“Your skin is so soft, like velvet.” He was playing my body like an expert and I could feel the wetness and urge growing in between my legs pulsing with desire to be touched, stroked and filled in the most delicious way. It had been so long since I’d given in to lust like this, I was fed up of fighting. What harm could it do to give in to the desires he was evoking in me? I wanted to feel again, and feel wanted and desired in return. I had to get myself back out there, back in the horse’s saddle. Who better to do it with right?
He looked up into my eyes, his hooded and full of lust, as he traced circles on my bare shoulders.
“You want this too, I can tell, I can read your body so well Ella.”
He slipped his fingers under the straps of my dress and let them fall down my arms. The fabric skimmed down my body exposing my cream lacy strapless bra. My chest was heaving with desire as he looked down at me, I could feel his breath catch as he placed his hand in the centre of my neck and slowly ran it down to touch the top of my breasts.
“Just perfect, so so beautiful.”
He caressed the top of each breast bringing goose bumps to my skin. He looked like a man totally under a spell as he kissed me there slowly, seductively, his lips brushing tenderly over my skin like a feather. I was paralysed, I groaned and wantonly pushed myself further into him, I was so turned on right now.
“You taste like heaven” he sighed.
I ran my fingers through his soft dark hair gently pulling at it and gasping in desire, I didn’t want him to stop I wanted more, much more. He smiled against my skin and skated his hands down my sides, over my ass and to my thighs, dipping them under the skirt of my dress and snaking them back up to where my panties covered my pulsing bundle of nerves.
“I’m gonna enjoy making you mine Ella.”
Right then I had to feel him, the pull of attraction was too strong. I needed to feel his skin next to mine, rub myself against him. I was like a shameless bitch in heat. I pulled at the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. He broke contact with the attention he was giving me to pull it off completely and threw it across the floor. What I saw did not disappoint one bit, his chest was sculpted like a Greek God. All hard with ripples of muscles, that delicious v with soft dark hair tracing down into his jeans with promises of what lay at the end. He had a tribal tattoo on his stomach running down into his jeans and I traced it with my fingers, he tensed his stomach at my touch and closed his eyes gasping.
“See what you do to me, you bewitch me Ella.”
He was just as affected by my touch as I was by his. He placed his forehead against mine as he looked deep into my eyes and sighed, “What are you doing to me Ella? I swear you’re making me crazy, I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I want you.”
I couldn’t speak, all I could do was breathe in and out, I was so overwhelmed by my feelings for this man.
Suddenly all sense left me and I became desperate. He grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me hard, his tongue dancing with mine in urgency, velvet lips and soft licks, twisting, massaging, and exploring each other as we moaned into each other’s mouths. He tasted so fucking good I could kiss him forever. I pulled him into me to deepen the kiss further, as his hands cupped my ass. He lifted me up to straddle his waist and I wrapped my legs around him tight, I wanted to feel him I felt desperate with desire, he was sending me crazy too. He rubbed himself against me showing me exactly how turned on he was, he was rock hard and I sighed a breathy sigh.
“Do that again…” he grunted, “I love listening to the little sounds you make, it’s such a fucking turn on.” I sighed again and gasped giving in to the feelings that had taken control of me. I wanted this man more than I wanted my next breath. We fucked each other’s mouths and I let out a startled moan as he yanked at my panties tearing them clean off. Woah, he was a certified sex God, I had never felt such passion in my life.
Then his fingers were where I wanted them to be, feather like touches over my clit circling, then stroking, alternating the movement and strength of the touch to bring me to the edge. I moved my hips slowly as he worked me into a frenzy of need.
“See how good I can make you feel Ella.”
Things were moving so fast I was powerless to stop them, I just gave in to the lust throbbing through my body.
“Fuck Ella you’re so wet for me.” He kept up his assault of my senses as I rocked into his hands. He slipped a finger into me and I groaned, this was blowing my mind.
