by Leah Braemel
Torn between wanting to say “too little, too late” and “about fuckin’ time,” he realized Dillon had missed the point. “I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t think that’s your decision to make, Dill. It’s Nikki’s.”
Still, the broken part of him inside, the part Dillon had fractured years ago, the part he’d hidden away and tried to pretend didn’t still hurt, eased. No matter who Nikki chose, they’d still be friends.
Dillon shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah, I know. Look, while I’ve got you alone, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that.”
Brett’s hold on the pot he’d been washing tightened, every muscle tense. “About what?”
“About what happened ten years ago.”
Using all his concentration, he placed the pot back in the water and released it before turning to face Dillon. He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out.
Dillon stared at his boots and took a deep breath before looking him straight in the eye. “I’m sorry for being such a prick. I shouldn’t have beat on you when I’d not told you I liked Nikki. Looking back on it, I’m surprised you ever came back to Texas, and even more surprised that you still talk to me.”
Had Dillon forgotten the countless times he’d stepped in and stopped him from getting beat up when he and his dad had first arrived in Barnett county? Or how many times he’d awoken from one of the endless nightmares he’d had the months, years, after he’d come to live with the Barnetts and found Dillon crouched beside him, willing to talk late in the night until the demons receded? No matter how many times he swallowed, he couldn’t clear the lump that formed in his throat. “You’re my friend, Dill. I couldn’t walk away like that.”
“Yeah, some friend I was.” Dillon broke eye contact and started examining his boots again. “Friends don’t beat the crap out of each other like I pounded on you that night.”
After another deep breath, he raised his head again, misery clouding his eyes. “I’m real sorry. For everything.” He stuck out his hand. “You’re a better man than me, Brett. Will you accept my apology?”
Brett eyed Dillon’s outstretched hand. “You’re not gonna wanna hug me or some touchy-feely shit like that, are you?”
Dillon’s grin lit up his face. “Nah, this is Texas after all. I’ll settle for a good old-fashioned handshake.”
Brett grabbed the towel Dillon had left wadded up on the counter and dried his hands with jerky movements. Despite the assurance, when he clasped Dillon’s hand, he found himself dragged into a hug, Dillon slapping his back.
“Geez, Dill.” He extracted himself and turned back to the sink, not wanting Dillon to see how much it had affected him. “Shit, if Nikki had walked in right then, she’d have thought we’re going all Brokeback Mountain and would hightail it out of Texas, let alone your place.”
After popping Dillon one in the shoulder, Brett walked out of the house. He jumped off the porch and wandered over to the pasture, resting one foot on the fence as he stared at the grazing horses. If he was lucky, Dillon wouldn’t follow him and expect him to talk because, goddamn it, his fucking throat had closed up again.
There had to be another way than having a permanent polyamorous relationship. Hell, he couldn’t even get his tongue around the words, let alone the idea. Yet no matter how many times he turned the solution around and examined it from every angle, the only way everyone could win was if Nikki never made a decision, if they continued living together, the three of them.
What would the Barnetts think in reality? Let alone everyone else in Barnett county? And yet…and yet it might be the perfect solution.
What the hell was he thinking?
Chapter Fourteen
Nikki climbed into Dillon’s truck and sat quietly as Dillon and Brett said their good-byes to the Barnett family. To her relief, neither man said much on the way home; everyone seemed lost in their own thoughts. The only sign Dillon gave that he knew they were in the truck with him was when he took his hand from the steering wheel to squeeze her thigh. Brett held her hand the whole way home, his thumb brushing over hers, though she wondered if he was even aware he was doing it as he stared out the window.
Without speaking they headed to the living room where they all sat on the couch, once again Brett and Dillon sitting on either side of her. Dillon wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to rest against him, while Brett lifted her feet onto his lap and gave her a foot massage. The shadows grew long, leaving them in the dark as they watched television, though for the life of her, Nikki couldn’t say what they were watching.
His daddies decided instead of fighting for the hand of the woman they loved, they’d all live together kept repeating in her head. Was a permanent threesome feasible? Could it work? Or was she just grasping it as a solution because she didn’t want to lose either man?
What about Brett and Dillon? Did they both really want her? Or were they locked into some private battle they’d never resolved ten years before? Would they come to their senses one day and realize they were settling for sloppy seconds by sharing her? Would she have to watch one or the other—or both—leave in a few months’ time, when the excitement of the forbidden wore off?
There’d be no escaping any public censure, no matter how accepting Dillon’s grandmother might be of their arrangement. She doubted Dillon’s father would approve of the example they’d be setting for the rest of their children, especially Lilly. Dillon wouldn’t be willing to risk his father’s approval. Brett wouldn’t either.
Brett also had to deal with the public on a daily basis. What might happen if he had to testify at court? Couldn’t a defense attorney use their relationship as a weapon to destroy his credibility?
She rested her head on Dillon’s shoulder. She’d said she loved them both, and Brett had returned the words. Oh, boy, he’d returned them with feeling so deeply she felt it down to her toes. Dillon loved her too. He’d even asked her to marry him. And he’d shown it in so many ways. He loved Brett too, or else he never would have stepped aside the way he had by the pond. That selfless act had done more to cement her respect, her love for him than anything else.
