“Regina, I tried.”
The old woman had long since stopped telling him to stay away from the alpha. She only seemed to take it in stride now.
“I know you did, but you haven’t given up hope, have you?”
“Never!” he exclaimed. “I’m never giving up on him! But I just don’t know what else to do. I was trying to give him time to come to me on his own, but he hasn’t. But if I try to press him, he’ll just back away from me.”
“Perhaps you need to use trickery.”
“Trickery?” Ash raised his eyebrow tiredly. “That’s not exactly the foundation for a relationship, is it?”
“And this is?” Regina tossed back, raising her eyebrows at him in return. “Perhaps you need to try to find a way around those blockages he has thrown up in your way. A new angle, perhaps?”
“I’ll think about it,” Ash replied.
Regina took another sip of her tea and then looked over at him again. “You know, come January, it will be crab season again.”
“If you think that Linden’s going to let me back on his boat, you’re mistaken.”
“Perhaps not Linden’s boat?”
Then, their conversation turned to lighter things and Ash decided he didn’t feel like going home. Turning his paws to the hills, he went out for a run that quickly turned into a walk as his heavy stomach made his pace lag and his legs tire out.
I’ve kind of filled out. I wonder if Linden would still find me attractive enough to have sex with?
Ash was still contemplating the idea Regina planted in his head well into the next day, pacing through the town, when someone shouted to him. The voice was low and deep, and his heart immediately started skipping beats as he spun around.
It wasn’t Linden approaching him, but a human man. Ash thought he recognized him, but he couldn’t quite be certain. He recognized a lot of people by this point, so it didn’t really mean anything.
“Ashton? Ashton Davenport?”
“Um… It’s actually Ash. Who are you?”
Ash blinked in surprise as the man grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. “Sorry, sorry! I’m Murphy. I own Hornet’s Nest.”
“Hornet’s Nest…” Ash struggled to remember. “Wait. That’s a boat. You’re the captain of the boat that almost rammed into Storming Lady at the start of the last fishing season.”
“That’s right,” Murphy said. He looked apologetic, his eyes flickering. “I’m sorry about that. Things can get a bit heated during those first few days.”
Ash wanted to accuse him of worse things than that, but then he decided that he had been seeing a lot of people at their worst, lately. Maybe this was one who was coming around and trying to rise up above that initial impression?
“I get that,” Ash said finally. “What can I do for you?”
“I wanted to offer you a job on my boat.”
He blinked and leaned back a little bit, trying to focus through his surprise. “Are you serious?”
Murphy nodded seriously. “I am. I know that you had something going on with Linden, but I can offer you twice what he paid you. You have experience now and you aren’t technically a greenhorn anymore. What do you say?”
“Uh…this is kind of sudden. I might need time to think about it.”
The moment he was finished talking, he suddenly realized how stupid he was being. Regina had said something about working on a different boat, and using trickery, and now here the opportunity had presented itself perfectly! Linden hated Murphy! Ash could prove his loyalty to his mate by collecting information about this guy’s operation, like a spy, and then bring it back to him to help him. How that would work, he wasn’t quite sure. However, information that seemed pointless to him could prove invaluable to a captain who knew what to do with it.
He’ll see the lengths I’m willing to go for him.
Suddenly, he realized that Murphy was still talking to him. He hurriedly refocused on the conversation and realized that all the man was doing was listing off a bunch of incentives.
“Hold it,” he interrupted. It felt weird to do that, as an omega, but he was very tired of being talked over. “I’ve already thought about it.”
“Oh?” Murphy smiled.
Ash didn’t like that smile, and he had a feeling that his instant willingness to forgive the man was incredibly misguided. This man was a piece of living slime, as greasy as fish oil.
“Yes. I accept. I want to work on your boat.”
Murphy beamed, and Ash understood that the constant switches in his behavior was a mechanism he used to get his way, constantly trying to confuse others so that they had to rely on him. “Fantastic!”
Then, he gave Ash the date and time to be there, and that was the entire conversation.
He stood there for a moment, watching the other leave, and thought, Can you feel me, Linden? I’m taking the first steps again. I’m doing this for you.
When he returned home later that night, he immediately attracted the attention of everyone who could see him taking off his shoes in the foyer.
“You look like you’ve got some news,” his uncle Greg called out. “Something about your mate?”
Ash looked up and let out a growl.
Greg stood up, raising one hand threateningly, but his wife pulled him back down with a scowl.
The irrational actions of masculine alphas no longer bothered him. He didn’t care what Greg might do to him. “No. It’s not about my mate. Where are my parents?”
As if his voice summoned them, there they were. “What is it, son?”
“Come January third, I’m heading out on a boat again.”
“No!” his mother burst out. Bridgett raised her hands to her face and let out a long, protracted moan that rose up into a thin wail. “Not with that suspicious man you call a mate!”
“You’re right,” Ash said calmly. “It’s a different boat, with a different captain. And I’m going. I like it.”
“It’s horrid and not at all fit for someone like you!”
“I. Like. It,” he repeated firmly, and then headed for his room again. January third wasn’t all that far away, and he wanted to get as much sleeping in as he could before the chance was taken away from him by work.
