by Gina Azzi
She giggles, and I latch onto the sound. Once Evie is settled in my lap, I kiss her lips softly. "You love me?"
"I love you."
"You want to build a future with me."
She nods, her breath mingling with mine.
"Then don't worry about anything else. Going forward, we'll figure it all out together."
"All of it?" Her voice sounds both nervous and breathless.
I press a kiss to the side of her neck. "All of it."
"Even the nightmares and flashbacks?"
"Especially those."
"Even the nights when I can't finish something with you that I start?"
I pull back, my gaze meeting hers. The fear and vulnerability shining in her baby blues squeezes my heart and makes my chest feel funny.
"I don't care about anything but your happiness, Evie. I want you to feel safe and comfortable. We'll do everything at our own pace. There's no pressure or expectations. Not with us, okay?"
“Okay.” She responds, relief evident in her tone.
"We'll talk about everything first. Take it slow. Feel me?"
"Yes. Because communication is key, right?"
I swat at her, catching her off guard by tickling her. She flails around in my lap, but I keep her pinned against me. She throws her head back in laughter, and she looks so beautiful, so carefree, that I vow to get to a point where she can feel like this all the time.
Once her giggles subside, a small smile crosses her full lips, and I can't help myself from leaning forward and nipping at them before kissing her. "I love you, my Maywood."
"I love you more, Jaxon Kane."
Two Months Later
34
Evie
"Is this okay?" he asks gently, his brow furrowed as he watches me closely, searching for signs of panic.
"Yes."
He rolls his lower lip into his mouth, still studying me. "You sure? There's no rush. Or pressure."
"I'm sure."
He leans down and presses a kiss to the underside of my jaw. Hovering over me, I feel him everywhere and squeeze my eyes shut tight. He kisses behind my ear and must feel me stiffen because he pulls back sharply.
"Evie?"
"Yes?"
"Open your eyes."
I force my eyes open, regarding him warily. Guarded. I want nothing more than to turn my head to the wall and get through this. I can do this. I can.
It’s been two months since I pressed charges against Gary and Paul. Jax and I have been spending countless hours together, working through our complicated history, and battling our personal demons together. We’ve been wading around the intimacy elements of a relationship but I know I want this with him.
It's a step forward. One that I really want to take.
"I need to be able to read you. To make sure this is okay. That you're okay."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine." He pushes back, resting on his heels as his thumb strokes my cheek. "I don't want to rush this with you." Holding up his hand before I can interrupt, he says, "For your sake... and mine." Dropping a kiss to the top of my head, he rolls over me, pulling the comforter up so we're tucked in tight. Like kids in a sleeping bag at summer camp instead of two consenting adults about to have sex.
He picks up the remote and turns on the TV, navigating to Netflix.
I roll my eyes when he stops at Jane the Virgin.
"What are we doing?" I ask.
"We're hanging. Netflix and chill, I think is what the cool kids are calling it."
"I think the chill part is code for sex, and it seems like you just squashed that."
"I'm not ready," he says seriously, taking all the embarrassment and insecurities that overwhelm me and owning them like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Like it's as easy as breathing.
I titter nervously.
"Besides, I'm waiting for you to seduce me."
"What?" My voice sounds too high even to my own ears.
Jax turns his head toward me and winks. "I am. Kind of like how you asked me out."
"I didn't ask you out."
"Whatever you say, Maywood." He presses the volume button up as the show starts. Then he wraps his arm around me and tugs me into him so that my head rests in the crook of his shoulder. The good one. "I don't care what we do... or watch... as long as I'm with you." The simplicity in his tone warms me. And makes me feel complete, whole.
I snuggle into him, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck and turning my face to the television.
We watch Jane the Virgin, lying in his bed, and it feels so right, so normal, that I remind myself not to overthink it and to just enjoy the moment.
To just enjoy the feel of Jax's arms around me.
The smell of mint and soap.
The feel of his stubble when he turns his head, and it rubs against my forehead.
To be fully present in this moment.
Eventually, my eyes close, and I doze off into a peaceful sleep: one with no nightmares, no flashbacks, and no memories that I can't escape.
Except, of course, the ones that I want to run to and not from.
"Open it!" he demands, more excited than I've seen him since our high school football team won State our senior year.
"I'm too nervous." My hands shake as I hold the envelope in between them. I drove straight over to Jax's the second I saw the envelope in my mailbox. "It's too thin. It's going to be a rejection. Acceptance letters usually come in a big packet."
Jax waves off my reservations, his eyes practically dancing with excitement. "Open the letter, Evie."
I exhale loudly, offering myself a little mental pep talk, reminding myself that not getting in won't be the end of the world. That I'll definitely survive.
"Evie," Jax says, impatience heavy in his tone.
Tucking my index finger under the envelope flap and tugging it up, I pull out the single sheet of folded paper and open it. My eyes quickly scan the first line.
Holy hell.
My heart jumps into my throat as my body locks down and my eyes widen.
I'm in shock.
"Pinch me."
Jax reaches over and digs his fingers into my arm.
"Ouch! What the hell?"
