by S. D. Perry
Because of what I’ve learned. Because of what I needed.
Ro, Yevir, Kasidy, the book, Reyla. Sustenance, faith was; although personal meditation wasn’t as powerful as group, when she and her siblings all chanted their love together, there was nothing better for regaining a sense of guidance, of objectivity. In prayer, Kira was reminded that all would be well in Their eyes, as it ever was and ever would be. It also gave her a chance to step back and take account of her own thoughts and motives in everything that was happening, to review and improve, to try and understand other perspectives.
Kira smiled a little. She’d included a thought for Ro Laren in her meditation, which would probably really irritate the lieutenant if she knew. Someone like Ro couldn’t seem to understand that faith and prayer didn’t necessarily mean slavish devotion to ignorance. Ro exasperated her, but Kira couldn’t help feeling sorry for her, too. If it was simply indifference she expressed, an apathy toward religion, no big deal. It was Ro’s active anger at the faith that was distressing; something had driven her from the shrine, something that had made it a negative experience for her to trust in her own spirituality.
And as to Yevir…
She remembered Winn Adami too well to be surprised by duplicity within the Assembly, but Yevir didn’t seem to be politically motivated; there was no question that he genuinely believed, and not for his own sake, but for Bajor’s. It was the veracity of his love for Them that had clouded his judgment, and that passion had the potential to be too much for him, too much for anyone so deeply committed. To put such a man in a position of power could prove disastrous; people who believed in the righteousness of their every decision often stopped worrying about the consequences. The Prophets had faith in them all, but Kira was only mortal; she thought that Yevir’s appointment to kai would be a mistake, and hoped that he wouldn’t stay at the station much longer. With the task force and the Jem’Hadar and still, still the repairs, she didn’t need to be worrying about how to interact with him at random intervals—
“Ops to Colonel Kira.” It was Shar.
Back to the world. “Go ahead.”
“The U.S.S. Enterprise has just popped out of warp. They’ve flashed a text message requesting docking clearance. requesting an immediate upper pylon docking clearance.”
And so it begins.
Kira was on her feet, tapping at the closest light panel, looking for her boots. The Enterprise was the Federation flagship, but she hadn’t expected anyone from the task force to arrive so soon, and she was surprised that they wanted to dock. Why hadn’t they signaled hours ago? And a text message?
“Give them upper pylon two,” she said, reaching for her uniform jacket.
“They report having suffered minimal but disabling damage from a plasma wave,” Shar continued, “and list mid-level maintenance requirements in their request.”
Plasma wave? The Badlands? That might explain their comm troubles. “Status of DS9’s senior officers?”
“Lieutenants Bowers and Nog are on the Defiant, working on the venting conduits. Dr. Bashir is in the infirmary…Lieutenant Ro is at the security office, and Lieutenant Dax is at cargo bay 41C, with the Jem’Hadar.”
Kira could drag them all away from what they were doing, but she thought Captain Picard would understand if she greeted them by herself. She didn’t want to wait, either, to find out how the Enterprise came to be docking for maintenance a full ten hours earlier than the fleet of “investigators” were expected.
“Inform Captain Picard that I’ll be on hand to meet him personally, at the inner port, in ten minutes,” she said. “Send two security guards to meet us there. And advise the Enterprise of our current supply and capacity status. Also adjust ETA for the Allied task force through them, as soon as possible.”
She left her quarters immediately, smoothing her hair back as she walked, thinking about seeing Captain Picard and his fairly exceptional crew again; the Enterprise-E hadn’t been to the station in some time, and despite the situation, she realized she was looking forward to it. Worf and Miles O’Brien had served with that crew, albeit on the Enterprise-D, and both men had some fascinating stories to tell. She knew that Ro had left the Enterprise to join the Maquis, another point of interest. The android Data was their operations officer, and unless there’d been a change, Will Riker was the ship’s second-in-command. Kira had only met Will once since her tragic run-in with Thomas Riker, and had been fascinated by the personality differences between the two. And Jean-Luc Picard…she remembered that she’d been a little intimidated by him, in a personal sense. He was formal, well educated, and well spoken, all qualities that tended to make her notice her own roughness.
