Second Chance Draft

by Roxy Sinclaire

Because honestly, even if he could walk again, the chances that he would ever get to play again had dwindled. I didn’t need a doctor’s opinion to tell me that, though I had it anyway. I unclasped my fingers and played with a lock of my hair, twisting my lips as I tried to come up with something reassuring, that wouldn’t leave him in a panic.

  “Right, so do I use my left or right hand or it doesn’t matter?”

  I jumped, startled when he spoke. My lips were parted, though I said nothing. Still, I was surprised that he chose to change the subject on his own. Had it been before, I was sure his reaction wouldn’t have been pretty at all. He got snarky when he was in a bad mood and wouldn’t let awkward conversations drop, choosing instead to make me uncomfortable.

  “Either way,” I finally said, distracted.

  Ryder had this look of determination on his face, and I paid attention once his hand moved. He picked up his fork, and I fisted my hands in my lap as I unconsciously leaned forward. Ryder took some food on his fork and raised it to his open mouth—only to miss and hit his cheek instead. I winced when he scowled and growled at himself.

  “Wait!” I blurted out. “This may get a bit messy. Do you want me to put a napkin around your neck?”

  He directed his scowl at me, but I ignored it. I knew he’d be even more embarrassed if I let him carry on and he made a mess of himself. Especially since he’d likely need my help to get changed and get to the bathroom, or I’d have to give him a sponge bath. He’d stopped outright complaining about it, but he’d still sulk through it. Finally he nodded, giving in.

  He needed to do this on his own, yes, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t lend a helping hand. I leaned over him, neatly securing the napkin on him. Then I stood back and waited. I wasn’t sure for what, maybe a tantrum, but all he gave me was a nod of confirmation.

  “Again?’’ he asked.

  I sighed, glad he would be a grown-up about this, and said, “This is all on you, Ryder Russ. I am just a spectator, or would you prefer if I left?”

  “No,” he said, a little too quickly.

  I arched an eyebrow because that reply came a little too quick. But he looked down at his food before I could read what he was thinking. But if he didn’t mind me watching, then I wasn’t going to move. Besides, if my presence could provide some comfort, how could I not offer it?

  Slowly, Ryder took the fork from the tray, and this time, he didn’t miss his mouth. I let out a small sigh of relief as he shoved it in and chewed.

  “Did you make it?” he asked, arching an eyebrow at me.

  I laughed. “If you have ever seen me in the kitchen you would know the answer to that question.”

  He stopped eating to stare at me, probably confused.

  I smirked. “What, did you think everyone in the White household knew how to cook? Please.”

  He frowned and tilted his head. I heard his silent question and rolled my eyes.

  “No, Grandma made it for you.”

  He nearly choked, eyes going wide as he suddenly looked alarmed. He had a mouthful when he spat out, “Grandma!”

  I snorted out a laugh at his reaction. I knew what he was worried about, though. She didn’t exactly like him, after all, and she didn’t hide it, either. I waved a hand in the air as I sat on the edge of the bed, trying not to laugh because I needed to reassure him that she wouldn’t try to poison him.

  “I know, I know. She made it for you. She said she would make all your meals.”

  He nearly choked as he asked, “Why? She hates me.”

  I laughed. “She doesn’t hate you. But she just doesn’t particularly like you. Now that is the difference.”

  It wasn’t like I didn’t understand her reactions toward him, though. It hadn't changed in the entire time she’d known him. In high school, she’d met him and immediately taken a dislike to him, I hadn’t known that much about him when we first started going out, but something about him had drawn me in.

  But I pushed the thoughts away as Ryder tucked into his food. I relaxed as he ate and didn’t have any more accidents until his plate was empty. He stared down at his plate, then looked up and met my gaze. I held my breath as I tried to read his expression. He looked happy.

  There was silence between us until I clapped and cheered. The happiness grew even more obvious on his face, his lips turning up in the first genuine smile I’d seen in weeks, and I grinned. He must be happy to manage to do something on his own, but it was the first step he’d taken by himself.

  “Ryder Russ, I think you are on the road to recovery. Slowly, but surely. Now we can start on the exercises. This is for you to do every day. Things you can do on your own, so you won’t need me to be here.” I showed him what they were. “Okay, just do them slowly. I know you are used to exercises, so you don’t need me to be here watching, right?”

  Being a professional football player, he must have had to follow sets of exercises plenty of times, and I felt, him managing one more thing on his own could only make him happier, and that was the goal for today. The happier he could be, the more enthusiastic, the better for his recovery.

  “I can do it just fine on my own,” he said to affirm my assumption.

  I pushed a whiteboard to the side of his face, and his expression went blank. Then he looked around the room and down at his body. It took me a moment to realize what he was looking for.

  Ah. His monitor used to be where I was setting up his whiteboard. Every piece of equipment was gone, actually, and all that was left were a few tubes for his bodily waste. He was getting his strength back, and I could see him take this in and grow even more determined.

  “Now that you are conscious and healthier, we don’t need all that.” I smiled. “So, you can feed yourself now, goal number one accomplished,” I said. “What’s next on your agenda?”

