Beyond Our Stars

by Marie Langager

  I looked back at the tunnel. The Locals approached us, but slowed as they neared the exit. Then they stopped completely. They weren’t going to come out into the Site.

  “Chance!” I yelled. He was by my side in a second. “We have to drag him in, they aren’t going to come out,” I said, my voice breaking as I looked at the Local. “Help me move him,” I said. The CR-3an had closed its eyes, but was still breathing. We dragged his heavy body into the tunnel opening, a streak of glossy blue streaming out behind his body. The Locals backed away as we carried him in.

  The bleeding CR-3an made a strange sound. Then long, wheezing, horrible noises. We backed out of the tunnel so they could help him, and the force field sealed. I stayed next to the tunnel, watching in fear. The bleeding Local got so, so still.

  The Local bending over him looked right at me and then past me at the people, and I knew this time to be very afraid, we would all have to be afraid, now.

  The CR-3an pressed something on his bracelet and the prone alien was lifted. They all moved swiftly away.

  I turned to see the dark blue sludge soaking into the dirt and grass on the ground and I sank down next to it.

  “Hope,” a voice said softly and a hand touched my shoulder. I couldn’t look up.

  “Leave me be,” I said.

  The hand left my shoulder. Others were around me, I knew. Like a vague murmur of voices somewhere far away. I knew when Chief Up came. He stood next to me for a while before he left. I continued to hear people talking around me, but I couldn’t do anything besides stare at that deep blue spot.

  I stayed there until the sky began to darken. On my knees, unable to move.

  Finally, as the sun’s warmth faded I felt the chill outside. I looked up. There was no one left. That Local died because of you, I heard in my head. That Local died because of you.

  What would happen to us now? I’d put his life in danger hoping we could find a peace between us. He was a chance. And that chance had probably died along with him.

  Then a face flashed into my mind. Legacy. That Local died because of you. Legacy. That Local died because of you.

  I started walking towards the Chief’s quarters, fury beginning to burn right through my lungs, my throat. I could barely breathe by the time I made it there.

  I walked into the room and saw him surrounded by people and handcuffed with thin gray bands.

  “You!” I screeched, lunging for him. He had stolen everything from me, from all of us. “You did this!”

  Hands pulled at my waist, my arms, but I thrashed wildly.

  “Hope! Stop! This is not how we’re going to deal with this!” It was Chief Up’s voice, but it was like a faint murmur in the back of my mind, a whisper from a far off corner of a distant room.

  “Do you hate us all! Do you! You’ve killed us! You’ve killed everything! We’re done!” I screamed, still trying to get my hands free. Legacy was leaning away from me on his chair but he didn’t look afraid, he looked proud.

  “Oh, so now she knows they’re the enemy? Just like that?” He gave me an arrogant look. “I did what no one else was brave enough to do.”

  “You idiot! You killed the one who was trying to stop all this! What did you think they were going to do after you killed one of them? What the hell were you thinking?”

  “I’d like to know that, too,” said a voice that sounded familiar. Cole was standing in the group of older men and women surrounding Legacy. The sight of him confused my emotions as the pity I’d felt for Legacy once clashed with the rage I now felt. I blinked.

  Legacy let out an exaggerated groan. “Please, this is really too much. Now my Dad wants to know what I was thinking? Wow, this is a real game changer, isn’t it?” Legacy’s eyes landed on me, and the darkness in them took my breath away. “They started it. I just evened the score.”

  “You knew what this would do,” I said. “You’ve sealed our fate.”

  “All I did was make the obvious more obvious. Now you’ll have to see.”

  “Legacy,” Cole began, “I can’t believe what you’ve done. I didn’t raise you this way.” His voice was too careful, the words too calculated.

  I gave an angry sideways glance to Cole but he didn’t notice. I wasn’t buying a single word he said, but I wasn’t sure I cared what had made Legacy do what he did. It didn’t matter in the end.

