“I know. Dallas told me.”
“Right.” She drank again and he followed suit. “And in my opinion, any chance is too much. Too dangerous.”
“I’ll protect you, Beth. So will Dallas.”
“And Olivia, and Jenny, and Emma? Can you protect them too? Emma’s pregnant now… you honestly think that Dean isn’t going to lose his mind with paranoia and worry? And what about the guys – can you keep them safe? What about you… are you sure you’ll see him coming? What if he hurts you?”
“Beth.” He took a deep breath. “Dallas has a safe house. We can hide you –”
“What, hide all of us? And for how long? Nobody goes to work for six months?”
Jim ran his hand over his forehead, feeling hot all of a sudden. He drank some more beer, thinking that might help. “We can figure this out. The cops will put his picture out on the wire, and every cop in the state will be looking for him…”
“Sure,” she said. “And how many places does he have to hide? He’s a cop, Jim, and an ex-Marine. He knows how to survive on the run, how to stay under the radar, and he has plenty of buddies who will help him out if he asks.”
Jim was silent.
“I want you to know something,” she said.
“No.” His voice was sharp, broken. “No. I don’t want to have the goodbye talk where you tell me how much fun it’s been and that you’ll miss me.”
“We have to have it,” Beth said. “We don’t have a lot of time.”
“Why? You leaving in a few minutes?”
She stared at him. “We’ll see.”
“I won’t let you go. I’ll stop you.”
“Just let me say a few things, OK? Please?”
“Fine.” Jim felt a dark wave pass over him, and he shook his head against the dizziness.
“I really, truly would not be able to live with myself if anything happened to any of you.” She bit her lip. “You’re all in danger and at risk, and it’s my fault. I – I stayed too long. I got involved. I liked hearing my real name again. I let myself hope that I could stay forever, that I could have a whole life here… sometimes, I even believed it.”
“Beth…” His tongue wasn’t working properly, for some reason. It felt thick and swollen and he swallowed hard. “You can believe it.”
“No.” She shook her beautiful head. “No. I don’t get to have this kind of life, I see that now. I shouldn’t have hoped, and I definitely shouldn’t have let any of you care about me. That was a huge fucking mistake… because now I’m going to hurt all of you.”
“Baby –”
“One last thing,” she said gently. “I want you to know this – really know this, OK? I am going to hate myself forever for hurting you most of all. I never should have kissed you that day, Jim, even if I thought I was finally safe. I should have just let you walk out that door, spared you all of this.” She stood up. “Never again do I let myself get close to anyone. I’ve learned my lesson.”
Jim tried to stand up too, but he pitched forward. On his hands and knees, weak and dizzy, he looked up at her. “What did you do, Beth?”
“Get up, babe. You’re too big for me to be able to lift when you pass out, and I don’t want to leave you on the floor.”
“Beth…” He fought to stand up, barely felt her next to him helping him to his feet. “Beth…”
Carefully, she pushed him backwards on to the sofa.
“You drugged me?” he slurred.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “It was the only way.”
“No –”
“I knew that you’d never let me go.” She lay him down, making sure his head was on the cushion. “I know you’ll jump in front of a bullet to help me and keep me safe, and I just can’t let that happen, Jim.”
He tried to say something else, but he couldn’t move – not his mouth or his head or his hands. Jim tried to keep his eyes open, fixed on her stunning face, but the darkness was closing in now. He made a sound of despair in his throat and her expression was nothing short of tortured.
“Tell the others that I’m going to be very visible at the train station, no way he can miss me at all. I’m totally sure that he’ll find me and follow me, and I’ll lure him away from Denver. And let Ellen know that I won’t ever contact her again… it’s too risky.” She put her burner phone on the coffee table. “You guys will all be safe.”
Jim tried to keep his eyes open, but they were falling, heavy as stones.
“One last thing.” Beth touched his face, turned him to look at her. “I’m doing this because I love all of you.” She kissed him now, a soft, lingering kiss that he knew he’d dream about for the rest of his life. “I love you, Jim, and I’ll never, ever stop loving you.”
That was the last thing he heard before he fell in to the inky blackness.
Chapter Fifteen
Jim woke up in pitch darkness. Confused, he tried to lift his head and felt a far-too-familiar kink in his neck. He groaned.
Fuck. Why am I back on her sofa-bed? Did we have a fight last night or something, and I’m in time-out?
His head hurt, his whole body hurt. He lay still, trying to figure it all out, trying to remember how much he’d had to drink. It must have been an astonishing amount; this was by far the worst, most brutally-painful hangover he’d ever had. He felt floaty and dizzy, disconnected from his own limbs somehow, and he closed his eyes again, took a few deep breaths. He felt sick to his stomach, and he wondered if he was going to throw up.
But did I drink last night? Why can’t I remember?
Images were appearing behind his eyelids and he squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to retrieve them. Beth’s face bubbled up to the surface of his memory. Beth kissing him… telling him that she loved him. He smiled.
