached. What the fuck?
“How did I teach you that, baby?”
“How bad it hurts to love someone when they don’t love you back. How it kills when the person y
ou love holds back and refuses to let you in. You were right, Brice, it fucking kills. It hurts your heart, it eats you up, your thoughts are consumed by the other person. I can’t do it anymore. None of it. Not the sex. Not you holding me while I sleep and then waking up with you. All of it hurts.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her I loved her, that somewhere along the way I’d fallen and I was in deep, but I didn’t. I knew Quinn; she wouldn’t believe me. She’d think I was using it to manipulate her.
If I needed to take sex off the table while I convinced her I loved her—then it was off the table. I could give her that but I couldn’t give her the rest. I would be spending the night. I would be sleeping next to her. And I would be holding her all night. The waking up part, maybe I could give her that, too. I’d get up first and give her space.
“I want to open up. Hell, that’s what I’m trying to do right now.”
“Are you? Or are you making excuses for why you didn’t in the past?”
“Jesus, Quinn, do you think I’ve ever taken the time to explain anything to anyone? Do you think, I’ve ever held a woman on my lap and opened myself up? The answer is, fuck, no. But for you, so you’ll understand, so we can move on, so we can have a real relationship, I’m explaining.”
“Brice—”
“No! You don’t get to throw it back in my face because you’re scared. You’re not gonna sit here and tell me you love me and think for a second I’m letting you go. Not gonna happen. You have one option, to hold on. And I suggest you hold on tight, because it’s gonna be bumpy. I’m gonna fuck up, you’re gonna fuck up, but we’re gonna figure out a way to move on—together.”
“But—”
“No buts. I’m twenty-eight, Quinn, and it’s no secret I’ve been around the block a time or two and no woman, not a single one, made me want to examine my life. But then, here you are, so fucking beautiful, so damn perfect in every way and what do I do? I finally take a look in the mirror and decide I don’t like what I see, and not because I regret a single thing I’ve done but because I know I’m not good enough for you. I love what we have, I love spending time with you, and yes that includes the sex, but it also includes lying in your bed holding you, sleeping next to you, eating dinner with you, laughing with you, hearing about your day, watching you get ready for work. You’re smart, you’re funny as hell, you make me laugh and smile like no one ever has. I check my phone five-hundred times a day like an idiot waiting for your next text. And when I’m not with you, all I think about is when I get to go home to you. But, I see it now, something was missing, something big and important, something I’m gonna work my ass off to give you—give us. I want that connection with you, Quinn. I want to know everything about you and in return I want you to know me. The real me. The man I’ve never given to a single soul. So to get all of that, I’m keeping you, Quinn. I’m moving us forward to something more—something better.”
Keeping Quinn: The Next Generation Page 12