by MJ Bockarie
"I guess I'm okay." I scratched my head. "And exactly how long is a while?" I asked.
"Three weeks," she shrugged, "I guess that isn't a while, but you get it."
I sighed and nodded, looking up at the ceiling. "So what did I miss?"
"Um, not much, to be honest. Alec and I had sex, Nathaniel Woodrow came by, and–"
"Wait, wait," I cut her off and looked at her, "what did you just say?"
"I said Nathaniel Woodrow came by." Mariana replied.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "And before that?"
Her cheeks flushed red and I knew I had heard it right. "Mariana, you didn't."
"We were drunk!" She whispered harshly, glancing behind her to see if anyone was listening. "Don't tell Austin."
"Are you out of your mind?" I scoffed. "I don't tell Austin anything."
She nodded. The both of us sat in silence for a bit before Mariana let out a small sigh. "I'm being sold next week."
"I know."
"You do?"
"We all did, Mariana." I said. "I knew this was coming eventually. I'm sorry you had to learn it this way, but Nathaniel is going to treat you right. Better than we ever did."
She nodded and looked away from me, staring out the window. I let out a quiet huff and fiddled with my fingers. "So are you and Alec dating now or what?"
Mariana scoffed. "No. The sex didn't mean anything. It was basically a one-night stand."
"You're trying to not make it mean something, but obviously it did mean a little something to you, didn't it?" I asked and Mariana stayed silent. "I knew it." I spoke after a while.
"Alec is my kidnapper and wants nothing to do with me." Mariana huffed.
"You don't know that." I shrugged. "And piece of advice, stop doubting yourself."
"How can I not?" She shook her head and slumped in her seat. "I've been doubting a lot of things since I've been with you and your brothers."
"I'm not surprised." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Speaking of my brothers, how are those douchebags doing anyway?"
"They're okay," Mariana ran a hand through her hair. "I've realized Austin has no feelings of remorse or probably no feelings whatsoever."
"I'm getting the vibe that you can't stand Austin." I chuckled.
She rolled her eyes. "No shit, Sherlock. I can't stand being in the same car as him, and to think, in the beginning of all this I was supposed to be his lover."
"Obviously that didn't work out." I smiled and Mariana shook her head.
She stayed quiet again before continuing to speak. "Alec took me to a club." She said. "I could've run away."
"Everyone at that place knows who you are, Mariana." I explained. "Someone would've simply brought you back in."
She brought her gaze down to her hands and fiddled with her fingers. After a while, she looked up at me, her eyes glossy with tears. "Do you think Alec got me drunk on purpose?"
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Where'd that come from?"
Mariana shrugged. "I don't know. Just a thought."
"But you said the both of you were drunk, correct?" I asked and she nodded.
"I did, I did," she mumbled as she stood up and began pacing around, "I just don't know anymore. Everything was hazy. I saw him drinking, but he didn't seem drunk. Yeah, he was slurring his words and stumbling around, but thinking back to it, it almost seemed like it was staged."
"He tolerates alcohol well." I shrugged.
"Really?" She scoffed. "Because I'm pretty sure he drank three full fucking bottles of vodka or whatever that shit was."
I sighed. Knowing Alec and what he was capable of, I didn't want to think the worst. "Is it possible that maybe all that "alcohol" Alec was consuming was either watered down or completely water?"
Mariana's eyes widened and the tears just started falling. "Andy..."
"Don't cry!" I quickly said. I wasn't good with girls and emotions. "It's just a thought. Maybe he really does tolerate alcohol well."
"Doesn't that still mean he was acting to get me into bed?" She asked.
"I don't know." I whispered and she broke down, sobbing into her hands.
I ran my hands over my face and laid down. Alec, that moronic imbecile, please tell me you didn't take advantage of the girl you weren't even supposed to like in the first place.
***
"Hey, brother." Alec smiled as he walked in the room. His eyes were red and he had extreme bags. I had never seen him so tired before. "How you doing?"
"I'm fine." I said. "You?"
He nodded. "I'm doing pretty well."
I crossed my arms. "So, I'm just going to get straight to the point."
Alec looked confused. "Okay?"
"I heard about you and Mariana."
"What about us?" Alec looked even more confused.
I whistled. "The sex on her birthday?"
He furrowed his eyebrows. "She told you?"
"Yeah, she did." I sat up and placed my hands in my lap. "And she had a small concern."
"And that was?"
"She thinks you weren't really drunk." I explained. "She was worried that you pretended to be drunk just so you could get her into bed."
"She's never drank before." Alec shrugged. "I don't think she would know what a drunk person even looked like."