“Oh sweetheart you feel fucking amazing…” he gasped, “so tight, I knew you would be.” I was lost to the sensations, chasing my climax and tilting my hips as he pulled out of me and inserted two fingers, rubbing and circling my clit with his thumb. His kisses slowed down becoming more sensual, slower and gentle. I couldn’t wait any longer I needed more. I was desperate.
“I need you.” I begged as I ran my hands down the front of his jeans and pulled on them to release the buttons. He stopped kissing me and dropped his forehead against mine again, breathing deeply and looking into my eyes with an intensity that no one had ever looked at me with before in my whole life. He watched as my fingers went to pull down his underwear when all of a sudden an almighty crash was heard behind us and the door flung open.
“Sorry boss we hit a problem with the ceiling in the main…oh shit…” Some random builder had walked in on us. We sprang away from each other as if we’d been hit by lightning. Joe turned round, the most decent one out of the two of us and shouted, “Don’t you fucking knock in this country?” The builder spluttered out an apology and skulked off quickly as Josh walked past him into the room with a look of sheer confusion on his face. I had managed to pull my straps up and smooth down my dress but my panties were long gone and I had no idea where he’d thrown them. Oh the shame. Josh looked between us, at my dishevelled state and Joe’s undress and his eyes bulged.
“I’m sorry Joe, I had no idea you were in here, I’d have kept him out if I’d have known.”
Joe grunted in response but as he turned around I darted past him and made a run for the door. This moment was mortifying enough without standing here with Josh analysing it. I needed to get out of here. The interruption from the builder was obviously a sign that I needed to put a stop to this right now.
“For fucks sake Ella, please just wait.” Joe shouted after me, I could hear him chasing me.
“Ella stop. Damn you woman!”
I pushed the double doors of the entrance open and skipped down the steps towards my car. I got in and locked the doors before slumping forward on my steering wheel. What the fuck just happened? God I hope Frank or Eric didn’t find out about this, what was I thinking? And on company time too.
I glanced back up at the building and there was Joe standing at the top of the stairs. Both hands at the back of his neck as he looked up to the sky. He was still shirtless and looked totally fuckable, but all I could feel was torn and twisted. What the hell was I thinking? How had I got myself into this mess and how was I going to get myself out of it? I pushed my foot down hard on the gas and sped down the drive desperate to get away. The prickle of my skin made me physically shiver as I swerved out onto the road, feelings of anxiety and dread creeping over me ready to pull me under to the darkness. Who had I been kidding, I had no control I was weak and I hated myself for it. I’d let a man ruin me once again and this time it was going to destroy my career too. I felt a wave of hopelessness wash over me.
I raced back to the house, ran through the door and up the stairs. I crashed through the door into my bedroom and dived into my bed safe under the duvet just like a five year old to escape the monsters. My demons couldn’t be chased away that easily though. A tear trickled down my cheek into my pillow as I thought of the implications of what had happened today. I could lose my job, my lifeline since I left Adam. I’d let myself down and I felt like my integrity that I held so dear had become useless, pointless because when it came to the crunch I couldn’t back up my words with actions. More tears fell before I drifted
off into an uneasy sleep full of images of disgusted faces, heads shaking and backs turning away from me forever.
Chapter Eleven
I don’t know how long I’d been asleep for but I was woken with a start by Chris jumping onto the space beside me and grabbing me to roll me into his arms for a hug.
“What are you doing in the dark like this baby girl? What’s up?” His sympathetic eyes were my undoing and I burst into tears, the dam of sadness really released now and there was no stopping it.
“I’m so so stupid.” I cried gripping the sheets in anger in my fists and trying to twist out of his arms that I didn’t feel worthy of. I didn’t want him to see my face, to look into my eyes and see what a fraud I was.
“Stop trying to roll away from me princess and just tell me what’s up? Did something happen at the visit? Did that Mother fucker touch you? I swear to God if he hurt you I’ll kill him myself.”
