Beyond Our Stars

by Marie Langager

  But it turned out we had changed, as a people, because no one took him up on his offer.

  There had been enough death and now people wanted to live. I hoped there was some kind of a parallel happening on the other side. That there were some of them willing to put aside violence and negotiate a peace.

  I could never have convinced people the way Chief did. He knew instinctively that the way to get people to listen was to listen to them, and to phrase our plan as a fight. The fight to stay on Haven.

  Unless I was all wrong.

  We were gathered in Cairo and Marseille’s quarters. She’d moved all her stuff into his room a few days ago.

  “There’s no doubt that what we saw was them communicating with us,” Marseille said as her hand drew lazy circle’s on Cairo’s arm. Looked like she hadn’t needed my help after all. The two of them were sitting on ‘their’ bed, as she snuggled between his legs with his back against the wall.

  I refused to sit on the bed knowing what they’d probably been up to in here, and found a spot on the floor. With Chance by my side, of course.

  It seemed like a long time ago that Chance had been angry and distant. And now his attention had turned from an intense and playful adoration to a desperate, longing need. Every time he looked at me I could see the fear of losing me in his eyes. When he brushed the back of my neck, it was with reverence and concealed anxiety. The many, many times I’d nearly died in front of him had become too much.

  I didn’t know how to help him. And I wasn’t sure that I was done putting myself in harm’s way yet.

  “Hope?” he said softly in my ear as he moved my hair over my shoulder and moved in close behind me. We were crouched on the floor and he pulled me into the same position Cairo and Marseille were in. Only Cairo simply wanted to be close to Marseille, whereas Chance’s embrace felt protective, like he wanted to be all around me like a shield.

  “Do you want to get out of here?” he asked.

  I did. Chance’s protectiveness was too much, he was too worried, and I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t let it go even though I was perfectly fine. But it didn’t make me stop wanting him.

  On the contrary, it was intoxicating. He made me feel like nothing in the world mattered or could possibly matter as much as me. He loved me in a way that seeped from him and into my pores, a depth of love I hadn’t known existed before.

  We still hadn’t crossed that line. We hadn’t had sex, but it was building to that. And yet Chance kissed me like the world was ending and all he needed was that kiss. And so kissing was what we did, for hours on end.

  I was about to answer him that, yes, I would very much like to get out of here, when a soft knock came from the door.

  It was Billie, looking for Chance.

  “Hey,” she said quietly when the door opened. It felt like she was purposely avoiding my eyes.

  “I was wondering if I could talk to you,” she said to Chance.

  “Yeah, sure,” he said, getting up and leaving the rest of us quickly.

  The door slid shut behind him.

  Weeks was absently throwing a small rubber ball so it bounced on the floor and then up to the wall and back to him. I watched him, wondering why he’d brought it onboard. Some of the things we saved showed our ignorance of what would be ahead for us. To me, they looked like small denials. That ball, my band T-shirt. We could commemorate the past, but we couldn’t build our future to look the same. Nothing would ever be the same.

  I heard someone crying outside. The heads in Cairo’s little room turned in the direction of the noise. Sounded like Billie. She was crying? I got up.

  But Pilgrim did too and he slid the door open before me.

  “Are you okay, Billie?” he asked her.

  She had a red face and tears spilling down her cheeks. She was clutching at Chance’s shirt as he held her. She looked at me behind him. Her face became angry and she turned back to Chance.

  “Just don’t, okay? Promise me?” she sniffled and raised her small head to look up at him.

  He rubbed her hair but his words faltered, “Billie, I can’t, I mean I will but…”

  “See! You can’t even promise me. You already know!” she yelled, backing out of his arms.

  Chance looked lost and Billie turned on her heels, pointing at me. “You! I’ll tell you then. I can’t believe I helped you get back into his life! You are not allowed to get yourself in a position to get killed! Do you hear me? Because he’ll follow you! You know that. Don’t make it so he has to save you! You don’t! Just don’t!” she was crying and screaming at the same time.