Did I say it back? I sure as hell hope so…
The memories were changing now, and he clenched his jaw in concentration. Beth kissing him and saying goodbye… her standing above him, telling him to get up… her saying she’d lure Ferguson away from Denver. His eyes popped open as it all came rushing back.
She drugged you and she walked out that door. Hours and hours ago. She’s gone; long gone.
Jim stared in to the darkness, his thoughts now painfully clear and vivid. No matter what she said, Beth didn’t really trust him to keep her safe – that was the long and short of it. The woman preferred to take her chances, alone and unprotected, before she’d trust her life to Jim. She knew, on some level, that he wasn’t good enough to stick around for. He wasn’t worth the risk – not worth any risk.
You’re not worth it, and she knows that.
In his mind, Jim ran over and over what he could have done differently, how he could have made her feel safer with him. Again and again, he remembered how hard he’d tried to show her that he could protect her, that he would protect her. And in the end, he knew that he’d done all he could, all that he was capable of. He’d given it his best fucking shot, and it still hadn’t been good enough for her. She hadn’t trusted him, she hadn’t believed in him. She’d run from him, even after it all.
“Goddammit, Beth,” he said aloud.
“Jim?”
He jumped and turned to where the voice came from. A small table lamp was switched on now, and he shut his eyes against the glare before forcing them open just a bit. The light sliced through his head and he gave a muffled curse. Right away, the lamp was set on the floor.
“Is that better?” Her green eyes were soft as she gazed at him.
“Beth?” His voice was gravelly and harsh.
She sat up. She’d been lying down next to him, pressed right up against the back of the unfolded sofa so as not to touch him. He turned over all the way and just stared at her, wondering if the whole thing had been a bad dream. But then he saw the guilt and worry on her face, and he knew that it had all happened.
“You drugged me.”
“I – I know.” She swallowed. “I’m sorry.”
“You fucking drugged me.”
“I…”
She inched away from him but he grabbed her by the wrist. “No way, Beth. You stay right the fuck where I can reach you.”
She stopped moving and leaned back against the sofa cushions. She looked terrified but right at this moment, he couldn’t make a single effort to comfort her. He needed some answers.
“Now.” He sat up slowly, his head spinning, trying to organize his thoughts. “Why are you still here?”
“Because… I couldn’t go.”
“Why not?”
“I mean, I did go. I got as far as the street outside, then I just – I came back.”
Jim glared at her. “Why?”
She bit her lip.
“Beth.” She heard the warning in his voice. “Tell me. And I mean right the fuck now.”
“Because I got outside and I was heading for the train station, looking over my shoulder, totally panicked, and I realized that I’d been doing that exact same fucking thing for four years. Four years, Jim.” She shook her head. “Four years of being so scared and so lonely and not being able to sleep at night. And I stood there, about to flag down a taxi, and all I saw was four more years of the same. Then four more after that… then another four. You know? I saw my future. The only future I have if I keep running, and it’s exactly like my past.”
Jim stayed silent.
“Then I started to think about what you said… about being safer here with you and the guys than I’ve ever been before, and ever will be again. And I knew that you were right, that being out there alone was stupid. Almost suicidal, probably.”
“Yeah.”
“And then I realized that I had to make a choice. I had to choose a place to stay. To – to stand. You know what I mean? If I don’t want to run anymore, then I have to stand still, and that means choosing a place to do that.” Her eyes were full of tears now. “And I realized that I want that place to be next to you. I want – I want to stand with you. All of you.”
“You do?”
“I know it makes me selfish, that I want to see Liv and Dallas as a married couple, and that I want to meet Emma and Dean’s baby,” Beth said. “And it puts everyone in danger, and I’m so, so sorry for that… but maybe I can go in to hiding at Dallas’ safe house until he’s caught. I mean, just me. If Dallas' team throw out some pretty convincing red herrings that I’ve left Denver and then I’m out of sight, the rest of you should be fine, right?”
“So, wait.” Jim’s head was still fuzzy. “So you really want to stay? To be with me?”
“If you’ll have me,” she said. “If you can forgive me.”
“For drugging me?”
“For everything,” she said quietly. “For temporarily losing my faith in you guys, and for not talking to you, and for thinking that you’d be better off without me in your life.”
“I wouldn’t be better,” Jim said. “I’d miss you like hell.” He was quiet for a few seconds. “I’d be lost without you.”
“I saw that on your face, just before you passed out. You looked – wrecked. Devastated.” She hesitated. “I didn’t expect that.”
Finally, Jim reached out to her. Beth closed her eyes in relief, his touch gentle on her cheek.
“Why didn’t you expect it?” he asked. “Don’t you know I love you?”
Her eyes flew open. “N – no.”
“Well, now you do. I love you.”
She stared at him, the tears flowing. His face softened and he held out his arms to her.
“Come here, baby.”
At those amazingly familiar words, she moved in to his embrace, her head pressed against his chest. Jim stroked her hair and pulled her closer as she cried. He shut his eyes and just held on as she shook.
Minutes passed and Beth calmed, but he still didn’t let her go. He needed her right there, just for a little while longer; he needed to be damn sure she was in his arms and not on a night bus to anywhere-but-here. She sensed it in him, and didn’t make any attempt to move away.
