“So I bought Ms. Lester’s home and I hung the painting up in the bedroom where Kinsey had conceived and began the painting. Before I would go to bed at night I’d go in and look at it and then say a prayer for Kinsey. Then I would get some sleep and wake up and start my writing.
Father Ron and I became friends and he began showing me the gifts of the Catholic Church. I fell in love with it, with all the beautiful artwork, the churches and Cathedrals, the gift of the sacraments and God and Jesus and Mary and the Saints and then one evening we had just visited Ms. Lester and had sat down in a little restaurant for some dinner and he said to me, “I know you’re searching for this girl but have you thought of what you’re going to do if you finally find her?”
I was surprised, “What do you mean?”
“Well, you said she’s Catholic.”
I didn’t know where he was going with his words so I replied, “I did. So?”
“So you’ve been studying the Catholic Church for some months now.”
“Yes, and?”
“So maybe you should join. Maybe God wants you to be in the Church if you ever were to meet her.”
I didn’t answer him. But I sure thought about it that night and then the next night and the next and then I realized that I found myself with no objections to joining the Church, it made my heart soar to consider it, and so I entered on the Easter Vigil just last month. I’m a Catholic now and I’m happy to be in the Church. And that is my story in a much abbreviated form.”
Jessica felt her mind going into overdrive. She talked to Tanner for a few more minutes but it was getting late and she had to go and see Kinsey.
“I need to see her, Jessica.” Tanner said as she stood to leave.
“Not yet. You have to trust me. I will get you to her. Just not now. I can make this wonderful for her, and you as well, but you have to trust me. Dale and I made a pact not to see each other until our wedding rehearsal so I’m going to call him and have him come see you. He’s going to be so glad for you and Kinsey.”
“I need to see her now.” Tanner said, his eyes pleading.
Jessica studied his face. “You are so good looking. You don’t look a day over twenty-one years of age. But I see a tiredness in your eyes and deep, deep inside of you, I can tell you’re exhausted from your search for Kinsey. I don’t want you to be that way,” Jessica paused, “Let’s do this. I still want to surprise Kinsey so you can’t be seen by her but I’ll let you come with me in the morning and you can see her in my art gallery. You have to promise not to reveal yourself though.”
“I can do that. I promise. Can I tell Father Ron about finding her? I have to tell someone.”
“You can’t do that either. I’ll tell him. I have an idea and I need him to know about it. He’ll be in touch as well but let me talk to him first,” Jessica said, and then she stepped to the front door and put her hand to the knob.
Tanner reached out his hand out to her and stopped her, “Wait. Is she okay? At least tell me she’s okay.”
Jessica reached up to Tanner’s neck and put her arms around him. She hugged him tight. “She will be soon enough. Just let me be a good friend for her. You’ve been apart for over four years, let me have one more week to make it right – for both of you.”
When Jess let go of Tanner and stepped back she saw tears in his eyes.
He nodded, “I trust you,” he said to Jessica as she stepped out into the cool Charleston night.
10
A Sneak Preview
Tanner had followed Jessica’s instructions to the letter and he found himself sitting on a bench under a tree on Queen Street across from Jessica’s art gallery, Queen of Art, she had named her gallery, and through its main window he could see Jessica opening up her shop and waiting for Kinsey to arrive. Jessica had told Tanner that she told Kinsey to meet her at the gallery for a cup of coffee before Kinsey went to King Street to shop for a new pair of shoes for the rehearsal dinner. Jessica promised Tanner she’d get Kinsey to sit by the window as they spoke. Jess said she would pretend to be working with one of her paintings placed by the window and thus make Kinsey sit in the morning sunlight as it shined into the window giving Tanner a good view of her.
Tanner looked up and down the beautiful street. The morning rays of the sun seemed to shine into the brick of the old homes and shops along the street and not reflect back, but instead, the rays became a part of the brick, adding color, depth and texture to the historic structures. The cobbled street reminded Tanner of the long history of Charleston, all the weddings, the heartbreaks, the passions revealed in the eyes of lovers riding in horse drawn carriages, the kisses along the sidewalk – under stars and moon, and the crashing sound of a cannon shot as it blasted open the city’s heart and began the country’s bloodiest war – the civil war where thousands upon thousands of women lost their husbands. As Tanner thought about this it made him tired; he was so wanting to see her again – the woman that had first taken his heart, only to be ripped from his grasp, and who now haunted his heart’s every chamber.
Not more than twenty minutes: that’s how much Tanner had slept the night before, his excitement level was so high thinking about Kinsey, and now he was only moments away from seeing her.
His heart beat against his rib cage like an orchestral bass drum – boom, boom, boom, and his breaths came fast and shallow like a young, exhausted child that had been outside running and playing all day. He tried to control his nerves but it was to no use. Tanner had never been sea-sick but he knew now what it felt like – he might even throw-up he worried.
Jessica, when she had shown Tanner the tree and bench under it where he was to sit, had shown Tanner the direction down the street from which Kinsey would arrive at the gallery and Tanner now took a peek in that direction. There was a girl, far down the street, walking in his direction and Tanner studied her.