  “I won’t, Billie! Chance doesn’t have to save me, I can take care of myself,” I said. “I’m sorry…” I was about to say for all the times Chance has been at risk because of me. But she didn’t want to hear it.

  “It doesn’t matter! He’ll put himself in harm’s way before he’ll let something happen to you. Don’t let him, don’t let him,” she was getting quieter as the words pulled some deep emotion from her. She sagged and seemed like she needed to sit down. But she pushed Chance away when he tried to help her.

  Instead Pilgrim came forward and took Billie’s slender arm in his hands. He let her lean against his shoulders. “It’s alright, Billie. It’s going to be okay,” he said soothingly. He put an arm around her and they walked away from us slowly. Billie let her golden head lay on Grim’s small shoulder and he continued murmuring consoling words to her.

  I didn’t even know if they really knew each other.

  “She thinks you’ll try and save me,” I said, frowning.

  Chance was watching his sister walk down the corridor with Grim, but he looked back at me. “She’s not wrong,” he said, shrugging slightly.

  I began to protest but he continued, “Never mind that.” He stared after his sister and Grim in the corridor. I was confused but waited for him to talk first. “Would you look at them?” he motioned to Billie and Grim.

  “What about them?”

  Chance’s eyes went hazy, looking past me. “I wonder what kind of a world they’ll grow up in?”

  I turned and watched the two small people as they turned the corner in the hall and disappeared.

  “I need to talk to you,” I said, pulling him backward with me down the hall.

  I took him to my quarters and as soon as the doors slid shut he grabbed me tight.

  He kissed me and I forgot for a moment about anything else. We fell backwards on the bed, his mouth on mine. An hour of this would let me float out of my burdened brain.

  “What would I do without you,” Chance said softly as he lowered his head for another kiss.

  I jerked my head back. “What made you say that?”

  He stopped trying to kiss me, surprised. “What?”

  “What made you say that, what you just said?”

  Chance stared at me, waiting for me to get over it and resume our make out session. But I wanted an answer.

  Chance finally heaved a sigh. He sat up and put his head in his hands. “What do you want me to say?”

  “I know what you’re thinking. I don’t need anyone saving my life.”

  Chance groaned loudly and raised his fists into the air. “Hope! You’re already thinking it might come to that? To fighting for your life? If you’re already expecting it, how can you not understand how I feel? Wouldn’t you feel the same way if I were at front of this? Wouldn’t you be thinking about how you could protect me?”

  He was right. I’d die for him. Why was it different? But if there was going to be more death in our future, if the Locals were going to kill again, I was the one who would deserve it.

  “I wouldn’t be okay without you,” he said in a somber tone.

  “I wouldn’t be okay without you, either. We’ll do what we have to.” The image of Billie and Grim flashed through my brain.

  “You’re so strong, Hope. How can you be that strong?” Chance was looking at me with love again, leaving thoughts of death in the dust as he gaze
d at me.

  “I’m not though. You know that, right?”

  He smiled at me with a sad amusement. “I know no such thing.” He flopped back down next to me with his elbow bent and his head propped up on his hand. His hair was rumpled and his lips were puffy from kissing me.

  I cuddled into him. He pressed a soft, feathery kiss to my lips that ignited an urgency within me.

  I kissed him and ran my hands around his chest, holding him close to me. I’d meant to say something else, I had more on the tip of my tongue. But my tongue had better things to do. Tomorrow, we’d finish talking about this. But tonight, tonight was for us.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The day came upon us so fast that no one felt we were ready for whatever came next. But we were hungry. So today was as good as any other.

  I knew this was a last resort. Everything was done under Chief’s direction, but I asked to participate. Now that we were all in agreement I could be more visible. I tried to stay brave, the people needed the comfort of someone telling them this was going to work. I wanted someone to tell me that convincingly, too.