"You told me to pinch you."
"I didn't mean for you to literally pinch me!" I wave my arm, the letter flailing between us.
"You got in." A giant smile stretches across his face.
"I got in!"
He lifts me in his arms, swinging me around and whooping loudly as I clutch the letter to my chest, scared to let it go. I need to read it about a million more times in order to believe that I, Evelyn Maywood, was really accepted into Baylor-Army's Physical Therapy Program.
Jax settles me on my feet and steps forward, his hands framing my face as he holds my head in between his palms. His eyes bore into mine, moss green overflowing with pride. "I knew you could do it. You've always been a badass, Maywood."
I roll my eyes at his compliment, but my lips tug upward into a smile. A huge one.
"Come on, let's tell them." He points his chin toward his front door where his siblings are hanging out in the living room.
"Give me a second." I pull out my cell phone from the back pocket of my jeans. "I want to call my mom."
"Okay." Jax sits down on the front steps of his house while I walk down into the driveway and hold the phone to my ear.
"Evie?" Mom answers on the first ring.
"Mom, I got in!"
A beat of silence passes before, "Oh Evie! Congratulations! I never had any doubt. When did you find out?"
"I just opened the letter."
"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart. You're going to be an incredible physical therapist."
"Thank you, Mom," I say, her words warming me more than she'll ever know. Over the past few months, Mom and I have been spending more time together, falling back into the old comforts of past routines. Now that I’m not actively pushing her away, it’s been easier for me to a
ccept the support she freely gives. I never realized how much I missed my mom and hearing her celebrate my success increases my own excitement.
"Come over tomorrow night for dinner, you and Jaxon. I'll tell Graham, too. It will be his last family dinner before his PCS. We should celebrate!"
"I'd like that, Mom."
"Good. We'll have that Bourbon Pecan Chicken dish you love."
I smile, happy she remembered. "Okay."
"I've got to go now. But I'll see you tomorrow, nineteen hundred hours?"
"Roger that."
Mom ends the call, and I turn toward Jax. He watches me from the steps, his feet crossed at the ankles. "What’d she say?"
"Dinner tomorrow, nineteen hundred hours."
"What're we having?" He narrows his gaze.
"Bourbon Pecan Chicken."
The left corner of his mouth ticks up. "Your favorite."
"Yeah."
"I can't wait." He holds his hand out toward me as he stands up. "Come on."
I lace my fingers through his as we climb the steps and walk into his house.
Denver and Carter are playing War Cry, both perched on the edge of the couch, their eyes glued to the TV as they toss barbs back and forth.
Daisy sits in the armchair in the corner, flipping through a magazine. She officially moved home after graduation but has seemed a bit lost lately. Even though the Kane boys sympathize with her current position and assure her it's only a matter of time before she lands an awesome job she loves, I think they're all secretly glad that she's home with them. At least for a little while.
"Guys, we have an announcement," Jax calls.
Denver and Carter don't move a muscle, but Daisy looks up from her magazine, watching us expectantly.
"We're moving to Texas!" Jax continues, as if he has the full attention of all in the room.
"You got in?" Daisy squeals, tossing down her magazine and jumping to her feet.
Carter pauses the game, and Denver turns to look at us, an actual smile working its way across his lips.
"Congratulations!" Daisy pulls me into a hug, her energy infectious as we pretty much jump up and down while clinging to each other.
"Ah, it was a given." Carter walks over, throwing an arm around my neck and pulling me into his side.
"Congratulations, Evie." Denver pulls on my ponytail, much like Graham.
"I'm moving too," Jax reminds them.
None of his siblings turn toward him, their attention all on me, as they ask questions about when we're leaving and where we're planning to live.
Jax tries again. "I got a job."
Daisy turns toward him and clucks her tongue, scolding. "Jax, this is Evie's moment. Stop trying to steal her thunder."
He snorts and steps back, letting the other Kane’s wrap me up in their well wishes and warm hugs. I look at him over Carter's shoulder and note the pride that winks in his eyes, the smile that still hugs his mouth.
He loves that his family loves me.
And I love that they're all my family once more.
"I love you," he mouths at me.
I blow him a kiss as Daisy grabs my arm, pulling me toward the armchair to show me an image of home decor in her magazine that she thinks will work well in a home in San Antonio.
We spend the rest of the afternoon barbecuing and day drinking and being a family again.
And it's more than perfect.
Two Months Later
Epilogue
Jax
"Got everything?" Carter asks, popping his head through the passenger window.
"I think so," Evie answers, turning her head to look at the backseat, which is piled high with our belongings.
"Make sure you check the oil halfway through your trip," Denver reminds me from my SUV window.
"Got it."
"Your snacks!" Daisy calls breathlessly, bounding down the porch steps and hurrying over, pushing a plastic bag filled with chips and other junk food and water bottles through the window. "There are some sandwiches and apples in there, too." She leans inside, pressing a kiss to Evie's cheek. "Don't let him eat too much greasy fast-food on the drive, or you'll die of asphyxiation before you reach San Antonio."