Chapter 12
He had never felt more betrayed.
The past couple of months, Linden felt as though he was drifting along a calm sea, like a buoy detached from its pot. He was pointless, a marker without a purpose. For a few weeks he was able to busy himself with working on the boat, buying all the parts and materials necessary to make the Storming Lady look like new. Well, not quite new, but certainly less used.
Degasi, Matteo, and Skip seemed to be walking on glass around him but he hardly cared. His demons were sitting on his shoulders, saying terrible things in his ears, and he had no idea how to deal with it anymore. The only thing to do was to shut down, so that was what he did.
Then, as the next fishing season came around, he broke.
He woke up that morning and simply shattered in half. A terrible dream followed him into wakefulness, although he couldn’t quite remember what it was about, and he sat up straight in bed. Gasping, he curled his fists in the sheet and tore at it.
“I hear some pretty suspicious sounds coming from in there,” Skip called. “You better not be destroying something!”
“Shut up!” Linden shouted. “I’ll replace it!”
“How? You got some money stowed away that we don’t know about?”
Linden growled and kept tearing at the sheets. He really, really didn’t have any money left. None of them did. What seemed like a great deal at the end of the season always went away with disappointing speed. He didn’t really care about any of that, however. For the past while he had managed not to think of Ash at all, but now the omega was at the forefront of his mind and he knew.
He had to tell him.
This had gone on long enough. He was suffering, and he had no idea how Ash felt, but it was probably even worse t
han he felt. What he was doing was a terrible, terrible thing and it had to stop.
He no longer slept naked, so he simply rolled out of bed and shoved his bare feet in his shoes and headed immediately for the front door. Three confused voices asked where he was going, including Degasi, who was still in his own room, but he ignored them all.
Reaching down deep into himself, he searched for Ash and was surprised to find an awareness of him very close by. At the docks.
He must be there because he misses me!
His heart started to pound; he was about to drop down onto all fours and race for his mate when he realized that was probably a very risky move. He didn’t want to take the risk of being seen by anyone who shouldn’t be seeing him. Wolves didn’t normally run through public in broad daylight, after all.
He settled for running in his human form. His bare feet flapped around in his shoes, and his arms pumped. His breath rasped in his lungs, and his heart felt full of tremulous fear and anticipation.
Please, he thought incoherently. Please don’t let this be a mistake. I’m sorry, Ash. I need to make it up to you. I will, I promise. No more secrets. No lies.
“Watch where you’re going!” a woman shouted at him as he very nearly plowed into her children on the sidewalk, leaping aside at the very last moment.
He couldn’t. He couldn’t watch. His vision was narrowed down to pinpoints, and all he could see at the end of the dark tunnels was Ash’s shaggy hair and his sweet, crooked smile.
Where was he?
Linden paused for a moment between a pharmacy and a bank, staring around frantically. Then, he saw him. Ash, standing in front of a dock and talking to a man.
No, not just any man. It was a shapeshifter. An alpha.
“Hank?” he whispered, confusion constricting his throat. He swallowed hard, trying to keep control of the anger burning up inside him. His chest felt tight, and his stomach was loose.
Another alpha was talking to his mate, standing far too close.
A snarl rose up in his throat, and before he knew what was going on, he stormed over and grabbed Ash’s wrist in his hand and yanked him backwards.
His mate squealed with surprise, whirled around, and slapped him.
Linden leaned into the slap, almost relishing the hard contact and the soft skin scraping against his stubble. “Ash!” he said. Then, he shoved Ash behind him and rounded on Hank with another snarl. “What are you doing with him?”
A small hand settled against his waist, and he felt the thin heat of Ash press against his back. Not as thin as he used to be, however. Before that could register in his mind, he heard the omega whisper to him, breath hot on his ear. “Linden. Stop. It’s okay.”
Hank huffed and crossed his powerful arms, his lip curling. “I’m not doing anything with him. We’re going to work together now.”
All the breath rushed out of his lungs, as though he had been struck in the stomach. “What?” he managed.
“That’s right. Your little mate is going to be working with me again. We’re real close friends, now.”
Hank’s voice was simpering and exaggerated, and he obviously wasn’t telling the truth. Linden didn’t care. He grabbed at Hank’s collar and clenched his fist, pulling up on the other man so that he had to rise up onto his toes in order to keep breathing. The other alpha’s face started to turn red.
There were shouts from onlookers now, panicked and nervous at the sight of two enormous men grappling with each other. Ash tugged urgently on Linden’s shirt, saying something that he couldn’t hear.
“Don’t touch my mate!” Linden shouted, raising one fist to strike at him. It was all he could do to restrain himself from transforming right then and there, in front of everyone.
“No! Linden!” Ash shouted now, too. His voice cracked.
“Go ahead, Linden,” a dangerously silky voice said.
Surprised again, and hating himself for being so off-guard, Linden lurched around to see Murphy descending the ramp of his boat nearby and approaching them. “You?” he hissed. “Ash is going to work for you?”
