"Please don't be scared," she said to Annie, looking over her head at Mary. "She's just complaining that it's hurting to cough so much so I want her to see the doctor."
"But she's been sick for a long time."
"I know. I know. Now you need to be brave for me so I can go make the call to the doctor, okay?"
Annie nodded. Jenny kissed the top of her head and then she hurried on out to the shanty and called the doctor.
"Bring her right in," the nurse told her. "We'll get your grandmother in to see the doctor as soon as you get here."
Chris knocked at the dawdi haus door a few minutes later. "The buggy's right outside. But I see Matthew driving up."
"Good. I'll let him take us so you don't have to worry about getting sick."
"I brought the buggy as close as I could. You take it and I'll get yours put up."
"Thanks, Chris. I appreciate it."
"You're welcome, happy to do it," he said and he went off to tell Matthew.
The sheer effort of getting some clothes on was more than Phoebe could handle. By the time Jenny tucked her arms into a coat, Phoebe was coughing and wheezing.
"Sorry," Phoebe said. "I feel weak as a kitten."
Matthew hurried inside and sized up the situation. Without a word he scooped Phoebe up in his arms and carried her out to the buggy.
"No need—"
"I know, no need to carry you. You can walk. Seems like I heard that before." He grinned at Jenny. "Now I see where Jenny gets that streak of independence."
"Are you warm enough?" Jenny asked Phoebe as she tucked her shawl around her shoulders.
"Too warm," Phoebe told her. "And remember, I'm not going to the hospital."
"We're not taking you there. We're going to the doctor, remember?"
"I remember," Phoebe told her tartly. "Nothing's wrong with my memory. I'm just reminding you that I agreed to go to the doctor, maybe get some cough medicine. An X-ray if the doctor insists."
"Well, I'm sure he'll appreciate that," Jenny said dryly.
Phoebe pushed at her hair under her kapp. "I must look a fright."
"You look fine."
"I just want to get well," she said, leaning heavily against Jenny as they sat in the backseat of the buggy. "I'm so tired of feeling so sick."
"I know," Jenny said, patting her back, soothing her as if she were a child. "I know."
Matthew turned to look at them. "It's not much farther, Phoebe. But if you need me to, I can call for help to get us there faster."
"No need for drama, sohn," she said tartly. "We had enough of that, didn't we?"
He smiled slightly and nodded before he turned his attention to the road again.
Jenny held her grandmother in her arms and her brain raced the whole ride to the doctor's office. Now wasn't the time to ask the questions she wanted to ask, the questions that burned to be asked.
The doctor's office was just up ahead. Thankfully, the peaceful clip-clop of the horse's hooves had lulled Phoebe to sleep.Or maybe it was just exhaustion. Jenny hated to wake her but had to.
"Grossmudder? We're here. You need to wake up."
Phoebe stirred and sat up. "Here?" She blinked in the bright sunlight.
"The doctor's office, remember?"
Matthew pulled the buggy up in front of the entrance and came around to help Phoebe out.
"You've always been such a good sohn," she told him and she patted his cheek.
Jenny stepped out of the buggy and Matthew turned to look at her as he steadied Phoebe. Bright sunlight backlit his hat and his face and then as he glanced down at Phoebe it was revealed again. His expression was troubled . . . guilty, even.
The world tilted for a moment and Jenny grasped at the door of the buggy as a thought came to her.
Did Matthew know what Phoebe had done years ago to separate them?
"Jenny? Jenny?"
She jerked to attention. "What?"
"I said I'm sorry I put you both to the trouble of carting me to the doctor," Phoebe said.
"It was no trouble, Phoebe," Matthew told her. "And I'd hardly call bringing you here to find out that you probably did crack a rib coughing was trouble."
"Well, we don't know for sure," she grumbled.
"Because you wouldn't let him send you for an X-ray," Matthew pointed out equably.
"Well, he said it wouldn't really make any difference. It's not like he could put a cast on it."
