Had I had a chance to analyze my own behavior, I’d have probably noticed that what I was doing wasn’t healthy. This projected anger I had was for all the wrong reasons. I should have been pissed off that I’d been put in danger. I probably should have been angry that my brother was out there after a thug had threatened me, which I was upset about, but not directly at Drew. I should have been fuming that I was being held against my will in a cesspool of sex, alcohol and some pretty depraved behavior. Yet, over all of that, what I’d chosen to be upset about was the girl.
I almost cried out in relief when I saw Deeks’ familiar face heading towards me, looking hurt about the sandwiches. He was gazing at one of the bigger guys who was hoarding a platter all to himself in the corner of the room. The moment I saw him, I pushed through the crowd, my hands landing on his shoulders. He actually looked sober.
“Where the hell have you been, Deeks?”
“Boss sent me on a little errand,” he said, watching another stack of food pass by. “Tell me you saved me some sandwiches, Ayda.”
“You’ve been out there alone?” I asked, staring daggers across the room at the man still moving around slow enough to make a sloth look supersonic.
“Not technically.” Deeks grinned, stepping aside and revealing Tate, who seemed more interested in his surroundings than seeing me. At least, he was until I threw my arms around him.
“Ayda, stop.” The kid tried to pry me away from him and gave up, pulling me close with a chuckle. He’d never seen me in this environment before, and for the first time since I’d seen Drew with the whore, I was concerned about something other than how that made me feel.
“Shut up, T. You have no idea how worried I’ve been.” I looked over at Deeks and mouthed a thank you. He honestly had no idea how much I owed him. If Tate had been hurt, threatened or anything I didn’t have a chance to fix, I would be the one stalking that creepy Cortez guy.
The sentimentality between my brother and I was over the moment Tate tried to shake me off as one of the whores passed by giving him a lingering look. It was at that point I suddenly realized I had a problem on my hands. Tate was safe from the danger out there, but he was far from safe when it came to alcohol poisoning and depravity in here.
I wasn’t sure he would ever cheat on Sloane, but then again, men had a tendency to think with their dicks when they were tanked up on alcohol and a piece of ass was being offered up on a silver platter, which essentially was exactly what was going on here. It was also the trap Drew had fallen into. A trap he was used to living in every night of his life.
My stomach dropped, and I slipped away from Tate, my hand grabbing his forearm as his body gravitated to a game of I didn’t know what, but which required taking off clothes when you lost. Not something Tate needed to be a part of.
“There’s a plate of sandwiches for you if you take him to the kitchen for me, Deeks.”
“Sold.” Deeks had a hand on his back and was pushing him toward the kitchen before Tate could argue. He knew there was beer in the fridge as well as I did, and with food in there, he’d be happy for at least an hour. The only problem I had now was building up the courage to talk to Drew about somewhere to put him, and possibly sleep if we were being held there over night.
I took a breath and paced behind some of the taller guys that stood between the bar and me. I glanced between each, watching as Drew spoke to his friend, his drunkenness obvious. He was listing to the side, and his balance was less than great, but even I could see how close he was to toppling off the stool. Heading over there to catch him seemed easy enough, and it was most certainly an icebreaker. I was a grown woman, completely in control of her faculties and hormones. I wasn’t attracted to him at all. It was a moment of weakness because I was being flirted with. The man could make me mad without trying; that was all it was.
I watched him sway from side to side and growled at myself, rolling my eyes as I burst through my line of privacy screens and pushed through to the bar, ducking under his arm as he started to go.
“Easy there, Tucker.” I glared at Jedd before moving my eyes to Drew, realizing what a mistake I was making. “How about we take a break for a while? It’s still early yet.”
His eyes were shut in a sleepy state as his head leaned in closer to mine and he whispered. “You smell like someone I know called Ayda. Do you-” A small hiccup escaped the back of his throat and I watched as he sucked in sharply and pressed his lips together before speaking again. “Do you know her? Dresses a little bit plain, always so moody, but has a nice ass and a pert pair of tits?”
“Quite intimately, actually.” I huffed, trying to balance his weight. “And I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
I looked up at Jedd with a questioning glance, but all I got in return was a smirk as his palms lifted to the ceiling, he backed up and walked away. Son of a bitch.
“Nice friends you have, Drew. How about I take you somewhere quiet? Get some water down you?”
“You kinda sound like her, too.” His body leaned into me even more than before as he slowly began to open his eyes. When they met mine, it took a second or two for it to sink in who was actually holding him up and I had no idea what the slow smile that started to creep onto his face meant. “Oh.”
“Hi,” I said, suddenly unsure of everything. He was all muscle, and even as I bounced him into a better center of gravity, I knew I didn’t have long until we were both on the floor and rolling in the questionable puddle that was currently spreading. “I’m going to need you to stand up for me, Drew. I need your cooperation or this isn’t going to end well.”
“Did you fuck him?”