If she chose one of them, she had no doubt she’d see little of the other again. Oh, they’d wish her and whoever she chose well, but it would hurt too much to stay around. But if she didn’t choose, if she chose Gramma Barnett’s solution, society could crush them all.
She held two good men’s fates in the palm of her hand, fates that with one word could be destroyed.
Dillon finally picked up the remote and switched off the television. “We need to talk, Nik.”
The seriousness of his tone had her tensing. Dillon was rarely this serious. Her brain ran through the various scenarios. He wanted her to decide between them now. She clutched the hand Dillon had snaked around her waist.
Maybe Dillon regretted last night and wanted to ensure it never happened again. Or maybe he’d decided that a woman who would agree to that fantasy wasn’t the type he wanted to settle down with after all.
Maybe he was going to tell her to move back to her place?
It might make things easier, give her some breathing space. But she liked having them around, having someone to talk to in the evenings, to cuddle with in the mornings. Her place would be so empty. She’d never been alone. She’d moved from living at home with her parents to being married to Wade. And within a couple of weeks of him moving out, Phil had moved in.
Maybe that’s why she’d agreed to let Phil stay with her. Maybe she’d never grown up. Maybe she’d never been responsible for herself. Never proven herself.
Dillon caught her hand and stroked the fleshy part at the base of her thumb. “This afternoon, while you were talking with Mom, Brett and I were talking about what Gramma Barnett suggested. About the three of us living together.”
They were considering it too? She glanced between them, waiting for Dillon to crack a smile or Brett to frown and tell Dillon off. Instead they watched her intently.
&nbs
p; “Wait a minute. You’re serious about this? About us…” she twirled a finger between the three of them. “About the three of us living together. Permanently?”
“Yeah, we’re serious, Nik.” Brett rested a hand on her thigh. “Neither of us can picture life without you. We think we could make it work.”
It took all her concentration to breathe, to force air past her narrowing throat. Was she really considering this as a viable alternative? How insane was that?
“We both love you, Nik.” Dillon sought out her hand again. “We both want to be part of your life. What do you say?”
“How about you’re both nuts?” And so am I for even considering it. Even though it would be fantastic to have you both in my life.
“Come on.” Dillon was like a pit bull with a bone. “Have the last few weeks been that horrible? Didn’t you enjoy last night? Having two hot men at your beck and call?”
Realizing her mouth had fallen open, she snapped her jaws together. “You mean, you expect that the three of us would sleep together like that all the time?”
Brett cleared his throat. When she glanced at him, she caught the last of some look he’d given Dillon, but couldn’t decipher what it meant before he replaced it with his cop face. “We wouldn’t expect you to have sex with us both at the same time—”
“Unless you want to,” Dillon interrupted.
“—but we could work out some sort of sleeping arrangement.”
“You mean, like you get every other day with me?” Unable to sit still any longer, she pushed herself off the couch and walked to the window. Nope, that wasn’t working. She needed to move while she thought about this. She paced in front of them, unable to wrap her head around their proposal. “Or Dillon gets three days a week, you get the other three, and I get a day off? What day would I get? Wednesdays? Or is that negotiable?”
Dillon snagged her hand as she passed him. “You’re overthinking this. It’s not that hard. I go to bed early most nights, and Brett comes home late. You go to bed with me in the evening and wake up with him.”
She couldn’t miss Brett rolling his eyes. “We haven’t exactly worked out all the details, I admit, but we’ll find a way to make it work.”
“How did you let him talk you into this scheme? You’re normally the less impulsive one.”
“Because the alternative,” Dillon tugged her onto his lap, “is that you choose one of us, which means the other has to walk away.”
Brett shifted until he was beside Dillon. “We both love you, Nik. Neither of us can stand the idea of walking away from you. Of never being with you again.”
Shoot, two men professing to be in love with her, willing to share her for a chance that she’d love them? How could she not find that romantic? She buried her face against Dillon’s chest. “I love you both, but I don’t see how this could work.”
Brett reached over and stroked her hair. “You don’t have to make a decision about it right now. We’re putting it out there as an alternative. So you don’t feel pressured to choose between us.”
When she’d been considering it herself, she’d thought the whole idea outlandish, but with them both onboard, both sitting there so reasonable, so serious, maybe it deserved some thought. If nothing else, it gave her an alternative, or even a chance to buy some more time to make a decision about which man she preferred.
“How long have you two been considering this?” She pulled away from Dillon. “Is that why you suggested last night?”
Dillon cleared his throat. “To be honest, last night has always been a fantasy of mine. That you both agreed to it was gravy on the biscuits.”
Brett snorted. “Bet your fantasy never included me before.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Normally it’s me with a little girl-on-girl action and not another dick in sight.” Hangdog didn’t begin to describe Dillon’s expression, but the color creeping into his cheeks had Nikki giggling. “But you have to admit, last night worked out pretty good. Neither of us has any complaints, and you both seemed to enjoy yourselves. So why not make it permanent?”