  The smile he aimed at me was wry, but his eyes were entirely serious as he said, “Making trips to the bathroom.”

  18

  Ryder

  The next few days, my routine was pretty much the same. Breakfast. Exercises. Followed by a nap. It was the same for the afternoon and evening. Alexis tried to put the TV on a few times, but I often stopped her. I didn’t want to know what was going on in the outside world. I worried that if I did find out, it might discourage me.

  Sure, I might not play ever again, but there was more to life than football. If I sorted myself out, then I could think of other things to do. Alexis said that she had left the hospital and could give up nursing, which didn’t explain why she was helping me out, but she had given me ideas. I recalled our dates—she would talk about nothing except being a nurse. Here she was years later talking about giving it up.

  I opened my eyes to discover that the room had completely changed.

  Did Alexis or Dad do it overnight?

  There were pictures from when we had won the Super Bowl, a large framed picture that I’d had hanging in my bedroom in my house, so someone had made a trip, and to the right, there were more photos. Newspaper clippings of my journey in football. I had done it myself when I used to be enthusiastic about wanting to be a sports star. There was a sofa in the corner of the room with a small table. It had an iPod station. Now, I remembered a few times I had heard the music. Different types, sometimes classical, sometimes rap, which I knew was Alexis’s favorite back in high school when I went out with her on a few dates. I wondered if she still was in love with Eminem. He was her rap hero.

  We reached upstairs. Alexis teased me all the way about how she was going to whoop my ass. She gloated about her points the last time I played. Fuck, I think it was nearly four digits. She took advantage of me. Who plays Scrabble with a guy who is fucked up on medication? And is feeling sorry for himself? Alexis.

  Nah, it wasn’t that bad. Anyway, I enjoyed it. I had never played Scrabble before in my life. The whole idea of the game gave me visions of a bunch of nerds trying to outdo each other. I was far from a nerd. I sure the fuck didn’t see in this day and age how something that was not
done on a PlayStation, on the field, or even on a fucking iPad could be classed as fun. The idea of playing something that was as old-fashioned as Scrabble, well, it felt beneath me. Until, as Alexis so politely put it, she whooped my ass and I had to save face by claiming that the drugs messed with my head.

  I was still on medication, but mainly for the pain. I was already coming up with a thousand reasons not to play. Before I knew it, she had the game set up and was sitting on the edge of the sofa in my chair on the other side.

  “This time it is better to play this way. So you can’t cheat.’’

  Seriously, she thought that the fact that I just about managed a two-digit score meant that I cheated. God, she was so full of herself. I felt like getting the fucking dictionary out for the next few days and studying each word, so that I could beat her ass.

  Fucking cheat.

  Not me.

  I might lose, but I would never cheat.

  Now she had me all fired up.

  There was only one thing for it. I would play my best tonight. But the next time we played, it would be after studying the dictionary word by word.

  Oh, she could enjoy tonight, but that would be the only night she would enjoy. Come on Scrabble, come to Pappa!

  “Ryder, are you even trying?’’

  She was getting bored, and so was I. I wondered if I had a spinal cord injury or a brain one instead. I couldn’t think.

  “What time is it?’’

  She looked up and sighed. “True, it is way past your bedtime. Getting to ten.’’

  Oh, so that made perfect sense. “See, you are taking advantage of a sick man. Just to score points.’’

  She laughed, a smile lighting her face.

  It was time. She was looking hot in her red dress. She had lost a bit of weight, but not too much. Her curves were still as sexy as hell. The old me would have seduced her right there and then. Right now, I wasn’t capable, but it didn’t stop my heart from beating as I asked the one thing that I should have a long time ago.

  “Alexis, why are you doing all this?’’

  She got up, her eyes half open, and said, with her hands up in the air, “Okay, okay. I admit it. I am taking advantage of a sick man.’’

  I shook my head. “No, that is not what I meant. I meant why did you nurse me? Why did you want to? After everything I did and said, I sure as hell didn’t deserve it.’’

  Alexis looked up in the air as if the answer was up there. She avoided my eyes as she replied. “Because until that night when I saw you, I didn’t know if the choice that I had made my whole life was the right one. Seeing you gave me the answer I needed.’’

  “But—’’ I interrupted her. I’d been drunk and then pretty much forced her to get in the car with me. She shouldn’t even want to be in a room with me, let alone look after me.

  “Let me finish. There is nothing worse than thinking the choice you made since you were a kid was the wrong one. I knew looking after you would show me something, but I never knew what until now.’’

  She held my hand as she spoke. Alexis was so close—all I wanted to do was kiss her.

  But I have to know why.

  The attraction between us had always been there, but I hadn’t been a good guy, not really. Not until Alexis. Looks, sports, and badness. That was all there was to me then and all there was to me after she left. She knew it, and I knew it. I accepted it back then, but I should have stopped going with the flow a long time ago.

  She wasn’t going to tell me the reason, so I prompted her as she covered her face with her hands. “So?’’

  She took a deep breath and looked at me. “Looking after you didn’t mean simply getting you better physically. It meant emotionally too. Two reasons that I wanted to be a nurse in the first place. I’ve decided that when you don’t need me anymore, I will look to get another local job, doing home visits and rehabilitation in patients’ houses. You see, being with you has helped me. Not only you. Look, it is getting late. Let’s get you in bed, and we can continue this game tomorrow.’’