He was leaning off the stool at this point, and the only choice I had was to wrap my arms around his chest. My mind was such a mess, I didn’t have time to process what he’d asked and the response was a knee jerk reaction.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Drew’s ass slid off completely, allowing him to find his feet just enough for me to make some kind of movement away from the place that held all the alcohol. After a few sideways stumbles, I somehow managed to hold him still while I waited for him to take in a breath and answer. His eyes fell down to mine, his chin moving closer as he tried to brush some hair over my shoulder only to miss completely. “Kenny. I heard you two were a thing. Just don’t be screwing on my time, ‘kay, Hanagan?”
I was trying to get as much forward momentum as I could, but my feet felt as though they were being drilled into the floor and my spine was becoming an accordion. Huffing out a laugh as best I could, I steered us towards his office where I knew the bathroom connected it to his bedroom.
“I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but you may want to fact check. I’m not fucking, nor have I ever fucked Kenny. He’s a friend. That’s it. I drew a line in the sand and he hasn’t crossed it. Oh fuck…”
I tripped, stumbling so the both of us fell forward, his body leaning very heavily against mine and winding me as I landed against the wall next to his office with a smack. I tried hard not to cry out, but the squeak seemed to have him shuffle away giving me enough air to breathe.
“I’m here to do a job, Drew.” The end of that sentence hung between us before I swallowed the words I knew I would regret speaking.
Trying to find his balance again, he raised both his forearms above my head and pressed them to the wall, holding himself far enough away that he wasn’t against me, but close enough for me to feel uneasy. It would only take one small slip of his hands and his face would be down on mine in a heartbeat. Drew’s eyes seemed to search mine for a lifetime before he finally whispered. “Am I a friend?”
I could feel my breathing pick up with the intensity. There was a crackle between the two of us in the very small space between our bodies and I was pretty sure he could feel it, too. “You’re too complicated to call a friend.”
My body jerked for a moment before I broke eye contact with him. I’d gone from feeling nothing to f
eeling everything in a matter of seconds and I wasn’t able to process a thing.
“Can we do this somewhere where the whole room isn’t pretending not to watch us?”
“Sure we can,” he whispered, slowly rocking his body from side to side as his eyes narrowed in on the movement of my mouth. “Once I know what complicated means.”
My hand reached out to the side, feeling along the wall to where the handle of his office door was. Twisting it and pushing it out of the way, I leaned closer to him, turning so his arm was around my shoulder. I twisted my head only briefly to look back, but I should have known better. The whole room was now openly staring.
“You honestly want to do this here? Now? Drew, we can talk about anything you want, just not here, please?”
His teeth were now resting on his bottom lip in thought as he looked down on me and made me squirm. I should have known he wouldn’t make this easy. “Nothing off limits?”
“Nothing off limits,” I repeated, my shoulder giving his ribs a nudge in the right direction.
“Then lead the way, my non-friend type person.”
I huffed out a laugh at just how literal he was, and to his credit, he was a little more helpful than he had been up to that point. Getting through the office was a breeze, and closing the door on the eyes that had been trained on us was a small blessing. It was the bathroom where we ended up running into problems. The room was an odd shape, and in order to get us both through it, it didn’t leave much space between our bodies.
By the time we got to his room, I was exhausted, and I was pretty sure he was clinging to consciousness by the skin of his teeth. I backed him up to the bed, misjudging the steps we’d taken, sending us both toppling. Drew landed with a thud on his back, while I ended up sprawled over his chest.
He was warm, and the scent that was his alone wrapped around me with his arms. The smell of whiskey was a given, but it had nothing on him. No matter how much I hated to admit it, it had intoxicated me since he gave me a ride home. It clung to my shirt and skin for hours after.
“Sleep, or do you still want to interrogate me?”
“What’s option number three?” he asked quietly through a half smile.
Lifting a hand and spreading my fingers over his subtle dimples, I shook my head and returned his smile. “The only other option tonight is me leaving.”
“And option four?”
“Drew…”
He must have heard the frustration in my voice, because the moment I said his name, the smile fell from his face completely and his eyes seemed to search mine harder than ever as he whispered, “Don’t. Don’t go.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Drew
“Don’t leave me,” I repeated in a whisper. I knew it was kinda slurred. I knew nothing was working properly and I knew that I was risking making an epic fucking ass of myself while the alcohol gave me a brand new sense of courage, but I also knew I didn’t care. Something was happening to me as I looked into her eyes. I saw a peace resting there that I needed more of. I’d found a new kind of high.
And I wasn’t going to let that go.
“I won’t, but–”
“No buts, Ayda.”
“But–”
My arms tensed around her, almost preparing to hold on tighter if she tried to get off me while I continued to stare, groaning quietly in the back of my throat. “You’re killing me here.”
She shuffled, knocking my body in a way that made us both freeze. “Sorry. I’m sorry. You win.”
I flashed her a small grin that probably made me look even more fucked up than I felt, but the word ‘win’ coming from her mouth sounded like music to my drunken ears. “Are you my prize?”
“Prize? You sure you got that right? A prize pain in the ass, maybe.”
Scrunching my eyes tighter together, I pulled my knees up beneath her, pressing them into her legs as I pretended to wince. “More like a pain in my balls actually.”