Shooting Dillon a bemused look, Brett answered, “Dillon’s telling the truth. We only started discussing keeping it permanent after Gram suggested it this afternoon. So what do you think?”
Her amusement died. “I don’t know.” She chewed her thumbnail as she met Brett’s even gaze. “Won’t you lose your job? Polygamy’s illegal, after all.”
“There’s nothing illegal because we’re not getting married, we’re all of age and no one’s being unduly influenced.”
Dillon’s sense of humor hadn’t fled. He chuckled. “Besides, I can’t see Sheriff Crawford ordering a raid on the Double Bar because we’re havin’ a permanent threesome. Not after some of the stuff you’ve told me about him.”
“Dillon,” Brett growled. “That wasn’t supposed to go any further than us.” He cupped her cheek. “You’ll always have the choice to stay or to go. You’ll be free to leave at any point. I promise.”
She huffed in exasperation. Leaving wasn’t as easy as he implied. Not for her. Besides, it wasn’t just about them. “It may not be against the law, but it’s not exactly accepted by today’s society, despite what your grandmother says. I can’t see your parents accepting the three of us living together in sin. Well, maybe your mom, but your father didn’t seem too thrilled with the idea of a woman living with two guys at the same time. Did you see the look on his face when his mother was talking about her great-grandparents? He definitely wasn’t happy.” Nikki shook her head. “I don’t want you—either of you—to have to cut off your family for me. Besides, a relationship isn’t just about sex. It’s about who does the laundry and the dishes and the cooking.” All of which had fallen to her in her first marriage. “It’s about respect and trust and honesty.”
“We’ve all pitched in so far, haven’t we? And believe me, I haven’t lost any respect for you because of last night, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Dillon insisted. “As for my folks, they’ll come around.”
Brett didn’t look so sure.
“It’s not just your family we have to be concerned about. What if Brett has to testify in court, and the attorneys decide to ruin his credibility in order to defend their client? I don’t want to put him through that.”
“So we deny it. They won’t be able to prove anything. It could be that you’re living here with Brett, or maybe you’re living with me and Brett’s using the room over the garage. No one’s going to know exactly what goes on in our bedroom. For all you know, they might accuse you of living here to cover Brett and me planting a few post holes in each other.”
Brett swore as he rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Dill. I needed that image burned into my brain.”
She had to smile at Dillon’s faith in people, faith she’d long since lost. “People will still talk, Dillon. I’m surprised they’re not already.” If they had, she’d have moved out faster than Rascal snapped at a fly. “I’m not sure I can handle it again.”
“What do you mean again?” Brett asked.
“I went through the gossip mill the last couple years I was with Wade. I’d go into stores, and people would get real quiet when they saw me. Then as I was leaving, I’d hear them start up again. Others couldn’t wait to tell me how Wade was cheating on me.” She took a deep breath. The only other person she’d spoken to about this had been her lawyer. It wasn’t any easier now. If anything it was harder because she cared about what they thought. But they had to know what she’d endured. They had to understand what she wouldn’t accept ever again. “One day this woman—I don’t know her name, but I’d seen her around before. Anyway, she came up to me in the middle of the grocery store and told me about how she’d fucked Wade the night before. How she’d sucked him off for everyone to see at the Boot-T Bar. She even had a picture of them on her cell phone that a friend of hers had taken of them. That’s when I decided to go for the divorce.”
Dillon tightened his hold about her hips, pulling her
snug against him. “First off, neither of us is going to cheat on you. I’d beat the shit out of Brett if he did, and I’m damned sure he’d do the same to me. We love you, Nikki. Both of us. Yeah, there’s going to be some talk, but you know how the people around here are. We’ll be old news soon enough. And if anyone gives you any problems, you just tell us and we’ll look after it.”
“What’ll you do? Go beat the tar out of them?”
“No, but they might find themselves with an extra load of manure piled up against their front door. Maybe dumped in their pool.” When she didn’t smile, he sighed. “It was a joke, Nik. Brett and I will always be here for you. We’ll find some way to help them realize how stupid it is to spread gossip. My mom can stop a body cold with her stare. And once she lights into you, you’d cuddle a hornet if she told you to.”
While she knew they meant what they said, it didn’t make accepting the solution any easier. “I need time to think about it, all right?”
“You’ve got your whole life.” Brett stood and held out a hand. “Come on, it’s time for bed. Dillon’s gotta get up early tomorrow.”
When all three of them ended up in Dillon’s room, she couldn’t help smiling and shaking her head. As bizarre as it seemed, crawling into the bed between the two of them felt more natural than being in the bed alone.
Chapter Fifteen
A part of Brett’s brain registered the sound of country music playing for just a second before it stopped. Confused, he opened his eyes and realized he was in Dillon’s room, with Nikki plastered against him, her hand flat on his belly, her body snuggled up to him, her breath caressing his shoulder. He looked up and saw Dillon sitting on the side of the bed, fumbling on the floor for his pants.
Dillon looked over his shoulder with an abject look on his face. “Sorry, I couldn’t find the shut off for the alarm quick enough. Go back to sleep. I’ll be out of here in a sec.”