He began to sweat with each step that she came closer and then, when she tilted her head up to the sun and looked to the sky, he knew it was Kinsey. Tanner took in a deep breath and held it.
She was in tennis shoes, tight black yoga pants and a brilliant blue athletic shirt. Her hair was long and shining in the light of the yellow sun, the way he remembered it, and then, when she came to the door of the gallery and he saw her face… Tanner felt the air come out from his lungs … he felt his heart explode and his soul leap as the thought – the singular thought – Dear God, she is beautiful! – swept across his mind like an enormous tidal wave… then she pulled open the door to Jessica’s art gallery, stepped inside and she was gone from his view.
Tanner finally breathed, then he collapsed back into the bench. He felt exhilarated, overwhelmed and exhausted. He also felt as if he’d just seen a glimpse of heaven itself. He needed to write. He had an idea for changing the ending of his new book and he wanted to get to work on it. Seeing Kinsey had brought color back into his world. And his book, his new novel, needed to be rewritten – at least its ending. He had an idea and he felt almost desperate to get to his notebook and begin working.
Then Tanner took a look to the front window of the gallery and he saw Kinsey take a seat, cup of coffee in hand, at a small table across from Jessica. His view of them was of both in profile. Jessica was animated, smiling, and talking rapidly, no doubt because she knew her friend’s lost love was watching them from outside the window. Kinsey would nod her head and agree with everything Jessica was saying but she never smiled. Tanner got it; he understood with all his heart how Kinsey felt, how her life was never right, how it felt sad and incomplete, how each day awake began with stepping from the bed and dragging, like a heavy chain, this loneliness that would never go away. He wanted to go make those heavy feelings vanish for Kinsey and he considered breaking his promise to Jessica and just stepping inside the gallery and sneaking up behind Kinsey and literally sweeping her off her feet and running away with her.
Then he remembered that he wouldn’t be looking at Kinsey right now, knowing that she was okay, and also
knowing that soon they’d be together again, if Jessica hadn’t followed her heart and searched for Ms. Lester’s home the evening before. He couldn’t break his promise to Jessica, even if his heart screamed for the touch of Kinsey’s hands and lips.
He wanted to hold her, kiss her and tell her he loved her. He imagined, liked he’d done ten thousand times before, what that moment would be like – how her lips would connect with his lips, how her chest would feel pressed against his, how the curves of her back would feel to his hands as he embraced her and held her tight, as he held her oh so tight, and simply never let her go.
He watched her every move, noticing throughout the morning that Kinsey never smiled, and when she finally left, shutting the door behind her, taking in the sunlight as only a true artist could, and then beginning her walk back to King Street to find shoes for the rehearsal dinner, he felt his entire body go limp. Tanner hoped she’d somehow spot him in his hiding place on the bench under the tree but she barely looked his way and within a few moments she was gone from his sight.
With his soul and heart both heavy with not being able to see Kinsey any longer and yet also light for having finally been able to see her after so many years, Tanner walked to Jessica’s gallery and stepped inside.
Jess almost ran to the door to greet him, “Did you about explode out there? I kept thinking you would come bursting in the door but you never did. I would have understood,” Jess was looking at him with an intense interest as she spoke.
Tanner shut the door and nodded, “I almost did. I had to keep reminding myself of my promise to you.”
“It will be worth it. You have to trust me,” Jess said, “So how did she look after all these years?”
“She looks beyond my abilities as a writer to describe. She is overwhelming to me right now. She never smiled though, that is what almost made me come in here to see her more than anything.”
Jessica nodded and said, “She said I sounded like an excited school girl that had just seen Justin Bieber or Elvis or the Beatles. I had to act like it was because of my wedding which I am excited about, but being able to bring the two of you together has made me feel incredibly happy.”
Tanner walked over to the paintings hanging along the wall and examined them. He asked about one in particular. “Is this yours? It seems a different style.”
“Do you like it?” Jessica asked.
“I do. It isn’t a happy painting to be sure but I connect with it.”
“That’s interesting because Kinsey painted that one. Look at its title.”
Tanner stepped closer to the painting. It was in oils and was of a city scene, of a café and a restaurant with every table matched up with a man and a woman sitting together. Up and down the street were couples, some holding hands and others kissing in the light of a setting sun with the street wet and humid from a recent thunderstorm. Everyone had someone except for a woman sitting alone at a small table in the café and a man who was walking alone, in a direction away from the sitting woman with his head down. Tanner said, “I get it. She named it, Almost and it’s the perfect title for the painting.” He turned to Jessica, “I need to see her soon, Jess.”
“I know you do. She needs to see you as well,” Jessica motioned for Tanner to follow her, “Come sit and let me tell you my plan. I spoke to Dale about it and he thinks it’s great.”
Tanner took a seat where Kinsey had been sitting only minutes earlier and listened as Jessica told him her idea.
Outside their window, many couples went by, some hand in hand, as they walked the streets of Charleston, together, in the late morning sun.