“Oh, shit!” Before she realized what she was doing, she was straddling me, her top hanging open and giving me an impressive view of her tits.
My lips parted as I peered further down, another low moan of appreciation escaping me before I whispered. “Little lower.”
“You jackass.” She laughed, her hand moving to press her top against her chest. “That’s impressive.”
Dropping my head back on the mattress, I stared up at her and tried my hardest to focus. Seeing that laughter light up her face was a pretty fucking amazing thing. I almost wished the haze of the whiskey wasn’t making it so blurred around the edges. “I haven’t got it out yet.” I smirked, throwing my hands behind my head to prop myself up.
She sat back, her ass resting on my thighs, while her hands landed on hers. “I’m going to take your word on that.”
“You probably shouldn’t take my word on anything while I’m like this.” I grinned, my eyes closing for just a moment as I inhaled slowly. “Don’t take the word of a drunken asshole. You’ll only end up on his bed, flashing your tits or something.”
“Been there,” she whispered, her voice filled with humor. “Done that.”
“It’s always the quiet ones.” My eyes rolled open to look back up at her and for the first time since I’d been let out, I felt a sense of contentment.
She sucked in a breath, her chest rising and falling, the warmth of her riding against me where her thighs laid against my body. Rubbing her palms on her jeans, she smiled again, her eyes meeting mine. “Don’t quote me, but I believe you had questions without borders?”
“You think you can handle my interrogation, Hanagan?” My eyes drifted all over her with every twitch and flinch she made. Her nervous energy was pouring out. I’d spent enough time around enough women to know what was going on behind that shy smile of hers.
“Probably not,” she admitted, lifting her hands and sweeping her hair back into a ponytail. She pulled a band from her wrist and tied it in place. “But I don’t break promises and I as good as gave you my word. So here we are.”
“Okay,” I blew out quietly. “So why am I too complicated to call a friend?”
She released all the air out from her lungs, her cheeks puffing out from the force of it. “You don’t start easy, do you?”
“It was either that or ask you to give me the name of the last man who fucked you so I could go knock him on his ass in a drunken, jealous rage.” I paused to grin lazily. “I can always switch if you’d prefer?”
She pressed her hand against my chest and shook her head. “One. He’s in Austin. Two. I can’t, in good conscience, let you drive anywhere in this state, and three… It’s complicated because I’m… I’m terrified of you, and while I’m being all scared, my stomach flips and tightens in this crazy attraction for you. For the longest time, I told myself it was anxiety from fear.”
She blushed and looked down at her thighs, her hand inadvertently sliding over my abs as she retrieved it.
“You mean it’s complicated because you want me?”
She nodded. “And that scares me, because you scare me, Drew. This, how you are now, is a complete contrast to who you normally are. You sometimes look at me like I’m dirt on your shoes and others… I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”
The smile on my face faded the more she spoke – mainly because I didn’t have the first idea how to speak to a woman this way without putting my foot in it and making some jerk-like comment that would make everything she’d just said seem like nothing more than a joke. My eyes met hers, searching the pools of blue while I cleared my throat and whispered. “Do you know how many girls out there want to be with me?”
Ayda sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down on it hard, only releasing it when she sucked in another deep breath that sounded distinctly resigned. “I don’t know how to respond to that.”
“Neither do I,” I answered quickly. “And that’s my point. I’m Drew Tucker. Even your eyes widened the first time you heard my name and you didn’t even k
now me. We’d never met. I’m a name – a person that’s idolized for reasons that are so fucked up, I can’t even begin to understand it. Being a dick is my response to that. To all of them out there who think they have me all figured because of what they’ve heard.” I trailed off slowly, my eyes closing as I raised both brows and shook my head from side to side, shrugging before looking up at her again. “I’m unpredictable now because of that.”
“To who?”
“Myself, mostly.”
“Why?”
“Because it keeps me on my toes. Keeps life interesting. And I’m… I guess I’m just trying to figure out which version of me fits best.”
“Fits what?” she whispered.
“Everyone’s expectations.”
“What about your expectations?”
Pressing my lips together, I gave her a flat smile and huffed out a barely there laugh. “I don’t have any. I take one day at a time, wake up, try to survive, maybe get some physical action along the way, then go to sleep. It’s that simple for me. I’m not like the rest of you. Normal doesn’t cut it. I wasn’t made to be that way. That’s why things always get so fucked up – because of me.”
“You don’t have to be like anyone else, Drew, but it seems to me you’re existing, not living.”
“That’s because you have your own ideas of what living is. To me, this is living. Your way of life, the groundhog day shit, working all hours to fall into bed at night with nothing but ten new wrinkles and the smell of greasy food in your hair… that’s existing, sweetheart. That’s existing. At least here, where I’m close to so much death, I’m always reminded that I’m living.”
My ass shifted beneath her, trying to get her to fall back down and lay against me. I don’t know why I felt I needed her closer, but I did and the look on her face wasn’t filling me with much hope that that was what I was about to get.
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