  Every ship had an armory. So the task of carrying each and every weapon from each and every ship, the ammunition, the specialized military grade weaponry, the tasers, all of it, took multiple hands and would probably take us most of the day.

  Chief chose my place, my spot at the tree under the skylights, as the weapons depository.

  I had a rifle slung across my back and a pistol in each hand. I was to be the first. When Chief had told me that the honor would be mine, I hadn’t reacted quite the way he’d anticipated. I was already the girl the Locals talked to, and now I would be the first in our expression of peace. It scared me.

  A trail of people followed behind me, each of them carrying weapons. Chief Upton stood by my side. He’d go after me. He had told me I could even say a few words if I liked. But I didn’t want to say anything about it. The people would remember whatever happened next, not the words I’d chosen to say beforehand.

  We reached my tree and I stood underneath our makeshift tree house. This was where I’d gone to escape, this was the place the Locals had chosen for their first communication, this was where we had gathered and shared, and where Weeks had created his masterpieces.

  And now this was where it ended too, one way or another. I laid one pistol on the ground. Then the other. My stomach growled as I reached over my shoulder and slung the rifle down.

  I walked away slowly, knowing that Chance and Weeks and Pilgrim and the others would want to catch up with me.

  Weeks came barreling down on me, grabbing my shoulders from behind and shaking me hard. “That was major!” he congratulated me.

  “I guess. They’re doing it,” I said, trying to sound as positive as he’d decided to be and glancing back at the lines of people depositing items onto the ground. A pile was already forming.

  Chance pushed Weeks away from me and he shoved him back. “Are you going to go see Legacy?” Chance asked me.

  “Yeah, after one more round. Boston’s coming too,” I said. Boston startled but didn’t say he wouldn’t come.

  We trudged back to the Reflection to get more weapons, all of us feeling the energy from taking action and doing something today. I understood now why so many had followed Morgan. The work kept me motivated and hopeful. It made me think less about my empty stomach.

  On our way back to the deposit site, Pilgrim got a funny look on his face. I put my hand on his arm. “What are you looking at?” He was kind of smiling, kind of confused.

  “This just looks really weird. Look at them all,” he said, watching the lines of people snaking back to ships and to the deposit site. We usually weren’t all working outside like this. It reminded me of an ant farm, long waving lines and people headed to and from. If the ants in an ant farm carried guns and tasers, then the symmetry would’ve been perfect.

  Pilgrim gave a shake of his head. “It’s the opposite of what I thought I’d see. When I found out there were aliens I really didn’t want us to land,” Pilgrim averted his eyes from mine, “But when we did, I thought that we might have to fight.”

  We’d sent guards out armed that very first day. He had probably wondered what a gun would feel like in his hand. Fifteen wasn’t too young for a soldier with so few of us left.

  “I’m glad we don’t have to,” I said, rifling his hair.

  “Me too,” he said and looked up at me with such thankfulness that I almost doubled over.

  Please let this work.

  We dropped our second round at the deposit site and I looked at the jail.

  “Ready?” I asked Boston.

  “Yeah,” he said, frowning.

  “Be back,” I said quickly to Chance, giving him a quick peck on his cheek. I could feel his eyes follow me as Boston and I walked away.

  We went to Legacy’s cell quickly because people were watching us as we went. Word had gotten around that Legacy was willing to offer himself up. When we came to the edge of Legacy’s cell on the first floor I found him expecting us.

  “I heard all the noise outside. They’re doing it right now, huh?”

  “Do you still want to do this?” I asked him. “Legacy, I don’t know if you should. I don’t even know if it would help.”

  His eyes met mine, and they visually traced the side of my cheek, like a soft touch. “But it might help. I want to do it.”

  I hesitated. Boston took his hands out of his pockets next to me and stood straighter. “You really want to help?”

  Legacy put his head down when Boston spoke to him. “Yeah. I want to help.”

  Boston turned to me. “Alright. He should, then,” he said flatly. He started to walk away. But after a few steps, with his back to Legacy, he said, “I hope they let you live.” Then he hurried away.