But that was before I made colonel. Picard was sharp, too, and always spoke admiringly of Bajor. She wanted to know what he had to say about the Allied decision, and hear his opinion on Kitana’klan’s story. In fact, the Enterprise’s counselor was a Betazoid, Deanne, or Deanna Troi…perhaps she’d be able to tell them more about the Jem’Hadar’s motives.
She walked quickly through the habitat ring to the turbolift, wondering what else the Enterprise was about to bring to her entirely unprecedented day. At the moment, she felt like she couldn’t possibly be surprised…and she knew from experience that feeling that way was usually when the universe decided to shake things up a little more, to try and find out what a person was created from, clay or sand, adapt or crumble.
As the lift started to rise, Kira thought she’d do best to keep her expectations to a minimum. Things were about to get hectic and she needed to keep her calm, to keep letting the Prophets lead, to keep knowing herself in the face of disorder so that she might lead others. All she could do was her best.
The station’s air was cool and cleanly scented, the airlock room spotless, the lights lower than on the Enterprise. As much as Picard loved his ship, it was nice to set foot in less familiar territory every now and again. He wished the circumstances were different; the shock of seeing the debris field while approaching the station still hadn’t worn off, nor the news from DS9’s operations center that it was all that remained of the Starship Aldebaran and all who had been aboard her.
“Captain Picard,” Kira said, stepping forward to shake his hand. Two Bajoran security guards were with her. The young colonel seemed tired, but calm, considering. “Welcome to Deep Space 9.”
Captain Picard smiled politely, remembering her as the Bajoran intermediary under Sisko. Although they’d met before, most of what he knew about Kira Nerys had come from accounts of her actions during the war. She had been deeply involved in the Cardassian resistance against the Dominion, which by itself was impressive; Kira had grown up during the Cardassian occupation of her world.
“Colonel Kira, it’s a pleasure to see you again,” he said. “May I present Commander Elias Vaughn, on special assignment from Starfleet…”
Kira shook his hand as well. Vaughn smiled charmingly, but his eyes seemed to be studying the colonel’s face intently. Kira smiled back at him. “A pleasure, Commander.”
“…and I believe you’ve already met my first officer, Commander William Riker.”
Kira nodded, still smiling. “Of course. Hello, Commander.”
“I’m sorry to hurry through the pleasantries, but my communications officer has just filled us in on your status, as well as news about the Allied task force,” Picard said, “which I’m afraid is all news to us. We were hit by a wave in the Badlands, and haven’t had the use of our subspace array for the last three days. We came here primarily for maintenance and repairs.”
Kira nodded. “That explains it. I thought you were too early.”
Riker stepped forward. “If I could get to a private room with a conference screen…”
“Of course,” Kira said, nodding at one of the guards. “Sergeant, please escort the commander to the 3–3 conference room. It’s the nearest.”
As Will went to see what Starfleet had for them, Picard and Vaughn both expressed their sympathies. Kira a
ccepted with grace, and explained their current shortages and deficiencies. Picard agreed to lend his chief engineer’s services to Kira as soon as the Enterprise was pronounced fit, and the colonel offered ship leave for his crew, explaining that the Promenade was actually fully operational. As soon as the immediate plans were covered, the colonel brought them up to speed on the Allied response to the attack on the station.
“What’s the word on establishing a peacekeeping presence in the Gamma Quadrant?” Vaughn asked.
“Ah, nothing new, that I’ve heard,” Kira said, and Picard could see that she was surprised. He was, too; he’d assumed that Vaughn knew what was happening, but hadn’t suspected that particular development himself. He supposed he should have; both the Romulans and the Klingons had wanted it when the treaty was being negotiated.
Although he shouldn’t have said anything about it in front of me, or the colonel. And he seems positively enthusiastic about meeting her.