There was silence as the horse carried them along on the road toward home. The monotonous sound should have been soothing but Jenny's mind whirled and whirled. She desperately wanted to ask her grandmother about the letter but whenever she glanced at Phoebe she just couldn't bring herself to do it.
She looked at Matthew as he sat in the front seat. Later, once she got Phoebe settled back in bed, made the family supper, and got the children to bed, she could ask him if he knew about her grandmother's actions.
But that meant that she'd be telling him that she'd violated her grandmother's privacy. She hadn't intended to. After all, she hadn't deliberately looked for the box, hadn't known it even existed. But once it fell, the letters spilled out, and she'd picked one up, opened it, and read it.
Did she want to admit that to her husband, a good man of steadfast principles? She'd never done something like this before.
She'd have to tell him.
So she leaned back against the seat and watched the passing scenery. It was nearly the season she'd returned to this community after she'd been injured. The stark, leafless trees had stood out against the blinding white, snow-covered fields, a barren landscape that reflected the way she felt. She'd been a broken shell of a woman, scarred and limping from injuries caused by a car bomber determined to silence her televised reports from a war zone.
Here, she'd healed. Here, she'd found that the feelings she'd experienced as a teenager had come rushing back, matured, and the boy next door had become her husband. They'd gotten a second chance.
He couldn't know. He couldn't. If he did, that would mean that he had stepped back from what he said he felt for her.He'd let her go and she'd been miserable for nearly a year at college.
And not long after, he'd married his first wife and had a family with her.
"Phoebe! It's so gut to see you out!" Mary Elizabeth called out as she slowed her buggy coming from the opposite direction.
Matthew brought the buggy to a stop.
"Went to the doctor," Phoebe told her. "Still—sick."
The effort of talking sent her into a paroxysm of coughing.
Mary Elizabeth pressed her fingers to her mouth and shook her head. "Oh, I'm so sorry. You get home and get back in bed. I'll stop by tomorrow with some soup for Jenny to give to you."
She looked at Jenny. "You take care of her and let me know how I can help, allrecht?"
"I will. Thank you, Mary Elizabeth," Jenny said.
Matthew called to Daisy and the buggy began rolling down the road again.
"You're awfully quiet," he stated a few minutes later.
"Is that a complaint?" She tried to make her tone light but she saw him studying her intently.
He started to say something but from the way his body straightened and his head turned she saw something had captured his attention. She looked in the direction he did and saw that a car was parked in the driveway of Phoebe's house. Chris stood beside it, gesturing as he talked to the driver.
"Looks like they have company," Matthew said.
"Chris doesn't seem happy," Jenny observed. "Who is it? Someone we know?"
Matthew shook his head. "Out-of-state plates."
As they drove past, Chris looked up and waved for them to stop.
Matthew pulled into the driveway. Chris strode over, frowning, his jaw clenched. His face cleared when he spotted Phoebe.
"Are you feeling any better?" he asked her, stroking her arm as he gazed at her in concern. "Hannah and I so want you well and back here again."
Phoebe smiled. "Danki. I
hope it won't be much longer."
"Stop trying to steal my grandmother back," Jenny told him.
When a car door opened behind him, Chris's frown and jaw clenching returned. "Well, you won't believe who just drove up, out of the blue," he muttered.
A man who appeared in his sixties approached. There was something familiar to him but Jenny didn't think she'd ever met him. He had thinning sandy hair, what some might call a beer belly, and reminded her a little of a pug with his squared body and face.
A plump woman the same age got out of the car. "Now, William, don't start a fuss. We just got here," she said, following him.
"I drive all this way and you turn your back on me for your friends?" he griped.
With a sigh, Chris turned. "One of them has been very sick. I just wanted to make sure she's okay."
He turned back to them. "Matthew, Jenny, Phoebe, meet my father, William, and my mother, Fern."
"How nice Chris's parents came to visit," Phoebe said as she slid between the sheets of her bed.
Jenny helped her settle against extra pillows. "Does this help at all?"