Finally, he pulled back a bit. She looked shaken and afraid, and his chest tightened at how scared she still was. She’d made her choice, but she was now looking at the fall-out of having made it. Jim would be with her, and she’d be protected, but Beth was hiding, still. It’s not like she was totally safe. Not yet.
Maybe not for a while. Maybe not ever. How’s she supposed to build a whole real life while she’s hidden away from the world? What the fuck are we going to do?
Beth saw it in his face. “You regret it already?”
“What?” he said.
“Regret me staying?”
“Never, Beth. We’ll figure it all out, somehow. Me and the boys will make it all OK.”
“You really think you can?”
“I do. Honey, I really do.” He kissed her. “Trust me, OK?”
“I do.” She smiled at him, and his stomach flipped over at her beauty, her belief in him. “I promise you that’s why I’m still here.”
“Speaking of here.” Jim stretched and groaned. “Can we please get off this sofa-bed? It’s killing my neck.” He gave her an accusing look. “You promised me I’d never have to sleep here again, baby.”
She laughed. “You want to move to the bedroom?”
“Yeah.” Jim sat up, wincing at the all-over aches and pains. “What time is it, anyway? How long have I been out?”
“Uh.” She blushed. “You went down at just past one o’clock yesterday afternoon, and it’s almost four o’clock in the morning now.”
He blinked at her. “I was out cold for fifteen hours?”
“Ummm. Yeah.” Beth shifted. “I – I gave you kind of a large dose. You’re a big guy, and I had to be sure you couldn’t stop me, or follow me.”
Jim shook his head. “Goddamn, girl. Remind me to never piss you off.”
“So you think you can walk?” she said. “You OK?”
“Yeah.” He put his feet on the floor and she scrambled to stand beside him. “Let’s go get a few more hours sleep, alright? Then we’ll call Dallas and we’ll sort this whole fucking thing out. One way or the other.”
"I love you," she said softly.
"And I love you," Jim said. "You just never stop amazing me, Beth... not for one second."
**
The sun was high in the sky when Jim opened his eyes again. Beth was next to him, still sleeping, and he gazed at her, amazed, grateful, worried.
Carefully, he got out of bed, trying not to disturb her. He found his jean jacket in the living room and checked his cell. It was no shock at all to see that he’d missed eleven calls from Dallas. It was a surprise, however, to realize that Sully had also called him. Six times.
He glanced over at the bedroom, debating waking Beth up before returning any calls, then he decided to get the news first. He’d find out what was happening, if anything, and then he’d fill her in. Maybe they could make some decisions today. Together.
Jim called Dallas, barely breathing as he waited for the other man to pick up.
“Jim? Where the fuck have you been, Alden?”
Jim grinned. “Uh, well. That’s kind of a story. What’s up?”
“Ferguson is holed up on a farm in Utah.”
Jim stood totally still. “What?”
“Yeah. Sully and Mark went to Oregon yesterday and immediately, Sully figured out that some cop named Halloway was in on it in a big way.”
“How did he figure it out?”
“Dunno. Some Jedi mind trick that Cordelia taught him, apparently. Something about Halloway’s eyes and Sully said that he just knew that Halloway knew way more than he was letting on. Anyway, turns ou
t that Ferguson had gone to this guy’s parents’ house in Salt Lake City and was holding them hostage in their own living room. Called Halloway, threatened to slit their throats unless he got some help with a place to hide out.” Dallas sighed. “Halloway told him about the family farm down-state and the parents took Ferguson there.”
“So, wait. You’re telling me that he’s trapped – with hostages?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. Not the best plan, but I think he’s panicking.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah, but the thing is, he doesn’t know he’s trapped and surrounded.”
“I don’t follow you,” Jim said.
“Nobody’s made a move. Sully and Mark and the local cops are there, but they’re way back out of sight. Halloway’s been in contact with the dickhead and not said a word about anything. As far as Ferguson knows, he’s still safe.”
“So when are they going to bring down the hammer on him?”
“Soon. They’ll grab him when he leaves, hopefully alone. I can’t see him taking two seventy-something-year-olds on a state-wide escape, can you? They’d slow him down.”
“Any idea when he might be leaving? Any sign of movement?”
“No. But there are two ways for this to end, man. Either he surrenders and they haul his ass back to jail – or they shoot him dead. At this point, I have no real preference.”
I do, Dallas. God help me, but I want him dead. That’s the only way to be totally sure that Beth is safe.
“So we wait?”
“We wait.”
After hanging up with Dallas, Jim made a pot of coffee and thought it all through. He felt sick for the elderly couple, and he hoped with every fibre of his being that they came out of this with nothing more than a few bumps and bruises. He hated to think about how afraid they’d be after, though.
This asshole just terrorizes and hurts people everywhere he goes. The world would be better off without him.
His days were numbered, though, that much was absolutely true. Jim knew that Ferguson was as good as captured, as good as in jail, as good as dead. Any way this ended, he was done.
Enemy From The Past (Unseen Enemy Book 4) Page 14