  We were silent for a moment. “I couldn’t protect you anyway, Legacy. If they come,” I said.

  He gave me a small, knowing smile. “I think they’ll come.”

  I rubbed my hands over my face. Then I approached the cell. I held my hand through the bars. “Good luck,” I said.

  He took my offered hand and grasped it. “You too.”

  There was a loud pounding at the end of the hall. Banging footsteps. It was Cairo.

  “Hope!” he yelled.

  Something was wrong.

  I ran toward him.

  “What’s happening?” I asked, my adrenaline churning through my veins.

  “They’re coming,” he said, and it hit me like a punch. Already?

  “Okay, okay,” I mumbled.

  We took off running out of the jail.

  “Don’t forget me!” I heard Legacy yell from his cell behind us.

  I ran as fast as I could to the tunnels. My heart thumped steadily as we passed the depository. The pile of weapons had grown massive already. Everyone had stalled upon hearing the news.

  I was almost there when a voice called out “Hope! Wait!” But it wasn’t Chance who called for me to stop. It was Chief Upton. And then Chance was at my side, too.

  “Don’t go in, let’s consider this,” Chief said, trying to catch his breath. He must have been running to get here like I’d been. The other Specs arrived on his heels.

  “Consider what? They want me to go back in,” I said firmly, to mask my emotions.

  “No, no, no,” Chance said. I walked closer to the tunnels anyway.

  A Local waited inside, one I hadn’t seen before. He looked ancient to me. Pale, cracked grey skin and blue markings covering every inch of his face and neck.

  I took a deep breath. I would show no fear. I would follow this through to whatever end.

  Chief put a hand on my shoulder as though he could physically force me to stay. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I answered, willing my voice not to shake.

  Chance came to my side and yelled at the entrance to our tunnel. “Why her?”

  The Local raised its hand and pointed
at him.

  And then at me, and Weeks, and Pilgrim…and all of us. My Specs. They wanted us all back in.

  “Why do they only want them?” I heard people saying.

  “Should we let some kids do this for all of us?”

  “What if they screw it up?”

  “Well, do you want to go instead?”

  I would love for someone else to go instead.

  “Let them go,” came a scratchy, booming voice from the crowd. Abel walked forward on sure legs, his short white hair softly blowing in the light breeze.

  “Let them go,” he repeated, angling his body so that he could look into the eyes of the people around him.

  “You think this bodes well?” Chief asked, lifting a hand toward the alien.

  “Of course not. But someone must go to represent us. And I’ve seen enough that I trust them to do it. Let them go.”

  There was a kind of quiet as all eyes landed on us.

  I looked at my fellow Specs. “Should we do this?” I asked. Each of them nodded to me. They were all willing to go.

  I whispered into Chief’s ear. “Let Legacy out, bring him to the depository. Resume removal of the weapons.” His eyes turned to mine but I had to look away.

  I gathered Pilgrim to my side. If only he could stay, if only I could just protect him.

  I heard the wind move past me as the field was lifted.

  I walked inside. The other Specs followed me, leaving the eerie silence of the crowd behind.

  Blood pounded in my ears with a rushing sound and I was conscious of almost nothing except Pilgrim’s small arm around my waist, and the others near me. Somehow I walked past the Local and into the Stack. Illumination began. My eyes searched for Chance. Three, two, one…

  The scene appeared. It was night. Haven’s night with the colorful sparks lighting the sky. But this time we were suspended on a wooden bridge made of ropes and slats.

  I immediately dropped to the bridge and held on. I took Pilgrim down with me, to make sure he had his bearings.

  The bridge connected in front of us to the side of a wall of white and deep green crystalline structures. Some of the wall was flat, some of it bulged with roughly rounded shapes, other wide crystals looked pointed and menacing. I glanced down between the slats. Below us sparkling spikes rose up, and I gripped the bridge tighter.