"I think it does. I'll be practically sitting up but I'll try anything."
"Chris didn't act very happy about seeing them. I think he's been estranged from them for a while." Jenny took a seat in the rocking chair. It felt so good to get off her feet after a busy day.
"Estranged," mused Phoebe. "Big word for not sitting down and talking things out with each other. Not that I'm saying all families get along here. We know otherwise. But from things Chris has said I know family's very important to him."
"It's hard for some soldiers to get used to civilian life when they come back home. Especially if they've been wounded."
"You'd know."
Jenny nodded. "That's why Chris and I bonded when I met him at the veteran's hospital after my surgery."
Phoebe yawned. "The cough syrup the doctor gave me is making me sleepy. Maybe I won't hack all night."
"I hope not. I know you'll feel better if you don't."
"I hope you can get more sleep, too."
Jenny stood and leaned down to kiss her grandmother's cheek. "I'm going to go see if everyone's settled down and then I'll be back. No," she said quickly, holding up her hand. "Save your breath. I'm coming back."
Matthew was coming down the stairs when she walked into the kitchen. "Phoebe settled down?"
"Yes. Thank you for helping me take her to the doctor. The cough syrup's already making her drowsy. I think she'll sleep tonight."
"Maybe you can, too?"
Fighting a yawn, she nodded. "I'm looking forward to my bed one of these nights. Maybe I'll get rid of this crick in my neck."
He drew over a chair, sat, and pulled her down to sit on his lap. His hands began to massage the tension at the back of her neck and then moved to her shoulders. "How does that feel?"
"Like heaven," she said, trying not to moan.Sitting there in the kitchen, warm and comforted by the feel of his hands trying to work out the stress built up in her upper body, she felt loved and cared for. She'd missed sleeping in their bed, arms wrapped around each other.
Then the events of the morning came roaring into her memory and she straightened. She remembered the ride to the doctor's and how she'd wondered if Matthew knew that Phoebe had contacted her father.
Matthew's lips caressed the nape of her neck, reassuring her that he'd missed her, too. She turned around and stared at him, pulling back when he leaned forward to kiss her.
She shook her head. It wasn't the time or place to ask him.
He looked confused. "Something's wrong."
"I'm tired," she said. "And you must be, too."
His eyes were dark with desire as he stroked the back of his hand against her cheek. "I love you."
She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and forced herself to step away. "I love you, too." She busied herself at the sink."Why don't you go on up to bed? It can't be doing you any good to sleep on the sofa after the way you work so hard. I don't think I'll be needing you tonight."
He frowned, obviously trying to judge her mood. "I'm going to let you twist my arm."
He touched her arm but she continued to wash the dishes and finally he let his hand fall.
"If you change your mind about coming up to bed . . ." He let his words trail off.
"Don't tempt me," she told him lightly. But she knew he couldn't tempt her until she found out what had happened and if he knew what Phoebe had done.
"Gut nacht, lieb."
"Matthew?"
He turned. "Ya?"
She wanted to ask him if he knew what Phoebe had done but something stopped her. What if he said yes? How would she feel? Her world had been rocked that day and her feelings were so tender. She cautioned herself to not do anything hasty.After all, it had happened so many years ago. She had Matthew and the children now. Should it matter?
"Jenny?"
She shook her head. "Nothing."
He walked back and hugged her. "Phoebe's going to be fine," he reassured her.
She told herself this was the Matthew she knew, not one who would hide something. He wasn't capable of keeping a secret.
She hugged him back and nodded.
But then, as he walked away, she thought about how she'd never have thought that Phoebe was capable of it either.
He climbed the stairs again and she listened to his steps overhead as he walked into their bedroom.
She fixed herself a cup of tea and sat at the kitchen table for a quiet moment alone. The old farmhouse creaked a little and the night was so still she could hear the ticking of the clock.She sent up a silent prayer of thanks for her family tucked up safe and warm when the weather was getting colder.