“If you haven’t been in touch with the task force, you don’t know about the Jem’Hadar soldier,” Kira said. “I—excuse me, would you gentlemen like a drink, or dinner? Forgive my manners, I’ve had quite a day.”
Vaughn accepted the offer for both of them. “The task force isn’t going to get here any faster, no matter what we do,” he said casually. “I think we can spare the time…although why don’t we take a walk, instead? I’ve heard a lot about your station, I’d like to see some of it.”
He looked at Picard. “That is, if you don’t mind, Captain.”
“Of course not,” Picard said. “Although I hope you’ll let me catch up to you in just a few moments. I need to make some arrangements with my senior staff.”
“Of course, Captain. Would you care to see the Promenade, Commander?” Kira said. “We can walk the main floor.”
“Elias, please,” Vaughn said, following her away from the airlock. “Tell me about this Jem’Hadar.”
It wasn’t until after they left and Picard was back on the Enterprise bridge that it occurred to him—Vaughn had made no mention of the Orb, and neither had he. Entirely understandable, he supposed, given the circumstances. The news of the Jem’Hadar attack and the approaching task force had been quite a shock, and certainly overshadowed the far less galactic import of recovering the Orb of Memory.
After making arrangements with Counselor Troi to begin ship leave rotations, Picard found himself impatient for Will to report back, wanting to rejoin Vaughn and Kira quickly; he didn’t want to miss Kira’s reaction to learning about the Orb. After hearing about the Aldebaran, being part of something positive would do him good.
Ezri was just finishing the notes on her conversation with Kitana’klan when Kira signaled, asking her to come to the Promenade. It seemed the station had just received a visitor who knew something about Jem’Hadar development, and wanted to meet her.
Ezri hurried through the outer rings but found herself slowing when she reached the main floor, the turbolift exiting within sight of the infirmary. She stepped out and stood, looking at it, thinking.
She was a little worried about Julian, afraid that he’d been hurt by her desire to slow things down a little. It was strange, she actually had a memory of telling him that joined Trill tried to avoid serious romantic relationships, not long after she’d met him, as Jadzia. She’d only been half joking; although it wasn’t discouraged in any way for the joined, it was widely accepted that other people could be a serious distraction from fulfilling personal potential—something else she already knew, but that she had only started to understand—
Julian walked out of the infirmary, adjusting his med kit on its strap. When he looked up and saw her, he barely hesitated, his expression moving from surprise to a kind of cordial ease as he approached. She knew him well enough to know better.
“Hello, Ezri.” Polite, happy to see her, that unconscious stiffness in his manner. He made no move to touch her.
“Hi,” she said, not sure what to do, standing with her arms at her sides. She wanted to reach out to him, to reassure him that they had time, that things would turn out for the best, but she didn’t want to assume anything about what he was feeling. She’d asked for space and his patience, and he’d given it to her; it wouldn’t be right to confuse things by trying to take care of him now, not when she was the cause of his discomfort.
Julian seemed to understand, and quickly said, “I’m on my way to see Kitana’klan, to replenish his ketracel-white. Didn’t you see him today?”
“Just finished,” she said, grateful for a safe topic. “He’s the same, facts without interpretation, either won’t or can’t extrapolate meaning from environment…he maintains that Odo sent him to observe, and that he’ll continue to cooperate with our restrictions until we’re certain we can trust him.”
“Where are you off to?” Julian asked. “It might be helpful for you to watch him interact with someone else….”
“Actually, Kira asked me to meet her at the east platform. She says someone who just arrived with the Enterprise may be able to help shed some light on Kitana’klan. Maybe you should be coming with me.”
“Can’t,” he said, smiling, looking into her eyes just long enough for her to be reminded of how beautiful his were, liquid and probing, always watching. “I don’t want our guest to be suffering any withdrawal symptoms when I finally get there, thank you very much.”
She smiled back at him, and before she could find a way to end their conversation, Julian headed her off again.