  “I’m my own man, Dad. You can’t tell me what to do anymore.” Legacy scowled and turned his eyes down, staring at his feet.

  “You’re not my son,” Cole said, looking away in disgust.

  Legacy kept his eyes on the floor. “I can imagine worse.”

  Cole went silent for a moment. Then he left without looking back.

  I paced the corners of the room. Something had to be done right now. Maybe we could somehow explain? There must be some way to let the CR-3ans know Legacy was only one of us. Maybe the Local Legacy shot was trying to do just that, show that some of them didn’t support what the others were doing. I paced and paced.

  “We should kill him,” a voice said.

  My head shot up. It was an old man, one of the elderly Specs who rarely said anything.

  “Abel, absolutely not,” Chief said.

  Abel had white hair, and his uniform looked giant hanging over his frail shoulders and ever so slightly hunched back. He had kind eyes.

  Right now he was shaking his head sadly. “I’ve been through war, I’ve been through the destruction of everything I’d ever known. We made it here when I didn’t think we would. And now I’m telling you, if we want a chance, we should kill the kid now. Eye for an eye.”

  I looked over at Legacy. Now, he looked afraid.

  There was a very long silence.

  “We don’t do that,” Chief said.

  “But we do,” Abel replied.

  Chief paused, locking eyes with Abel. “No. We don’t do that,” Chief said.

  I knew the ‘we’ meant what was left of us. He meant the we that had survived the destruction of our world and were left forever changed. He meant that the hundred thousand of us who were left were making our own rules now.

  I looked at Legacy whose face had turned white as he watched the rest of us speaking.

  “We build a jail,” I blurted out. All eyes turned to me.

  I bit down hard on my lip, not knowing if what I was saying would put us in danger. “They watch us. If we build a jail, if they can see Legacy in it, then maybe we’ll still have a chance.”

  “Do we know for sure that they watch us?” a man asked.

  I explained about the last session. About how it had been a direct communication.

  “So they watched you inside the Site,” Chief said. He didn’t seem surprised.

  “Why her?” Abel asked. Eyes turned toward me.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “But I think they’ll see whatever we do, at least outside. So even if we don’t,” I didn’t say, kill him, I just waved a hand in his direction, “they’ll be able to see that he’s being punished.”

  “I don’t know if that’ll be retribution enough,” Abel said.

  “What about Demetri? Somebody should pay for that,” a woman said.

  “But the one Legacy shot?” Abel shook his head. “It came in peace.”

  “We’ll start construction of a jail. We’ll have to use ship materials to do it. Some people may not like it,” Chief said.

  “I think we’re past what we would or would not like,” Abel said.

  Chief nodded. I felt frozen, staring at Chief. He noticed and caught my eye.

  “What?”

  “If they come. I’m not saying for sure they will, but if they do… if they’re going to attack, would you kill him then?” I asked.

  “If they come I doubt that would be enough,” Chief answered immediately. I thought he didn’t have an answer and he didn’t want everyone around to know it. “Take Legacy into custody, you’re all dismissed.”

  In the hall outside I ran into Chance, who’d been waitin
g. “What did they decide?” he asked.

  I told him. We stared at each other, each completely unsure.

  “I hear there’s going to be a jail, now?” a small, angry voice interrupted. It was Billie.

  “For Legacy,” Chance answered her. He reached out his hand to comfort her. She pushed him away. “What?” he asked.

  “How could you choose to go in there with her, the one time you didn’t have to?” she demanded, tears suddenly springing into her eyes.

  “What are you talking about?” Chance said in confusion.

  “You went back into those things with her so she wouldn’t be alone. But you would’ve left me alone, did you think of that?” Billie was looking at me.

  I reached toward her. “I didn’t want him to, Billie. I’m really sorry, I should’ve…”

  “Shut up. You only think of yourself. Are you two back together now, is she your girlfriend again?” She was still looking at me. She was mad about us now? I wanted to tell her she needed to stop protecting Chance so much, but before I could he answered first.