But while everything around her was serene and quiet, her mind continued to whirl with questions. She took deep breaths, willing it to stop, practicing a technique she'd learned in the hospital to alleviate anxiety. Gradually, the hamster wheel in her head slowed, then stopped.
Taking a last calming breath, she sipped her cooling tea and felt the tension that had built up again in her body ease. As it did, it was replaced by an awareness of just how tired she was.She felt her head nodding. It wouldn't hurt to put her head down for a moment, she told herself. Just for a moment. She wanted to go stay with her grandmother for another night just to be sure she wasn't needed.
A baby was crying.
She climbed out of bed and padded on bare feet down the hallway to see what was wrong. But when she walked into the nursery there was no baby, no crib. Alarmed, she rushed from the room and went into Joshua's room. It was empty. She ran down the hall and looked into Mary's room, then Annie's but there was no one there.
Sobbing, tears running down her cheeks, she ran back to the room she shared with Matthew but it was empty, too.What was happening? She was in a nightmare but she couldn't seem to wake up. Then she remembered that Phoebe was in the dawdi haus. She flew down the stairs, tore open the connecting door, and ran into her grandmother's bedroom. But it, too, was empty.
Jenny woke, crying out, and found herself sitting at the kitchen table. She sat there for a moment, blinking. There were footsteps on the stairs and Matthew hurried into the room.
"Matthew!" She jumped up and rushed at him, throwing herself into his arms.
He grasped her by the arms and held her back. "I heard you calling out. Is something wrong with Phoebe?"
Shaking her head, she wiped at the tears on her cheeks. "I fell asleep at the table and had such a bad dream." She took a shaky breath. "I need to go check on the kids."
"They're fine."
"I need to see them." She ran up the stairs and went from room to room, making certain for herself that they were safe in their beds. That they were there.
When she returned to the kitchen, Matthew was waiting for her, looking sleepy and rumpled and concerned. "You haven't had a nightmare in months. What brought it on?"
She shrugged. "Who knows? There's not always a trigg
er. "Picking up her mug, she put it into the sink.
"But there usually is," he reminded her, coming to stand behind her and rubbing her back. "Do you need to talk about it?"
"No, go back to bed," she told him. "I'm fine. I'm going to sit up with Phoebe for a little while and who knows, I might get to go to bed later."
He grinned and leaned down to give her a lingering kiss. "I won't kick you out if you do."
They separated, Matthew returning to bed and Jenny going to see to Phoebe. She found her grandmother sleeping peacefully. When she put the back of her hand to the older woman's forehead it was cool. No fever and no coughing. It was a very good night, she thought.
So she tiptoed out of the room and, after a glance at the stairs that led to their room, she lay down on the living room sofa. She'd told Matthew that she might go to bed but she wasn't ready for that yet and not just because she wanted to make sure Phoebe was okay.
She just wasn't sure she could pretend that everything was okay to him until she sorted out what happened today when she read that letter.
9
Jenny walked into the barn and stood, arms folded across her chest.
Not for the first time she thought if only life were easier. If only she could just push a key in an ignition and back a car out of the barn and be on her way. She didn't want to be away from Phoebe for too long even though Matthew had said he'd check on her while Jenny went into town.
Pilot snorted at her and tossed his head. Honestly, who knew that horses could express derision? she asked herself.
When she first met Pilot, Matthew had warned her that he was headstrong and that he'd tried to intimidate Hannah, too. Hannah had let Pilot know right away he wasn't going to get away with it, Matthew had told Jenny.
But Jenny wasn't Hannah who'd grown up around horses the way Jenny had cars. She'd had experience with children, too, and simply dealt with Pilot the same loving but firm way.
And horses served here—they weren't for an occasional pleasure ride. They worked in some manner here as did everyone and nearly every animal in the Amish community.
"I have to go into town and get a prescription for Phoebe," she announced as she opened the gate on the stall. Then she laughed and shook her head. Why was she explaining to a horse?
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