“Well. I’d better get to it,” he said. “See if Kira’s acquaintance wouldn’t mind stopping by the infirmary later, to fill me in.”
“Sure,” she said, and then he was gone, striding briskly away. Ezri took a deep breath, turned, and walked out onto the crowded main floor, reassuring herself that she’d made the right decision, for both of them. People changed all the time, and as much as she loved him, she was going through a big transitional period. She didn’t think she could focus on him as much as he wanted…and she was afraid that she might end up really hurting him. What had happened in her bedroom had been an accident, and maybe she hadn’t handled it properly, but his reaction had been deeply painful to her; how would he react if something like that happened again? She wasn’t human, and she didn’t want to restrict herself by pretending that she was, just so Julian would feel more comfortable.
All of this proving that I’m spending too much time being distracted by him, by us, when I should be thinking about—
“Ezri!”
Ezri looked to the shout and there was Kira, standing with Jean-Luc Picard and…Elias Vaughn. Vaughn, of all people. Still alive. There was no mistaking him, even though he was obviously much older. She’d never expected to see him again. As she approached the trio, she randomly thought that at least she wasn’t distracted anymore.
“Lieutenant Ezri Dax, Captain Jean-Luc Picard,” Kira said, stepping back into a nook so that they weren’t blocking foot traffic, “and Commander Elias Vaughn. Lieutenant Dax is our counselor, and has been working with Kitana’klan.”
Picard smiled, extending his hand. Jadzia had thought him attractive in spite of her feelings about him, and Ezri could see why. He had a strong presence, one that matched his finely chiseled features and the natural eloquence of his manner. “I believe I met a Dax when I was here last. And are you…I hope I’m phrasing this correctly—weren’t you also Curzon Dax?”
“That’s right,” she said, noting that Elias didn’t seem surprised at all. Either he knew already or he’d gotten even better at hiding his reactions.
Ezri felt a vague unease as she took Picard’s hand; she knew that Benjamin had made his peace with it, and knew also that it hadn’t been Picard’s fault…but Locutus of Borg had been responsible for the death of Jennifer Sisko, Jake’s mother and Benjamin’s first wife. And both Curzon and Jadzia had been around to see what that had done to Ben, and to Jake. “It’s good to see you again. Sir.”
“Dax, it’s been a while,” Vaugh
n said, smiling. His hand was warm, his grip as firm as Curzon remembered.
“You’re right, it has,” Ezri said agreeably.
She suddenly realized Kira and Picard were both watching them.
“You two know each other?” Kira asked.
Ezri nodded, letting Vaughn respond. He was the one who’d brought it up, which meant he was obviously prepared to field questions.
“Long story,” he said simply, and Ezri nodded again; worked for her. She thought he looked good for a human who had to be around a hundred now, still full of life.
“It seems that Commander Vaughn has a wide knowledge of what Starfleet has collected on the Jem’Hadar,” Kira said. “He was telling me about a new study on individual personality traits, when it occurred to me that you should be hearing this.”
Ezri nodded, not bothering to point out that Starfleet hadn’t done any such study, at least not officially; she’d spent the better part of two days reading everything she could find, starting with Starfleet’s complete research. Included were outlines of results-pending hypotheses, and none of them involved psychological-sociological studies on individuality.
Vaughn will be Vaughn….
Still the enigma, it seemed, although something had changed. He seemed taller, literally and figuratively, the literal coming from the fact that Ezri was easily Dax’s shortest host. Julian thought it was funny, but changing stature made a huge difference in one’s perception. It had always been strange, seeing the same people through different eyes, particularly when it had been more than a lifetime ago.
“It’s easy to misjudge the Jem’Hadar,” Vaughn said, off Kira’s cue. “Because they’re bred to fight and obey, most people assume that they’re all alike, simplistic and solely driven by engineered instinct. In fact, it’s coming to light that no two are the same. Their social status is partly based on it, on the strengths of individual character based on action and decision making. The most successful squad leaders are exceptional at reading the degrees of these qualities in their men.”