A stream of laughter erupts from Evie as I lean forward to scowl at my sister.
"What? It's the truth. I spent nearly three days in a car with you when we moved me back home, and I swear I questioned whether I'd survive the trip."
Carter pulls Daisy into a headlock and musses her hair while she smacks at his arms and yells for him to let her go.
"I'm going to miss you guys," Evie tells them.
"We're going to miss you," Daisy says, finally freeing herself from Carter. "Have a safe trip and call us when you get there."
"We will." I smile at my sister. "Y'all take care, ya hear?"
My three siblings nod as I pierce them all with a look. My chest feels tight and even though I'm excited to start this next chapter of my life with Evie by my side, I'm really going to miss my family.
"We'll see you for Christmas," Denver reminds us, not mentioning that the reason we will be back so soon has more to do with Evie's testifying against Gary in January than it does with spreading holiday cheer. He raps his knuckles against the top of the SUV he pretty much rebuilt and gifted us for our new move, a signal that we need to get on the road.
"See you soon," I reply, pushing the gear stick into drive. Evie waves to my siblings as I pull out of the driveway and turn onto the road.
"You ready, Maywood?" I reach over the center console to place my palm on her thigh, squeezing her leg gently.
"Can we make one last stop?" She turns toward me, her eyes serious.
"Sure." I look at her questioningly. We already said goodbye to Graham last night via FaceTime. I know Evie is disappointed her mom couldn’t see us off but General Maywood had to fly to Washington DC two days ago. We had dinner with her the night before she left and as we were saying our final good-byes, both she and Evie shed a few tears. It was good to see Evie open up to her family over the summer. She cried the whole way home from seeing Graham off but they talk nearly every day now. General Maywood and Evie are almost back to the close relationship I remember them having in high school. I know Evie is going to miss her family, just like I am, but having all of their blessings and support makes the move much easier.
The past few weeks have been pretty stressful as Evie learned about the court date to testify against Gary. She seemed simultaneously dazed, relieved, and terrified that the prosecutor is moving forward and although we're months away from an outcome, it all looks pretty favorable that Gary's going to serve time. That, coupled with the backlash he's receiving from the Army, is making his life hell right now. Not the degree of hell he deserves, but still, I'm grateful that some type of justice is being served. Paul took a plea and had to pay a hefty fine in addition to two years probation. Not even close to what he deserved to be charged with. However, after all the stories Evie and I learned about perpetrators squeezing past the criminal justice system without any punishment, the fact that Paul pleaded guilty and Gary is being prosecuted are both small victories.
On the bright side, both Gary and Paul received a beat down that left them bruised and bloody, although they're not offering up who doled out the punishment. The knowing glances and gentle pats on the shoulder Evie received from some of the active duty guys at Morris made it clear who’d taken care of the problem. I was proud as hell that my brothers-in-arms looked out for my girl the way they did. Evie seemed touched by their support and display of solidarity, too.
“Where’re we stopping?”
She turns to me, “Can you pass by Gladys’s house really quick?”
"Yeah, sure." I doubt Gladys will ever understand the importance she’s played in both of our lives, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to show her. It’s suddenly tough to be leaving since it seems that we both just got our families back. Sure, it's what we want to do, but the feeling is bittersweet all t
he same.
Five minutes later, I pull in front of Gladys’s home and let the engine idle while Evie hops out of the car. I follow her up the steps to ring the doorbell.
Mindy pulls open the door, surprise crossing her features when she sees us.
“Hey, Mindy, your grandma home?” I ask.
She nods, her confusion receding as she holds the door open wider. “Yes, she’ll be real glad to see y’all.”
Gladys’s face lights up when Evie steps into the living room. Her eyes are clear this morning, a knowing look passing between her and I easily. Evie drops to her knees beside Gladys’s chair and envelops her in a warm hug.
“Thank you, Gladys. For everything,” Evie whispers, even though Mindy and I hear her.
Gladys pulls back slowly and rests a hand on Evie’s cheek. “I’m so happy for you, dear. So very happy. It’s good to see you with some fire in your eyes again. You give them hell in Texas, ya hear? You’ll be number one in your class, I’m sure.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And don’t let him step out of line.” Her eyes cut to me, narrowing, even though a softness touches her lips.
“I won’t.”
“I know.” She pats Evie’s cheek.
“Now, y’all better get on the road and stop dawdling around here with an old lady like me.”
We all laugh.
“I’m serious. Get going!”
Evie gives her one last squeeze, and I step forward to press a kiss to the thin, papery skin of her cheek. “I’ll be checking up on you,” I tell her.
She waves me away but her eyes shine. We say our last goodbyes to Gladys and Mindy before climbing back in the SUV. I pull away from the curb, honking twice to no one and everyone in our little town.
Then we're on the road, our windows down, and fresh air whipping against our faces. Evie reaches forward and fiddles with the radio, humming to herself as an old throwback from high school plays through the speakers. She leans back in her seat and turns toward me.
"You ready for this?"
"Yeah." I glance over at her before swinging my eyes back to the road. "I've been waiting for this for a long time, my Maywood."