11
Staying with it
A date. A blind date at that. At her best friend’s wedding rehearsal dinner to boot. Kinsey was trying to get into the dress that she’d bought earlier in the week, just for this dinner and this date, but she wasn’t having much luck with it. Her mind was being overwhelmed with too many thoughts. She loved Jessica and she was so happy for her to be getting to married. But a date? She wasn’t over Tanner yet. Kinsey was trying but it had been no use. She thought she saw Tanner everywhere she looked. Especially over the last few days in Charleston.
Earlier in the week she had thought she’d seen him sitting under a tree on a bench near Jessica’s art gallery. She knew she was crazy and so she had refused to look in that direction again. Then two days later, she’d gone and found the home that Ms. Lester use to own. She’d overheard two employees talking about her at the art museum on an afternoon that she had visited to see how the city’s art had changed since she and Jessica had been there many years before. She had been a bit nosey about it but she had to know how Ms. Lester had been doing and so she’d just interrupted them and asked if they knew anything about her. They said she was in a nursing home and not doing well at all. This made her sad and she asked where the nursing home was located. They gave her the address and said that she had a young man who was taking care of her and looking after her affairs. He had even bought her home and was staying in it.
Kinsey thanked them and left. She knew she had to go see the home and if she could, she’d knock and ask whoever answered if she could see the room where she’d painted her painting that had ben lost in the hotel fire.
It took some time walking along the city streets before her memory led her to the home. It was a magnificent old Charleston home on a beautiful and quiet street and Kinsey stood back from it, just taking it in for some time. The house made her want to paint. She’d rarely had felt the urge to paint in the ensuing years after the fire and when she did finally get the urge to begin painting again it was an urge to paint sadness. She had excelled at painting the dark side of humanity over the last few years. Loneliness had been her constant theme but on this evening she’d thought to something different. There was a way, a feeling about the house that made Kinsey want to call it a home. To call it her home; it was the oddest feeling, from the deepest part of her heart, and it made her happy to think about it. She’d painted the Naked Sunset in this home and while it made her sad to think it was gone, gone as was Tanner, there was something happy about going back inside this home and starting again and getting it right this time, not just painting the sunset from the bedroom but to make all of her life right again. If she could be happy here in Charleston, near her friend, Jessica, and her new hew husband, then perhaps one day she could even attempt to buy the home. Kinsey made a mental note to consider moving to Charleston. It was a fine and beautiful city. The perfect place to start again and leave sad paintings for another artist to do. She’d do something better and different.
As she was thinking about this and staring up at the house a car came from up the road and parked next to the home. It was a white Mercedes and Kinsey realized the person inside the car now lived in the home. Kinsey took a deep breath. She wasn’t ready to meet the new owner so she turned before he could see her and headed back up the street toward Jessica’s new home. On the walk back Kinsey resolved to go knock on the front door of the home and introduce herself to the new owner – after Jessica’s wedding, when she’d have more time to figure out what to say. The art museum employees had said the new owner was a young man. Maybe they would even become friends she figured.
The back of the dress just wouldn’t zip. She’d have to get Jessica to do it before they left. First they had the rehearsal and then they’d have dinner. A date! Why in the world would Jessica fix her up on a blind date for her wedding? It was the last thing Kinsey wanted to do. She’d been sad but at the same time she was happy. She’d thought a lot about Tanner the last week as she walked the streets of Charleston. Jessica was so busy preparing for the wedding and while Kinsey did all she could do to help, there just wasn’t much for her to do. Jessica’s family was now in town and they had taken over the logistics of the wedding. Kinsey just wasn’t needed and while at first she’d been disappointed to not be able to help or spend much time with Jessica she understood the circumstances and she had taken to walking the city stree
ts.
She dared to think, as the wedding approached, that she was becoming inspired to paint something that suggested happiness and hope for tomorrow. She remembered how Ms. Lester had never remarried after losing her husband and had instead dedicated herself to the arts. Kinsey was beginning to feel the same way. She had had her moments of happiness those many years before on that evening she’d met Tanner on the beach, and perhaps that’s all the love from a man that God had wanted her to have. Those few hours of Tanner’s presence, his certain love for her, had been more than she ever had in the years before she’d met him, and maybe, and it felt okay to Kinsey, that she’d never experience that love again. Maybe that was what God wanted; he wanted her to paint that love, to remember it and to give it out to the world as a gift. Kinsey said a prayer to God letting him know she’d try to move on with her art and even try to reflect God’s love with her paints onto a canvas. Just help me get through this wedding without breaking down she asked God also, before saying Amen.
Kinsey, in her mind, began to pretend she was talking to Jessica as she continued dressing – Are you kidding? Jessica! A date? On the night before the biggest day of your life you have me in your heart and you set me up on a blind date? I love you, but are you kidding? I’m a wreck. I can’t entertain nor can I be entertained on a night like this – your wedding night – especially a strange man. I’m sure he’s great, wonderful, handsome and everything else, but he’s not Tanner and I only want him. I love you Jessica and I’m so happy for you but I’m not ready for a date.
“Are you sure?”
Lights on the Far Horizon Trilogy Page 11