"That's what I thought." I said. "So I tried to comfort her and said that you can tolerate alcohol very well. But she told me that you probably drank three bottles of vodka or something."
"I did." He nodded.
I narrowed my eyes. "And was that vodka watered down?"
He shook his head. "Nope."
"Was it water?"
"No."
"Alec," I sighed, "don't lie to me."
"It wasn't water, Andy." He gritted his teeth.
"I don't believe you." I rolled my eyes.
He scoffed. "Of course you don't."
I noticed his face becoming red. I raised an eyebrow. "Why's your face so red, big brother?"
"Because you're pissing me off." He muttered.
"That's absolute bullshit, Alec." I rolled my eyes. "It's going to take more than that to get you angry."
"I didn't do anything wrong, all right, Andy?" He stood up so fast that he knocked over his chair. "We were drunk and one thing led to another. I would never take advantage of Mariana like that!"
"Really?" I snarled. "Because I remember you telling me about your glorious plan to get her in bed with you before you even kidnapped her. I know you, Alec. I know you're hiding something."
I thought back to the conversation we had had about this very same girl, even more worried now that I was on to something.
"I hope she's hot." Alec sighed as he cleaned his gun.
"Why?" I asked. "It's not like you have a chance with her, anyway. She's Austin’s until Nathaniel buys her at the auction."
"I have my ways." He shrugged.
"Alec," I said, "don't try anything. Even if she is hot, how the hell are you going to convince someone we kidnapped to get into bed with you?"
"Get her drunk?" Alec asked. "I don't know; I'll figure something out."
"Don't do something stupid."
"No promises."
Alec opened his mouth multiple times to say things, but he simply closed them again. Finally, he shook his head and glared at me. "Fuck you."
"What?" I demanded.
Alec sat down and put his head in his hands. "It was watered down vodka and booze."
"You selfless, son of a bitch." I chuckled bitterly. "You fucked that poor girl because why? You were bored?"
"I don't know!" Alec didn't look up. He sounded distressed, but I couldn't give two flying fucks. "I just... she just..."
"Save it." I snapped. "Get out."
"Andy-"
"Get the fuck out, Alec!" I roared. He stood up, and without a word, walked out, leaving me to my anger and thoughts.
sixteen
Mariana
“I fucking hate you!" I slapped Alec the moment he walked ou
t of Andy's "hospital" room.
"You used me like I was some toy! I should've stopped myself! I knew something was wrong, but all I was doing was listening to the little fucking voice in the back of my head that was telling me to keep going!”
“What was I even thinking? You ruined my life and I had sex with you just for your benefit! Just because you wanted to get to me before Austin did, right?"
He didn't speak, so I kept going. I had never re-membered being as angry as I was at anyone than I was at Alec at that moment. "You're such a useless piece of shit! You disgust me! How could you live with yourself after doing that? Is this what you did to Austin's girlfriend, too? Is this why he hates you so much? I don't blame him because I would hate you, too."
"Shut up." Alec growled.
I scoffed. "Why? Because you can't handle me speaking the truth? All your life you've probably ignored every little piece of advice anyone tried to give you. I mean, you wouldn't be a fucking fugitive if you did, right? You are literally so self-absorbed you don't think about others and how what you do is going to affect them."
"Shut up, Mariana!" Alec screamed. "I am sick and tired of your fucking bitching! For the last, like, month all you've been crying about is how you want to go home and your life is ruined and blah, blah, blah! Like, shut the fuck up already! You want to know why I do what I do? You want to know why I involve myself with criminals and could potentially get myself killed? Because I'm fucked up! This is all I know!
I watched my father murder my mother before my very own eyes and he never got convicted. I lived with a murderer for most of my life and watched as he made deals with some really fucking horrible people. What did he end up doing? Taking me with him.
He took me with him on his so-called "secret missions" to teach me how to make deals and get out of them.
“Mariana, this is the thing I know how to do well. I had nobody to teach me right from wrong because God knows Austin's mother hated my ass and couldn't care less about what my father did with me."
I was baffled. I was mad for him, mad at him, mad with him. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I couldn't believe it. All this time I thought he was doing this because he enjoyed it, but this was what he knew. This was all he knew. He didn't know any better. Although, being a twenty-one-year-old, you'd think he'd have a choice of whether or not he wanted to continue on with what he did.
I wanted to feel for him. I really did. I wanted my heart to break for him, but I just couldn't. After the stage of shock passed, I was back to being angry and pissed at him for using me like some toy.
“Stop making excuses Alec” I snapped. “I’m not going to believe everything you say just cos. I’m pretty sure you enjoy doing half the shit you do so save that sob story for someone else.”
"You think I enjoy this?" He whispered harshly, stepping closer to me. He looked so angry, I swear he was going to cry.