  “No, of course not.” Chance answered. My head snapped toward him.

  “Good. Remember what she does. Don’t let her,” Billie raised her eyebrows at me and stalked down the hall.

  I turned to Chance. “She hates me,” I said, truly surprised.

  “She knows how much you hurt me,” Chance shrugged. “She’s only making sure it doesn’t happen again.”

  Maybe Billie was mad now, but she’d said he wanted me back. He missed me.

  “I don’t want to hurt you again,” I said, hoping he knew how much I meant it.

  He glanced at me quickly, but then saw the look in my eyes and watched me more closely. I held his gaze, getting ready to tell him I loved him. He frowned. “That kiss the other day might not have been the best idea,” he said.

  “I thought it was a great idea,” I said.

  I was so hungry to feel something good again. So desperate for the distance between us to go away.

  I pulled him down the corridor and into an empty storage bay. I closed the doors and I moved closer to him, staring at his lips. He was letting his hair grow longer, and it looked good on him. He must have shaved recently, and I smelled the creamy vanilla soap provided during group showers. He didn’t back away. I got as close as I could without touching him, both of us standing straight an inch apart and watching each other. I felt the warmth of his body so near mine and wanted to reach out and smooth my hands over his chest. I tilted my face up.

  “Yeah, I don’t, I…” His voice became a whisper and trailed off as he looked at me. I could see the want in his eyes and my body craved more of this, more escape.

  Chance moved away abruptly and I clumsily caught myself on the wall.

  He shook his head. “This has to stop. I can’t…I can’t keep giving in like this.”

  “Why not,” I said. I reached for him again.

  He pushed my hand away. “I’m not that guy anymore, Hope. You want someone to be nice to you all the time and then stay out of your way when you have something more important to do. You’re going to have to find him somewhere else.”

  “But I need you to be there for me right now,” I said, confused. “I know I can count on you. You’re still that guy.” I felt ridiculous now, cornering him as he tried to back away.

  Chance rubbed his temples. Lowering his voice he said, “Listen, I didn’t say I wanted to be an asshole. I don’t want you to go get yourself killed. But I can’t go back to how we were. Period.”

  I didn’t understand. Did he want me to beg? I shamefully wondered if that might work.

  “What do you want from me? What are you saying?” I asked him, my anger building.

  “I’m saying I need to stay away from you. I’m saying I love you, I never stopped, but I wish I didn’t. Because I don’t know if you’ll ever love me back the same way.”

  I stepped away from him. He’d said he loved me, but the part I heard was that he didn’t want to. I never would have said that to him. “Maybe we should talk about this later,” I said dully, turning my face away.

  He had more to say but I couldn’t get past the thought that the intense, unwavering love that had always been there could disappear. I didn’t want anything less. Total devotion, that was us. Only maybe it wasn’t anymore.

  I sprinted down the hall and swung into a shaft, climbing down and making my way to the tanks. My body began to shake as I descended. This day had been too much. In every way possible, I was a failure.

  I slammed my way down the ship, taking my time, banging into things with my feet and legs on purpose, wanting to kick and scream and go back in time.

  When I got to the tanks I shimmied down the one in the middle, sliding quickly to the floor. I landed with a thud. My breathing was ragged and I fell back against the tank.

  I jumped in surprise when a familiar voice next to me said, “At least I’m better at this,” and arms grabbed me.

  Chance enveloped me in a tight hug. But I shoved at his chest.

  “Stop pushing me away,” he said.

  “I’m only doing it because you’re doing it!” I said. “Billie told me you wanted me back. You know we should be together, you just want to hurt me.”

  “Billie told you what?” he asked me, confusion filling his face.

  “Billie said,” I started to yell, but then became more unsure as I saw the innocent disbelief on his face. “Billie said you told her you missed me but you didn’t know how to say…” I trailed off weakly. As I spoke I could see the truth on his face. “But you didn’t really say that, did you?”