  I was too exhausted to speak. The realization that when I was stronger and could look after myself, she would leave me sent a shiver down my spine. I didn’t like the idea of that. I wanted her with me not only now, but forever.

  I realized that Alexis was not only the girl that I wanted, but what I needed.

  19

  Alexis

  Today was supposed to be a special day. Or, I hoped it would be. I’d made some special plans for Ryder and me, but I wasn’t sure how he would take it. I had a feeling he thought it was about our Scrabble game, though, because it was incomplete, and he kept suggesting we complete it. I knew he was taking the time to study the dictionary, though I could have told him it wouldn’t be enough to help him win. I wasn’t a whiz at the game or anything, but I wasn’t nearly as much of an amateur as he was.

  That wasn’t it, though; there was no hurry with the game. It had been hard, though, keeping my secret. I couldn’t help being anxious that he might not like it, and what I meant to be a good surprise would end up being a flop. Several times, I almost blurted everything out.

  From how I’d been spazzing the last few days, if I hadn't told him there was something planned, he might have thought I’d lost my mind.

  It was getting close to Christmas. Ryder didn’t need as much help as he did before with his chair, and it was a big milestone for him. Though he tried to hide it, I knew how much it meant to him to be able to do things on his own. Just this morning, he managed to make his way to the table and sit down to have breakfast. He’d smiled wide when I looked at him in surprise that was only partially fake. It was bringing his ego up, and at the moment, that was a good thing.

  It still grated on him, though, that he couldn’t go to the bathroom on his own every single time. There were times when he was fine, and others, I needed to help him out. A couple of times, he’d tried to force it and hurt himself, and I’d had to put my foot down, so he would fucking talk to me when he didn’t think he was well enough to manage on his own. It was a hit to his pride.

  “You ready?” I asked as he entered his room.

  I would have been in earlier to help him, but he’d insisted on getting ready by himself. I stayed away for as long as I could stand, but my patience ran out, so I was checking in on him early. He frowned up at me, obviously displeased.

  “It’s taking longer than I’d hoped,” he said, grudgingly apologetic. “Sorry for making you wait too long.”

  “Oh, no, it’s fine!” I said quickly. “Just try your best.”

  After his physiotherapy sessions, he was usually determined to be brave and start doing more than he had been. I didn’t need him to lose that determination. At this stage, I didn’t need a professional to tell me it would be vital.

  He was doing fucking well, though. The doctor had been encouraging, too, saying it took some patients nearly a year to make as much progress as he had in the last four months. Ryder had practically been glowing when he gave me the news after a check-up with his doctor. If I hadn't realized before he was afraid of being dependent on me, and others, for his daily needs, then his excitement that day had been enough for me to leap on my own.

  “Just give me a bit,” he said as he slowly placed his left leg into the chair.

  “You want me to help you down?” I offered.

  I knew he wouldn’t before he shook his head, though, his lips set in a set in a straight line. He was straining, but he wouldn’t let me help him, and it had been that way once he found out he could do it alone. He’d be tired by the time we got to the front door, but he was determined.

  I didn’t put up a complaint because his physiotherapist encouraged it. He should only attempt to go down and up by himself for the first few days, then try going around the block alone. It wasn’t necessary, though it would be good for me to be nearby just in case he did need help. But going out alone…he was probably as scared about that as I was. I had visions of him trying and then giving
up, and I was sure the thought had crossed his mind as well. I could always just follow to keep an eye on him, but I’d been told expressly that that wouldn’t be helping him, so I was still worried about the day he would decide to try it.

  But I pushed that out of my mind for the moment. I watched eagerly as he got in his chair in the stair lift. Every time he managed to not put his left foot in the chair properly, I was there to try and save him. He allowed it, but the expression on his face was grudgingly grateful like he couldn’t decide on only one to be. I didn’t care because it was better than him being offended.

  I could tell, though, that it hurt his pride more than anything, knowing I would be there to catch him if he fell. His whole problem with being dependent was worrying about being a burden. I could have told him he didn’t need to be, not with me. I was a nurse, and I’d certainly seen people in worse states. If he were hurt, I would do everything to mend him, simply because I was his nurse.

  It wasn’t the only reason I did it, not really. Not that I would say it out loud, but he might have guessed something on his own, considering I hadn't worn my nurse’s uniform in the last few weeks.

  “I am so crazy proud of you right now,” I said honestly as he was breathless and sitting by the door.

  He’d made it all the way from his room down to the fucking front door. After not moving at all the first few weeks, it was amazing progress. He was sweating, and his face was hot. His chest heaved with every breath, and he looked exhausted. But the expression on his face was one of excitement. As I cheered him on, he grinned up at me. A few more of these types of exercises, and he could go out by himself.

  I waited for him to catch his breath, then leaned down to kiss him on the lips and wrap my arms around him. He huffed out a laugh as he squeezed me weakly back.

  “No getting around me tonight,” he said happily. “I’ll still beat you at Scrabble.”

  Fuck!