“That’s right,” Murphy said, and raised one hand to twirl at his moustache with one finger. He settled his other hand on his hip and struck a mockingly flamboyant posture. “Ash is working this season with me. We’re leaving tomorrow.”
His throat constricted. “Tomorrow?”
“That’s right. The third. You didn’t forget, did you?”
He had.
Ash tugged on him again. “Linden, it’s okay. I can explain, okay?”
Linden lurched around, blind again to everything. The sight of his worried mate, stepping anxiously from foot to foot, struck him right in the heart. He had obviously been eating more than usual, with a little more meat on his bones than before; he was almost curvy, and he was nearly overcome with the desire to grab onto him and explore his body anew.
Ash’s golden eyes were dark, nowhere as bright as they had been.
Pain struck him again, and he lurched away, his heart breaking. He felt as broken as he had right after awakening, only now it was worse. He was suffocating. Couldn’t breathe.
“You…you betrayed me.”
“Linden, no,” Ash begged. He whimpered softly, and his red wolf form flashed in his eyes. His fur was bushed out with distress, and a howl was rising in his chest. “That’s not what it is. Please, let’s go somewhere so we can talk. I’ll explain. Okay? We’ll talk.”
“I can’t…you…I was going to…” He saw that Ash understood what he was about to say, and he shook his head. “No. I don’t have to talk to you. You hurt me. You can do whatever you want.”
Ash grabbed at his shoulder, digging his nails into his skin. His voice rose with pain, and tears darkened his eyes further. “I can do whatever I want? I hurt you? You’ve been hurting me all along! I can’t do anything I want to because of you, but I was going to do this for you! You’ve never given me a chance!”
Murphy watched on with extreme interest, and Linden couldn’t stand all the eyes on him.
He turned and walked away. His legs were shaking too hard for him to run. Tears were in his eyes now too, and he bit his lip to try and hold them back. Breath rasped in and out of his lungs, ragged and gulping.
I’m an idiot. I can’t trust anyone. Why did I ever want to try? Why did I think I could trust him?
The idea of Ash being around other men, forming connections without him, being on someone else’s boat…leaving him all alone on the Storming Lady…
Hank would take advantage of him. He knew it.
But that was a choice Ash had made. And he couldn’t change anyone’s mind.
Anger burned up inside him again, and he stopped in his tracks and suddenly changed course. Fishing season started tomorrow and he hadn’t done any of the preparations. Despite everything that was going on, he still needed to do that, renew his license, prepare the boat, and get his crew ready. Unless he wanted to end up homeless, this was simply something that needed doing.
And maybe, just maybe, he would stand a little too close to the edge and let the sea do what she would with him. She was, after all, the harshest of mistresses. He wouldn’t be the only one to be lost to the waters—not even the only one this season.
If the stories were true that wolves who drowned couldn’t go to the afterlife, that was just a bonus. He didn’t want to be anywhere anymore.
Chapter 13
The dawn came slowly, as the captain of the Storming Lady watched from the bridge. Calm sea waters were a perfect mirror of the sky while the sun first announced its presence as a simple lightening of the darkness above. The stars paled slightly and then became entirely lost as black became deep violet, and then dark blue. A pale blue wave rose along the horizon, spreading out and rippling across the sea. The mountains revealed themselves slowly as well, a last remnant of the night holding onto their darkness.
Blue became red, then pink and yellow. It was one of the most beautiful sights in the entire world to Lin
den, and he had seen a great deal of beautiful things. For all the grandeur and splendor in the world, crashing waterfalls and deep mountain valleys and ink-black beaches, there was a simplicity here that never got old. Those other glimpses of the world were overwhelming and in stark comparison to normal life, a special thing that seemed more or less always out of place. This sight, the dawn and the sunset over the Bering Sea, were normal, natural, and calming. It was a necessary part of life, a consistent part that never changed.
And now it was the only consistency that Linden had left. Though he had been fishing here for about ten years now, and everything about his life should have been routine and consistent, it wasn’t. He felt as though everything had changed. This fishing season felt different. His three crew members were treating him differently. He often heard them talking about him and tuned them out.
It was all Ash’s fault. It had been two days since his discovery that the omega was betraying him by working for Murphy, and he hadn’t slept since. He hadn’t slept, or eaten, and at first he had been incredibly angry. Now, however, he was just incredibly tired. He hated the sight of the dawn now. He should have been watching it with Ash on his lap, dozing, with his face against his neck.
He should have been doing so many things with Ash. They should have had their first Christmas together. They should have been thinking about getting married, as shapeshifters tended to tie the knot very soon after finding their mate. It was a human tradition that they had picked up on. Their connections were as real to them as any exchanging of rings, but the idea of a ceremony to officially celebrate was immediately seen as a grand one.
He should have been doing so many things, and now he was just here being completely and utterly miserable. The entire world bobbed uselessly past him, making him feel even more worthless. Skip had done most of the decision-making this time, picking their fishing site and everything else that a captain should have been doing.
“Why don’t I just let you take the wheel?” Linden had tried to joke.
Skip stared at him seriously. “If I did that, you would throw yourself off the boat.”
Love at Sea Page 13