"You could've walked away a long time ago." I hissed. "This isn't the life you have to live. For Christ sake, you're twenty-one, Alec! You could've walked out the moment you stepped in."
"I love how you think that it's so easy to walk away." Alec scoffed. "It's difficult, Mariana. It's dangerous. It's life-threatening. You don't get out of this business easy. If I got up and disappeared, people would come looking for me to bring me back. Hell, I'd have to move to someplace like fucking Germany if I wanted to get out of this. Now that I think about it, they'd probably find me there, too."
"I know it isn't easy." I ran my hands over my face. I was frustrated and tired. I wanted this conversation to be over already. "But why did you do this, anyway? You obviously hate your father for what he did, so why on earth did you follow in his footsteps?"
The sinister smile I knew too well appeared on Alec's face. "Because I'm pretty sure he would've killed me, too."
***
The car ride back was torture. I could literally feel anger radiating off of Alec as he drove.
Don't get me wrong, I was still incredibly pissed for what he did, but a part of me couldn't help but feel guilty and somewhat sympathetic.
I didn't understand. I shouldn't have been feeling sorry for him. He didn't have to tell me all this. He didn't have to get me drunk just to have sex with me because he felt like it. None of this had to happen.
I was getting mad at myself at this point. Screw Alec, he was the least of my concerns.
"Mariana."
"What?"
"I hate you."
I scoffed. "The feeling's mutual."
Those were the only words said. Once we pulled up to the house and we were inside, I went up to "my" room and slammed the door, locking it. I could hear Alec ranting to Austin about how I was a bitch and explaining to him what had happened.
Curious about what else he was saying about me, I got up and unlocked the door, slowly edging it open. I crept out into the hallway and sat at the top of the stairs, listening. Knowing the boys by now, they weren't very quiet talkers.
"I hate having her here, man." Alec groaned. "I swear, if I got the chance to fucking kill her, I would. She needs to just leave already."
Ouch.
"The auction is on Wednesday." Austin sighed. "You just have to deal with her for three more days and then we're home free."
"I thought you loved her?" Alec asked. "You seem so calm, letting her go."
"I do still love her," Austin sighed, "her stubbornness and all, but she doesn't love me, and there's nothing I can do about that. I am sad to see her go, but I guess it's for the best."
It was silent for a few moments, and I thought about getting up and heading back to my room when Alec spoke again. "Nathaniel's going to knock her up."
Austin scoffed. "Please. The last thing that man needs is more publicity. Plus, if they find out that Mariana is pregnant, they're going to realize she's the kidnapped girl everybody's been looking for and that'll trace back to us, and then we're fucked. That man has to get his priorities straight."
Alec chuckled, then let out a huff. "I seriously can't wait for her to leave. I don't know why we wasted our time on a bitch like her, anyway."
I had heard enough. I walked back to the room and closed the door quietly, locking it once again. I stretched out on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to get that arrogant boy out of my head.
seventeen
Alec was right.
All I did was bitch about how he and the other two had ruined my life and how miserable I was, but while lying down on my bed and staring up at the ceiling for hours on end, I realized that there was nothing these boys could possibly do that would make my life worse than it was right now.
I wasn't going to complain. I wouldn't say any-thing. A part of me was itching for the auction to come so I didn't have to spend my time with these lunatics anymore, but it also occurred to me that I'd probably be staying with another one. If the plan goes according to what we discussed, of course.
Hearing Alec say "I hate you" was probably the worst feeling ever. It was like someone had stabbed me in the heart with a billion knives. The fact that I had the courage to say it back – not directly but I still did – was surprising to me. I wondered if it sur-prised him a little, too.
I didn't hate him. God, no, I didn't. I was just... it was a feeling I couldn't explain. Everything I was doing, being friends with the boys, low-key being in love with Alec, it was all wrong. This was all so wrong, but it felt right.
Everything felt in place. It was like this was all meant to happen, but then again, it wasn't.
I mean, what if it wasn't me? What if they picked up some poor girl from the grocery store and brought her here? And just imagine if Austin wasn't in love with her. They would've beaten her senseless for the little things she did.
It probably would've been the same deal for me, you know, if Austin wasn't in love with me. It was shocking to know that he still was, and somehow, a little flattering.
I had been cooped up in my room for who knows how long. Hou
rs upon hours, staring up at that egg-shell white ceiling and trying to get Alec's voice out of my head.
It was hurtful to know that he didn't want me here. After what he did and our little argument at the "hospital", I should be the one saying all those things.
If he wanted to have sex with me, he could've just asked. I would've said no, but that's better than getting me drunk while he fakes it and then take advantage of me.