Chris was deadly serious and for the first time in hours I couldn’t help but laugh. Chris couldn’t hurt a fly. I sighed and spilt the whole sorry story, avoiding looking at him and not giving him a second to add any commentary. Once it was all off my chest I felt slightly better for sharing, but now I had to figure out my next move. Chris sighed and snuggled into my neck hugging me extra tightly to him.
“Ella you haven’t done anything wrong, you need to put this into perspective and stop beating yourself up.” He grabbed my chin and made me look at him. “So you let yourself get caught up in a moment. Did you hurt anyone?”
“I hurt myself.” I replied.
He shook his head, “Apart from yourself did you actually hurt anyone, cause any heartbreak? No! You’re single, he’s single and you let yourself be led into something which, let’s not forget, he’s been pushing for pretty persistently since he first laid eyes on you. It’d take a fucking nun to resist him like you have these past few weeks Elle. You haven’t done anything wrong!” he repeated glaring straight into my eyes to make sure I was listening.
I looked down at my hands and whispered, “It was on office time, what if Frank or Eric find out I could lose my job.” The tears started running again now, wetting my already damp pillow.
“Who’s gonna tell them? Him? I doubt it, he could be hit with a lawsuit for workplace harassment. You? Well I know the answer to that. I think I can safely say I’m not gonna say anything, so I think your secret is safe Ella.”
He wiped a tear rolling down my cheek and smiled at me.
“I could make your hair curl even more if I told you all of the things I’d done with guys on office time.” He sniggered.
“But I have to work directly with this guy Chris, what do I do when he rings up to talk to me, wants a meeting or even worse shows up at our offices?”
“Things are still raw for you at the moment Elle. If you don’t want to talk to him I will, just put his call through to me. If he asks for a meeting or shows up at the offices I’ll tell him you aren’t available, he’ll have to deal with me. We can deal with this. Then once you’re feeling stronger you can hit him up with some of that Ella Reid sass you’ve had in spades just lately.”
Chris was right of course and yet again I found myself wondering what I would do without him.
“You’re the best friend a girl could ever wish for.” I said and kissed him on the cheek.
“Better believe it,” he winked, “you’re my girl Ella and I’ll always have your back.”
It’s been just over a week since the famous visit to the ‘mansion of lust’ as Chris likes to refer to it now and he really has stepped up to the mark with his protection of me like he said he would. Joe rings my line every single day, sometimes multiple times but I haven’t had to speak to him once; Chris always takes the call or takes messages. I’ve been to a conference, meetings with clients and sent off for extensive training out of town according to Chris, all in the name of keeping me away from taking those phone calls which I know aren’t business related at all, but a way to try to get through to me, to control and manipulate me.
The day after the visit I received the traditional roses. They were beautiful. White roses that took up half of my desk and smelt divine. The envelope attached to them read
Blue eyes,
White roses are a symbol of purity and innocence and you beautiful girl are both of these. I’m sorry for corrupting you. Actually no I’m not, and I look forward to doing it again very VERY soon.
Joe x
He obviously thought he’d broken down my walls, and maybe he had taken a few bricks away that day, but my sturdy, protective walls were still well and truly in place unbeknown to him. I placed the flowers in reception for Kim to coo over and put the card into my bag along with the others he had sent me. I didn’t email or ring him though. No contact was the best way to go. He would get the message soon enough.
Yesterday it was another request for a sight visit. Chris went in my place and took great pleasure in telling me how Joe instantly spun round with a shout of “Fucking unbelievable!” before storming off into his office when he saw Chris walk in alone. Josh was left looking between the office door and Chris in total bewilderment as he had no idea what the hell was going on with his temperamental boss. Joe didn’t appear again and left Josh to deal with Chris, and I got the feeling that Chris was forming a soft spot for the shy man as he told me affectionately how Josh had asked after me and how attentive he was during their meeting. Maybe something positive could come out of this whole mess after all.