  Chance leaned his head forward to touch mine, heaving a sigh. “No.”

  I pushed at his chest again, so embarrassed. I had to get out of there.

  He kept his hands around me, locking me firmly against the tank.

  “Stop pushing, Hope,” he said in a stern voice.

  “It’s obvious…I need to leave you alone, I,” I stopped talking because my voice was starting to crack. He had never wanted me back. This was really over and I was an idiot.

  Chance shifted his arms and he leaned in closer to me. He put his hand on the top of my head and I felt it slide it down my hair to meet my cheek.

  “I never said that to Billie, but maybe she knew even if I never said it out loud,” his fingers lightly traced my neck.

  I could barely speak over the lump in my throat but I managed, “Then why do you keep pushing me away?”

  “I’m pushing you away?” he asked me.

  “Yes, obviously,” I snapped. What was this? I was getting sick of this charade. “If you don’t want me I need you to stop this. It isn’t fair,” I said. He continued to let his fingers brush my skin.

  “It didn’t seem fair when you didn’t want to marry me, either,” he said.

  “Okay, I didn’t react in the best way… to a ring.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “But you took me by surprise with that.”

  He watched me for a moment. Debate flashed over his features. But then he said, “I knew it was dumb when I did it. But you make me feel like you don’t need me sometimes, like you could walk away from me at any moment and not care.”

  “But that’s not true at all, it’s never been true. It’s hurt every second you were gone.”

  He didn’t answer. It felt like my body acted of its own accord when I grabbed him and kissed him hard, tears welling in my eyes.

  He groaned softly and pulled his face back. “Can’t you understand? I only wanted you to say you were sure about us. I love how strong you are. Having me beside you doesn’t change that. I don’t want to feel like I’m nothing, I want to know you love me as much as I love you. I need you.”

  I pulled him toward me and kissed him again, harder. “I definitely need you,” I murmured.

  “This isn’t the need I’m talking about,” he said.

  “I know,” I said. “I need you in every possible way.”

  That did him in. He wrapped hi
s hands into my hair, falling with me so my back was pressed to the cold metal behind us.

  But after a minute he pulled away again, stumbling, putting distance between us.

  “Oh, don’t,” I groaned. Honestly, he was a teenage guy, and I was the one doing the convincing here?

  “We have to talk about this,” he said.

  “I get it. I should have taken your feelings into consideration and you were trying,” I hesitated but I wanted total honesty, “maybe a little too hard, to make a symbol of our love for each other.”

  Chance eyed me warily, but then nodded. “Yeah, I guess maybe I was. And you didn’t want it.”

  “Why did we need it?” I asked.

  “We didn’t, until I realized you couldn’t do it,” he said.

  “You knew I’d say no.”

  He didn’t answer but I saw the guilt in his eyes.

  “Everyone else seemed happy to get paired up.”

  “We’re not everyone. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you as much. It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other more than all the rest of them.” He nodded. I met his eyes with a challenge. “So are you going to cut me off then?”

  His head sank. Then he shrugged as he walked back to me. “Another minute couldn’t hurt,” he said in a low voice, taking me back into his arms and giving me kiss that left me heavy lidded and warm.

  We both pulled back and looked at each other. His breath caught and he gave me a stunned look.

  “I really missed you.”

  I felt horrible then. All he’d wanted was for me to make him feel like he was permanent in my life, and he was. I’d always thought it. I never wanted to be without him.

  “You make me feel like a crazy person,” he said. His eyes darkened and he leaned in for another long kiss. “I really wish I’d had it in me to make you jealous.”

  My eyes opened wide and then I glared. “You were going to do that?” He could, I had no doubt. I knew that plenty of the girls from the Reflection hoped we were broken up for good. If he’d tried to make me jealous I was sure it would’ve worked.

  “I just didn’t have the heart,” he said, giving me a small smile.

  “Because it belongs to me,” I said, tightening my arms around him.