I was standing in our little kitchen at the back of the main office trying to decide whether to go for a latte from our machine or save up the calories and just boil the kettle and have a much more figure friendly cup of tea when Chris slinked into the room like he was on a spying mission and closed the door behind him. I raised an eyebrow at him, “What’s with the 007 moves dude?”
“He’s here.” Chris whispered and I knew straight away who the ‘he’ was. I gasped and held my hands on my chest to try to stop my heart bursting out of it.
“What should I do? I’m trapped.”
“Stay exactly where you are ok. I told him you were at a trade fair in Liverpool and wouldn’t be back today.” I huffed out a huge sigh of relief then my eyes bulged again as I realised Chris was in here and not out there keeping up the charade. How long before someone else told him I was just making a cuppa in here and he came stalking in?
“Granted my little white lie confused Frank when he appeared behind me, but bless the old guy he went along with it and he’s speaking to Joe in his office now. I’ll come back in when the coasts clear ok.”
I was lucky to have so many ace people in my corner. Three lattes and a kitkat chunky bar later and Chris came into the kitchen with the thumbs up.
“All clear, you’re free to come out.”
“Thank God, I need to go walk off some of these calories I’ve consumed waiting for my release from hell.”
“Want some company gorgeous?” Chris asked but I shook my head no. I needed to get some fresh air and be on my own with my thoughts. I needed to start manning up and find my girly balls. I couldn’t keep hiding in kitchens and running away. I was a big girl now playing in the big leagues after all.
I grabbed my bag and headed out into the warm breezy afternoon, the crowded city streets full of people with purpose, all lost in their own heads and pushing into each other to get to their destination in life. I had no purpose today, I just wanted to walk and breathe; take in the beautiful city that we all take for granted every day. To notice the little wonders that made it such a vibrant place to be full of hope and expectation for what your life could become. The cloudless sky and soft summer breeze on my face. The hum of the traffic and smell of the city all smoky, warm and laced with ambition. The buildings with breath-taking architecture and the people so diverse and wonderful each in their own right.
I turned a corner and stopped dead in my tracks, feeling sick to my stomach. There leaning up against a black Range Rover, arms folded and
looking straight at me stood Joe Madden. I couldn’t move. People pushed past me on the pavement, bumping me and tutting, cursing my frozen frame blocking them from making their journey quicker than it already was. I didn’t care, I was paralysed. Joe took off the sun glasses he was wearing, eyes still piercing into mine and he shook his head in what looked like disappointment, turned his back on me to get into his car and sped off down the road away from where I stood.
‘Well that’s it then’ I thought to myself, ‘message received loud and clear’ but I couldn’t understand why, in contrast to that thought, a wash of grief suddenly came to me and I had the urge to cry.
I spun round and staggered straight back to the office feeling dejected and disappointed in myself. I sat at my desk and buried myself in work, getting lost in figures, deadlines and ideas to try and shrug off the ache that had planted itself into my chest. What was that? Every time my phone rang my heart leapt into my throat thinking it could be him but it wasn’t. Why did I feel like I should be putting this right? Wasn’t this what I had wanted when I agreed to Chris’s idea for avoidance? I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had acted childish, and should have faced things head on, taken ownership of my actions and the consequences they brought, not hidden away like a child.
I clicked on my email icon with the intention of firing off an email to apologise for my unprofessionalism and try to restore some degree of self-respect when I saw an email from him in my inbox. I started shaking with nerves, ‘oh god what was he going to say to me? Would he complain about my unprofessional manner to Eric or Frank?’ I was scared to look at it. I stood up, then sat down again, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I started mentally prepping myself for what would be revealed behind the click I was about to make, then I thought ‘fuck it’ and opened it up.
To: [email protected]
From:[email protected]
Title: Now what?
I know you’re avoiding me like the plague, it’s been obvious all week. I don’t know how you’re feeling right now….embarrassed? Angry? Hurt? I’ve no idea because you won’t talk to me.
Obsessively Yours Page 7